Mylaststraw

Thanks everyone. I got a detox facility to accept my husbands insurance. So when he wakes up tomorrow, I will have to tell him the news.

amy55

I remember times that I just wanted to cry, vent, scream, but I was afraid of what I might say, because everyone was already telling me to run. I wanted an needed support and validation. I needed someone to talk to. But who? I started to get afraid to go to my forum, so I started to isolate myself some more, even more then I did before.

I'm really glad that you reached out here. Use this as your place. You can vent, and scream and cry, and we will be there to hold you.

((((((((((hugs)))))))))))
amy

Mylaststraw

Amy, thank you for the post. I kind of feel bullied by the advise I've received. I'm just a mother doing her best for her family. My husbands paycheck is number one right now for our family. I know he doesn't love the "dope head" I found him with. My kids our in a good Catholic school. I don't appreciate a lot of the talking down to.

amy55

mls, it's because we really care about you. I know sometimes the information comes across as harsh, sometimes we are not ready for all that information. I just want you to stay around here for you and your children. It seems to me that you don't really open up to much people, and that you need an avenue to open up in and to be yourself. To be able to express your feelings, your fears, your wants, and your needs.

I'm listening.

(((((((((((((hugs))))))))))
amy

Mylaststraw

Amy, yes it comes across as very harsh. And then certain members here make jokes at my original post. I just don't get it. I did get some valuable information from some, however, others, I think I will ignore.

gippy1968

Hang in there MLS !

amy55

Mls, there is always the ignore button, if you wish to use it. Perhaps at the stage that you are in right now, I might recommend it for you. I do understand where you are at. It's sometimes we were sweeping things under the rug for so long, and we just broke, Perhaps, hence, your name.

My ex left me all the time during the time we were married. I would just tell people he left again, most of the time with no emotion at all. I didn't tell them how I knew he wasn't coming home that day, how I knew 2 hours before he was supposed to come home, that I knew he wouldn't. I wasn't talking about my panic attacks, and anxiety. He was supposed to be home at 4, I knew at 2 that he wasn't. My stomach started to get really sick. I knew this deep down and it was making me sick.

Just remember that I am here for you

((((((((((hugs)))))))))))
amy

Mylaststraw

Amy, I am just as shocked at some of the posts as I am of the young lady at the hotel with my husband.

amy55

The posters here really do mean well. Sometimes it is not what we want to hear. I can now look back at my life and sometimes I need to laugh about it or I would cry. Use the ignore button for now, and someday you can take that button off, and your will know in everyone's own way, that they really do care for you.

You are in the beginning of looking for help for yourself. Remember you always take what you want, and you leave the rest.

I just can't imagine the shock that you felt today. My ex was disappearing, he would tell me that he stayed at his job and slept under his desk. Well he moved in with his gf that he worked with, who was in the middle of her divorce during the entire time he was disappearing.

I'm not telling you this to suggest anything to you. Only telling you this so that you know more about me.

(((((((((((hugs)))))))))))
amy

changeneeded

Straw,

I've only made it to page 2 and had to stop to say something. I understand you think we don't know your husband and we are judging.

Before my husband I was with a man that... I found him in the same position as you just did your husband. Oh, how I wish I had a group of people saying the same thing to me as these people are you. That was a while ago but it seems like yesterday to me.

Im talking the exact same scenerio. He had the car (but it was mine) it was a gross motel and I found his room. Some ho answered the door and even though I expected it I almost fell to the floor.

But, since "it was his friends sister" it was so much better. Even though neither could walk or talk. I knew to the bottom of my heart the truth, but I still told everyone else they were wrong.

Again, I don't know where you thought process is now because I had to leave to post, but please. Listen.

Mylaststraw

Amy, is the bluntness necessary? Is it really necessary to tell me how horrible of a husband I have? Is it necessary (hammer) to make jokes at me? I think I am tougher than you think.

amy55

mls, I gotta say this, you have tenacity and you have spunk. That's why I like you so much. Sometimes the bluntness is things that we have said to ourselves but didn't really want to believe it.

My ex wasn't a horrible person, he was a wonderful person who treated me horribly. Again, I am talking about my experience. I didn't leave my ex because of his drinking, I left him because he was abusive to me.

Refiner

Sometimes bluntness is very necessary. I know it's hard to hear. But for you just equated our concern for your well-being... Or more importantly that of YOUR CHILDREN-- to that of your husband out getting his buzz on in a seedy motel with an addicted girl. Can YOU say"WOW"?

Mylaststraw

You just don't get it. I will have to use the ignore feature.

ubntubnt

hi , MLS, I think that some of the bluntness comes from the experience that many who have posted here know where and how this story is very likely to end for you and your family and it is an ending that they would not wish on their worst enemies. Many here have lost family members and friends to alcohol and drugs and many families have been irreparably shattered as a result of addictions problems. Often we are blind to the realities that stare at us in the face because to confront them would be extremely difficult. Also, to many friends and family, they are not educated to understand the extent of addiction problems and quite how destructive they can be. As one poster put it, most of us are raised to believe that alcoholism is something that happens in other people's families. The bluntness, as uncomfortable as it may be, is an effort to allow you to see the problem for what it is, so that you can make the best informed decisions for you and your family. I wish you the very best.

amy55

Mylaststraw,

Tell us what you need right now. I would venture to say that you need understanding and support, a little info at a time, so that you can digest all of this.

I know you are going through a difficult period right now. Just trying to get through the day right now. I think you said you are sending him off to rehab tomorrow, and perhaps that might be a better time for you to digest some of the things said in this thread.

For tonight, I think you might need some TLC. I'm giving that to you. You have my shoulder to lean on.

((((((((((((hugs))))))))))
amy

Mylaststraw

I don't respond to bluntness. I love my husband and good luck you everyone!

Mylaststraw

I'm amazed that you can even post her. You arrogance and "flip" attitude is very depressing. I read your back post and I must ask, why are you still will your wife??? Of course, you seem like the "quarterback on campus" and I dont appreciate your sense of humor.

ubntubnt

I am assuming that you came here to look for help and there are plenty here trying to reach out to you. Amy, in particular. Just a suggestion, why don't you try to PM her and maybe have a chat if Amy will be so kind to find the time, rather than picking fights that you don't need with people who you don't know.

Katchie

MLS, I'm sorry some have offended you. Just take what is helpful and leave the rest. I have been rubbed wrong a few times also, but I'm here to learn from those who have been battling what I'm going thru much longer than I have, and who have found their way out of the mess with or without their partner. I am guessing that is why you came to this site also.
You've had an awful time of it and its late. You should get yourself some rest while you can. My prayers are with you and your children.