Class Of February 2014 Part 10
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Virginia
Posts: 436
Glee, my MIL is wound very tight. She talks incessantly. We are normally a very quiet family, even with 2 teenage boys in the house (except for when football is on, then all bets are off 
). When she's here she doesn't shut up, lol. She is also extremely negative and talks about everyone, which of course means she's talking about us as well to others (stupid me didn't realize the latter until well into my marriage to her son). I'm also very self conscious about my weight as I was always very thin and put on a bit in the past 10 years (2 huge bottles of wine a night will do that to you) and she'd bring me clothes and say they were WAY too big for her. (Um, thanks?? ) So wrap that all together and I was a big bundle of nerves around her, worrying about what I looked like, if what I was saying was going to be repeated, was my house clean enough (even though I'm a neat freak) because she said that XYZ's house was a mess, etc. etc. etc. I'd drink the night away to deal with her and then the next morning would be hell until I could start drinking again.
So I feel at this point in my sobriety I really need to do this. I've been putting myself in more and more uncomfortable situations and feel this is one that I need to do next. It was a tie between her and going to the dentist -- I've put off the dentist until next month (mainly for financial reasons). But that's on my list too.
Lulu - how wonderful that you and hubby went on a date night! I was chuckling at the wine comment because I was so like you. It's crazy looking back at it all - it sometimes feels like it was a century ago and other times like it was yesterday.
dSober, I had quit a gazillion times in the past as well. If you look at my join date here at SR, that's the first time I quit. There were many, many more after that. I think I cherish my sobriety date because of the manner in which it happened - it was a random Saturday morning (who stops on a Saturday of all days?) when I finally said enough was enough. Nothing monumental happened that made me say "never again" (like the gazillion times earlier ) . I was just D.O.N.E.
Hope everyone has a great week!
). When she's here she doesn't shut up, lol. She is also extremely negative and talks about everyone, which of course means she's talking about us as well to others (stupid me didn't realize the latter until well into my marriage to her son). I'm also very self conscious about my weight as I was always very thin and put on a bit in the past 10 years (2 huge bottles of wine a night will do that to you) and she'd bring me clothes and say they were WAY too big for her. (Um, thanks?? ) So wrap that all together and I was a big bundle of nerves around her, worrying about what I looked like, if what I was saying was going to be repeated, was my house clean enough (even though I'm a neat freak) because she said that XYZ's house was a mess, etc. etc. etc. I'd drink the night away to deal with her and then the next morning would be hell until I could start drinking again. So I feel at this point in my sobriety I really need to do this. I've been putting myself in more and more uncomfortable situations and feel this is one that I need to do next. It was a tie between her and going to the dentist -- I've put off the dentist until next month (mainly for financial reasons). But that's on my list too.
Lulu - how wonderful that you and hubby went on a date night! I was chuckling at the wine comment because I was so like you. It's crazy looking back at it all - it sometimes feels like it was a century ago and other times like it was yesterday.
dSober, I had quit a gazillion times in the past as well. If you look at my join date here at SR, that's the first time I quit. There were many, many more after that. I think I cherish my sobriety date because of the manner in which it happened - it was a random Saturday morning (who stops on a Saturday of all days?) when I finally said enough was enough. Nothing monumental happened that made me say "never again" (like the gazillion times earlier
) . I was just D.O.N.E. Hope everyone has a great week!
01-14-2019
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Midwest
Posts: 1,217
I feel like a dog with tail between her legs but I'm back again. I got to talk to Glee, learned some things, Neverthought is back.
SL is back! I still think you need to be a community greeter, you are so kind, experienced and well you get it. I still feel like I'm not getting it.
I told Glee and others, I need to stop pressing my EASY Staples button hoping it goes away. I think I broke the damn thing. Nope, EASY Button isn't working.
I was with hubby today - we debated if that guy off in the field was my brother!! He acted looked like my brother but interacting with different kids? Turns out it was him!
He has two kids. He is with a new girlfriend with kids of her own. My brother - stole from me when he was a cocaine addict. I was so sad and cried in front of cops.
To be the addict now -
I asked my brother to consider visiting. We got a park, baseball fields and ponds. I think he will and this is the stuff I want to be, not drunk Auntie (I stay away from family - but I'm losing my time) with all of them.
Day 1 going OK.
SL is back! I still think you need to be a community greeter, you are so kind, experienced and well you get it. I still feel like I'm not getting it.
I told Glee and others, I need to stop pressing my EASY Staples button hoping it goes away. I think I broke the damn thing. Nope, EASY Button isn't working.
I was with hubby today - we debated if that guy off in the field was my brother!! He acted looked like my brother but interacting with different kids? Turns out it was him!
He has two kids. He is with a new girlfriend with kids of her own. My brother - stole from me when he was a cocaine addict. I was so sad and cried in front of cops.
To be the addict now -
I asked my brother to consider visiting. We got a park, baseball fields and ponds. I think he will and this is the stuff I want to be, not drunk Auntie (I stay away from family - but I'm losing my time) with all of them.
Day 1 going OK.
Recovered from Hopeless State
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: New Jersey, USA
Posts: 2,156
Originally Posted by tornrealization 
I told Glee and others, I need to stop pressing my EASY Staples button hoping it goes away. I think I broke the damn thing. Nope, EASY Button isn't working.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 1,462
Glad to see you back torn. I'm learning as well that you have fight for it, and while some moments may seem "easy", there are some that seem unbearable and they is getting through them in whatever way or ways that work for you. And part of the trick Im figuring out is what those ways are that will get you through those times. We are here for you.
01-14-2019
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Midwest
Posts: 1,217
Today, I'm too tired for normal lunch walk. School tonight. Too. Laying in my car on SR.
Thoughts about what my new plan is going to be. I look at my IOP bill. Each night cost me 1 months worth of weekly appointments. It did help keep me sober , didn't want to be there, but being they were nights not drinking.
It feels weird to post some of this stuff. I keep my stuff to myself. Clearly no friends on my world know about hospitals yet. Or iop, or the few AA meetings.
I think I just need someone to talk too to start. Got hospital bills paid off. If they let me do payments, for IOP, I could get weekly counsel.
Maybe that will help my AA hesitation. It seems to work for chunk of people. Im one of those getting hung up on greater power. Which would have to be hiking and the awe nature is for now.
Trees getting yellow and orange. Very pretty.
Doh, lunch hour almost over!
Thoughts about what my new plan is going to be. I look at my IOP bill. Each night cost me 1 months worth of weekly appointments. It did help keep me sober , didn't want to be there, but being they were nights not drinking.
It feels weird to post some of this stuff. I keep my stuff to myself. Clearly no friends on my world know about hospitals yet. Or iop, or the few AA meetings.
I think I just need someone to talk too to start. Got hospital bills paid off. If they let me do payments, for IOP, I could get weekly counsel.
Maybe that will help my AA hesitation. It seems to work for chunk of people. Im one of those getting hung up on greater power. Which would have to be hiking and the awe nature is for now.
Trees getting yellow and orange. Very pretty.
Doh, lunch hour almost over!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: New England, USA
Posts: 3,958
I am seven months sober today. No one is as stunned as I am that in the past 7 months I have begun to experience a higher power, ditched a friend with cancer who took more than she gave, come to enjoy a job that is a step down from my previous position, gained 30 pounds, recognized that I'm married to an emotionally abusive person, seen the role that my alcoholism played in the dissolution of that relationship, gotten a sponsor in AA, accepted that I need to take anxiety medicine, and made sober friends.
For the longest time, I was afraid. Afraid that I'd see someone I know at AA. Afraid I'd run into Needyfriend at the store. Afraid of rocking the boat at home. Afraid of what the people who I know socially think about me not drinking. Afraid of drinking again. Afraid of always being stuck living someone else's dreams.
I always thought happiness required more money, a better job, a nicer house, smarter kids, or a kinder family of origin.
Turns out the what needed to change wasn't everyone else; it was me As I pass the half-year mark of sobriety, I feel a letting go of my worries and frustration. I needed to stop drinking so I could actually listen to my intuition again, feel what's a fit and what's not. To get a sense of what inspires me, and recognize what shuts me down. I am experiencing joy, happiness and freedom that I've always dreamed of. This is an amazing way to live.
I see sobriety as a daily commitment to honoring my authenticity, intuition, gratitude, and saying no to booze and drugs. Thanks for being a part of my journey.
For the longest time, I was afraid. Afraid that I'd see someone I know at AA. Afraid I'd run into Needyfriend at the store. Afraid of rocking the boat at home. Afraid of what the people who I know socially think about me not drinking. Afraid of drinking again. Afraid of always being stuck living someone else's dreams.
I always thought happiness required more money, a better job, a nicer house, smarter kids, or a kinder family of origin.
Turns out the what needed to change wasn't everyone else; it was me As I pass the half-year mark of sobriety, I feel a letting go of my worries and frustration. I needed to stop drinking so I could actually listen to my intuition again, feel what's a fit and what's not. To get a sense of what inspires me, and recognize what shuts me down. I am experiencing joy, happiness and freedom that I've always dreamed of. This is an amazing way to live.
I see sobriety as a daily commitment to honoring my authenticity, intuition, gratitude, and saying no to booze and drugs. Thanks for being a part of my journey.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,877
Glee, it has been a true honor to walk with you, to be a part of your journey. You are a remarkable person; what you contribute to this thread, to the Febbies, and to SR cannot be adequately measured.
01-14-2019
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Midwest
Posts: 1,217
Glee,
Its been amazing to watch you on your journey. Your commitment has gone far beyond just putting down the drink. We've watched it involve into a deep self analysis that brings you to newfound happiness, challenges, some not so pleasant discoveries. You're an inspiration and also realistic.
We're very proud of you. You've also been a very good person to meet and help people. I love your honesty as well. Looking forward to see where you go.
In short, congratulations on your seven months!
Its been amazing to watch you on your journey. Your commitment has gone far beyond just putting down the drink. We've watched it involve into a deep self analysis that brings you to newfound happiness, challenges, some not so pleasant discoveries. You're an inspiration and also realistic.
We're very proud of you. You've also been a very good person to meet and help people. I love your honesty as well. Looking forward to see where you go.
In short, congratulations on your seven months!
01-14-2019
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Midwest
Posts: 1,217
So it took me awhile to properly catch up on this thread.
Gazza, I'm sorry about your breakup and how hard it was and how last I read your doing better. I really need to find that book you suggested way back when. I'm glad you remained sober through that. That takes strength.
Lulu, I nearly fell over about reading about misphonia. Since elementary I've had it. Didn't know a name for it until three years ago? Not diagnosed, have gone to counselor, that doesn't help. I've even posted here how a coworker chomped nuts in my ears on purpose and I slightly shoved him. Pure hell, gum popping boss, all day. Opens drawer, shakes gum container, popping. I wear earplugs to movies, and at work. Hubby snores, can't do earplugs. Cats eat them and ears get sore. Major stress I dislike in my life and unless people have it, they say get over it, what is wrong with you, I just drown those noises out. Sadly, drinking means I don't hear if, calm. But that is hardly my main reason to drink. Got emotional problems to work on. I do notice less stressed out anxiety over noises lessons. I'm really tired, it gets to ugly.
I also missed the convo on meds. I have to see about that. I'm on one for hopes it reduced blood pressure by lowering anxiety. Cymbalta. Even though I've been off,on the crazy drinking train I kept to my walks. BP seems OK, even a bit low, going to see psych Dr. To reevaluate meds. I don't wish to be on them but that's a stubborn thing.
My last trip to hospital meant going to Dr. Stitch removal, I had three. Redid blood work, vitamin B and D way down. So that she has me doing over the counter.
I got a new phone so typing so much easier. I never thought I'd do long post from phone. I locked myself out last night after long day of work and school. Indicator to hit bed. All right, later everyone.
Gazza, I'm sorry about your breakup and how hard it was and how last I read your doing better. I really need to find that book you suggested way back when. I'm glad you remained sober through that. That takes strength.
Lulu, I nearly fell over about reading about misphonia. Since elementary I've had it. Didn't know a name for it until three years ago? Not diagnosed, have gone to counselor, that doesn't help. I've even posted here how a coworker chomped nuts in my ears on purpose and I slightly shoved him. Pure hell, gum popping boss, all day. Opens drawer, shakes gum container, popping. I wear earplugs to movies, and at work. Hubby snores, can't do earplugs. Cats eat them and ears get sore. Major stress I dislike in my life and unless people have it, they say get over it, what is wrong with you, I just drown those noises out. Sadly, drinking means I don't hear if, calm. But that is hardly my main reason to drink. Got emotional problems to work on. I do notice less stressed out anxiety over noises lessons. I'm really tired, it gets to ugly.
I also missed the convo on meds. I have to see about that. I'm on one for hopes it reduced blood pressure by lowering anxiety. Cymbalta. Even though I've been off,on the crazy drinking train I kept to my walks. BP seems OK, even a bit low, going to see psych Dr. To reevaluate meds. I don't wish to be on them but that's a stubborn thing.
My last trip to hospital meant going to Dr. Stitch removal, I had three. Redid blood work, vitamin B and D way down. So that she has me doing over the counter.
I got a new phone so typing so much easier. I never thought I'd do long post from phone. I locked myself out last night after long day of work and school. Indicator to hit bed. All right, later everyone.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 1,074
Glee,
Such an amazing and inspiring post. It sounds like you are in a really great place. You're doing wonderfully! Congratulations on 7 months. That's quite an achievement! I really loved that post. I'm going to have to read it again because each time it gets better and better. I love the part about authenticity, intuition, and gratitude. I think that's a huge and vital part of someone's recovery. It sounds like you've really embraced self acceptance too!
Torn, the misophonia really is a problem more so than people realize. For my entire life I've put myself down because of it. I'd think in my head "get over it!" but I just hone in on the crunching, gum popping, smacking noises. I can't help it! Just yesterday my husband plopped down on the couch next to me and started eating a cheeseburger. Even though he had his mouth closed I could still hear him chewing and swallowing... smack smack smack GULP. I had to put on my headphones. I don't want to take it out on him or anyone else but I can't just ignore it either. Believe me I've tried!!! If I had an "Off" switch to being annoyed by chewing sounds I would have flipped it looooonnng ago. I wish it didn't bother me when the girl in nursing school that sat next to me ate nothing but popcorn every single day or the girl in my hospital orientation that just loved, LOVED chewing ice. Or my friend in EMT school that chewed her gum like a cow having a seizure. She was my best friend but I secretly wanted to jump out of my seat and just yell "STOP IT!"
Anyway... moving on Casinva, your MIL sounds like a gem. Good luck with her!
I completely understand about the AA higher power thing. I wrote a blog about it. Being a pantheist is about as close as I can get to what I truly believe in. But I also believe that AA has some really great stuff in it. On the whole I think it's an excellent recovery program. Not only do you get to be around other people just like you, who have been through everything you've been through and understand you, but they can also help you and guide you to not just being sober, but functional too. When I say functional I mean, you're able to cope with stuff and you're more stable. Plus, it's free for the most part. Have you checked out some other recovery programs? I love SMART recovery. Rational Recovery is great too. Lots of good stuff out there.
I'll be back on later to check in. Take care all!
Such an amazing and inspiring post. It sounds like you are in a really great place. You're doing wonderfully! Congratulations on 7 months. That's quite an achievement! I really loved that post. I'm going to have to read it again because each time it gets better and better. I love the part about authenticity, intuition, and gratitude. I think that's a huge and vital part of someone's recovery. It sounds like you've really embraced self acceptance too!
Torn, the misophonia really is a problem more so than people realize. For my entire life I've put myself down because of it. I'd think in my head "get over it!" but I just hone in on the crunching, gum popping, smacking noises. I can't help it! Just yesterday my husband plopped down on the couch next to me and started eating a cheeseburger. Even though he had his mouth closed I could still hear him chewing and swallowing... smack smack smack GULP. I had to put on my headphones. I don't want to take it out on him or anyone else but I can't just ignore it either. Believe me I've tried!!! If I had an "Off" switch to being annoyed by chewing sounds I would have flipped it looooonnng ago. I wish it didn't bother me when the girl in nursing school that sat next to me ate nothing but popcorn every single day or the girl in my hospital orientation that just loved, LOVED chewing ice. Or my friend in EMT school that chewed her gum like a cow having a seizure. She was my best friend but I secretly wanted to jump out of my seat and just yell "STOP IT!"
Anyway... moving on
Casinva, your MIL sounds like a gem. Good luck with her!I completely understand about the AA higher power thing. I wrote a blog about it. Being a pantheist is about as close as I can get to what I truly believe in. But I also believe that AA has some really great stuff in it. On the whole I think it's an excellent recovery program. Not only do you get to be around other people just like you, who have been through everything you've been through and understand you, but they can also help you and guide you to not just being sober, but functional too. When I say functional I mean, you're able to cope with stuff and you're more stable. Plus, it's free for the most part. Have you checked out some other recovery programs? I love SMART recovery. Rational Recovery is great too. Lots of good stuff out there.
I'll be back on later to check in. Take care all!
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