ladyscribbler

Yeah, it was a bit of blow to the old ego, but on the bright side, my fancy flush toilet is currently giving me a big leg up in the visitation fight.

Mylaststraw

I find this remark a bit offensive. I have worked outside the home on a limited basis. I am just speaking the truth when I say he is the financial provider. He also gets payed extremely well operating a construction crane and is in the union. Which has always kept him a job. They have sent him to detox and rehab a number of times.

Mylaststraw

[QUOTE=Hammer;5146272]EEEWWWWW!

LS -- YOU would win the "This Sucks Most" award at my Men's Alanon Group.

Laststraw was pulling hard, with bringing this guy back home . . . but -- wow. Married His AUNT.

Holy White Trash, Batman!

I guess this is some type of game to you, Hammer?

Dojang

If they have sent him to detox & rehab a number of times, what makes you think this time will be different? He will not stop unless HE wants to. My ex lost visitation with his children & that didn't stop him from drinking. You need to take care of YOU so you can take care of your children. Clearly he can't at this point.

Dojang

Ladyscribber, wow!!!

Hawkeye13

Since he operates large heavy machinery mls, there may be a limit to what the union can and will do to help him if he keeps drinking / using drugs due to liability issues.

I'm sorry for you situation, but as I posted on your other thread,
what kind of practical things can you do to protect yourself and your children should the worst happen and he lose his job and / or his drinking continues to spiral out of control?

The "pinprick" eyes are usually as sign of drug use, by the way.
Heroin can give such an effect, and maybe others as well.
If he is also using illegal substances, how far do you think the union will go
in continuing to back him?

It is truly a dangerous situation at this point.

Needabreak

Offensive in what way? In that I think your perceptions are a bit skewed? Well, you can choose to be offended then as after reading your story I certainly am not going to back off from that statement.

As far as your husband being the provider, you are choosing to put yourself and your children in an incredibly precarious situation by relying on him and I think that it's fair to point this out. I think it's also fair to point out that you are taking ZERO responsibility for yourself and your situation. You might not want to hear this, but the truth has a way of biting us in the ass, like it or not.

Impurrfect

No, Mylaststraw, I think this is reality with addiction.

Addiction is no joke, and only those who have been through all it details know what it's like.
Though I DID draw the line at not "servicing" my bf's son, who was a crack dealer, due to the morals I had been taught, may do not.

I will repeat what I said earlier. Let go or get dragged, your choice.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

Refiner

He'd have been fired long ago if not for that union IMO. He's nothing but a liability and an accident waiting to happen on the job site. And why would you drag him into detox? What good will that do? And no, this is not a GAME to Hammer. These posters are trying to put your ridiculous bout of denial into perspective for you. PS drinking alcohol does not make your pupils the size of pin points. WAKE UP!

ladyscribbler

[QUOTE=Mylaststraw;5146301] It's easier to see the humor once you're out of the middle of the situation. I know that I would have hard time laughing once upon a time.
Sorry to hijack the thread with my stuff, but the point is that you don't have to get dragged down with the alcoholic. Your children don't have to grow up in this environment.
If you're determined to stick this out, then that's up to you. I stayed around much longer than I should have. My ex was the breadwinner for our household as well. It is not easy to make that transition.
Alanon and Alateen meetings can help you and your kids. Your husband is going to do what he is going to do. You can protect yourself and your children from the repercussions of your husband's behavior and still stay.

Mylaststraw

need, my husband is at a highly paid blue collar job. I depend on his check for the welfare of my kids and myself. I have no intentions of leaving my husband. I'm calling rehabs right now so when he wakes up, he will know where he is going.

suki44883

That pretty much says it all. Good luck to you, and I mean that sincerely. (HUGS)

Impurrfect

I have to agree with Suki. Rehab is a tool towards recovery, only if one wants to take advantage of it. It is not a cure.

You are hell bent on staying with him, regardless of what he is doing to you and your kids, so go for it.

We will be here for you if it doesn't work out the way you want it to.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

Carlotta

Needabreak

Like I wrote before, this thread leaves me awestruck by the incredible power of denial to destroy lives. We on the Friends and Family side are often as sick or sicker than the sickest addicts. I was there once, and I thank God every day that I have come a long way in my own recovery.

Best of luck to you, Mylaststraw, I hope things go better for you down the road.

Mylaststraw

impurffect, thank you for your input. It is quite frankly, scary, how far you dipped down into addiction. My husband still has a lot of things in his life that he values.

Dojang

Very well said Needabreak. I know I was sicker than my exA. Anyone involved with an addict needs help & support.

Carlotta

My XABF relapsed on 9/11. He looked like he was a Middle Eastern man (he was not).
Anyway, 3 days after that awful day, they re opened downtown near ground zero and here I was only a few months sober myself half carrying, half dragging that drunk Arabic looking guy through ground zero to detox. As I am typing, I am visualizing what it must have looked like and also how freaking insane I was. He was a drunk but I was controlling and deranged.
At the time though, it was deadly serious to me.

Being able to realize the absurdity and finding humor and laughter in it is a gift of recovery.
Hopefully, some day you will be able to look back and say: That was nuts! I was nuts!
and maybe you won't be able to laugh but hopefully you will smile at what you were, where you were and how far you've gone.

Good luck to you

Hammer

oh gawd.

Visitation?

Is he serious?

THAT has to be a joke.

You would win the Tales of Woe for a month straight with that adder.

Impurrfect

Mylaststraw - I also had many things in my life that I valued, addiction took them away. Never underestimate the power of addiction. I, as a recovering addict, see signs that he is sinking into a deep hole, I also see signs that you are denying his decent. I get it, as a recovering codependent.

Denial is tough, but life will smack you upside the head when you hold on to it. Been there, done that, got the t-shirts in a variety of colors.

You can listen to those who are sharing their experience or you can stay stuck in denial. I've BEEN you, and I suffered. I didn't have a child to go through this, thank God.

You may want to read on the forum of ACOAS - adult children of alcholics. It's one thing to go through this yourself, it's another thing to put a child through this.

I have no judgement, I do understand. I'm just asking you to think about you and your child in this situation. Who much are you willing to put up with?

Hugs and prayers,

Amy