sugarbear1

In the USA, it is against the Americans with Disabilities Act to terminate an alcoholic who is seeking treatment. There are ADA attorneys available.

I was unemployed for 13 months when I got sober. Terminated from work, who, me??!!? Yep, me. I spent that time working on staying stopped. I happened to utilize the 12 step approach. I was able to take a good look at my behavior, attitude, and perception.

Find a method for staying stopped and work it like you own it. Your next job is out there waiting for you!

I know how you feel, but drinking will only make it worse and more negative. Please talk to someone and get some help for staying stopped. Maybe even get to an AA meeting and talk with others who do know and understand how you feel.

I stopped drinking and life got worse, not better. That is when I knew I had to be willing to try something drastic, like AA and work those 12 steps. It did help to change my perspective!

Sending you a Lot of Love and Hugs,
~SB

Notimetoloose

The two can go hand in hand if we can have a break from the alcohol or the depressing to allow us a little clarity to progress into a healthier life.
There are a lot here that suffer awful depression and being sober has allowed them to seek out the right treatment for relief from their depression
...Alcohol does not help depression.!
Please stay jimmyc, you are very welcome here and I think if you give us a chance and hang around you will find many that are in the same boat as you.

jimmyc

Unfortunately I'm in the UK where, unless you're rich and famous, you will fall and nobody will bat an eyelid.

I'm still here. I locked my room from the inside and threw the key out the window to make sure I didn't go anywhere.

I agree, alcohol doesn't help depression. It makes it a whole lot more bearable. The only way alcohol "doesnt help" is how it voices your thoughts and manifests physical actions. A trade I'll take right now.

Back for another evening but by no means progress. Will check in tomorrow.

Berrybean

Jimmy, why not give some AA meetings a go. If nothing else the people there are likely to know what support is available and how best to access it in your area.

jimmyc

Because there is no "god" or "higher power" and that's what AA is built upon.

Berrybean

Plenty of people get sober at AA who aren't religious Jimmy. People I know use all kinds of things for their higher power. Nature, Love, the anacronym GOD to be Group Of Drunks ie the fellowship of group recovery. As long as we can accept that WE are not the be all and end all of everything then it can work.

Have you really got that much to lose in giving it a go?

Ambuler

Hi Jimmy. Glad you are here with the rest of us crazies ☺

AA does refer to a "higher power" but that can be whatever it is to you. For me it is God, but it can be something as simple as the group itself. It's mainly just whatever you surrender your alcoholism to, if that makes sense. That's my understanding anyway.

Please know you're not alone. I'm on the verge of losing everything as well; my family, my job, my sanity...I'm in the same boat. I was considering taking a bottle of old psych meds last night to end it all. I know how you feel. Just the fact that you are here posting means you are making positive choices already. I'm realizing that about myself too. Hang in there please. Keep posting. We want nothing more to encourage you if we can.

jimmyc

I don't really know what to say. I don't consider there to be anything other an us and our lives. There is no higher power, divine or not. We are all alone in this world. I don't know what to do any more. I feel like want to be this way, but then again I feel like i have to change. Part of me likes being the way I am, part of me wants me to be different... What do you even do with that??

advbike

Sure there is. It's just the lack of ego running your life. One or the other will be in charge - either your ego (false self), which leads to a life dictated by false stories.. or your higher power, where your true nature is released and allows you to be happy, joyous and free.

JD

I get that Jimmy. There were times when I thought I wanted to be depressed. It was something I knew and was comfortable with and even though it was bad I was afraid of what life would look like with something I didn't know. Alcohol was the same way. It takes a lot of work, but if you stop drinking and then work on yourself it does slowly get better. Does that make sense?

Berrybean

Well, you've tried being as you are. It doesn't seem to make you very happy judging by your posts on here. You could try changing and see if that feels better. You've always got the option to head back to suicidal alcoholic territory if you don't like the changed you.

I was very fearful of change. Who would I become? Could I even do that? If I started being good would that make me more vulnerable and a target. And worse still, would people despise me for being boring? What would I do with my time? It seemed an unknown quantity. Unlike you, I knew one thing for certain. I knew I hated who I'd become, and the things i thought, and the way I behaved and treated others, and I hated being depressed and trying to hide who I really was. I meg some alcoholics in recovery, and decided that actually I could use a little peace, serenity and the chance to treat myself well, and be available for my loved ones when they needed me, rather than running away from them when they needed me to bury myself in a destructive pit of self-pity. But maybe you don't do that stuff. Who am I to know. All I can say is that I'm bloody glad that I managed to escape that pit, and the insanity of active alcoholism, which had led all areas of my life to slowly start unravelling, and had started to come apart at the seams more and more obviously, for all my attempts to create a facade and keep things together just enough to get by.

Thing is, for any of us, only WE can take the action required to get sober. To stop picking up. To ask for help. To become willing to try things even if they don't fit in with how we've managed our lives before. I needed to be a special kind of desperate to do that shizle. Only you know if you're that special kind of desperate yet.

jimmyc

Psyching myself up for tomorrow. Interview in the morning, taking my brother back to camp 200 mile round trip - Hopefully there won't be time for drinking. I'm going to really give it a go.

I hate myself and how i am at the moment. It has to change - As above said, what have I got to lose?

Check back later chaps - Thanks for even taking the time to type a message to a POS like me.

JeffreyAK

You absolutely don't need a higher power to quit and stay quit. It's a lifesaving concept for some people, and worthless and misleading for others, but you get to decide. But you'll almost certainly benefit from attending support group meetings, of any flavor, and you do not need to buy into any of the philosophy, or get a sponsor, or work any steps, or read any books. Just being around people and listening and talking is huge, and you'll probably find people very much like you who are attending for the same reasons.

Berrybean

You aren't a POS Jimmy. It's just how alcohol and addiction takes us. It's like it hijacks our very soul. Alcohol becomes the puppet master and we dance to its tune. The only way to break the spell is stay in each sober day, not dwelling too much on what's behind us, or spending too much time thinking about the future - these things can lead us to live with resentments, self-loathing and fear, which all make sobriety more uncomfortable. One sober day at a time, with Acceptance and Willingness, and gradually the obsession will loosen it's grip.

Good luck with the interview tomorrow, and that long drive. We're rooting for you.

Soberwolf

No more self pity I have no time for it it's self torture & does nothing for you

Make a decision right here right now for no one but yourself to stop drinking & I bet all the money in the world youl stop going round in circles

You got to want it Jimmy and another thing it's not making things more bearable that is a pile of lies its just destroying & decimating who you really are & I know I don't know you too well but you seem like a good man polite kind they are good attributes but drinking & self pity is more destructive than you can fathom it corrodes and decays our mind body & souls

Your better than that & you are worth it

jimmyc

Again thanks for the support

Don't know what to say. We'll see how tomorrow goes.

I really appreciate the time you've taken to reply - Some responses stronger than others. Yeah its up to me. But it's "me" I've got to battle in the first place... Hell of a fight

Dee74

Best wishes for the interview Jimmy

D

Flossyteacake

I'm only 40-odd days into quitting, but one thing I did was to name my AV. He's called Brian. For the first couple of weeks, Brian raged. Really, really raged. He screamed. Called me names. Demanded to be fed alcohol. But I shouted back. I raged at him - swore at him, told him where he could go. Brian sleeps a lot more these days. It's easier the longer you practise. And I'm slowly acceping Brian for what he is - part of me. Just not a part of me that I want. I'm learning to not indulge that part of me. I'm winning the battle against me. It helped me to give the demon a name and personify it (though why he looks like Brian from Family Guy, albeit with Stewie's personality, when I'm female is anyone's guess). It's one way of getting through the hardest part - the very first few days and weeks. I tell you this just to suggest that whatever you need to do to get through the first, the toughest, bit is okay. You can do it.

jimmyc

Thanks Flossy, the comment about family guy made me chuckle - love that cartoon.

Stayed at the "initial recruitment process" for all of 5 minutes filling out forms until they said about drug and alcohol testing. No point in my staying any longer, wasting my own time and theirs. Here's to another day.

sugarbear1

Isn't that motivation to quit and stay quit??