Secular Recovery Group....What the heck is it anyway??!!
Not all better, getting better
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: The Beautiful Inner Banks of NC
Posts: 1,702
Secular Recovery Group....What the heck is it anyway??!!
I get asked this question often. I host the Secular Recovery group every Wednesday evening. I call it a "group" instead of a "meeting" because I feel that is a better description. It is fairly loosly orgainized, in fact has been described as a "free for all"!! Unlike traditional 12-step meeting crosstalk is not only allowed, it is encouraged. Does that make it a bit chaoitic at times? Well, perhaps, but usually the group is a managable size, so it hasn't been too much of a problem.
The meeting format is loosely based on the Lifering meeting format. Lifering defines secular this way:
"We welcome people of all faiths and none. You get to keep whatever religious beliefs you have, and you are under no pressure to acquire any if you don't. Neither religion nor anti-religion normally come up in meeting discussion. Participants' spiritual or religious beliefs or lack thereof remain private."
That by in large describes the focus of the meeting. It is about staying clean and sober, how you do it and how we (the group) can help you with it. We usually start the group by going down the room list and giving everyone a chance to share how their weeks are going. Because various topics and situations develop from this sharing it often takes the whole hour to get through the list. Of course if you don't wish to share you are free to pass.
The other question I am often asked is, "Is this group "anti-God or anti-12step?" I guess the best way I can answer this is that it is not "anti" anything, except perhaps anti-drug!! Many, if not most, of the people who attend the group, attend or have attended 12-step recovery meetings, myself included. It is simply a different approach to the same thing, staying clean and sober.
I hope I have answered some questions folks might have about this group and that you stop by and check us out Wednesday evening. If you have any other questions, feel free to post them here or PM me directly. Take care all!!
The meeting format is loosely based on the Lifering meeting format. Lifering defines secular this way:
"We welcome people of all faiths and none. You get to keep whatever religious beliefs you have, and you are under no pressure to acquire any if you don't. Neither religion nor anti-religion normally come up in meeting discussion. Participants' spiritual or religious beliefs or lack thereof remain private."
That by in large describes the focus of the meeting. It is about staying clean and sober, how you do it and how we (the group) can help you with it. We usually start the group by going down the room list and giving everyone a chance to share how their weeks are going. Because various topics and situations develop from this sharing it often takes the whole hour to get through the list. Of course if you don't wish to share you are free to pass.
The other question I am often asked is, "Is this group "anti-God or anti-12step?" I guess the best way I can answer this is that it is not "anti" anything, except perhaps anti-drug!! Many, if not most, of the people who attend the group, attend or have attended 12-step recovery meetings, myself included. It is simply a different approach to the same thing, staying clean and sober.
I hope I have answered some questions folks might have about this group and that you stop by and check us out Wednesday evening. If you have any other questions, feel free to post them here or PM me directly. Take care all!!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Akron, OH
Posts: 51
I tried to go last Wednesday but must have been confused on the meeting time. This week it will be at 10pm ET. I will remember that. Looking forward to it as this will be my first week sober.
I am glad you are doing this.
I really wish there were more meetings in person for people that are not into specificially 12-step meetings. I am a bit disappointed that there have not been more groups developed over time to give people a different avenue of support. Maybe there are more than I think in other states, but in Ohio, I have not found much of anything.
However, the fact that you have taken this on, Tyler, is inspiring me to think seriously about trying to get a different kind of meeting started for those who would like an alternative support group. I know some of those sites you posted give instructions on how to start a local meeting.
I would like to form a community of supportive clean and sober people who are just that and who may like to incorporate what has helped them from 12-step or other sources of support but don't focus on any particular "way" as being the only way for the very different types of people there are out there. But I am open to any format other recovery methods have suggested that seem reasonable and effective enough.
I really like the statements of Women For Sobriety but too bad there are not a lot of in person groups for that.
I really would like a group of new sober freinds who do things together and who are there for one another, but to have to drink the kool-aid of a certain belief system based on linear step-work (do or die, go crazy, or end up in jail), is an unacceptable trade-off IMO. I would feel like an interloper after a while.
I am glad you are doing this.
I really wish there were more meetings in person for people that are not into specificially 12-step meetings. I am a bit disappointed that there have not been more groups developed over time to give people a different avenue of support. Maybe there are more than I think in other states, but in Ohio, I have not found much of anything.
However, the fact that you have taken this on, Tyler, is inspiring me to think seriously about trying to get a different kind of meeting started for those who would like an alternative support group. I know some of those sites you posted give instructions on how to start a local meeting.
I would like to form a community of supportive clean and sober people who are just that and who may like to incorporate what has helped them from 12-step or other sources of support but don't focus on any particular "way" as being the only way for the very different types of people there are out there. But I am open to any format other recovery methods have suggested that seem reasonable and effective enough.
I really like the statements of Women For Sobriety but too bad there are not a lot of in person groups for that.
I really would like a group of new sober freinds who do things together and who are there for one another, but to have to drink the kool-aid of a certain belief system based on linear step-work (do or die, go crazy, or end up in jail), is an unacceptable trade-off IMO. I would feel like an interloper after a while.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 8,709
Originally Posted by Catherine W.
but to have to drink the kool-aid of a certain belief system based on linear step-work (do or die, go crazy, or end up in jail), is an unacceptable trade-off IMO.
I work what's called a weird program of recovery, in the eyes of some of my peers in AA. I draw courage and inspiration from many sources other than AA. So I truly understand the context of your post.
But I find the above metaphor unfortunate, for my own personal reasons, and I just needed to voice that.
The individuals in AA that would want me to trade off some of my strongly heald beliefs and convictions simply aren't part of my circle.
The program of AA itself makes no demands of me.
At any rate, I'm in awe of Tyler continuing to be of service to this community.
I chaired a meeting here for some months, and basically burned out after a while.
Thanks Tyler.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Akron, OH
Posts: 51
Originally Posted by DangerousDan
Hi Catherine.
I
The individuals in AA that would want me to trade off some of my strongly heald beliefs and convictions simply aren't part of my circle.
The program of AA itself makes no demands of me.
.
I
The individuals in AA that would want me to trade off some of my strongly heald beliefs and convictions simply aren't part of my circle.
The program of AA itself makes no demands of me.
.
I guess this sort of situation would be what they mean by "principles before personalities" And yes, it is *your* recovery and no one eles's after all.
Your post is inspriing, because knowing me, I would probably do things differently as I am very eclectic person with anything I do.
Thanks for sharing your perspective. I do enjoy the speaker meetings but the discussion meetings tend to make me want to run out the door sometimes. But I really do need some sober friends to do things with here and there.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 8,709
Originally Posted by Catherine W.
So I guess you are saying you found some people in AA to befriend who didn't mind your "wierd program of recovery" there and stayed away from others who would have liked you to do things differently or exactly thier way.
Because just for me, that's what it is; run away and ignore something that my gut instinct tells me I can't possibly reconcile with my convictions.
In a way, part of my program includes questioning my motives.
As in why do I feel like yelling at the top of my lungs that you people are all idiots?
It's not an easy thing to do for me sometimes, but by looking past the messenger, I'm given a gift my ego would have had me ignore altogether.
Sober activities, with sober friends, are so important.
Finding these people is my responsibility. And I'm grateful there are many different rooms in which to find them.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Akron, OH
Posts: 51
Originally Posted by DangerousDan
That's basically it, in a nutshell. But just as important, I found a way, in time, to feel comfortable sitting in discussion meetings, hearing things that once gave me the impulse to run away.
Because just for me, that's what it is; run away and ignore something that my gut instinct tells me I can't possibly reconcile with my convictions.
In a way, part of my program includes questioning my motives.
As in why do I feel like yelling at the top of my lungs that you people are all idiots?
It's not an easy thing to do for me sometimes, but by looking past the messenger, I'm given a gift my ego would have had me ignore altogether.
Sober activities, with sober friends, are so important.
Finding these people is my responsibility. And I'm grateful there are many different rooms in which to find them.
Because just for me, that's what it is; run away and ignore something that my gut instinct tells me I can't possibly reconcile with my convictions.
In a way, part of my program includes questioning my motives.
As in why do I feel like yelling at the top of my lungs that you people are all idiots?
It's not an easy thing to do for me sometimes, but by looking past the messenger, I'm given a gift my ego would have had me ignore altogether.
Sober activities, with sober friends, are so important.
Finding these people is my responsibility. And I'm grateful there are many different rooms in which to find them.
I feel like now I can go find a couple of meetings I might like, go to an online secular meeting, and do things personally for myself and not worry so much that if I don't do this or that right, people there will make it difficult for me or that I will fail somehow or not get the good things that are promised, etc. etc.
Because I am really looking forward to (and really hoping) for a better life that I will have to work at one way or another and having a few resources if I don't like all of one is good enough for me. But what I would like to, is to make some friends in my area. I would not have had a chance in Denver, Colorado with the folks I knew there. And I am tired of being isolated. AA is the most obvious place to meet them.
But I am also grateful for everyone at SR and for someone like Tyler who is not in AA but runs a Secular meeting here and dedicates himself to his recovery and helping others that way. He has his own way of doing service with his recovery and that is awesome as well. It is all good.
Not all better, getting better
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: The Beautiful Inner Banks of NC
Posts: 1,702
Geez, ya'll are makin me blush!! To be completely honest, I get as much, if not more, from any contributions I make here at SR. If in some way sharing what I have gone through and do to stay clean and sober helps someone, it helps me make some sense of the pain I have been through and have caused those I love. My concept of a "higher power" and spirituality in general is very much in it's infancy, though I am starting to make some strides in that direction. As I have stated many times before I have nothing but respect for people who have achieved and maintain their sobriety through the twelve steps. In general, I think the 12-steps, much like the 10 Comandments, are a solid way to live your life. Not to get off on a tangent here, but I think 12 step programs suffer in the same way Christianity suffers when people begin to be intolerant of other's and their beliefs. Hope I don't stir up a firestorm with that one!! I guess the people I know who I would say are the "best" Christians (and I guess it's kinda hard to quanitfy something like that!!) are the one's who don't have to tell me about it, I can tell by the way they live their lives and by their actions. The same goes for recovery, if you are working a good program, you don't have to shove it down my throat, I will eventually notice that and ask you about it and want to learn. Anyway, thanks for the kind words Cathrine and Dan, hope to see you guys Wednesday nite. Take care.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Dallas, Tx
Posts: 2,405
Originally Posted by tyler 
I guess the people I know who I would say are the "best" Christians (and I guess it's kinda hard to quanitfy something like that!!) are the one's who don't have to tell me about it, I can tell by the way they live their lives and by their actions. The same goes for recovery, if you are working a good program, you don't have to shove it down my throat, .
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Join Date: Jun 2008
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Tyler - good job in reaching out, congrats.
An added opinion that may help some people....
I watch TV shows and during the breaks they are constantly trying to 'shove a new car down my throat'... I'm so uncomfotable... I'd better quit watching TV shows.
I go to AA meetings and the people there try to 'shove their ideals down my throat'... I'm so uncomfortable... I'd better quit going to AA meetings.
My friends... you don't need to quit watching TV or quit going to AA meetings... you simply need to realize that everywhere you go in the world someone is going to try and convince you to do something. They're not 'shoving' anything down you throat, they're not 'forcing' anything upon you. You make up these untruths in your mind. But you don't have to, lol...!
You might benefit most from an AA meeting by just sitting there and realizing you have a choice in what to do, and what not to do, and that you are in control of your choices.
Keep coming back, stay clean & sober..!
An added opinion that may help some people....
I watch TV shows and during the breaks they are constantly trying to 'shove a new car down my throat'... I'm so uncomfotable... I'd better quit watching TV shows.
I go to AA meetings and the people there try to 'shove their ideals down my throat'... I'm so uncomfortable... I'd better quit going to AA meetings.
My friends... you don't need to quit watching TV or quit going to AA meetings... you simply need to realize that everywhere you go in the world someone is going to try and convince you to do something. They're not 'shoving' anything down you throat, they're not 'forcing' anything upon you. You make up these untruths in your mind. But you don't have to, lol...!
You might benefit most from an AA meeting by just sitting there and realizing you have a choice in what to do, and what not to do, and that you are in control of your choices.
Keep coming back, stay clean & sober..!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 4,682
I hope you guys get some more people involved, ones that insist on having a problem with God and AA (even though in AA is is as you understand Him, which could be an empty can of diet coke?!). Sounds to me like you offer a great deal of support.
I have met over the last 10 months double figures people who are not using anymore without a program of recovery and all of them are living the most miserable lives imaginable, forget finances and materialistic stuff...just everything is a problem, everyone is wrong, the world owes them a living...if only people...i'd rather be drinking!
I'm going to start recommending this resource to them, a few i see almost every other day...i think there biggest problem is they have no-one to talk to that has been there and is leading a happy and contented life without using, wishing you well:-)
I have met over the last 10 months double figures people who are not using anymore without a program of recovery and all of them are living the most miserable lives imaginable, forget finances and materialistic stuff...just everything is a problem, everyone is wrong, the world owes them a living...if only people...i'd rather be drinking!
I'm going to start recommending this resource to them, a few i see almost every other day...i think there biggest problem is they have no-one to talk to that has been there and is leading a happy and contented life without using, wishing you well:-)
Member
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 81
Originally Posted by yeahgr8
I hope you guys get some more people involved, ones that insist on having a problem with God and AA (even though in AA is is as you understand Him, which could be an empty can of diet coke?!). Sounds to me like you offer a great deal of support.
I have met over the last 10 months double figures people who are not using anymore without a program of recovery and all of them are living the most miserable lives imaginable, forget finances and materialistic stuff...just everything is a problem, everyone is wrong, the world owes them a living...if only people...i'd rather be drinking!
I'm going to start recommending this resource to them, a few i see almost every other day...i think there biggest problem is they have no-one to talk to that has been there and is leading a happy and contented life without using, wishing you well:-)
I have met over the last 10 months double figures people who are not using anymore without a program of recovery and all of them are living the most miserable lives imaginable, forget finances and materialistic stuff...just everything is a problem, everyone is wrong, the world owes them a living...if only people...i'd rather be drinking!
I'm going to start recommending this resource to them, a few i see almost every other day...i think there biggest problem is they have no-one to talk to that has been there and is leading a happy and contented life without using, wishing you well:-)
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