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Old 06-19-2008, 06:39 AM   #1 (permalink)
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resisting the urge to drink to calm myself

Was sick all day yesterday and barely slept last nite. Now am still feeling sick at my stomach and also in a bad anxiety attack. I only want to relax but am finding it impossible to do so. It would be so easy to drink a glass of wine but am afraid of where that will take me.

Just sick of feeling so agitated and nervous.

I don't want to drink but don't want to feel like a bundle of nerves either.
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Old 06-19-2008, 07:01 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Hi Least, I feel the same way. I think that a bottle of wine would to the trick. But I know that it would just lead to something much harder to drink. Relaxing is hard to do at the end of the day!

Stay strong!
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Old 06-19-2008, 07:20 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Please hang in there guys. You can do it. I am sending up prayers for you right now.

A.

:praying
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Old 06-19-2008, 07:31 AM   #4 (permalink)
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I'm wondering why this self destructive part of myself keeps rearing its ugly head. I KNOW better! WHy do I even think about drinking?? What is wrong with me???
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Old 06-19-2008, 07:49 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Hey there, (((least)))

If you have time, try what I did the other night... If you have time, go back and reread some of your old posts. Post some more to encourage someone else who's struggling, too.

Remember that drinking the wine will only help temporarily. Can you take a nice shower or bath? Take a walk? Listen to some music? These things help me, at "least."

Thinking of you and behind you ALL THE WAY. Please hang in there, ok?

Oh -- btw -- I know you've probably covered this in your posts, but are you currently seeing anybody for the anxiety?
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Old 06-19-2008, 07:51 AM   #6 (permalink)
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hi least, boy can I relate. the "wondering what's wrong with me" part

and

thinking that the only thing that can relieve my urge, and my discomfort is drug/alcohol. I can try to get rid of that for hours and ultimately end up using.

I'm trying to let the urge just exist within me. and then trying to notice what is underneath the urge. the discomfort of lonliness, boredom, rejection is often underneath for me. and I want excitement to cure the boredom, and I want relief to cure the lonliness and rejection and anger. or when I am feeling good I get bored and want to feel better and then think that I can try to inject the power of alcohol/drugs into my system.

I've been practicing feeling this stuff in me. just feeling it. It hasn't killed me yet, but i've only been learning this for the last 6 weeks maybe.

anyway thanks for making me conscious of this.

and you can do this. you can stay clean. you will change your thoughts, somehow, and stay clean. you've been doing so good. you've posted honest stuff that's helped me and others and you can feel good about that. you are not alone in your experience of this and maybe there is some comfort in that.

keep up the good work
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Old 06-19-2008, 08:24 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Hiya Least and ThisIsTheDay!

What's wrong with you is you are feeling like crap for whatever reason. Your usual way to combat these feelings is to surpress them with booze.

It sounds like you are having the internal debate right now - "Should I? Shouldn't I?"

Turn off the debate and occupy your self with something else. Go for a run, watch a movie, chug some ice water till you get a slurpy headache, call an old friend, bake a pie.

Your feelings will pass!!

Rooting for you
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Old 06-19-2008, 08:28 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Now might be a good time for reaching out to a Higher Power for some assistance.
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Old 06-19-2008, 12:35 PM   #9 (permalink)
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trying desperately to keep from going to the store to get a bottle. When things fall apart I inevitably reach for my old comforts. I'm trying not to do that. but feel so awful that I need all your love and support to keep me sober. God, but life is a b****!
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Old 06-19-2008, 12:40 PM   #10 (permalink)
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talk to me sweetie
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Old 06-19-2008, 12:47 PM   #11 (permalink)
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just keep on writing down how you feel . stay close to the site . go to chat and talk to anyone and try to stay busy . you can do this and you are not alone
peace , love and god bless
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Old 06-19-2008, 12:51 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Least, you're imagining drinking the wine, getting a lovely warm glow, relaxing, and being able to sleep. THINK ABOUT IT!!! That is no longer possible for us! You told me you liked what I wrote once, "It's not for us, not now, not ever." Others have the luxury of a few drinks, we don't. Yes, it sucks and yes, I wish it were otherwise. I'm struggling today, I struggled last night. I don't know why - it's not as if I haven't proven to myself over and over that I can't handle it and it can never be what it once was in my life. Remember the last time you relapsed and how horrible you felt - what the withdrawal was like. What if you don't make it back out this time? Please hold on, keep writing to us, we love you Least. You're still new at this sobriety thing - it does get easier, I promise. You need some sober time behind you. My weak moments come less frequently now - and someday they may be gone all together. I'm looking forward to that day.
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Old 06-19-2008, 12:57 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Talk to me
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Old 06-19-2008, 01:38 PM   #14 (permalink)
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((Least)) Big hug for you. Read some of your older posts. You can get through this without the wine.
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Old 06-19-2008, 01:45 PM   #15 (permalink)
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I'm right there with you Least - paying bills I can't afford - dreaming of that half bottle of scotch at home.

Let's not go there - just for tonight
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Old 06-19-2008, 02:01 PM   #16 (permalink)
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Hang in there Least. What drove me to this site was picking up that bottle on the way home. I never should have stopped at that store. Resist the urge! I'm having the same urges and so far I've been strong. You can too! I would bet on it..

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Old 06-19-2008, 03:22 PM   #17 (permalink)
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it's real simple S - if you drink you'll be sick - dreadfully ill - for a week. We both know that.

This is crunch time - you've been through this often enough - this time work for a different outcome

You're thinking of drinking because you're an alcoholic and because your defenses are a bit down because you're tired.

Keep talking to us here...and find better ways to sleep. Drinking sleeps not that great - you always wake, full of dread and guilt in the pre dawn anyway - at least I did

D
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Old 06-19-2008, 03:29 PM   #18 (permalink)
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Listen to Dee Least!

My thoughts and prayers are with you.
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Old 06-19-2008, 04:09 PM   #19 (permalink)
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least

you are worth it
you are worth it
you are worth it
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Old 06-19-2008, 05:30 PM   #20 (permalink)
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check in S

D
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