2stop

The day I came across this site I was physically, emotionally and mentally spent.......I was trying to figure out how to go and get a gun, being extremely agoraphobic I was very irritated that it would be so difficult to get out of the house and get a gun to blow my head off with, so I sat ancy, agitated, miserable, sweaty, scared outta my mind searching the internet for something, anything to give me the will to go on. I wanted to die because I thought I couldn't change my life around, because I felt like I was too weak, too scared, too messed up, too addicted, too insane to be on this planet. A part of me wanted to live but I had resigned myself to death, wasn't scared so much of dying, but of living. LIFE that is what I couldn't figure out! How do you live when every day you eat enough pills to sedate an entire zoo!? How do you live agoraphobic, sick and running out of pills? I felt like my very life was a catch-22, I was caught in a limbo, a swing between chaos and destruction and the downward pull of an emptiness that was more painful than any sting or jab or cut or injury I had ever known, no matter what I did (or didn't do) I was messed up!!!

So, I sat at the computer and typed in key words like addiction and rehab etc...somehow I came across SoberRecovery....and I managed to get registered, managed to post...just typing one word was so hard, I couldn't breathe, I couldn't sit still, I was so miserable, just insanity. I didn't really think anyone would reply to my post...but they did..and I will never forget the warmth, the caring, the understanding that I truly believed saved my life. I kept coming back, kept falling down, stopped using, started using, up and down I went, but through it all SR was here, SR is still here..and thanks to my HP guiding me to this site...I am still here too. Thank you isn't enough. But I have to keep saying it because the people I have met here fed my soul and saved my butt more times than I can tell. There is just a wonderful connection of hurting people here..........people helping people. That's what it's all about, we've been given a resource to use that can impact so many lives every single day....Thank you SR!!!! And all those who make it possible. You are real life angels.

hawkgazer

2stop, i'm so glad you're here!! thank you for sharing your SR story!! I remember that same feeling before I got sober, of not wanting to LIVE like that anymore, just not even knowing a way out of the insanity, cursing god every day for letting me live through the night. Thank you for bringing that back up front for me today, I really needed it! ((((((((((( ))))))))))))

BigSis

Tammie - that's it in a nutshell, I think. Thanks for posting this.