Cow

Jesus God. If that what I shooting for, shoot me now! First of all, that look like plebeian brown Holstein. Second, I way far more handsome than this cow, okay?

Alright, I has carton of pastured egg and 1 pound chub of liverwurst. And before anybody say, but Cow, you suppose to drink the spinach and kale juices for fast. Been there, do that, have 3 eye surgeries after concentrated plant toxins form cysts in my eyelid. Yes, make no mistake, just like animal, the plants is want to kill you before you kills them, my friend. Now I low carb paleo Cow. And, um, aside from absurd irony of drinking massive quantity of deadly poisons, I pretty much stick with low toxin diet. Anways, is more nutrition in ounce of liver than couple pound of kale.

trachemys

Future of Paleo Cow

Elseware

GAWD! What is that thing? Steroids? Growth hormones? Scary! Cow! Turn your face away!

Cow

Elsewares, with all due respects to Prince, THAT is what is look like, when doves cry.

Is anybody else work from home mostly? Is big challenge. For me, especial in morning, cuz I sleep poorly, have horrific PTSD dream during night, plus blood sugar drop, so I feeling not good physical and is disturb mental when I wake up. It take couple hour just to feel okay, and that is time when is big opportunity for vulnerabilities to be exploit by tricksy addict. I does stay in bed and meditate to clear mind before rise. Not enough though.

It can no be food/drink ritual. It can no be activity or grooming ritual cuz I not well enough at this time. I has try come on SR during this time but I find is not helpful time for me to be here. If I like fiction I would read, but not like fiction and is only rare non-fiction memoir or science book that hold interest. Maybe I get crosswords puzzle book or something, and has to do one whole crosswords with no google cheat every morning.

Lenina

Cow, for me back in the day, I needed to have a more structured daily schedule. I'm not a good sleeper either and do have bad, scary, crazy dreams often. in the beginning it sorta felt like a forced march getting through the early hours. But I made a commitment to stick to plan and it did help.

I don't work at home much. I have some bits of "homework" but mostly my days are planned. I travel for work a lot and found I needed to be careful with the time in hotels. having routines for that helped too. I guess my addiction is more straight forward, I don't drink. I don't sleep as well as I would like. I have meditations and self hypnosis guides on my iPod and I keep that by the bed. I use it for sleep. It helps to have it close wheni wake up from bad dreams or if I wake up too early.

Love from Lenina

Cow

I has try several kind of hypnosis. Very good therapist try for while but finally say I just too hyper-vigilant from sexual trauma that onset while I asleep to ever be able to let down this guard. I does still take benzos just to sleep at all.

I has think might be good to just get little random job or volunteer thing where I has to show up, but I just not stable/well enough in mornings to do this. So I has to come up with own program that realistic doable for me every day.

Lenina

Cow, I saw a lady hypnostist first and then a really old guy. he was 85 at the time and had been an expert since the 50's using hypnosis for pain control. I didn't stay in trance, I think because I was a bit hyper vigilant. I've used the tapes and I guess I feel safer? I have a bunch of them, some from the early 80's. my hubs digitized them and loaded them on the iPod. I have a couple really hokey ones, but they work well! one is called "Freedom from Stress and Anxiety" and has breathing exercises that help calm me. Another one has this tuning fork sound that I think I get addicted to! I find myself getting excited with anticipation when I know the "fork" is next! Yeah, I'm a freak. but it works for me.

Love from Lenina

Yes, I think getting a little job or doing some volunteer work would be good. I used to do accounting for a food bank once a week. It was only four hours but it was good for me.

Cow

Yeah, as far as meditation CD, I got it all. Tibetan bowls, chimes, Monks praying, etheral Russian choral, recordings from nature, resonant harmonic tones, prenatal heartbeat, sounds of unicorn prancing through lilac field, subaural fequencies of angels singing in four-part harmony while perch on a rainbow...

Lenina

Is that prancing unicorn one on iTunes? is it only with the lilacs?

Love from Lenina.

courage2

Re morning rituals:
It takes me at least 2 hours to cope with the world in the morning. I was a morning drinker, so getting over mornings has been a big thing.

First when I wake up, I go back to sleep, kind of, usually several times, starting from about 6 a.m. to 8 or 9.

Then I get my laptop and start my morning beverage. Cow, maybe just hot water with lemon would be a good starter for you. I like something hot. As my beverage is heating, I go to SR and post on the 24 Hour Recovery Connections thread my time of day and where I am, as a commitment to staying sober for the day. I wash my face and blink a few times & my beverage is ready about then.

Once I have my bev, I go back to SR and post on the Morning Gratitude thread. (I'm unfortunately not ready to be grateful until then). And then I post to another thread, immediately after, my excuse to listen to a couple of quasi-random songs and maybe watch a music video. Then I check in around SR with my monthly class and the One Year and Under daily support thread, to see how people are doing. Check email and personal schedule.

Cow, the daily support threads like 24 Hour, monthly "classes" and One Year and Under are kind of nice because they're a small group of familiar people that tend to bond over time, but it's not all about you.

After 1/2 hour or 45 minutes of this stuff to get me focused, I get out of bed. I do about 20 minutes of pseudo-yoga and pranaayama or yoga breathing. I have a little something to eat and a little juice.

Now I'm almost ready for a shower, but I first read a quasi-randomly selected poem in the bathtub. Shower. Dress.

Most days that will get me out of the house.

kittycat3

Hi cow. Kittycats and cows can be great friends I do reckon.
I like your volunteer idea, that's great. I know helping others has aided this kittycat's depression. What about a regular morning stroll through the pasture? I am sure it's not easy for cow to get out of bed and walk around aimlessly, but I'd bet you'd feel better after even just 10 minutes of exercise. You could even try it while listening to Prince. Being an 80s lady I bet you have a few Prince songs that would get even the most stubborn cow hooves tappin.

kittycat3

Whoops, I see you said morning activity not good for you cow. Never mind my suggestion then.

Wheezy

Cow, this is my first message to this site. You has inspired me to be sober. I relate to you in many things. I am atheist, scientist, and reader of non fiction. I also have frequent low blood sugar which I feels like can be major impediment to get sober. Capiche?

neferkamichael

Cow, you are FANTASTIC, you should be a writer for some comedy program, seriously. I've got more self-help books than Amazon.com has and more on the way. I think I might have the hyper-vigilance problem too. Rooting for ya.

DoubleDragons

I was very depressed when we had to move to a different state for my husband's job. I was a stay at home mom and I hadn't worked in 15 years. Since I wasn't getting out of my pjs every day, I decided I had to do something to get me out of my funk. So, I got a part-time job. I go every day except weekends from 9 until noon. I am basically an insurance agent's assistant. It requires me to get up, put on decent clothes, interact with the public and drive my convertible to work, which is a real pick me up. The money is not great but it does pay for our summer vacation every year and it forces me not to isolate. I think action is the key to my sobriety. Like Nike, Just do it.

DoubleDragons

Nefer, you and I must have the same libraries. Amazon loves me!! I'd hate to lose my Kindle. Whoever found it would have a field day trying to figure me out with all my crazy self-help titles.

DoubleDragons

Oops double post.

DoubleDragons

Cow, have you ever thought about volunteering for a group that helps girls who are victims of incest?? You think you are a mess, but considering what you have been through, you have a good, creative job, a lovely home, sound like a good bod, an excellent sense of humor and lasting friendships. I would think that would show some hope to a girl who is feeling hopeless. The only people who have ever really helped me with my problems are the people who have faced that adversity themselves. I get that you say that you are selfish and don't care about anyone else, but in my experience, helping other people is what makes me feel best, from a very self-centered point of view.

Gilmer

From what I've seen of your posting around these boards, Cow, you are very effective in your exhortation and counsel.

courage2

One can ramp up the rituals. Today I'm doing that by going to an AA meeting before I go to the office. I've been leaning in the direction of a relapse lately, and need to get hyper vigilant. I don't love meetings but I'll go to one today. I'm even considering getting a sponsor again LOL. The woman I have in mind has been seeing me for 1.5 years and will know what I'm like.

I wish I'd grown up as a Catholic. I'd have natural recourse to a lot of soothing rituals and wouldn't have to make them up on my own.

Today's bathtub poetry: just the first few lines of Paterson by William Carlos Williams.