Doug

What to say when your child asks: Did you ever do drugs?

If you have young children, you've probably been warned to prepare an answer to a key question: Where do babies come from? But another question that's just as important may hit even closer to home: Did you ever use alcohol or other drugs as a teenager?

Children who ask this question create a defining moment in their lives. In response, a parent might dodge the question or improvise an answer at the last minute. Another option is to prepare for this "teachable moment" with your child by thinking through your answers right now.

Of course, many parents can honestly say that they did not experiment with alcohol or other drugs as a teenager. Even so, they might worry about how to convince their children of the dangers of abuse and addiction.

It may help to remember that you're in a better position to respond to the question than parents of any previous generation. "Over the past decade we've learned a lot more about how drug use affects the brain," says Sue Thomas, an editor at Hazelden Publishing who specializes in developing materials about substance abuse prevention. "For example, we now know that the human brain continues developing past the age of adolescence and into a person's early twenties. Using alcohol or other drugs can have a specific and negative impact on this development--something we just didn't know earlier."

Another recent discovery is that early use of alcohol or other drugs can create long-term health risks. In one survey, adults who said that they first drank alcohol before age 15 were five times more likely to report alcohol dependence or abuse than people who first used alcohol at age 21 or older.

There's no perfect response to the "did-you-ever-use" question. Yet the following suggestions can help you give a more effective answer when the time comes.

Remember that your child does not have to repeat your past. "Just because a parent used when he or she was young doesn't mean it was a legal, safe or smart thing to do," Thomas says. "Remind your child that all it takes is one bad decision while using to cause a lot of trouble, such as getting drunk at a party and ending up in a violent or date rape situation, or getting into a car accident after driving home under the influence."

Be honest, but stick to essentials. If you don't tell the truth about your past use of alcohol or other drugs, you risk losing credibility when your child discovers the truth. At the same time, you don't have to share every detail. Find out why your child is asking about your drug use history. Then limit your response to exactly what's being requested.

Understand how much the drug scene has changed. Today teenagers are exposed to a greater variety of drugs than were available in their parents' generation. Even prescription drugs for anxiety, depression, and attention-deficit disorders can be abused.

"The drugs that are being used now are also much more potent and dangerous than earlier," says Thomas. "For example, ecstasy is often a mixture of many different kinds of drugs, so you never really know what the effect of using it may be."

Take a cue from these examples. You might get an idea or two from these sample answers, excerpted from "Growing Up Drug-Free: A Parent's Guide to Prevention," published by the U.S. Department of Education:

* "Everyone makes mistakes, and when I used drugs, I made a big one. I'm telling you about this, even though it's embarrassing, because I love you, and I want to save you from making the same stupid decision that I made when I was your age. You can learn from my mistakes without repeating them."
* "At your age, between homework, friends, sports, and other interests, there are a lot of fun things going on. If you get into taking drugs, you're pretty much giving up those other things, because you stop being able to concentrate, and you can't control your moods or keep to a schedule. You'll miss out on all these great experiences, and you'll never get those times back."
* "I did drugs because I was bored and wanted to take some risks, but I soon found that I couldn't control the risks -- they were controlling me. There are much better ways of challenging yourself than doing drugs."

--Published October 17, 2005

splendra

I have always been honest with my son about my drug and alcohol use. Giving only as much information as he asked for.

I have always felt I need to be honest with my son cause I want him to trust me. I also encourage him to be honest with me even if he has done something that he could be in trouble for because I can't help him if I do not know the facts. I have tried to make sure that the punishment fits the crime as well...

Gabe

I think that above all else, kids appreciate honesty. Living in the dark about something, or "not knowing" is frigtening for all of us. I think it's a big relief for our kids when we talk honestly about things with them.

historyteach

I, too, was honest with Trevor.
For whatever reason, it totally backfired.
I told him I had experimented with many different things. I also told him about heroin. My brother once told me he had tried it once, and "liked it so much [he] wouldn't ever do it again." Now, we grew up watching some of the greatest musicians die of heroin. I never once tried it, and told Trevor that.
To this day, he still insists that he "knows" I've used heroin!!!
Trying to minimize his own use? I don't know. But, I am not sure there's an easy answer to this question...
Good information Doug; thanks for sharing...
Shalom!

Time4Change

This post couldn't have popped up at a more perfect time! Thanks so much!