Omg he is all over FB kissing another woman
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Join Date: May 2014
Location: Canada
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Originally Posted by Jodie77 
I don't think this is about him being an addict....because a lot of active A's stay with their SO. I think he left because he was unhappy because I was nagging him too much....otherwise we had all these plans. We were building a house, going to have a baby, etc. I'm starting to think if I would have just been happy then he would have never left me! Every day he told me I was his dream girl and he was going to spend the rest of his life with me. My mind is so jacked up right now.
I hope this counsellor can help you gain come clarity on this and YOU.
This is very unhealthy thinking.
VERY VERY unhealthy thinking.
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Join Date: May 2014
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Originally Posted by Jodie77
I'm going to an appt at 1 pm. I didn't stalk him....my friend texted me the info. I told her to stop!!! I deleted my fb page weeks ago. I'm not stalking him.
you can see that right?
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Baltimore, MD
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Please don't be frustrated with me. I am going to Alanon and a therapist appt today and reading the Bible and leaning on friends. I'm heartbroken and trying everything I can do to heal. My mind and heart are destroyed right now.
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Location: Baltimore, MD
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I'm just personalizing this and feeling like it's my fault he bailed....yes even though he is an abuser and functiininh alcoholic we had some amazing times together where I've never felt more in love. I loved him more than my ex husband. I wanted a future with this man and gave everything I had emotionally, spiritually snd physically. And right now I am just wrecked.
He is treating me like a disposable one night stand and it has absolutely crushed me while he goes on all blissfully in love with his perfect Greek girl. I NEVER saw this coming. He used to tell me "I would never do to you what I did to my ex wife. I learned my lesson and would never put someone through that again." Can you all see how I feel so blind sided and confused?
Please don't give up on me or bang your head against the wall because all of your comments and support are saving me...whether I acknowledge that or not. I need you all!
He is treating me like a disposable one night stand and it has absolutely crushed me while he goes on all blissfully in love with his perfect Greek girl. I NEVER saw this coming. He used to tell me "I would never do to you what I did to my ex wife. I learned my lesson and would never put someone through that again." Can you all see how I feel so blind sided and confused?
Please don't give up on me or bang your head against the wall because all of your comments and support are saving me...whether I acknowledge that or not. I need you all!
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Join Date: Dec 2013
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Originally Posted by Jodie77
My mind and heart are destroyed right now.
Either that, or you're getting some kind of psychological payoff by playing the martyr.
Either way, the problem really isn't him, it's you. Please go to your meetings today and get some help in changing your perspective. You're caught up in circular thinking & need to get out of it. This guy is not the answer to your dreams, and never was.
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Iowa
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Originally Posted by Jodie77
I'm going to an appt at 1 pm. I didn't stalk him....my friend texted me the info. I told her to stop!!! I deleted my fb page weeks ago. I'm not stalking him.
This "friend" sounds like she is trying to stir up drama.
Good for you for getting real life support.
This guy cannot handle adversity in relationships. Rather than working through issues like an adult he moves on to a new honeymoon phase. You were right when you said he was like an infatuated teenager. That's exactly what he is. Would you have really wanted to spend the rest of your life putting on a happy face through all kinds of abuse and bad treatment and unacceptable behavior just to hang on to this relationship?
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I loved his family. I invested years into his children whom I loved very much. I just feel a profound sense of loss. It's hard for me because he is moving on and I am left picking up the pieces. I feel like 5 years of my life were spent waiting...waiting for a family and home, etc. And now that he is buying another home he left me in the dust for another woman.
I am getting the books that were recommended by you all, and I am going to therapy and Alanon, etc. I'm really trying here! No I am not playing the martyr. I'm just a woman who is utterly heartbroken and I'm trying to wrap my brain around this grief and abandonment.
It's mainly because I never saw this coming.
I am getting the books that were recommended by you all, and I am going to therapy and Alanon, etc. I'm really trying here! No I am not playing the martyr. I'm just a woman who is utterly heartbroken and I'm trying to wrap my brain around this grief and abandonment.
It's mainly because I never saw this coming.
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I'm sorry for using the work "stalker" as well Jodi.
I do not believe you are a crazy chick. You are obsessing. Better choice of words. Go to your meetings, it will make you feel better if you let it.
Once again tell the "friends" to STOP feeding you this poison.
I do not believe you are a crazy chick. You are obsessing. Better choice of words. Go to your meetings, it will make you feel better if you let it.
Once again tell the "friends" to STOP feeding you this poison.
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Join Date: May 2014
Location: Canada
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not giving up Jodie - and I apologize if I come across as harsh or blunt, I don't mean to. Damn interwebs - it's hard to get an intonation across...we are here. We get it.
I really, truly hope this appt. will help you move forward just a bit. Make sure you grab that reading material
I really, truly hope this appt. will help you move forward just a bit. Make sure you grab that reading material
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Join Date: May 2014
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you need to read the threads again.
you're stuck in this "fantasy" of what you wanted to happen, but that wasn't the reality.
a baby? I'd say you dodged a bullet there. He already left some other poor soul with 3 kids. Poor innocent children.
you're stuck in this "fantasy" of what you wanted to happen, but that wasn't the reality.
a baby? I'd say you dodged a bullet there. He already left some other poor soul with 3 kids. Poor innocent children.
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Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 453
Hey, just wanted to reach out.
I empathize with your pain. I once had a guy (addict early in recovery) tell me repeatedly that I was his soul mate and he would never leave me. Then he cheated on me and left me for someone else, like I never existed.
The last guy I dated (not an addict, but probably a narcissist), dropped me like I didn't exist and then said I had made the whole relationship up. (Good times.)
I feel your pain.
For what it's worth, here's how I look at the situation now.
My heartbreak shows that I'm capable of feeling. The problem was that:
a. the relationship just wasn't working.
b. I lost myself in the relationship.
c. I couldn't separate the pain of heartbreak from the idea that there was something wrong with ME.
Sometimes relationships don't work out. The two people don't match up. When you're the one getting left, it hurts horribly, but the pain will pass.
Would you really want to spend your life with a guy who would treat you that way? Consider a bullet dodged. Be grateful.
Feel the pain, but direct any anger at him for treating you badly, not at yourself for not being "good enough."
I'm grateful that I didn't stay with the guys who treated me badly. I took the opportunity to go to therapy and learn what it was in me that let someone treat me so badly and somehow think I deserved it or that I wasn't good enough.
I'm happily single now and much pickier about who I date.
Heartbreak hurts. But there's nothing wrong with you for being in pain. It shows you care. But keep your dignity and walk away from HIM, from thoughts that you weren't good enough.
Chalk it up to experience and move on. (I hope that doesn't sound callous. I know heartbreak hurts, but after a while it will hurt less. But you have to make an attempt to move past it.)
I hope you'll take care of yourself and grow from this experience.
Hugs.
I empathize with your pain. I once had a guy (addict early in recovery) tell me repeatedly that I was his soul mate and he would never leave me. Then he cheated on me and left me for someone else, like I never existed.
The last guy I dated (not an addict, but probably a narcissist), dropped me like I didn't exist and then said I had made the whole relationship up. (Good times.)
I feel your pain.
For what it's worth, here's how I look at the situation now.
My heartbreak shows that I'm capable of feeling. The problem was that:
a. the relationship just wasn't working.
b. I lost myself in the relationship.
c. I couldn't separate the pain of heartbreak from the idea that there was something wrong with ME.
Sometimes relationships don't work out. The two people don't match up. When you're the one getting left, it hurts horribly, but the pain will pass.
Would you really want to spend your life with a guy who would treat you that way? Consider a bullet dodged. Be grateful.
Feel the pain, but direct any anger at him for treating you badly, not at yourself for not being "good enough."
I'm grateful that I didn't stay with the guys who treated me badly. I took the opportunity to go to therapy and learn what it was in me that let someone treat me so badly and somehow think I deserved it or that I wasn't good enough.
I'm happily single now and much pickier about who I date.
Heartbreak hurts. But there's nothing wrong with you for being in pain. It shows you care. But keep your dignity and walk away from HIM, from thoughts that you weren't good enough.
Chalk it up to experience and move on. (I hope that doesn't sound callous. I know heartbreak hurts, but after a while it will hurt less. But you have to make an attempt to move past it.)
I hope you'll take care of yourself and grow from this experience.
Hugs.
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I think you should go back and read the second post you ever made on this site in March of 2013. Your relationship with this man is Groundhog Day Redux.
What happened this time has happened before which is how you found SR. He dumped you, abused you, treated you abominably, left you devastated two years ago.
He has a history of Cocaine, Opiates, Steroids and Alcoholism. He has been in multiple rehabs. He has a relationship history that should scare anyone. I am a betting gal - I'd bet that 90% of this relationship has been miserable and 10% good.
Whether you want to admit it or not with comments about how in love the two of you were - you are romanticizing the relationship into a fairy tale when its a horror story.
When you first met this man I saw you mention you were coming out of a divorce with an addict of a different sort. Perhaps focusing on your choices in partner may be something to concentrate on right now because you went from the fire into the frying pan. At the very least your history should prove to you logically that relationships with addicts do not compute.
Part of this is that you trusted the dude and he ****ked you royally. He told you he wouldn't do to you what he did to someone else. Ding Ding Ding Ding.
My husband has a saying regarding dealing with liars and thieves. He says he would rather deal with a thief because you know a thief is going to steal from you. A liar....you never know what their propensity is from the small white lie to the grandiose hum dinger.
I know its hard to ask right now - but don't start lying to yourself about what this relationship was. You might hum dinger yourself back into the black hole of hell and girl, you need to love yourself right now more than that lest you end back at square one.
What happened this time has happened before which is how you found SR. He dumped you, abused you, treated you abominably, left you devastated two years ago.
He has a history of Cocaine, Opiates, Steroids and Alcoholism. He has been in multiple rehabs. He has a relationship history that should scare anyone. I am a betting gal - I'd bet that 90% of this relationship has been miserable and 10% good.
Whether you want to admit it or not with comments about how in love the two of you were - you are romanticizing the relationship into a fairy tale when its a horror story.
When you first met this man I saw you mention you were coming out of a divorce with an addict of a different sort. Perhaps focusing on your choices in partner may be something to concentrate on right now because you went from the fire into the frying pan. At the very least your history should prove to you logically that relationships with addicts do not compute.
Part of this is that you trusted the dude and he ****ked you royally. He told you he wouldn't do to you what he did to someone else. Ding Ding Ding Ding.
My husband has a saying regarding dealing with liars and thieves. He says he would rather deal with a thief because you know a thief is going to steal from you. A liar....you never know what their propensity is from the small white lie to the grandiose hum dinger.
I know its hard to ask right now - but don't start lying to yourself about what this relationship was. You might hum dinger yourself back into the black hole of hell and girl, you need to love yourself right now more than that lest you end back at square one.
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