historyteach

Well,
I've gotten some very good thoughts on this idea. I honestly appreciate them all.
I'm going to bed now, to sleep on it...But,I'm pretty sure of my decision now. Just want to give it time to sink in and think it through.
Thanks to all who took the time and effort to respond.
Shalom!

2dayzmuse

(((Teach)))

Sleep well. No matter what your decision, I know it comes from the genuine love you hold close to your heart for your son.

historyteach

Thanks, muse
Here is a link for anyone who wonders what it's about.
http://www.aetv.com/intervention/index.html
There is inpatient treatment available as a result of this process....
Shalom!

bikewench

Well...

I know what you could stand to gain by placing your son in this... but .. what do you have to lose??

If it was myself in this position Teach... I'd continue to check it out right up to signing on the dotted line... or the time that you get a clear message that this just will not be a good thing... or until you actually walk your son through the door.

I've attended two interventions... one for my father that did not work... and one for my aunt that did.

Your right to be cautious... but again ... "I" would continue to check it out and gather information.

TracyAgain

I'm trying to understand how you even see it as an option.

I have a son. He turns 26 this year and he makes his own choices. If he chose to address a deeply personal problem on national TV in front of millions of people, that would be *his* choice. I have no right to make that choice for him. I don't care what good that I think *might* come of it. It's his life, not mine. There is no problem he might have that would give me carte blanche to **** on his privacy in front of millions of people.

It wouldn't be a matter of what I think is best for him. It would be a matter of respecting that he is a human being.

Tracy

Ann

Teach, I have held back from responding because I'm in the same situation as you with my son, and I know your pain.

The thing is, I think it would be a terrible mistake, for you and for him. I don't think he'd go through with it and the backfiring might hurt you. I think you are hurt enough.

Just my thoughts.

Hugs
Ann

kwelling5737

Sending you a ********{HUG}}}}}


cuz I luv ya...

Kim

CAPTAINZING2000

TEACH u know we'll all b ********************************{PRAYING}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}


4 U



I TOOK MY DAUGHTER WHEN SHE WAS 14 AND DROPPED HER OFF AT A REHAB. MY EX SAID IF, I DIDN'T SHE WAS GOING TO TURNED OUT, SHE DIDN'T EVEN TEST POSITIVE FOR DRUGS.


HOPING GOD WILL GUIDE U IN YOUR DECISIONS



LOVE

CHRIS

Chy

Huge red flag! He's 25 teach, perhaps if younger an intervention would be in order, but I'd never televise the pain of my family. Just an alcoholics opinion.

Wilky

From the Big Book of A.A.:

"It is not the matter of giving that is in question, but when and how to give. That often makes the difference between failure and success. The minute we put our work on a service plane, the alcoholic commences to rely upon our assistance rather than upon God. He clamors for this or that, claiming he cannot master alcohol until his material needs are cared for. Nonsense. Some of us have taken very hard knocks to learn this truth: Job or no job -- wife or no wife -- we simply do not stop drinking so long as we place dependence upon other people ahead of dependence on God.

Burn the idea into the consciousness of every man that he can get well regardless of anyone. The only condition is that he trust in God and clean house."

From my experience....some interventions work, for a while. Most relapse. Why? They have not hit a bottom. The desire to stop drinking, OR using, must come from within. This desire is not one that can be planted.

Remember, we carry the message....not the alcoholic/user. Only God can do an intervention that works! Ask Him in your morning meditation what you can do for your son. In the meantime...take care of you! How is your relationship with God?

One day at a time.
Wilky

CAPTAINZING2000

WHAT IS AN INTERVENTION?
"An intervention is [an] attempt by family members and friends to help a ... person get help for his/her problem. These interventions are usually successful and individuals often go into...[a] treatment program .... The purpose of an intervention is to get [an addicted person] out of denial and show them the ways in which their disease is affecting the people they love the most. With the help of an intervention specialist and loved ones, the intervention process does not have to be painful, but can be the beginning of a new way of living for all those involved.


THE MAN THAT HELPED ME A LOT WHEN I FIRST GOT INTO AA HAS A DRUG AND ALCOHOL COUNSELLING SERVICE. HE GAVE ME A TAPE OF AA DOCUMENTARY FROM A&E. WELL MADE PROGRAM.


1 MORE THING CAME TO MY MIND, MY SPONSER TOLD ME HOW HIS FAMILY LOADED HIM UP IN A CAR AND TOOK HIM TO A TREATMENT CENTER. HE DIDN'T KNOW THEY WERE TAKING HIM THERE.

HE'S NOW A DRUG COUNSELOR AT A STATE PRISON HERE IN ILL.

BubbaBob

Ah yes...one of, in my opinion, the worst examples of where we as a society have sunk to.

Someone honestly tries to help someone, and makes a mistake (which I'm not sure this would be), and the first instinct is to sue. That attitude is what makes people drive by car accidents without trying to help.

Teach, as to the intervention, I don't think what would make this good or bad is that it is a televised intervention, I think the issue is whether or not an intervention is appropriate for your son at all. As someone else said, interventions CAN be good, but they are not beneficial for all. If there is a mental health professional you know that is familiar with your son you ought to ask them.

I have clients who an intervention helped, and I have clients that, I believe, an intervention would destroy.

BubbaBob

historyteach

Thank you for all your kind thoughts and ideas on this subject matter.
I am grateful!
I will meditate on this today...and let you know my decision....
Shalom!

alli61098

Teach,
My best friend and her family are going through hell right now with her brother. They are in the process of planning an intervention and have asked me to participate because I am considered part of her family.

I've never been involved in one before but I am picturing a horribly emotional event where many private and personal issues will be discussed. If it were me, I would never forgive the person who exposed me or my personal issues to the world.

I understand your reasoning, but IF this is successful, at what cost to your relationship with your son?

Alli

TracyAgain

LOL - And I thought you were going talk about exploiting a loved one's most personal problems to provide tawdry entertainment for the decadent masses as an example of a society sinking into the sewer. LOL.

Tracy

Phinneas

I can only speak from my own experience. There was no way I could have or would have stopped using as a result of and intervention or anyone telling me to do so. No one and no thing could have brought me to the place that I needed to be to stop. It was (and still is) between me and god.

This type of intervention would not only have destroyed me, it would have destroyed my relationships with each and every person involved.

Reality shows offend me. This type of show horrifies me.

phinny

HockeyMom

I meant I don't know you or your son, so I can't say if it would be a good idea for the two of you. I know my mom and my brother, and our situation. I know that without outside help my mom cannot handle this situation with my brother. I also know that we have tried, unsuccessfully, to get outside help, so I think a show, any show, is better than no help at all.

Clear as mud, right?

Last night I talked to my AH about this. He thinks it's a great idea. I thought that was odd. My AH is a binger, usually he can go 4-6 weeks but if he starts drinking he's gone for a day or two on a binge. And once he's drunk, he's into cocaine, X, and apparently now percs too. He knows he has a problem.

His parents & I did an intervention almost two years ago. It was effective, it got him into a 28day program, which taught him a lot about his problem and how to deal with it. But he's also 31yrs old and I don't think it would've had the same affect 10 years ago. My AH once said about my brother 'he has to write his own story'.

Unfortunately, recovery is a long hard road. And in the past year my AH
hasn't been willing to go to meetings. He thinks he can survive one binge to the next, I think.

Now why on earth would he think an intervention show would be a good idea??? I think maybe he thinks it would kinda force him to get more help, but he didn't admit to that.

Good luck, you'll make the right decision. Trust your mothers intuition.

CAPTAINZING2000

I'd Like To Add My Last Intervention Was A Drunk Tank. Did I Want To Go To Jail. I Don't Think So.

Teach,

Ask What Their Success Rate Is. See If You Can Talk To Someone That's Done It.

All Told I Don't Drink Not Because I Don't Want To It's Because Of Incarceration. My Claustrophobia Is Worse Then My Alcoholism. I'd Rather Die Then Be Locked Up.

We All Love You And What Ever You Do We'll Respect You For It


Chris

Jewelz

Teach, I'm a little unsure where I stand on this. If I put it in my situation I know my abf would probably be really angry that I put him on the spot like that. A big part of me feels a intervention should be done in privacy. BUT if it was my child that was the addict I probably would do anything I could think of even if it means a televised show to try to reach her. And for me it would be me being a codie but I know that wouldnt stop me. I know I am saying two different things here but I am trying to be honest.

Jewel

JennE

(((((((((((((((((((((TEACH)))))))))))))))))))))))
I went MIA for a "lil while" so I missed some "TIME" and I picked this thread to respond to after I came out of hiding in my own thread. The very reason I felt the need to offer up my twisted 2 cents:
The addict your SON has been on the road a long time... You as his mother have walked the road, created new roads in hopes that he will see the curve ahead and choose the new path that you laid out... Your efforts are genuine, your RECOVERY for SELF is one that has been built on both the failures and sucesses of your efforts for both yourslef and your son. (taking your ex out of the picture just cuz we already know how GENUINE his efforts to your sons Recovery are) (kind of like "gold" that you cant get wet!) Anyways...
To go to the extreme of intervention HELL YEAH all wheels in motion... There has not been any cut cards from anyone involved with your sons use (grandma, You, the Ex, the wife, the GF, the Counselors, the meth clinic staff, etc) but... to go on National TV and to expect the result to be anything different than what it might be if it were in your liv room with just the family/friends.???

I for one have zero concern for his "right to privacy" Hell he walks the Public Streets, uses Public Transportaion, gets Public Assistance time and time again at the expense of the public and all while he is high or on a mission to get high. Does anyone really think that an addict really gives a crap what anyone thinks about them??? They dont not until they are clean/sober and working at a program and then sometimes the very thought of what they have become or what they have done makes them care what others think! Sad but true!

Your privacy on the other hand. Well lets see your initial act when you first sought this opportunity to Do IT to complete the application is a clear indication that you dont have anything to hide and that the love for your son is the reason you would go to such great extremes...It by far Supersedes the thought of what will happen if my private pain goes public??

Worry about a damaged relationship??? As if theft/deception/lies/manipulation and all the other results of addiction brings into relatiosnhips!!! Damage I dont think so and too bad you dont want your mom to "let anyone know" Does he think you were pleased that he became and addict??

Teach- I have faith in you that you are far enough down the road to know what you want and smart enough to know what is right for you. Everyone has a different belief system and it was instilled in us from the rearing we received as children. I think that you had 14 years of imnpact on your son before drugs clouded his decisions and took hold over him... I dont think he would hate you or it would cause permanent damage, and if it worked .... Well than the love and determination that although you were not enabling him and supplying him with tools to continue his chosen trade, you also did not send up your white flag and surrender...

I myslef watch a lot of documentary television Not the reality ******** shows, but real people dealing with real issues... And I have used knowledge/understanding and acceptance of more people because of ahows like that... I watched one about a mentally handicap person who was left without any family upon the demise of his elderly parents and I saw a new light to how these people were treated without the protection of there parents. I got inolved with an organization in MD where they send bulk mailings and basic office skills to a facility where these people very types of people are employed so they can make and income to allow themselves housing etc. I also have a diferent regard for the children of drug addicts since I viewed a documentary which was somewhat of an intervention.

Of course the difference in opinion will be stark bewteen the addict and the anon people but if you think it could help YOU, and possilby help your SON than do what is right for you.

My Wise Friend be Safe on your Journey and remember to Lighten the load as the road of life is long, the view is not always scenic, the conditions are not always pleasent but none the less it is the road of life and it is yours to walk!

Jen