JerryS

I am new to this site. I have been a member of AA for over 12 yrs. My sobriety date is Dec. 16, 1992. I had been through a long, 2 1/2 yr., painful divorce, my children had moved out of state with my ex wife whne I got sober.

I went to a lot of meetings for the first 2 yrs. I got remarried, and moved to another state, and continued a lot of meetings. I really began to know some peace and serenity, my youngest son was born in 1995. I continued to have legal issues with my ex, she wouldnt tell me where she and my children had moved, though she was ordered by the court. There continued to be something pending in courts, now in two states. I had to continue to fight to see my children, courts are certainly no place for justice. By 1999, things began to fall apart with my current marriage.

At that time, I was separated from my current wife going through the divorce process, going through court again with my previous wife, essentially two divorces at the same time.

I was divorced in 2000, I had partial custody of my youngest son. I was still trying to see my other children, but though the courts ordered my ex, she still wouldnt comply, they wouldnt put here in jail to get her to comply, thousands of dollars, etc.

I quite going to meetings locally, my ex and I were both in AA, and though it shouldnt have happened, anonimity became a problem. Some of my ex's "friends" in AA would tell her what I had shared in meetings, so I didnt feel any safety. Since it was a small community, everyone in AA knew each other. So I began to avoid going, or wouldnt share if i went, just listened.

In 2001, my ex decided to move out of state, and the courts wouldnt stop her, so she moved away with my youngest son, 900 miles away.

My heart broke, I was totally worn out, spent. I had never hurt so bad in my life. Loss and grief were overwhelming. Depression. I began to gamble at the local casino, that I had never gone to before. I would cry every night I went home, saw my son's room with his things there.

Gambling became my escape, and for the last 4 or 5 years, i have devastated my finances, done things i never thought I would do. Dishonesty became the norm.

I sought counseling again, which I had done off and on for years. Post traumatic stress surfaced, ongoing grief and loss, depression, gambling addiction.

I have gone to GA, increased my AA meetings, but the gambling is the most powerful addiction i have experienced.

I have come to find out, the combination of the depression, grief, PTSD, left me without defense, and without drugs and alcohol in my system, this type addiction is very hard to grasp. "Clear" addicition, as it is called. They have found that the slots, with all its aspects hits the same area in the brain as cocaine. I never really liked drugs, alcohol was always my addicition before, didnt really care for anything but alcohol.

So I am trying to figure out how to dig myself out of this, bewildered and confused. The same feelings with all the financial devastation that alcohol never brought. They have further categorized compulsive gambling into several levels now, the worst, pathological gambling. Unfortuneately, I fit that category. Many dont considerate gambling as an addiction, or dont know how it works. There does seem to be correlation with alcoholism also, so seems to fit for me.

I have really researched the gambling addiction, it is really surfacing to national attention, but very few treatment centers with gambling specifically. It seems to fit in the category as compulsive shopping, shoplifting, etc.

I dont see gambling here as a category, but it is a huge problem, I am a prime example.

I would like to talk to others with gambling problems. Thanks for listening, Jerry

Dan

Hi Jerry.
I'm a member of AA too, and although I don't have a gambling problem in the real sense, as it's explained to me, I've seen one of my uncles lose everything, and ultimately his life, because of his addiction to the ponies.

I've had a few episodes where I wagered and lost a lot of money.
I could easily fall prey to the addiction of gambling, is my guess.

I just wanted to welcome you to SoberRecovery.

Phinneas

Welcome, Jerry. I am sorry for your losses. My divorce was like being thrown from a speeding vehicle and left bleeding and broken on the side of the road. Many here can relate to that kind of pain.

I am proud of you for taking steps in the right direction to get through many different issues. You will find much strength and support on SR. And, yes, there are others who share your gambling addiction. Addiction in its many manifestations is what brings us all together.

hugs,

phinny

CAPTAINZING2000

Jerry,

welcome to the site.

glad you're here



chris

Andy F

Hi Jerry

A few years after going to meetings I got divorced and start gambling. It coincided also with a large increase in my income so I could do it. I nver equated it to alcohol or substances because I didn't lose control of my cognitions. I regarded it in principle in the same vein as chocolate or food. Albeit very expensive. I also didn't believe that I could get too involved because I was 15-20 years sober.

I ended up sat in my van knowing I had lost control. When I accepted I was beat I hit it with everything. I went back to AA, went to GA and got a psychotherapist.

I have to be honest I don't completely identify with general GA members. I went for six months and now I go twice a year to keep my hand in. Though some of the identification was useful.

My gambling was another way of escaping my uncomfortable feelings I held about myself. In principle I can do the same thing with going to lots of meetings, chocolate and I'll let someone else finish the list. I can't assume it is the same for you.

Your welcome to PM or email me anytime.

I stay away from all gambling. Not a lottery ticket or scratchcard.

mackcat

heh jerry

altho i know that the 'high' of gambling is not quite the same as it is for us addicts/addicts, my gambling friends let me know that many of the same stuff is there- and not there.

filling the void with the adrenalin rush is probably where i can strongly idenify. i dunno.
i've been pretty wacko in sobriety- put my self at great risk.

usually do that behavior right around failed relationships....
so , for me , its still the fundamentals of AA/NA. admitting, surrendering, getting willing to accept that there is a spiritual side to my life...me comfortable with me....me loving me.

i hope this doesn't come off as condescending or programspeak. jus my own ESH.

mackat

JerryS

Thanks to everyone for your response. I am really having to stay close with prayers. So much fear and even terror around finances. Behind on everything. If I can begin to climb out somehow. Keep on keepin'on, I guess.


Jerry