Diary of a Mad Cow, Part IX: "Moo & Improved"
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,434
I think it is OK to be not up for it.
It doesn't mean that you have lost something forever.
Right now you are in the early stages of a significant and difficult journey with your new therapist and treatment program.
That in of itself is reason enough to let yourself off the hook about attending a social event you've already described as a strain and performance.
You keep working on you, and being kind to you, and knock them out next year.
[I think you are working to find yourself, and you haven't lost yourself even if it feels like it at times.]
It doesn't mean that you have lost something forever.
Right now you are in the early stages of a significant and difficult journey with your new therapist and treatment program.
That in of itself is reason enough to let yourself off the hook about attending a social event you've already described as a strain and performance.
You keep working on you, and being kind to you, and knock them out next year.
[I think you are working to find yourself, and you haven't lost yourself even if it feels like it at times.]
p***enger
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: NYC
Posts: 19,047
Originally Posted by Cow 
I not sure what is right thing. Is you guys force you selfs to do stuff when you REALLY dead and low, or does you just be honest that you simply no up for it. This is first time in decade I miss this event. So, in one way, is like yet other last strand of life that slip through my fingers, but in other way, is like first time I just says, no, I not really feel I can do this. However, if I says no I not can do this about last vestige of thing I have always like to do, then what is to be left of me. OMG, I so confuse again. 
Nothing has slipped through your fingers. Next year, if you want to, you can 'specially ask for that seat again. I'm sure it will be granted, if you want it.
I didn't show up for a lot of things when I was getting sober. A few big things. And one thing, I cried my way through. Now I can show up for a lot of stuff I could never have dreamed of when I was drinking, and it's really me who's there, snark, warts, and all.
Plus, even if it were the last strand of something slipping forever through your fingers, it would just be the last strand of one something -- leaving room for something else. You don't know what. It may be beautiful.
Woe is Moo.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 2,746
Thank you Hawk, SJ, Bunny. Yes, I has to find self for sure. I little afraid that I gonna need LONG time away from everyone and everything to does that. And maybe tonight was first step of that. Tonight was just time I feel I would has to "substance up" to engage. But I know lot of people has to move, does sober living, quit industry, break from friend, etc. to does that, and I think maybe I need to does more drastic change too. I had always dismiss this notion, cuz I so functional and would be so crazy to leave my industry and status. But, I really starting to think, maybe I does has to change significant aspects of my life.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 3,997
Oh dear Cow,
I so feel for you. Wish I could give you a hug. Well, you'd probably not like that cos I haven't showered for days, can't get myself in the shower even. But don't feel too bad for not going. Listen to your instincts. You are very sad at present, lots of changes going on.
Myself, I'm just going to things where I'm asked, but I feel like such a downer. If you are as fragile as you are now, it was probably best to skip the party. With you in spirit.
I almost drank tonight after 17 months, at a dinner with a good friend and a friend of hers I know a little. I feel so flat and dead and boring and a downer, I just wanted to lift thru booze. It's effing hard. So I imagine there would be lots of booze at your party, and perhaps it was best to stay home.
Tuck in and know we are all with you, dear one.
Back to sq1, I'm thrilled for you about Fluffy! Amazing!
I so feel for you. Wish I could give you a hug. Well, you'd probably not like that cos I haven't showered for days, can't get myself in the shower even. But don't feel too bad for not going. Listen to your instincts. You are very sad at present, lots of changes going on.
Myself, I'm just going to things where I'm asked, but I feel like such a downer. If you are as fragile as you are now, it was probably best to skip the party. With you in spirit.
I almost drank tonight after 17 months, at a dinner with a good friend and a friend of hers I know a little. I feel so flat and dead and boring and a downer, I just wanted to lift thru booze. It's effing hard. So I imagine there would be lots of booze at your party, and perhaps it was best to stay home.
Tuck in and know we are all with you, dear one.
Back to sq1, I'm thrilled for you about Fluffy! Amazing!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,434
Originally Posted by Cow
Thank you Hawk, SJ, Bunny. Yes, I has to find self for sure. I little afraid that I gonna need LONG time away from everyone and everything to does that. And maybe tonight was first step of that. Tonight was just time I feel I would has to "substance up" to engage. But I know lot of people has to move, does sober living, quit industry, break from friend, etc. to does that, and I think maybe I need to does more drastic change too. I had always dismiss this notion, cuz I so functional and would be so crazy to leave my industry and status. But, I really starting to think, maybe I does has to change significant aspects of my life.
I thought I would have to leave my job too, but I found after getting sober for some time that I really began to enjoy my work again and was able to do it better than ever.
That was actually a surprise to me honestly--but a welcome one when I was ready to take a leap into the unknown to save myself.
Don't think too far ahead yet. Just get some sober time and work on your new program. Things change rapidly, and like the Bunny says, even if you do lose something the new thing may be beautiful.
Hugs to you and you too Leshar--you've been a brick despite all you are going through right now. I wish I could come over to your house, fix you a nice cup of tea and admire your bird. Well done on not drinking.
I know sometimes it just seems like something that will help, but we all know that's not really going to move us forward. Sigh.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
i'm thinking there is a middle somewhere between up and performing as the life of the party and speaking of hard times with one's addictions et cetera.
depending on the crowd and the relationships.
for myself, i have tried and continue to try NOT to bow out of social engagements. and that's mostly for selfish reasons: i don't get a lot of invites and don't really want to lose the ones i get. though i don't really like most functions and yeah, if i don't see one person there that i feel really comfortable with then it's pretty much performance, but very low-key, and i feel most certainly disconnected.
the ability to have a real laugh at times in these situations has increased with length of sobriety. hm. yeah. i usually feel more connected and laugh a lot more at some recovery meetings than at social events.
it has to do with feeling accepted as the "real me".
but at the same i've gotten much "better" at saying no to things i'm really not up to.
ach, it's all so individual.
Cow, i get the concern/fear about going down the road of bowing out of last vestiges....but come on, it's too close to black and white thinking to go down the road of then what is to be left of me.
sounds like you just reached a limitation that maybe a couple of hours earlier or later you would have been able or willing to push against.
as far as your question I not sure what is right thing. Is you guys force you selfs to do stuff when you REALLY dead and low, or does you just be honest that you simply no up for it. there is no one right thing
sure, in general i "make" myself, but sometimes it's more important not to.
you made a decision that seemed like the most taking-care-of-yourself-and-what-you-need at that moment.
next time you might decide differently. or not.
when i do that, each side of the coin has mixed consequences.
depending on the crowd and the relationships.
for myself, i have tried and continue to try NOT to bow out of social engagements. and that's mostly for selfish reasons: i don't get a lot of invites and don't really want to lose the ones i get. though i don't really like most functions and yeah, if i don't see one person there that i feel really comfortable with then it's pretty much performance, but very low-key, and i feel most certainly disconnected.
the ability to have a real laugh at times in these situations has increased with length of sobriety. hm. yeah. i usually feel more connected and laugh a lot more at some recovery meetings than at social events.
it has to do with feeling accepted as the "real me".
but at the same i've gotten much "better" at saying no to things i'm really not up to.
ach, it's all so individual.
Cow, i get the concern/fear about going down the road of bowing out of last vestiges....but come on, it's too close to black and white thinking to go down the road of then what is to be left of me.
sounds like you just reached a limitation that maybe a couple of hours earlier or later you would have been able or willing to push against.
as far as your question I not sure what is right thing. Is you guys force you selfs to do stuff when you REALLY dead and low, or does you just be honest that you simply no up for it. there is no one right thing
sure, in general i "make" myself, but sometimes it's more important not to.
you made a decision that seemed like the most taking-care-of-yourself-and-what-you-need at that moment.
next time you might decide differently. or not.
when i do that, each side of the coin has mixed consequences.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
Originally Posted by Cow
Thank you Hawk, SJ, Bunny. Yes, I has to find self for sure. I little afraid that I gonna need LONG time away from everyone and everything to does that. And maybe tonight was first step of that. Tonight was just time I feel I would has to "substance up" to engage. But I know lot of people has to move, does sober living, quit industry, break from friend, etc. to does that, and I think maybe I need to does more drastic change too. I had always dismiss this notion, cuz I so functional and would be so crazy to leave my industry and status. But, I really starting to think, maybe I does has to change significant aspects of my life.
yes, you might have to.
i didn't, of course. of course not! not me!
kidding.
took me a long time to understand i wasn't done. a long time to have more real things i need come to the forefront.
good to see you not dismissing unpleasant notions.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Los Angeles, California
Posts: 8,326
hawkeye, oh heavens NO I wouldn't shop on tis day! I heard from a very good source that the prices are going to drop a lot in the week leading up to Christmas. People are poor! Those who would shop at a store as immoral as Walmart, well, I just don't know, and get in fist fights and riot? Oh my!
Anyway, We are staying home. Saturday we are heading up north to look at some real estate. I really want to get out of this place and get away from a jackass of a landlord.
love from Lenina
Anyway, We are staying home. Saturday we are heading up north to look at some real estate. I really want to get out of this place and get away from a jackass of a landlord.
love from Lenina
Woe is Moo.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 2,746
Anybody else see a taffy packing turtle go by?
I not buy Christmas or birthday gifts anymore. Period. I had always HATE "obligatory gift" situations. So much monies on crap nobody need. So long time ago I just announce to everybody "I out!" And they not should get me anything either. I say, my gift is my friendship, I hope that can be enough. Most was like, yay! But some was really psst off. But they get over it, and now is no shopping for Cow! Hurrah!
Is not to say I not sometime buy somebody gift just cuz I feel to do it.
I not buy Christmas or birthday gifts anymore. Period. I had always HATE "obligatory gift" situations. So much monies on crap nobody need. So long time ago I just announce to everybody "I out!" And they not should get me anything either. I say, my gift is my friendship, I hope that can be enough. Most was like, yay! But some was really psst off. But they get over it, and now is no shopping for Cow! Hurrah!
Is not to say I not sometime buy somebody gift just cuz I feel to do it.
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: The Deep South
Posts: 14,636
I took advantage of some black friday specials today on Macy's. Bought my husband a shirt, a sweater, and a pair of pants. Got myself a pair of slouchy boots, in Cognac. 
We don't support Wal-Mart at all.
But, I'm sure Macy's has done something evil too, so ya can't win. Unless I go pick some cotton and sew my own clothes.
We don't support Wal-Mart at all.
But, I'm sure Macy's has done something evil too, so ya can't win. Unless I go pick some cotton and sew my own clothes.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
Leshar,
i've never talked with you, but read all your posts here.
so am just saying hello, and so sorry to hear of your continued sorrows and struggles.
your quiet perseverance impresses the hell out of me.
thanks for showing it and for being here.
i've never talked with you, but read all your posts here.
so am just saying hello, and so sorry to hear of your continued sorrows and struggles.
your quiet perseverance impresses the hell out of me.
thanks for showing it and for being here.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Los Angeles, California
Posts: 8,326
SJ, I am sure most of the big chains are guilty of some evils, but Walmart is just so openly idiotic about it. Come the Revolution....LOL.
Cow, I also hate the obligatory gifting. I do get presents for people if I see something I know will be special in their appeal to a specific person. I get enjoyment from that. frankly, if people are psst you're an opt out, I say youve been lucky to weed out the ones who don't appreciate your presence! And I love it when someone sends me a book they know I'd love or funny picture or bit of original art, unless they think I need to hang it over my couch for the their life.
I did see the Taffy TurTell scoot through. I laughed.
I'm going to bed. I'm tired and my body aches and I need to get packed for our trip. It's not my stuff. I just keep my own bags packed at all times except for replacing laundry and appropriate wardrobe items. my husband however, will wait until the last minute and arrive with no socks or dirty shirts or clothes that don't fit. so, it's better I oversee it. This way I have an enjoyable time.
love from Lenina
Cow, I also hate the obligatory gifting. I do get presents for people if I see something I know will be special in their appeal to a specific person. I get enjoyment from that. frankly, if people are psst you're an opt out, I say youve been lucky to weed out the ones who don't appreciate your presence! And I love it when someone sends me a book they know I'd love or funny picture or bit of original art, unless they think I need to hang it over my couch for the their life.
I did see the Taffy TurTell scoot through. I laughed.
I'm going to bed. I'm tired and my body aches and I need to get packed for our trip. It's not my stuff. I just keep my own bags packed at all times except for replacing laundry and appropriate wardrobe items. my husband however, will wait until the last minute and arrive with no socks or dirty shirts or clothes that don't fit. so, it's better I oversee it. This way I have an enjoyable time.
love from Lenina
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 3,997
Wow, fini, you have made my day with your lovely post! Thank you so much!
Yep, it's an almighty struggle, but every day I get through knowing I didn't succumb to drinking is a small victory, in a way. I'm a ploopy mess, to use one of dear Cow's terms, but at least I'm a sober one!
Ta so much, these threads help shore me up and make me feel less lonely.
Yep, it's an almighty struggle, but every day I get through knowing I didn't succumb to drinking is a small victory, in a way. I'm a ploopy mess, to use one of dear Cow's terms, but at least I'm a sober one!
Ta so much, these threads help shore me up and make me feel less lonely.
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