Cissy

Quiet tonight! I'll go ahead and do my part to change that. It's been a nice, low-key day here and I never ended up going to the store. Cisco will have to just deal with another hot dog for breakfast tomorrow, poor thing. Then I swear I'll go shopping in the afternoon. Scout's honor.

Another sober day wrapping up! You too? Hope so. (((((Hugs))))) Sleep tight, everyone. Looking forward to another sober day tomorrow.

Cissy

Isn't it time for a new thread? I thought they started after we reached 400 posts. ???

nmd

Well, I made it today, lol. I want to be invincible I think, but I'm not. I don't want to be a chronic relapser, but I won't let myself give up either. I need to form that plan and to stop winging it.

Lots of people drop off sr for various reasons, but there are a lot who move on to new classes or come back for more support in different forms after a slip. My September 2014 class is a ghost town, a few classmates are around though and just needed another go in a later month.

Dee74

500

d

CaseyW

Day 53 is starting to wind down here, so I'll do my nightly check-in.

Good day off here. I needed some time to myself and that's just what I did. Did a little shopping that needed done, though I decided against buying a video game system like I'd talked about this morning. Might still do it but not yet. I've got plenty of entertainment options already. I should spend that video game time going to a meeting or volunteering or working another shift at work.

Cooked a nice dinner. And I just did something I've been meaning to do for a long, long time now. One of my best friends has been in prison for a couple of years on drug and theft charges. He's a good, smart man who let his addiction get the best of him. I've been meaning to write him for a long time now and finally sent him an email tonight. Of course the Texas Department of Criminal Justice website says he's been approved for parole release in July so he might not even get the email if that release is July 1 or 2 or sometime very soon. But despite his issues, I truly love this man and hope this is his wake-up call and that we can be friends in recovery.

Cissy -- I'm sure the dog will survive one more day of a hot dog diet. I had a German Shepherd years ago who would not go anywhere near a hot dog. She'd eat almost anything else but thought those were poison. Probably smart of her...haha...

nmd -- congrats on making it thru the day. I'm going to do my part on keeping this class thread going as long as possible. Though I will say that since this class has been withering on the vines a little, I've been spending a lot more time on my old July 2013 thread and some time on the One Year & Under thread here as well. Lot of great support to be found in both of those threads. And of course I am still very active in the Newcomers Forum as well. But this is still my home group and always will be.

Cissy

Wow, Casey. He's almost on parole! Do you think you'll be getting together if and when you buy a car? I'm sure he's going to need some time to get a feel for being "on the outside" again but it must be terrible to make that transition. I can't imagine and I thank God I have no experience in that. The prison system is a total nightmare.

I learned that prisons are privately owned and operated businesses. They want people to keep coming back! They must be doing something right cause the recidivism statistics are appalling. People come out worse off than they went in. I hope that isn't the case with your friend.

500 posts? Is it 400 posts on the threads with all the gif's and stuff? I got the number 400 in my brain for some reason. Is it just a brain farct?

Welp, I'm off to bed. Damn dog keeps wanting to go outside but all she does is bark and so she totally forgets the OTHER stuff she's supposed to do at this time of night. Too funny about the Shepherd that wouldn't touch hot dogs. They are brilliant beings. I have a close friend who adores them but I will never get one cause I don't want the liability. They are just too protective.

My eldest sister and her hubby used to have one, too. It acted like it wanted to eat anyone it saw when it was outside on its dog run, and if it broke from the run, it probably would have. In the house, he was chill and you were part of the family. I can't hang with that.

After my little girl passes away, I will adopt another dog but this time I will adopt a young adult, so I can see what it will end up looking like. My 50 pounder was supposed to be a Spaniel mix. I like dogs in the 35 lb range or under. Not itty bitty dogs but small enough to pick up without getting a hernia.

Night, y'all. Sweet dreams.

Cissy

Thank you, honey! I am in a good head space right now.

CaseyW

If he wants to get together, I'm sure we will. He is from my hometown, not from where I live now. Not sure what his plans are when he gets out. Hope to hear from him.

But he (I'll call him B_____ here) may not want to get together. B_____ was in an intensive year-long state-mandated rehab program back in 2011 for some of the same crimes he is in prison for now. It was either rehab or prison at the time. When he got out of rehab and was put on long term probation in 2012, I invited him in September to go to a concert with me in Austin. We were going to stay at his brother's house.

B_____ had at least fifteen or sixteen months clean and sober at that point. I was prepared and assumed we would not drink all during that trip. When we stopped first thing after the three-hour drive down to Austin at a restaurant where a mutual friend was working and my sober friend B_____ said, "You know what? I'm going to have a beer with my lunch" I didn't speak up and ask if he really wanted to do that even though I knew at the time it was wrong. Instead I had a beer too.

Me and him and his brother ended up drinking A LOT over the next two days. And within a couple of months back in our hometown, B____ was back doing all the other heavier drugs that he liked in addition to the booze.

(I was always strictly a booze guy. I've smoked other people's weed maybe twenty times in 15+ years (always after I was already drunk myself) and did coke one awful night, but drinking was always enough for me. The buzz I got from it was just what I craved and I never understood the appeal of other drugs. Not that that means anything--I'm a firm believer that alcohol is just as much and just as harmful a drug as anything else. I love those lines in the NA meeting introduction: "Thinking of alcohol as different from other drugs has caused a great many addicts to relapse. Before we came to NA, many of us viewed alcohol separately, but we cannot afford to be confused about this. Alcohol is a drug. We are people with the disease of addiction who must abstain from all drugs in order to recover. ")

Few months after that B_____ was stealing from family and work to fuel his habit and finally had his parole revoked after an awful incident that made the papers where police dogs chased him into a lake where he hid under a boat dock for hours before being arrested.

While I know that it was his decision to take that first drink and I am not responsible for that, it was horrific lack of friendship on my part to not speak up at the time but instead to encourage it once he made that decision. I have always regretted that and owe him an apology.

Anyways, he's a good man when his addiction isn't fueling him. As am I. We have a lot in common in all areas of our life and have had a lot of good sober times together too. I would like to have him be a part of my sober life if, as I'm assuming, he is also going to stay clean and wants me to be a part of his. Glad I made that first step towards that tonight.

I've never been to prison but should have been. I stole thousands and thousands of dollars from two different jobs years ago and am still not sure why they didn't press charges against me. Very lucky, very blessed. They are at the top of my list of people/places I have to make restitution to in the near future. One thing at a time though.

CaseyW

Though I haven't been to prison, I've spent a couple of nights in jail.

First time was in the summer of 2003. I spent all one Sunday afternoon drinking in the pool hall across the street from my house. The daytime bartender told me he was going to our local minor league baseball team game after he got off work. He had free tickets because the pool hall advertised at the ballpark and asked if I wanted to go with him and a couple of other bartenders from there. He gave me the ticket and told me he'd meet me there.

I was two blocks from the ballpark, drunk out of my mind, when a back tire on my pickup blew out. I pulled into an parking lot at the local university and decided to go ahead and walk across the campus and go to the game. I wasn't ten feet from my truck when a campus police officer pulls up and stops me. He ended up taking me downtown to the city jail where I was told I was charged with public intoxication. So basically I was ten feet away from a rightly deserved DWI because the cop hadn't actually seen me in my car.

They let me out of jail at midnight (I don't think they actually even charged me with the PI as I've never seen it on my record and never heard anything else about it. They probably didn't want to do the paperwork so just let me sober up in the drunk tank for a bit before releasing me.) I immediately walked the mile back to my house and drank at that same pool hall I'd been at all afternoon until it closed at two in the morning.

Oh, and someone at the police station took my ballgame ticket away while I was in custody as it was the only thing missing from my possessions when they released me. I asked my bartender friend if a cop had ended up sitting next to them but he said no.

That's the kind of drunk I was--in jail for my drinking at six in the evening and back to drinking at the same bar six hours later. Sick behavior. Yet I continued to drink for twelve more years after that.

Second time I was in jail was in 2004 when I got my DWI. I was arrested at about one in the morning and they released me on my own recognizance at around one the next afternoon. I had busted my nose open (only nosebleed I've ever had actually) on my steering wheel when I wrecked my car into a neighbor's carport, so though I'd cleaned up my face, my shirt was drenched in blood. I took that same walk home, got some strange stares from folks who saw that bloody shirt.

At least that time I didn't start drinking immediately. I think I waited about 25 days or so. My mugshots from that arrest were still online last time I looked. If I ever need a reminder of what drinking does to me, I just need to go find those pictures again.

And like I said, I am very lucky and blessed to have not been put in prison for my thievery in other situations. Though drinking didn't directly cause me to steal all that money, it was also definitely a contributing factor.

Cissy

Wow, Casey. There's no doubt that you need to stay sober. You're lucky to be alive and so are the people who were in the near vicinity of you when you were behind the wheel. I have drank and drove but never once got pulled over or had a sobriety test or had an accident. I always found that I drove the speed limit and paid even closer attention to stop signs and street lights cause I didn't want to get noticed.

Maybe you should stay away from that guy. I don't think he's about to change his spots and don't think for a second that your joining him in a beer at lunch that day had anything to do with him drinking again. He'd have had it with or without your participation. His mind was already made up.

Seriously though, if the two of you together is a problem and might cause you to relapse, please don't make yourself available to him. I had a very close friend as a teenager but we were always doing the wrong things. We lost touch in our 20's and then when I crossed paths with her again in my early 30's, she was married, had two teenage kids that were very happy and she had a house and a great full time job at Boeing.

Wouldn't you know it, after I come into her life (even though I was many states apart from where she lived,) her life starts to unravel. Suddenly she's not happy in her marriage, her hubby moves out, she starts going out partying and drinking all night long, leaving her kids alone and not coming home until after the sun rose, and she was heavy into coke.

Her little girl went from being a bouncy, light-hearted child to a bitter, angry young woman and all I could figure was that on one of those all-night drunks out at a bar, her little girl was raped by her brother's friends. (Or friend. Who knows.) Incest runs in families and she had incest on her mom's and on her dad's sides. Maybe it was her brother who did it cause she HATED her brother after that.

Anyway, what I'm saying is some people are just toxic together. I am that way with that woman and we have come together and gone our separate ways a number of times. I keep trying to keep it that way but she keeps looking for me every few years. She's a mess and addicted to drama and I am addicted to peace.

Do whatever you have to do to stay sober, Casey. For you, it's not an option to ever drink again.

CaseyW

Don't worry, I'm well aware that my sobriety definitely comes first, Cissy, and I definitely have old drinking buddies in my life who I would classify as toxic for me to be around again at any point, much like your friendship you describe above. I truly believe B_____ is not one of those toxic friendships.

We have spent as much or more time together not drinking as we did drinking, and, like I said, have a whole lot in common aside from our addiction. If this prison time has caused him to turn a corner in his own recovery, I would like to have him in my life and would feel very comfortable doing so. I was very honest in the letter I sent him tonight about where I'm at today and about how serious I am about my recovery. Though I've known I've had a problem with my drinking for 13 years now, I always hid all my recovery efforts in the past--none of my friends were aware of them, including B_____. I mean, they knew I drank too much--they didn't know I ever tried to stop. I'd just make excuses like I was too busy working to go to the bar or "I just don't feel like drinking tonight" if I did go out during those rare moments of sobriety. I have no doubt if B____ had known, he most definitely would have been on my side just as I always tried to be on his. Like I said--before that trip I was quite OK with not drinking the whole trip. In fact, we hadn't discussed it but that's what I had assumed was going to happen and it wasn't an issue. It was only two days and I never had a problem stopping for that long. I wasn't that kind of a drinker.

If he is drinking or using, I will not be around him or stay in contact with him in any way. And either way, there's no chance of him living anywhere close to the city I'm in now so I'm really talking mostly about reviving a phone friendship for now.

And I know I didn't cause him to relapse that day in Austin but I also knew at the time that it was wrong for me to not speak up when he did make that decision. That's what I owe him an apology for. But I also know he would have drank that day regardless of who made that trip with him and whether I said anything or not. But I still should have said something. I need to clean up my side of the street from that situation.

I do appreciate your post though as it is making me take a closer look at my motives in contacting B_____. Thank you for that!

CaseyW

And you are absolutely right about me being blessed that no one else was hurt during all my drunk driving escapades. One little additional fact about my 2004 DWI--two weeks before I received that DWI, I was stopped by a police officer at around midnight after leaving a bar. I think my inspection sticker being expired was his reason.

After speaking with me, it was obvious I was intoxicated. The officer told me he could either take me to jail or I could leave my car parked where it was and get someone to give me a ride home. I called a cab that I had to pay for with quarters as it was the only money left in my pocket after a night at the bar.

Two weeks later right I was arrested right in front of my house and given a DWI after running into a neighbor's carport three blocks away and fleeing the scene in my wrecked car. Very first thing the officer said when he saw my bloodied face and wrecked car was, "Didn't I just give you a break two weeks ago?" It was the same officer who had let me call that cab. Stupid stupid me.

I didn't have a license for almost four years after that and have pretty much used cabs as my drinking mode of transportation since I finally got my license back. And of course most of the last two years I just drank at the house alone so no worries about drunk driving there. (And I don't have a car right now obviously either.)

CaseyW

Yeah, my Shepherd was definitely VERY protective of the (few) people she loved. She was my all time favorite dog but I would probably never get another German Shepherd for the same reasons--too unpredictable around strangers.

That same dog was also the only big dog I've ever had who would not gobble all her food down at once. I filled her bowl with the proper amount in the morning and she'd just nibble at it all day long. She was never fat, never too skinny, always the proper weight for her age and breed. Good but weird dog in some ways.

I'm a big dog person. Love labs especially. Can't stand small dogs but I do also like the size dogs you're talking about--35 pounds or so. I can't have a dog where I'm living now, it's one of the reasons I want to move. First step--car. Second step--new place to live, though I do love my landlord here (the one who gave me the bicycle) so it'll be tough to leave them. Third step--start repaying that money I stole years ago.

CaseyW

Changed my mind about what I posted here. Good night all! If you haven't checked in here in the last day or two, hope you'll do so soon.

Olivia2011

Wow Casey, you really do need to stay sober! At least you are owning up to your past screw ups! I think I'd stay away from B even if you've had sober times with him. Just too tempting. He may have nowhere to go when he gets out and want to hook up with you again. I'm glad you put this all out there. It was very surprising to say the least. Just shows how strong you are at getting sober. Stay sober. You run into too many problems drunk! I was/am a stay at home drunk. I used to go out a lot. Not so much anymore. Work, usually tip a few and get home to safety. I only drive about five miles to get from our farm to our home. We inherited my husbands dad's house this past year (nice too) but for some reason I like to come home (house is on the farm). I've been cutting out the at home drinking pretty good lately. A lot can happen in five miles tho. I thank God all the time that I never hurt myself or anyone else. This does bring back a memory tho. Many years ago while dating my husband I was driving out to his house late at night. I must have fallen asleep and ran into a sign. Thank God for the sign. Back then it had wooden legs (poles), big, tall sign. Sign is still there but now it has big, heavy steel poles ! I think about that night sometimes when I pass the sign as we still live in this house! You think I would have woken up many years ago from doing stupid sh*t like this. My son does a lot of stupid things. He's going to be 28 next month. The light is actually beginning to glimmer for him. I thank God daily for that. He's about put me in a mental home!
I have been enjoying seltzer with lemon and lime slices a lot lately. My AV surprisingly has been saying STOP THIS SH*T RIGHT NOW!

Cissy - I love your posts too. I can relate to lots of you!

Everyone on here is great and so helpful at getting me to open my eyes.

Bed time here in STL.

PS. I like little dogs. I had a Maltese ( kept hair short ). He wasn't a yapper and he was the sweetest thing on earth. Like big dogs too. They eat more and crap more tho!!!!

Olivia

Olivia2011

Casey - what did u change your mind about? I see u r still online. I'm getting ready to call it a night too. We are in the same time zone. I used to travel to TX for work. Take care!

CaseyW

Changed my mind about nothing important. I was just being a repetitive blabbermouth as I am wont to do sometimes. Ok, most of the time. I'll work on that problem soon. One step at a time. Sobriety first. Repetitive blabbermouthedness second.

And in my (slight) defense all those horror stories I was telling tonight took place over ten years ago. That was the heyday of my bar fly drinking days--once I started drinking mostly at home in the last few years and stopped slamming down shot after shot after shot with my bar fly buddies five or six days a week, all the wear and tear was mostly on me and a lot less on those around me. My drinking was still killing me, just a little more slowly than it was doing back in 2001-2005 or so.

I can't do seltzer with lime or lemon. My drink of choice during my bar fly days was vodka and soda with lime. Seltzer with lime is too close for comfort.

Praying for you and your son tonight.

Got a late night phone call right after my last post and before I logged off. But now I'm really going to sleep. Sweet dreams everyone! (and good afternoon to you upside down Australians!)

Olivia2011

The good thing about you Casey is that youre young. Your horror stories put you back to an even earlier age

Olivia2011

Sorry dam phone shot off message when I was trying to correct a typo. Anyway, what I find important in your story is that you are still young and it sounds like your big screw ups came when you were even younger, lots younger. That's good cause you've learned from them. We all have horror stories. I have lots myself.

Blab all you want. It wakes a lot of us up or at least to think about our actions and how ridiculous drinking is.

Nighty night!

Olivia

CaseyW

I ain't that young. I'll be 41 years old on August 15 this year. I didn't take my first drink until I was 24-1/2 years old. 41 sure doesn't feel young.

My dad sobered up when I was 8--I don't ever remembering him drinking but have heard some of the stories since. He was very active in AA for years though isn't anymore though he is still sober.

My mom was a prescription drug addict for years, and her addiction caused some horrible situations when I was an early teenager, eventually including my dad divorcing her.

My mom's dad was also active in AA for 40+ years. I spent a lot of time as a kid hanging around outside AA meetings with other children of alcoholics so when I was a teenager I made a conscious decision to not drink or do other drugs as I'd heard all the horror stories and how alcoholism was genetic, etc.

I also have lots and lots of other addicts/alcoholic uncles and aunts and cousins. Especially on my mom's side where almost everyone has the disease of addiction to some degree.

Needless to say, when I did finally take that first drink at age 24 on April 3, 1999, I would say I was drinking alcoholically within the first two months after that. By summer 2002, my life was in shambles from my drinking. I went to my first AA meeting on July 22 of that year. Now 13 years later, I finally feel like I'm on the right track and that true recovery is possible for me.