Class of January 2017 Support Thread Part 4
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Welshman living in Cork, Ireland
Posts: 737
My kiss of death it seems.
I do understand that feeling of "It must be me", but it must be more than a coincidence that when I say something controversial, everybody hides away and shuts up!
Maybe it's different time zones;
Maybe everybody just wants to be happy/clappy;
Probably it's just me feeling this.
I really don't know.
I just want us all to get sober.
I do understand that feeling of "It must be me", but it must be more than a coincidence that when I say something controversial, everybody hides away and shuts up!
Maybe it's different time zones;
Maybe everybody just wants to be happy/clappy;
Probably it's just me feeling this.
I really don't know.
I just want us all to get sober.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: North of England
Posts: 1,442
I wouldn't blame yourself. Nothing you have posted would put me off I assure you.
One of my 'free' evenings here. No local AA meets on a Tuesday that I go to. And tomorrow I have a 'P.M.' gas fire maintenance visit, which means any time after 12 - and my weekly days time AA meeting starts at 12.30. Not quite sure whether to go anyway and wait for a call saying they are on their way. I really enjoy AA meetings - those of you who don't go might be surprised to hear that.
Anyway - a minor issue and not one to knock me back or anything.
Take care all.
One of my 'free' evenings here. No local AA meets on a Tuesday that I go to. And tomorrow I have a 'P.M.' gas fire maintenance visit, which means any time after 12 - and my weekly days time AA meeting starts at 12.30. Not quite sure whether to go anyway and wait for a call saying they are on their way. I really enjoy AA meetings - those of you who don't go might be surprised to hear that.
Anyway - a minor issue and not one to knock me back or anything.
Take care all.
Originally Posted by Sparkos 
My kiss of death it seems.
I do understand that feeling of "It must be me", but it must be more than a coincidence that when I say something controversial, everybody hides away and shuts up!
Maybe it's different time zones;
Maybe everybody just wants to be happy/clappy;
Probably it's just me feeling this.
I really don't know.
I just want us all to get sober.
I do understand that feeling of "It must be me", but it must be more than a coincidence that when I say something controversial, everybody hides away and shuts up!
Maybe it's different time zones;
Maybe everybody just wants to be happy/clappy;
Probably it's just me feeling this.
I really don't know.
I just want us all to get sober.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2017
Location: Toronto
Posts: 268
Day 28 here.
Trees, I'm sorry you had a slip-up, but bravo on nipping it in the bud and coming right back!!!!!
Miserable weather here today and the last few days I've acquired a nasty eye infection where I'm starting to resemble Sloth from the goonies...but hey, I'm still sober
I need to remind myself to continue to post....even if it's a quick check in. Like others have mentioned, after the one month mark, it's easy to get a tad complacent and think "I've got this"...but I know that's dangerous territory! Hope everyone is having a lovely day!
Trees, I'm sorry you had a slip-up, but bravo on nipping it in the bud and coming right back!!!!!
Miserable weather here today and the last few days I've acquired a nasty eye infection where I'm starting to resemble Sloth from the goonies...but hey, I'm still sober
I need to remind myself to continue to post....even if it's a quick check in. Like others have mentioned, after the one month mark, it's easy to get a tad complacent and think "I've got this"...but I know that's dangerous territory! Hope everyone is having a lovely day!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Australia
Posts: 74
Good morning class mates - Day 26.
Trees I'm really happy that you came back. I still have those thoughts occasionally, maybe I am a normie as well, but I know I'm not. It's a hard concept to come to terms with. I've tested the theory in the past and I found trying to drink like a normie was extremely stressful. My brain is wired differently. I'm either all in.....or all out. Going out for dinner and just sipping slowly on a glass of wine, while eating, is not my kind of drinking, for me to try and pretend that I am not wishing I could just skull the whole bottle of wine and more, plus forget the food, that just makes the buzz take longer to feel.. well that just takes an enormous amount of will-power and energy playing that role, and I don't want to live like that.
I'm going to put to the test on Friday night. I have a date!
I have been imagining how I'm going to turn down a drink, because I know he is going to offer to buy me one. I don't even want to mention that I have an addiction to alcohol, not at this early stage.
I've run so many scenarios through my head, even the one where I do have a drink. I plan on drinking Soda & Lime, which I really like, just minus the Vodka.
I'm used to having a drink when I feel a little bit shy or nervous so any tips to help me out, are appreciated.
It's not going to be easy, I just hope I can stay strong and focused on ME and also focused on waking up Saturday morning, proud of myself and hangover free.
Trees I'm really happy that you came back. I still have those thoughts occasionally, maybe I am a normie as well, but I know I'm not. It's a hard concept to come to terms with. I've tested the theory in the past and I found trying to drink like a normie was extremely stressful. My brain is wired differently. I'm either all in.....or all out. Going out for dinner and just sipping slowly on a glass of wine, while eating, is not my kind of drinking, for me to try and pretend that I am not wishing I could just skull the whole bottle of wine and more, plus forget the food, that just makes the buzz take longer to feel.. well that just takes an enormous amount of will-power and energy playing that role, and I don't want to live like that.
I'm going to put to the test on Friday night. I have a date!
I have been imagining how I'm going to turn down a drink, because I know he is going to offer to buy me one. I don't even want to mention that I have an addiction to alcohol, not at this early stage.
I've run so many scenarios through my head, even the one where I do have a drink. I plan on drinking Soda & Lime, which I really like, just minus the Vodka.
I'm used to having a drink when I feel a little bit shy or nervous so any tips to help me out, are appreciated.
It's not going to be easy, I just hope I can stay strong and focused on ME and also focused on waking up Saturday morning, proud of myself and hangover free.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,444
Just tell him you don;t drink Cassandralee. If he presses the point you can always say it doesn't agree with you.
If he reacts funnily to you being a non drinker then there's not much future in the relationship anyway right?
D
If he reacts funnily to you being a non drinker then there's not much future in the relationship anyway right?
D
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: North of England
Posts: 1,442
I think it is risky Cassandra. First dates are not usually the most relaxed of events (assuming it is a first date) and in your shoes - or the male equivalent I would find myself sorely tested not to drink enough to 'relax' things a bit. And there lies the slippery slope.
For what it is worth at this stage of the game I would give my apologies and a rain cheque for another time.
Hope you don't mind direct advice. It is kind of out of favour these days but we are close in sober time! (28 days here).
For what it is worth at this stage of the game I would give my apologies and a rain cheque for another time.
Hope you don't mind direct advice. It is kind of out of favour these days but we are close in sober time! (28 days here).
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 371
Originally Posted by Sparkos
Hey Whiskeybent. I meant to ask, how did you get on with the yoga class?
Anyone else trying out some new exercise routines? I have the energy to go do things, that I never had before.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 371
Originally Posted by Cassandralee
I'm going to put to the test on Friday night. I have a date!
I'm used to having a drink when I feel a little bit shy or nervous so any tips to help me out, are appreciated.
I'm used to having a drink when I feel a little bit shy or nervous so any tips to help me out, are appreciated.
Go for it! A date sounds exciting, and some human interaction is nice. Just have a plan to say no to the alcoholic drink. When I go out I rehearse my lines. I practice turning the drink down in my head, over and over. (kinda crazy)
With the right attitude dates can be fun, just tell stories. Think of a few funny ones of your life and share them. If he thinks they are funny date number 2 could be around the corner. If it was me I would probably leave out the alcohol problem to date two or three. Ya sure, its great to be honest from the top, but its ok to hold a couple things close to the vest till a later time. Just my two cents.
Have Fun!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 371
Originally Posted by Ina123
Miserable weather here today and the last few days I've acquired a nasty eye infection where I'm starting to resemble Sloth from the goonies...but hey, I'm still sober
Sorry to hear about your eye infection. I just got a dirty ear infection. Hurts like a bastard. My hearing is all wonky, going on antibiotics. People at work think i've gone def.
But hey I have the perfect excuse for not drinking, "want a drink?....... no sorry im on antibiotics.
LOL this time im not lying!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2017
Location: Southeast US
Posts: 118
Originally Posted by StartingOverNW
Morning all - 1 month sober for me today. My reward is to wake up feeling sick -ha! But at least its not too bad, and I'll take being a little sick over being very hungover.
Whiskey - I hear you on the complacency. I get it too. I think its easy for most of us to start feeling better, and get back in the groove of life a bit, and let the recovery habits fall away. It seems to be especially dangerous in early recovery since we're still very close to using, even if we don't feel like it much one day to the next. I know I've fallen into that trap before in early sobriety and then relapsed, and then lost everything I'd worked to get back in the previous month or two. My world then shrinks back up very fast and its very demoralizing. One of the reasons I want to keep posting here regularly is I have a really hard time speaking in groups, and especially sharing about myself in groups, so this is my main outlet, other than meeting people in recovery every once in awhile for coffee, or chatting a little before or after a meeting.
Anyway, I'm glad to see you and everyone else are still here and posting. I hope you have a great day.
Whiskey - I hear you on the complacency. I get it too. I think its easy for most of us to start feeling better, and get back in the groove of life a bit, and let the recovery habits fall away. It seems to be especially dangerous in early recovery since we're still very close to using, even if we don't feel like it much one day to the next. I know I've fallen into that trap before in early sobriety and then relapsed, and then lost everything I'd worked to get back in the previous month or two. My world then shrinks back up very fast and its very demoralizing. One of the reasons I want to keep posting here regularly is I have a really hard time speaking in groups, and especially sharing about myself in groups, so this is my main outlet, other than meeting people in recovery every once in awhile for coffee, or chatting a little before or after a meeting.
Anyway, I'm glad to see you and everyone else are still here and posting. I hope you have a great day.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2017
Location: Southeast US
Posts: 118
Day 28? 29? I still haven't been able to come to a place of acceptance on how to count days. I want it to not matter but it seems like it really does matter to me.
Rough day at work today - just normal stuff but busy and stressful. I get home where I'm struggling with my youngest daughter who is going through a lot of stuff herself. She is in therapy and it's helping but it's only me trying to help her the rest of the days. She doesn't want to eat and she sleeps a lot, feels very badly about herself and feels very powerless. IE:
There's nothing to eat in this house.
There are many options for all 3 meals plus snacks. It seems like you don't like any of those options.
Right, there's nothing to eat.
No, there's plenty to eat, but you don't like the options and you see a lack of options rather than a set of options that you don't like. But the options are there.
But there's nothing to eat.
It's very frustrating and multi-faceted as to what the problem is. Powerlessness, lack of control, anger at her dad for leaving and me for imposing boundaries, and from what I can gather, a solid dose of depression as well. This kind of thing is pretty much a daily occurrance and we are both exhausted. My options are to put her in more frequent therapy, allow her to eat the pretzels and granola bars she wants to live off of and stop trying to get her to eat healthy, or cook her completely separate meals. I too have options and I too don't like any of them aside from continuing down the path of trying to guide her into better food choices, which would help her sleep, which would help her depression.
Sorry to vent.
Rough day at work today - just normal stuff but busy and stressful. I get home where I'm struggling with my youngest daughter who is going through a lot of stuff herself. She is in therapy and it's helping but it's only me trying to help her the rest of the days. She doesn't want to eat and she sleeps a lot, feels very badly about herself and feels very powerless. IE:
There's nothing to eat in this house.
There are many options for all 3 meals plus snacks. It seems like you don't like any of those options.
Right, there's nothing to eat.
No, there's plenty to eat, but you don't like the options and you see a lack of options rather than a set of options that you don't like. But the options are there.
But there's nothing to eat.
It's very frustrating and multi-faceted as to what the problem is. Powerlessness, lack of control, anger at her dad for leaving and me for imposing boundaries, and from what I can gather, a solid dose of depression as well. This kind of thing is pretty much a daily occurrance and we are both exhausted. My options are to put her in more frequent therapy, allow her to eat the pretzels and granola bars she wants to live off of and stop trying to get her to eat healthy, or cook her completely separate meals. I too have options and I too don't like any of them aside from continuing down the path of trying to guide her into better food choices, which would help her sleep, which would help her depression.
Sorry to vent.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2017
Posts: 33
Originally Posted by dontburntheday
Day 28? 29?
It's very frustrating and multi-faceted as to what the problem is. Powerlessness, lack of control, anger at her dad .
It's very frustrating and multi-faceted as to what the problem is. Powerlessness, lack of control, anger at her dad .
Powerless, lack of control, and anger are really difficult things to deal with. I would suggest giving her as much control over some things as you are comfortable with. Her food choices are probably a safe, benign place to start. Save the battles for something "big." If she wants pretzels for a while, no huge harm. The most important thing is that she knows you are in her corner. And I bet she knows that by how much you care about her wellbeing. She might just be trying to test it.
Hang in there. Parenting is TOUGH!!!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2017
Posts: 33
Day 10. Feeling good and pretty proud of myself today
Things that worry me...my red face seems to be getting worse instead of better and we are going on vacation in 10 days. It's always been a time to "cut loose" and I don't want to get caught up in it and drink. I need a plan.
Things that worry me...my red face seems to be getting worse instead of better and we are going on vacation in 10 days. It's always been a time to "cut loose" and I don't want to get caught up in it and drink. I need a plan.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 1,776
Hi all
Thanks for your kind wishes and words of encouragement.
my big Change in my plan is actually acknowledging that I can't drink. I may want to but I can't. Bad things happen for me.
I need to be honest and accept that and tell other people when I'm out. I don't drink.
I drank to fit in and escape... again. I need to quiten down, give myself a chance to step away from the crowd and post, pause.....anything!!!
There's more to this then counting days.. eh?
Thanks for your kind wishes and words of encouragement.
my big Change in my plan is actually acknowledging that I can't drink. I may want to but I can't. Bad things happen for me.
I need to be honest and accept that and tell other people when I'm out. I don't drink.
I drank to fit in and escape... again. I need to quiten down, give myself a chance to step away from the crowd and post, pause.....anything!!!
There's more to this then counting days.. eh?
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: North of England
Posts: 1,442
And why not Trees!? Another day here - getting very close to one whole month!
Spring is just around the corner - there are signs of it everywhere, from little snowdrops (a tiny white flower) to birds signing a bit more loudly and to the first tree buds just beginning to sprout. Can't wait! Choosing January to quit drinking was not the best plan as I am always pretty low at that time of year. Still I did and here we are, so it was worth it.
Keep up the good fight all!
Spring is just around the corner - there are signs of it everywhere, from little snowdrops (a tiny white flower) to birds signing a bit more loudly and to the first tree buds just beginning to sprout. Can't wait! Choosing January to quit drinking was not the best plan as I am always pretty low at that time of year. Still I did and here we are, so it was worth it.
Keep up the good fight all!
*Ex Missus
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 410
Morning all. Sparkos I enjoy your lively posts! The class is a bit quieter as people tend to drop off when we get to the end of the month. Not for us diehards though 
I agree with Mentium about dating in early sobriety it's a tricky thing, I have done it before and it resulted in drinking again when it ended. Looking back I can see that I transfered my addiction to my love interest. So when that fizzled out, my addiction which I hadn't dealt with, just went right back to where it was previously. Not that this will happen to you Cass but I think you have to work even harder on your recovery this way. To make sure you're solid before you're perhaps even ready to be solid. Best of luck nonetheless!
I'm not sure what I'll do even when I'm ready to start dating again, I've started thinking that any man I get involved with will need to be TeeTotal (these seem rare!). A recovered alcoholic at least would know what I've been through and visa versa, although that idea also seems a bit dicey.... hypocritical I know. Perhaps I will join a nunnery
Good job Trees. Yes, I think realizing drinking is not an option is a pinnacle turning point. Its made me more serious about staying active in recovery. Which I think is one of the keys to longterm sobriety. Never resting on our laurels. (sp)
Well, day 39 and I'm off to a meeting now. Have a good day one and all.
I agree with Mentium about dating in early sobriety it's a tricky thing, I have done it before and it resulted in drinking again when it ended. Looking back I can see that I transfered my addiction to my love interest. So when that fizzled out, my addiction which I hadn't dealt with, just went right back to where it was previously. Not that this will happen to you Cass but I think you have to work even harder on your recovery this way. To make sure you're solid before you're perhaps even ready to be solid. Best of luck nonetheless!
I'm not sure what I'll do even when I'm ready to start dating again, I've started thinking that any man I get involved with will need to be TeeTotal (these seem rare!). A recovered alcoholic at least would know what I've been through and visa versa, although that idea also seems a bit dicey.... hypocritical I know. Perhaps I will join a nunnery
Good job Trees. Yes, I think realizing drinking is not an option is a pinnacle turning point. Its made me more serious about staying active in recovery. Which I think is one of the keys to longterm sobriety. Never resting on our laurels. (sp)
Well, day 39 and I'm off to a meeting now. Have a good day one and all.
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 941
Day39. Good morning all. Very happy to start my day with your posts.
It is interesting to read how so many of our posts now are about dealing with life, and it's pressures, as non-drinkers. It is something that has to be learned, I guess.
I don't know how I would deal with a date. I do feel that this guy might be attracted to the new, sober you Cassandra . So that is an achievement.
If it was me, and I did decide to go, I might say up front that I didn't drink. Last month when a coworker asked me for a drink, I just said I had "given it up for a while", and changed the subject. Not drinking doesn't have to be a "thing" or a reason to postpone the chance of meeting someone cool. I had a scenario planned, as suggested by Dee. And it worked. Just my 2 cents. Good luck !
DBTD. I think you sound like you are dealing with this hard situation really well. I won't pretend to know the complexity of your situation but being sober, dealing with heavy "real-world" stuff is where I am also right now. At times, I so want to hit the OFF BUTTON, and get fu*ked up and deal with it "tomorrow".
This time around, like you, I haven't. Trying to face things head on, doing my best, and going to bed sober. Building good decisions. Best of luck. Thank you for "venting".
WhiskeyBent, I am exercising before work in the morning. Right after I post here, in fact. Very much like you, with all the extra energy in the morning, I want to "seize-the-day" kind of thing. I use the work out time, listening to music and planing one or two simple goals for the day.
I had so hoped, after this long, my body, eyes and face would all scream *non-drinker*. That has yet to happen ! With the insomnia I might even look worse. Oh well, i will take this 2017 routine any day.
Have a great day classmates. Thanks for your posts. One more day. We can do this !
It is interesting to read how so many of our posts now are about dealing with life, and it's pressures, as non-drinkers. It is something that has to be learned, I guess.
I don't know how I would deal with a date. I do feel that this guy might be attracted to the new, sober you Cassandra . So that is an achievement.
If it was me, and I did decide to go, I might say up front that I didn't drink. Last month when a coworker asked me for a drink, I just said I had "given it up for a while", and changed the subject. Not drinking doesn't have to be a "thing" or a reason to postpone the chance of meeting someone cool. I had a scenario planned, as suggested by Dee. And it worked. Just my 2 cents. Good luck !
DBTD. I think you sound like you are dealing with this hard situation really well. I won't pretend to know the complexity of your situation but being sober, dealing with heavy "real-world" stuff is where I am also right now. At times, I so want to hit the OFF BUTTON, and get fu*ked up and deal with it "tomorrow".
This time around, like you, I haven't. Trying to face things head on, doing my best, and going to bed sober. Building good decisions. Best of luck. Thank you for "venting".
WhiskeyBent, I am exercising before work in the morning. Right after I post here, in fact. Very much like you, with all the extra energy in the morning, I want to "seize-the-day" kind of thing. I use the work out time, listening to music and planing one or two simple goals for the day.
I had so hoped, after this long, my body, eyes and face would all scream *non-drinker*. That has yet to happen ! With the insomnia I might even look worse. Oh well, i will take this 2017 routine any day.
Have a great day classmates. Thanks for your posts. One more day. We can do this !
Last edited by dontlookbacchus; 02-08-2017 at 02:22 AM. Reason: spelling
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