sleepie

Yes, been there. Usually they will prescribe you something to get you over the 1st 2 weeks of withdrawals.

I have been reading your thread. Frankly I was in disbelief anyone's work place would care about their well being/drinking and have the kind of patience you have described, most people I think would have been out a long time ago. I was fired from my job back during the economic crisis in '08 and lost everything, my roof over my head, had health issues without insurance and mental health issues with no insurance, no family, no savings, no place to go. Not from drinking. They just gave me no notice, no reason and and I had a job in the morning, afternoon I didn't.

I would actually feel better if they said it was because of drinking, at least that would have made sense. I never drank on the job either, never came in drunk.

It just seems like you think they owe it to you to see to your addiction.

That's just unheard of to me...

JeffreyAK

What were you expecting, though? You're alive, so they did their job. There is no way around some grief, a little or a lot, when we quit - benzos are there to help prevent seizures, and in my experience they don't help all that much with the symptoms. Good luck, I hope you keep going and are successful!

jimmyc

Sleepie, I guess I should count my lucky stars for the time it lasted. It was affecting work indirectly - Morning sickness and struggling to concentrate but they really were behind me. I'm 23, live at home with my mother, have no savings, debt up to my eyeballs, the only "thing" I have is my beloved e46 convertible. It sounds silly but as long as I can look out the window onto the drive to see my baby sitting there, I'm quite content. I digress. I just can't believe the sort of treatment you get for being honest. Not even a word heard from my side, they just sent me out the door there and then.

The benzo's to be honest were like taking cocodamol... I didn't like how they made me feel... Well, I did, but I didn't like the idea that this drug is "replacing" something else. I decided to ditch the drugs and cut down.

I would say so far so good, but between now and my original post, I'm off the rails. All my hard work undone. I couldn't cope and thought "what the hell - worst that can happen is I will die". I'm sorry guys, I feel like a total failure and a miserable excuse for your thoughts and sympathies. I'll check in later. Hopefully.

sleepie

We all have to learn not to drink under duress. This was your choice. If you do have access to a Dr who will prescribe you meds to get through withdrawals I suggest you do so. You don't like the way they make you feel- so then do you prefer the feel of a hangover, the guilt, living at your folk's and drinking?

You are very young. You have a real opportunity to help yourself right now, or mire yourself in drinking. It is your choice. You have a safe place to live- this is an advantage. Not everyone has that. You can utilize it or do your own thing.

So far though, your thing does not seem to be working, especially if you are chemically addicted to alcohol enough to cause life threatening withdrawals.

I've been there. Trust me, it's time, even if it makes you uncomfortable.

Kishupishu

Mate that really sucks about your job. I actually told my manager today that I was giving up alcohol and going to meetings. So I'm a little worried after reading your post. I would think the opposite too, that people are generally caring and show some support when you are down. Unfortunately that is not always the case, as you have found out (some are, some aren't)
Mines a little worse in terms of damage done to the company. I actually sent some unprofessional emails drunk last Friday from my work phone, so I can have no qualms if they fire me for that. But I do really feel for you, I for one, think it's quite mean to kick someone when they are down.
Not sure I can give you any advice because I'm only on day two of sobriety but I'd echo previous comments that drinking when down leads to mental chaos and an emotional headfuck. Please lay off the drink because it will only make the situation worse.
To quote van wilder 'don't treat everything like a life or death situation, because you'll die a lot of times'
You're worth looking after mate.

couchloc

You have a BMWe46 convertible? How rad is that.

jimmyc

Thanks chaps. Yes I have the 330ci - It really is my baby girl. Positives, well, I haven't gone out to do anythign stupid, I can watch england tomorrow on telly and there's a pizza in the oven. Not really sure what other positives I can draw from today/tonight. Christ, you know that saying "it will never happen to me".....? Haha, me too. I can't even start a sobriety diary on here until 1 year sober. That kind of sucks but I guess if i really want it I will get there. For tonight I've royally ****** up. Tomorrow is a new day. Do you know what? I'm actually going to give it one last go. If i go into seizure and what not cos of withdrawal, i've lost nothing, however if i do end up doing a WHOLE DAY sober, i'm up for another. Thanks for the support guys.

zjw

When I got sober I had a rediculous amt of debt among other problems I paniced and worried about that debt like crazy beat myself up over it too. I finally gave up tho quit paying all of it it was we eat or we pay MasterCard. I felt a huge relief letting it all go in time I settled it all and paid it off. I don't wanna advocate what approach you take but rather make a point that the reality is it's no big deal if you but things on the back burner while you work on your sobriety and sanity. Sobriety has to be top priority then the rest will fall in,line and you will be better equipped to handle whatever else.

fantail

Jimmy, now that you aren't working, you can go to detox. They have low cost and even free options. I know plenty about withdrawal... I had to call an ambulance from a parking lot in the middle of nowhere because I was going towards seizures. It can be dangerous, you're right. But a professional detox center (like where I eventually went) will get you through it safely in about 4 and a half days.

Notimetoloose

Jimmy it is always darkest before the dawn...I am so sorry about your job but please don't let this stop your progress....You have an amazing future ahead of you..the universe is not conspiring against you; alcohol is what did the damage. Please don't let it do anymore. x

Berrybean

I'd suggest another appointment with your doctor and a frank and honest discussion about where you are now and what options that can suggest for support available through them. Also, it's worth trying to come to terms with that fact that getting sober, and entering into recovery does entail some initial feelings of discomfort. But nothing that we can't handle when we look towards the bigger reward. What is the bigger reward? The AA Promises say it all for me. Although when I arrived, I never dreamt that they really, actually DO come true for people. And certainly didn't believe they had anything to do with me, and what I could hope for. Gradually they did though.

Oh, and AV - Addictive Voice, or Alcoholic Voice. The thing that just wants yiu to drink. Like having an evil gremlin lurking in my brain. And that's the trouble with alcoholics drinking - even just a little. It feeds that voice and gives it power. That is why tapering is so painful. All the time it's just feeding that voice enough to give it strength but wanting more. Once I actually stopped and starved the bugger, it got really mad for a week or so, then started to gradually lose some of its power. It's still there, pretending to be dead, but I know from others relapse experiences when they thought they'd beaten it, that it's not dead. Just sleeping, and just one drink and it could be back in the zone.

As far as dealing with anxiety and feelings, AA was the main thing that helped me with that (once I'd found meetings that were solution focussed anyway).

jimmyc

Not going to start a new thread - I consider this my diary.

Terrible day. Honestly I don't know what's gone wrong. Started off so well. Didn't drink at all.... Then it happened - my girlfriend's sister tried to take her life, her grandma is coming home to leave planet earth, despite the interest in me from potential employers I feel like i'm just making them money and they're ******* me about. Don't even know how I have managed to type this message properly. 30 units and counting since 5 oclock. Wish me luck. I'm off to my bridge later.

JD

Jimmy, it looks bleak now but tomorrow's another day. Drinking isn't going to make any of what's going on in your life better. Please put the booze down and get rid of it. Hang in there, man.

jimmyc

It definitely doesn't make it worse. I'm not sure how much longer I can "hang in there". 40 units now bruv and I'm just about to leave for the bridge. If my emotions don't take me off the wrong side of the bridge, i'm sure my lack of balance will.

sleepie

My advice is get yourself to a hospital. You will need a safe detox and also for suicidal thoughts.

JD

Jimmy, please read this, http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ease-read.html

You need to get some help.

Berrybean

Why are you posting this on a sobriety site? I suspect there's part of you that does want to get sober and get well. Thing is, the first step is tipping the rest of the booze away and getting some medical help if you're going to need it. No one can do that but you.

jimmyc

My problem is alcohol and my mental state. No one will acknowledge the latter. It seems i'm on the wrong forum. Sorry guys, I shalln't be back to bother you any more.

JD

If your problem is alcohol you're on the right site. And believe me, we all have mental issues. Mine's depression. What's yours?

Berrybean

The alcohol doesn't help our mental state. Ever.
Please phone The Samaritans or whatever the equivalent support line would be in your area if you are feeling suicidal. There is help there for you, but like with the tipping the drink away. Only you can do it. We're not able to do it for you as much as we might want to.