Designforliving

I struggled with addiction for 10 years of my life. I'm 30 years old and started using at 20. I have gone to three detox facilities, and I thought for sure this was going to be another go around. However, I caught a lucky break this time and found the solution. My IOP wanted me to go back into the rooms of AA.. I fought it because I had been there already.. and I was lost there.. There was no message of hope for me. I saw the old timers there, and I didn't see anything I wanted.

However, I went to my required meetings and I heard my spiritual adviser speak. He was armed with the truth about himself and knew that Big Book like the back of his hand. He had something intangible I wanted, his spirituality. He said he wanted me to go to these secret meetings where they actually do the Step Work.. I said why not.. I have nothing to lose.

I heard the message that they talk about in the book at these Big Book Step Study meetings in the hyannis format. There was Hope.. a direction for me to take in sobriety. I felt like God was in those rooms. The language was different. They weren't doing drunkalogues. I heard enough stories about pain and suffering. I heard something much different. They were talking about how they live in solution everyday. How they were trying to improve their relationship with God. Prayer, Mediation, Helping others. Peace, true peace in their life. How they were improving their lives by applying the morality and spirituality of the program in their life as well as living in 10,11, and 12. Watching other people doing the process and watching them grow.. This was recovery... This was the true recovery they talk about, and I could see how it really worked in people's lived. I wanted it!


I attend weekly Big Book Step Study meeting where you can only speak if you have worked the steps directly as outlined in the book. I finished the process about a year ago. Took me about 6 months to complete my 4th step. I truly feel like my drug condition has been relieved by God. Although the monkey is off my back, the circus is still in town! I always watch out for my thinking because that is what got me in the hospital.. So daily prayer and meditation is key for me as well as helping others. I know I'm never cured of this disease, but I know that the book has made me a moral person as well as spiritual.

I'm very thankful for what the process has done for me. It gave me a direction in life when I had none. Fresh into sobriety with a hell of a lot of wreckage to repair. It started when I stopped blaming people, places, and things for my problems, and decided to take an honest and fearless look at myself as the root cause of my addiction, I then began to recover from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body. After all, the bottles were just a symptom, I had to get down to the causes and conditions

Remember that the program is a design for living that really works, not a flimsy read. I had nothing to lose and everything to gain by going "all in" with the step work. It was promised the process would enable me to have a connection with a Higher Power or God, that would solve all my problems, not just my drug condition. It truly has paid off.

I have also taken cared of my weight problem. I lost 84 pounds once I started loving myself. I did this through diet alone. I went from 264-180.

I always pray for everyone fighting the good fight with this disease. It is not easy, but there is only one way for me and that is moving forward in life without drugs. Love you all and God Bless.

Cw428

I read your post and it really spoke to me. You gave me hope for my estranged AH. Our lives are in total shambles. Financially we are ruined, our two children are in therapy and experiencing so many awful consequences. We are in danger of losing our home, cars getting repossessed. You name it. Our divorce case is pending and there are now legal implications of him being in contempt of court. Not to mention his health issues. All a result of addiction.
He still is extremely verbally abusive. Telling our kids how much he hates me. Cringes at the thought of me and marrying me was the worst decision he ever made.
The thing is he hasn't started to accept ANY responsibility for his actions. I'm in Al Anon, our oldest is in Al Ateen and it's made him and his mother (the classic enabler) absolutely FURIOUS.
We just keep going because it's honestly been our lifeline.
What will it take for him to stop blaming others???? I'm hoping maybe the next court appearance the judge will see enough proof to hold him accountable. I'm desperate. Love him so much after 16 years. But he needs help. We can't continue this way.
Thanks for sharing!

FeelingGreat

Hi Cw428
Why not start a new thread in Friends and Family of Alcoholics where you'll find many people who understand your situation and can share their experiences with you?

Opivotal

Welcome Cw428!

I'm so sorry you're going through such an upheaval. We have a very supportive community for members facing the same difficulties you're experiencing.

You'll find our Friends and Family Forum here;

Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Please check it out , we're here for you.