Mylaststraw

Why does certain posts (like hammer) allow them on here?? I don't understand the "lingo" and resent the fact that people here are telling me things I dont know.

Katchie

Honestly, just ignore it. Take what is helpful to you and your children. You have enough on your plate to be worrying about Hammer. He means well, just haven't gotten to know him.
Has any advice been helpful to you yet putting aside Hammers comments?

CodeJob

When I was in crisis, I found the Serenity Prayer very soothing.

Later, I was able to go back to my first posts and collect a lot of wisdom I was too thick-headed to initially understand. They were all trying to tell me to focus on me and my son. My AH was going to do whatever he wanted no matter what I wanted or even what was best for our family. But I was so used to cycling around his drama like a small moon that it took me a while to break free from that orbit. It was worth learning to shift my attention and my energy away from my AH.

You can break from that orbit if you want. And it might feel so good you might laugh and start cutting up over your H and his shenanigans as if you were watching A SNL skit. Fish o Matic anyone? Deep Thoughts with Jack Handy. Mo Cowbell! You know what in a box! Yes life with an addict is a guarantee of surreal stories best handled with humor.

I remember laughing a ton and feeling pretty light hearted while AH was tucked away earning his R at rehab.

changeneeded

Straw I just want you to know I'm sincerely sending a prayer for peace and wisdom do that you can get through this time. I've not read you talking about a good friend or family member to help you through this difficult time. Do you have anyone?

Katchie

MLS, If I remember right, you're a Christian, correct? Have you read 2 Thessalonians 3:6, 14 & 15? Maybe this would be helpful to you, or at least something to pray about.

changeneeded

As for you feeling overwhelmed or offended from all the bluntness. Think of it as you standing on a bridge ready to jump. These people are begging you to step down and come get help with us! We care.

amy55

I know you have tenacity, I actually have a pretty good feeling that you are still reading here. I just really want to say, I care, and I hope you try to get some sleep tonight. I know how hard that is to do sometimes.

Thinking of you, and hope to see you tomorrow.

((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))
amy

Mylaststraw

I'm still reading. But I hope some of the regular posters realize that they are dealing with someone new. I find some posters arrogant. I plan on being with my husband through this detox. After that, I am done.

amy55

Just like I thought, you have a lot of spunk in you. I do wish that you would try to get some sleep tonight, you are going to need it for tomorrow.

I don't want to push you any tonight about how you are feeling, I think sometimes we don't really even know anymore. I think you need some time alone away from all of this so that you can think about what you really want. It's getting late here almost 2pm so I will need to be going, but I will check on you tomorrow. Just know that you really did find a safe place for you to go to. We are here for you.

((((((((((hugs))))))))
amy

Mylaststraw

amy, I will and I hope someone sees where I am at. I did not need the tough love and I and amazed that this is what the site is like. I see that there are typical "pack rats" her and I will post acordnially.

NWGRITS

I'm so sorry for what you're going through, and that you'd still have the blinders on to NOT see how serious this is. Your kids are going to need way more than Catholic school to come out of this ok. I only hope they'll get that help sooner rather than later. Please, please get tested and figure out what your priorities are. Your kids need you. You need you. Your husband is going to do what he's going to do regardless of how hard you tug and pull. Time to take care of #1 (and he's not it).

amy55

Hey, no real pack rats here. Just different people going through things at different times, but all knowing the hurt that is caused by this.

People here do really care, just give us a chance.

I really do understand how much you are hurting tonight, even though you didn't express your hurt. I had a really hard time expressing my hurt. I wasn't allowed to feel hurt. Again about me, but I don't think you have many people that you can just be "me" to. I didn't either. I had to put on a happy face everyday.

I do hope you get some sleep tonight, and will talk to you tomorrow. Good night.

Ann Marie

freetosmile

Hey straw,

WOW girlie!! I see you are the HOT topic of the forum today!!

One time I posted something on here that got a lot of people going nuts...just like this thread...but hey, just don't worry about it. Skip the ones that you don't "sit" right with you.

I have had people on here tell me stuff I didn't want to hear too and wasn't ready to believe. But hey guess what? 98% of the time it was dead on. And the other 2% was me talking.
No but seriously, I'm relatively new here as well and if someone asked me if the advice given on SR was worth taking into account, my answer would be yes, absolutely.

Taking your husband to detox is pretty co-dependent behavior. I would say almost all of us on this forum are co-dependents. I didn't read ALL of the posts on here, so I don't know how much you know about it. They are called codies around here. I had to look long and hard at my OWN behavior before I could realize that I spent a vast majority of my time trying to "fix" my AH. And I literally wore myself into exhaustion, panic, hysteria, the whole nine. Part of the "tough love" thing is about allowing your husband to feel the blows of his fall. If you continue to cushion his fall, how will he ever know what the *real* consequences are?

I'm pretty new in my own recovery but even in my opinion you sound like you are very much in denial. Taking him to detox simply isn't a good solution...especially when YOUR the one telling him he has to go. It really is a choice that should be made by HIM...because it's not going to do a damn bit of good if HE doesn't want it. And it's more time and energy that you are spending on HIM as opposed to you and your children. Alcoholics will suck the life out of you.
I'm so sorry, but this is the truth. Plain and simple.

Hugs to you. Please come back and continue to post!!

Mylaststraw

Amy, they are "pack rats" and I can't believe I'm still posting. I posted here to get my husband sober, not deal with angry posters. I've already been offended by certain posters. But, of course, it seems like a "good gang" type of people. I hope I used that term right.

freetosmile

I would also like to add that the 98% of SR folks being right was discovered by NOT listening to their advice and getting the exact results they told me I would if I made that decision.

But when I would come back crying because it didn't work.. I got nothing but love from everyone. There was no "see, we told you so".

We don't try to make people upset, but sometimes when you've been through this kind of crap before (like a lot of us have)- it's hard to see someone doing the SAME thing we did without getting "worked up" about it. It's only because we care.

Hawks

Hi MLS

The AA program can help your man, although if he isn't willing to put in the action, you may have to look hard at other options for your marriage.

You are handling this incredibly well and very maturely.

God bless.

freetosmile

Honey..this is a PRIME example of what they are talking about. YOU CAN'T GET YOUR HUSBAND SOBER. I'm sorry, but that is the reality.
He HAS to do it HIMSELF.

Please, if you don't come back here, at least look into reading the book called "co-dependent no more" by Melody Beattie. Just see if it sounds like you. I would bet you it does and I would bet you that it could change your life.

Good luck to you.

Sorry you got offended. When you deal with alcoholics as long as some of these people have- you just develop either a REALLY GOOD sense of humor or a no sh!t attitude.

amy55

Mls,
You can't get your husband sober. He has to want to get sober. Other then chaining him to an old radiator, you can't do anything. If he wants to drink, he will drink. If you try to stop him, he will sneak it. He will keep disappearing. Many people joined here trying to find a way to keep their spouse sober. It doesn't work.

We can help you, we can't help him. I also joined many forums and read so many self help books to try to find out how to fix my ex. It didn't work. Please keep reading here, and yes, many came here to figure out how to stop the H from drinking. We all found out that we had to take care of ourselves instead.

You have heard from many people today, you even heard from alcoholics and addicts, there was nothing that was going to stop them, until they wanted to stop.

I'll be here for you tomorrow.

((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))
amy

Katchie

That part stuck out to me too...coming here to get your husband sober. A long time ago I came here looking for strategies to get my husband sober too. He is still drinking and I know God led me to use 2 thess. 3:6,14 & 15 to deal with him. In doing so my husband, who I love dearly and have 4 children with and 22 yrs of marriage, MUST find the will to change inside himself. I have proven to myself time and time again that there isn't a thing I can do or say to make him get sober.

Mylaststraw

Amy, I am stunned at some of the bluntness. I love my husband and have been with him for many years. I feel like you guys are seeking than me. I support my husband in his desire to get sober. U guys are amazing!!!!!!