7 days clean and going strong
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2016
Posts: 3
7 days clean and going strong
Hello, brand new to the forum. Not really sure what I'm doing but I think it would help me to write some things down and maybe get some fresh views. I'm under 40, have drank moderately for 2 decades and VERY heavy for the last 3+. I have never been to any meetings, never looked for any kind of help quiting, I just got tired of it. I have no doubts that my habits will cost me my good job, allot of money, and ultimately kill me early.
Drinking goes against most of my passions which include a great work ethic and giving it my all at the gym. I work out often in my free time and probably don't look like someone who drinks as much as i do. I am no stranger to setting goals and sticking to them through sheer determination.
My wife is my long time drinking buddy. Our relationship was "great" up until recently, never better. But we both knew it is time to clean up. We had a long talk and promised to support each other quitting. I was scared to death the first few days but the gym was there for me. I am feeling better than ever and going very strong.
My daughter text me while I was at the gym today that mom bought beer at the store and when confronted, she acted in complete denial that we had any agreement to quit or that she has any kind of problem. It blew up into a huge screaming match, (our 3rd in maybe 16yrs), and she locked herself in the bedroom hours ago, and im now curling up on the couch tonight because she wants nothing to do with the rest of us.
We were VERY happy alcoholics leading to a ton of sex and good times but a terrible influence in front of the kids. We are not used to fighting. To help you gauge what we are coming off of, she easily buys a 24pk case of beer every other day, and I averaged a 1.75L of Vodka every other day, NEVER an off day.
Like I said, I couldn't feel stronger about the new direction I am going but I can't get her to recognize that she has a problem in the first place. I'm hoping my marriage survives this current mess. Any helpful tidbits of wisdom from those who have been there would be greatly appreciated. Thanks for reading this and allowing me to air this out. JJ
Drinking goes against most of my passions which include a great work ethic and giving it my all at the gym. I work out often in my free time and probably don't look like someone who drinks as much as i do. I am no stranger to setting goals and sticking to them through sheer determination.
My wife is my long time drinking buddy. Our relationship was "great" up until recently, never better. But we both knew it is time to clean up. We had a long talk and promised to support each other quitting. I was scared to death the first few days but the gym was there for me. I am feeling better than ever and going very strong.
My daughter text me while I was at the gym today that mom bought beer at the store and when confronted, she acted in complete denial that we had any agreement to quit or that she has any kind of problem. It blew up into a huge screaming match, (our 3rd in maybe 16yrs), and she locked herself in the bedroom hours ago, and im now curling up on the couch tonight because she wants nothing to do with the rest of us.
We were VERY happy alcoholics leading to a ton of sex and good times but a terrible influence in front of the kids. We are not used to fighting. To help you gauge what we are coming off of, she easily buys a 24pk case of beer every other day, and I averaged a 1.75L of Vodka every other day, NEVER an off day.
Like I said, I couldn't feel stronger about the new direction I am going but I can't get her to recognize that she has a problem in the first place. I'm hoping my marriage survives this current mess. Any helpful tidbits of wisdom from those who have been there would be greatly appreciated. Thanks for reading this and allowing me to air this out. JJ
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
welcome JJ 
It's a bit of a minefield when both partners in a relationship have a problem.
My advice is focus on your own recovery as much as you can.
I don;t think you can make someone else change...but your wife may indeed join you, in time... she may not....but you clearly see the need for change...don't be discouraged from that - you're making a great decision
D
It's a bit of a minefield when both partners in a relationship have a problem.
My advice is focus on your own recovery as much as you can.
I don;t think you can make someone else change...but your wife may indeed join you, in time... she may not....but you clearly see the need for change...don't be discouraged from that - you're making a great decision
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2016
Posts: 3
Thanks for the fast reply Dee. I hold myself to some very strict standards when I set my mind to something and can see how she could be blindsided by holding her to the same. I like your advice but could easily see that sending us in two opposite directions. I know I have enough to focus on in my own recovery though. Thanks D, JJ
Awakening
Join Date: Jul 2016
Posts: 19
I can't give you any tips since I am only on my third day sober. I can however relate to the spouse and I being best drinking buds for quite some time now (married 19; most of which has been sober until recent years). He doesn't drink as much as I do. He does still like his weekend drinking though (and on Tuesdays for his cornhole tournaments). Since I have to stop drinking and he doesn't want to, I'm wondering how this is going to pan out? I will be watching your progress as well since we seem in similar situations. My priorities have changed. His haven't. I am a little worried what this might bring to our marriage.
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