Feeling mixed up and no one to talk to
Member
Join Date: Sep 2016
Posts: 89
Originally Posted by firebolt 
OMG. See...people (including myself) come here looking for success stories of a spouse who sobered up and a family who lived happily ever after together. More often than not, it seems, are success stories like yours...where one person got away from something that wasn't meant for them....and their lives transformed into something more wonderful than ever could have been before. THanks for checking in!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,699
Olow...It just gets better and better.
I love more than anything hearing that an alcoholic and their spouse sought recovery, grew, and work towards a better future together....
But our lives are important and we get to make it great on OUR timeline, and sometimes that means without someone we love.
Heartbreak and grief are the worst! Not so many months from now, theres going to be a whole lot of beauty all around you, and I would bet that you are going to have a lot of happiness taking it in with family, friends, and in some happy solitude! Hang in there~!
I love more than anything hearing that an alcoholic and their spouse sought recovery, grew, and work towards a better future together....
But our lives are important and we get to make it great on OUR timeline, and sometimes that means without someone we love.
I am still heartbroken over leaving.....and lost.....but I keep telling myself "no walking on glass anymore".
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 1,423
Originally Posted by newbeginings16
My addict went through rehab on his own, has a serious sponsor, attends meeting daily, and seems to be getting his life together. We are living in separate places now and we had a great weekend last weekend and he is wanting to talk tonight and I know it's because he wants to move back in with the kids and I. I left him in beginning of Jan and it's July. I love him but am well aware of the dangers that are there and could return at any instant. When he wants something he becomes pushy and then says our marriage is at my convenience as he wants to be with me all the time. I'm scared and I told him that and he is still pushing to move back in, says we cannot have a marriage while we live apart. I have 2 other kids from a previous marriage and I don't want them to be involved in all of this yet. I love him, yet I am hesitant as the majority of our marriage consisted of him using, being abusive and all that goes along with that stuff. My counsler said-Run, he seems changed but statics prove he will go back to his old self and I said this is the first time he has acted upon getting his life together and counselor said yeah but for how long. I need to see my husbands behavior over a longer period of time, 5 months to me is nothing in the grand scheme of life. We have a baby together and I know he wants to see her daily but I'm not ready to have him move back in fully yet. How do I say that to him when he is being pushy? I was told that if he truly loves me he will wait for when I am ready. Is that true? So mixed up inside.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 144
It's a good idea for him to work on his sobriety for at least a year before he moves back in for everyone concerned including him.
Your idea is a good one.
Your idea is a good one.
Originally Posted by newbeginings16
My addict went through rehab on his own, has a serious sponsor, attends meeting daily, and seems to be getting his life together. We are living in separate places now and we had a great weekend last weekend and he is wanting to talk tonight and I know it's because he wants to move back in with the kids and I. I left him in beginning of Jan and it's July. I love him but am well aware of the dangers that are there and could return at any instant. When he wants something he becomes pushy and then says our marriage is at my convenience as he wants to be with me all the time. I'm scared and I told him that and he is still pushing to move back in, says we cannot have a marriage while we live apart. I have 2 other kids from a previous marriage and I don't want them to be involved in all of this yet. I love him, yet I am hesitant as the majority of our marriage consisted of him using, being abusive and all that goes along with that stuff. My counsler said-Run, he seems changed but statics prove he will go back to his old self and I said this is the first time he has acted upon getting his life together and counselor said yeah but for how long. I need to see my husbands behavior over a longer period of time, 5 months to me is nothing in the grand scheme of life. We have a baby together and I know he wants to see her daily but I'm not ready to have him move back in fully yet. How do I say that to him when he is being pushy? I was told that if he truly loves me he will wait for when I am ready. Is that true? So mixed up inside.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2016
Location: Illinois
Posts: 140
Yoga-My path has been a long one and yet writing here kept me going and fighting for myself and my kids. I was hopeful in the beginning and then a little in the middle and let it all go in the end. Sure, it hurts to be alone without a man by my side and a partner to return to at the end of each day but all that he did was and always will be short lived. There is no amount of void he could fill by being a lying, manipulative, physically and emotionally abusive addict that is also a con-artist and ex-con. I thought the best to do was marry him when pregnant and that was his idea of course. I lost all of my friends, family and eventually my own soul. I have come up and had to fight every step of the way. Today as so many bills are due and im batthling utilities being shut off again I pray that somehow things will work out. After all, I gave him 12 actual chances and never then did he choose to change for himself. As I stood that last day in criminal court where he was about 7 feet from me and I testified against him and he pleaded guilty, I let go off all the hope and promises I had for what could have been. God Bless
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 6,781
Originally Posted by newbeginings16
dandylion!!!!!!!
This place here and those that have responded and provided sound advice has been an inspiration to me. When I started this post month ago I had no idea what was going to happen next in my life. Now, I know what each day holds and what I am capable of. I cannot say thank you enough for your resounding words of encouragement! It helps and pushes me forward. Your post today as I read it brought tears to my eyes. I wrote a letter to my abuser and it was the most powerful thing I have ever written. I read It allowed and I cried. Especially on the part where I say thanks to him for all he did to beat me down as I know now how strong, beautiful and determined I really am because the only place I am going is up! God Bless and thank you again!
This place here and those that have responded and provided sound advice has been an inspiration to me. When I started this post month ago I had no idea what was going to happen next in my life. Now, I know what each day holds and what I am capable of. I cannot say thank you enough for your resounding words of encouragement! It helps and pushes me forward. Your post today as I read it brought tears to my eyes. I wrote a letter to my abuser and it was the most powerful thing I have ever written. I read It allowed and I cried. Especially on the part where I say thanks to him for all he did to beat me down as I know now how strong, beautiful and determined I really am because the only place I am going is up! God Bless and thank you again!
You can't see me, but I'm giving you a Standing Ovation right now.
The courage & strength it has taken you to get this far is the stuff HEROS are made of.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2016
Location: Illinois
Posts: 140
FireSprite-I can picture it in my mind and thank you, deeply. That made me shed a few tears at work here. I want to succeed and I will as will my kids. I will continue to fight for what life should already be. I have supported many and it's my time to stand stronger even more now. Thank you so very much.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2016
Location: Illinois
Posts: 140
So a little good news..... The local Salvation Army is assisting with half my past due electric bill, grocery bags of stuff for Christmas Dinner and some presents for my 3 kiddos. I made the appointment, filled out the mounds of paperwork required and gave copies of my Protection order order and divorce that was filed in July and stated my case. They not only listened they are assisting. Turning over stones wherever I go. God Bless, hope all is well with Everyone! FYI-STBX Addict abuser, has stayed away, no contact at all and I'm feeling amazing despite struggling financially. 
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,699
Oh this update makes me so SO happy! I know there are usually programs out there to help get a few gifts together for Christmas too - use them! Thats what they are there for! I'm glad you have some peace from the ex...and even if money is tight, I bet your home is PEACEFUL!! <3
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Thanks for the awesome update! I just donated a bunch of furniture to the Salvation Army--they do some terrific work to help folks out when they need a hand. I was happy to see they are opening a donation center near me--will make it much more convenient when I go through my excessive STUFF to help it go to good homes. 
And especially glad you are enjoying a peaceful holiday season.
Your faith is inspiring!
And especially glad you are enjoying a peaceful holiday season.
Your faith is inspiring!
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
newbeginnings.....it does my heart good to hear this report! It is a good report because you have been so tenacious and determined to make a life for you and your children.....
I know, full well, that it is not easy.....but, it is going to pay off, down the road.....
I wish you a warm Christmas filled with peace and love.....
God bless the Salvation Army....such a good organization!
I know, full well, that it is not easy.....but, it is going to pay off, down the road.....
I wish you a warm Christmas filled with peace and love.....
God bless the Salvation Army....such a good organization!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2016
Location: Illinois
Posts: 140
doing good still! No abuser in sight and I pray it stays that way! I have presents and clothes that I have gathered from many charities and I am ready for Christmas-ALONE as an adult yet blessed with all 3 of my kids. God Bless all and happy holidays!
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Yay!!! What a happy update. You took that leap of faith and found freedom! Hopefully the financial pieces start heading your way before too long.
You guys have an absolutely WONDERFUL, peaceful Christmas!
You guys have an absolutely WONDERFUL, peaceful Christmas!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2016
Location: Illinois
Posts: 140
Update:
Happy New year to all first and foremost. The abusive addict has stayed away. My lawyer filed a motion to extent the Order of Protection and that is next week. I pray that the judge grants the extension and the need to specify supervised visits. I have all the records that show he is not coming to the visitation spot at the police station as well as the paper from the insurance company that states he was entered in a drug and alcohol program once again. I believe this is his 5th time now so that says little again. The judge can either deny the petition all together for the extension request, they can modify the request to a lesser duration or ask for a hearing where he gets served and has the ability to come and speak against it. I am doing my best to not think about the last possibility as this space of him being gone has allowed me to build my life back with no harm or detrement from him. I pray the judge realizes the importance of this order and she grants some extention without him having to have the ability to try to fight it. Additionally, he has not filed an appearance for the divorce so the lawyer is trying to finalize the divorce as well. Not an odd thing happened with all this peace in my home and my environment. My next door neighbor got high and drunk and walked into my apartment and was trying to take my baby to her house to babysit her. I was not feeling well earlier in the day and she wandered over to my apartment and let herself in. I said more than 6 times that I was fine and she was not going to take my baby with her. She got loud, beligerant and I escorted her out. I felt like I was dealing with my addict again right then and there. Only this time she came back to my place 4 times, was stumbling around and I called the police. I didn't wait and feel sorry or hope for her to change. I did what was best for the kids and I. It actually felt good and I truly Believe this was a sort of a test from God. I can stand my ground and continue to say no. I have learned this important tool that took me some 30 years to learn. I will not allow people to badger me or give in to them so they stop bothering me. The police actually arrested her and she was detained for 48 hours. Gotta love life's lessons no matter how they appear to be......
Happy New year to all first and foremost. The abusive addict has stayed away. My lawyer filed a motion to extent the Order of Protection and that is next week. I pray that the judge grants the extension and the need to specify supervised visits. I have all the records that show he is not coming to the visitation spot at the police station as well as the paper from the insurance company that states he was entered in a drug and alcohol program once again. I believe this is his 5th time now so that says little again. The judge can either deny the petition all together for the extension request, they can modify the request to a lesser duration or ask for a hearing where he gets served and has the ability to come and speak against it. I am doing my best to not think about the last possibility as this space of him being gone has allowed me to build my life back with no harm or detrement from him. I pray the judge realizes the importance of this order and she grants some extention without him having to have the ability to try to fight it. Additionally, he has not filed an appearance for the divorce so the lawyer is trying to finalize the divorce as well. Not an odd thing happened with all this peace in my home and my environment. My next door neighbor got high and drunk and walked into my apartment and was trying to take my baby to her house to babysit her. I was not feeling well earlier in the day and she wandered over to my apartment and let herself in. I said more than 6 times that I was fine and she was not going to take my baby with her. She got loud, beligerant and I escorted her out. I felt like I was dealing with my addict again right then and there. Only this time she came back to my place 4 times, was stumbling around and I called the police. I didn't wait and feel sorry or hope for her to change. I did what was best for the kids and I. It actually felt good and I truly Believe this was a sort of a test from God. I can stand my ground and continue to say no. I have learned this important tool that took me some 30 years to learn. I will not allow people to badger me or give in to them so they stop bothering me. The police actually arrested her and she was detained for 48 hours. Gotta love life's lessons no matter how they appear to be......
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