chuff1

Hello peeps
During my latest "episode" I neglected my family.....I'm divorced....love my ex still...always will....
I became distant ...missed birthdays.....missed Christmas....
Lilly-May has asked her Mum..."Is Grandad dead?"
Her Mum ...my daughter doesn't want me to go round...refuses to accept my calls...ignores my text.....so I guess I am dead, in their eyes.
Its ok to accept your drinking, its ok to accept your AV, but my god its hard to accept that you are a non person by your own children...
I love you guys, but I just don't think I can do this anymore.
Mick x

1Dayatatyme

Chuff:

Dee74

It's going to take a little time for relationships to be healed and fences mended Mick.

Trust me, I did the hard yards.

Stay sober and you have a *great* chance of getting back to where you want to be with your family.

Keep drinking - and you'll have no chance at all.

I say this with care - stop feeling sorry for yourself, and get to work...we've lost one too many Marchers already.
you deserve way better than what you've been giving yourself recently.

D

trachemys

I have no kids, Mick, so I don't know the feel of that. Both my sisters disowned me for a while when I was boozing heavy. Then I disowned them for a while for their anger. Know we're slowly making our way back to better relations. It takes time. Don't give up.

chuff1

Dee
Thanks. Stopping feeling for myself is a hard road to tread....but I know you are right.
Thanks for your support, glad you are still here x
Mick x

chuff1

Trachy
Thank You x
Mick x

Saskia

(((Mick))), it is a tough road we are following, but the alternative is far worse. As Dee and Trachy noted, it does take time for families to heal and forgive. Give yourself the gifts of staying sober, time and love. You are worth it and it will change your thinking, relationships and your life.

1Dayatatyme

Chuff: I have been posting over the last months, since rejoining Marchers about my beautiful granddaughter Seraphina, who just turned 1 years old. I am very blessed in that I am allowed to babysit her. However, my daughter keeps a very watchful eye on me. She saw how awful I looked when I went through w/d from the pain pills in 2013. She knows my history. However, she does not know that I was drinking last year, and if she did, all bets would be off. I was able to put down the bottle by coming back here and being honest. I am grateful now that I stopped drinking when I did. I know that my family is the number one reason for me to stay clean and sober.
I still have thoughts cross my mind that I can have one glass of wine, but I then remember that my AV may end up running the show and I would be off to the races. That is why I come here just about every day so that I remember what I will lose if I pick up a drink or a drug. I now have six months sober, Chuff, and I got them one day at a time. You can do that too... if you are willing to do the footwork and make a plan of recovery.

chuff1

Sas...Thank you

I have never ever doubted that a sober life is the way to go, and that by being that way I would get my love ones back.....knowing that and doing that seem to be at odds with each other at times though..

Mick x

Dee74

Only if you let yourself be coerced Mick.

D

chuff1

Iday

Thanks for that hun. You are speaking to the converted ......I know every thing you, and others say is true cos I have said the same thing myself on here in the past.
Right now I feel that I can talk the talk.......having a bit of trouble with the walk

Mick x

1Dayatatyme

Chuff: What do you need to be able to put the bottle down? Do you need to go in-patient?

chuff1

Iday
In-patient, never even gave it a thought.
No, I guess would be my answer to that.
Mick x

Dee74

lets turn the question around: what are you prepared to do Mick?

D

Dee74

lets turn the question around: what are you prepared to do Mick?

D

trachemys

You know the options, Mick. What will you do? Heck, I went and got medicated.

venuscat

With love, I really hope you think about this Mick.
As hard as things are right now with family, it can get worse if you keep drinking.

We are here for you ~ how can we help?

Marcher13

Good morning Marchers Sunday's showers turned into non-stop rain and driving wind for over 36 hours and more is predicted. It's all driving in from the southeast (a direction the weather rarely comes from). We've actually not opened the shop today because the weather is so severe but we've been lucky with the house in that we've only got a few wet inner windowsills. Of course I'm dying to get down to the beach and have a look at the waves but I'll be patient for a while.

Mick you've acknowledged the drinking and the AV and that is good, it's evident that what you are doing at the moment isn't working so something has got to change. The question is what is that change going to be? Are you keeping alcohol in the house or are you going out for it? What are you doing with your days, I'm assuming that you're not working so what are you doing?

I'm asking these questions simply to ask you to think about those things, you don't need to answer them here unless you choose to. I know you love your kids and grandkids, I know you want to see them, the only thing standing between you is a bottle.

Micjk you've been sober before. What did you do then that you're not doing now?

venuscat

I just looked up your weather Marcher. Wind gusts of 87km/h....wo!
I hope it subsides soon.

360shoes

Chuff, big (((((hug)))))
Please hang in there. Don't give up. I ain't feeling all that great myself right now. Life is kinda hard sometimes. I don't always feel happy and here lately I've been really tested. I'm giving myself a C+ though cuz I'm doing the best I can. C+ is just a hair above average in U.S. academic terms just in case it's different there. In other words I'm doing as well as anyone would be in a tough time. I still have that thing that says run and hide in a drink. F it. Nothing matters.

But it does matter.

We love you. Even when you were gone for awhile we still loved you and we would post a positive thought out there hoping it would somehow get to you that we were still thinking about you. I don't think love disappears. I think it just morphs sometime into something different but it really never leaves. It can just as easily morph back if you give it a chance. Love is a shape shifter.

We are here to listen and support each other. It's what we do. And you are part of the we buddy. You help me and you always did.

I heart you big time Mick.
xoxoxoxoxoxoxo