Mountainmanbob

One thing that comes to my minds eye often in sobriety is the thought that,
I have gained some wisdom and I don't act out as much as I did when I was drinking or drunk.

Sure, there is still the battle of the flesh and at times even while sober in mind and body I may make a wrong turn. But, often these sober days I realize that I'm heading in the wrong direction and make a turn about before it's too late and I need not be headed down the road that leads to a wrong decision being made.

Take road rage for an example. Many times in AA meetings over the years I have heard ones share that something happened while driving that in the old days while under the influence they would have done something stupid. But, since they were now sober they just let it go and did not let it disturb their serenity.

This thread should be of encouragement for the newcomer who is suffering from the wreckage of their past.

Have no fear -- stay sober -- and -- better decisions will be made.

Which will not only effect you in a positive way
but,
also your loved ones, friends and even strangers.

MM

Mountainmanbob

Sometimes the wisdom is shown with just keeping my mouth shut.

Giving a little more thought to things said and done is a blessing.

When drinking I spoke out way too often before thinking my thoughts out.

In sobriety I have found that
sometimes the best way in which to show love is to say nothing at all.

How many times these sober days am I so very glad
that I kept my thoughts to myself.

MM

Hevyn

I drank, partly, to cope with things and keep calm. How ironic - it caused just the opposite to happen. I was filled with anxiety, & my feelings were always raw & on edge. I agree, MM - I'm much more serene.

Boleo

Most relgions, mental disiplines, recovery movements and even some philosopies have a name for the state of mind where we experience this kind of peace of mind;

Serenity - Recovery
Equanimity - Psychology
Apatheia - Stoicism
Shoshin -Buddhism
ZaZen - Zen
Pu - Taoism
Nishkam Karma - Hindu
Mushin - Martial Arts
Spiritual Detachment - Meister Eckhart
Holy Indifference - St Ignatius of Loyola

Mountainmanbob

Christian religion -- one of the fruits of the Spirit

Self Control

not much of that when I was drunk.

MB

Boleo

I don't think of it as self control. I think of it as Universal control. Something Buddha called Dhamma and Carl Jung called collective unconscious.

BellJar7

I'm only 2 days sober, but I was thinking about this today, how happy I'll be when my embarrassing Facebook posts are a thing of the past. Or my embarrassing rambling phone conversations where the person on the other end doesn't know I'm intoxicated and also doesn't have any idea what I'm talking about. Or the texting/messaging conversations where I'm misreading what they write and getting heated over things they didn't say or clearly didn't mean. SO many embarrassments. I wasn't a bar drinker or a partier. I drank at home alone usually, but that didn't stop me from acting out and making embarrassing posts that I didn't remember the next day. Sometimes posting things that offended family or friends.

And then there were times I would put my laptop and phone away before drinking so there was no possible way I could do or say something stupid or offensive only to have nightmares that I had posted something stupid or offensive, and I would wake up in the middle of the night (sometimes still drunk) and scroll through everything I could think of trying to make sure the dream wasn't real. That's a horrible feeling.

Hevyn

I know, BellJar - that awful 'cold sweat' feeling of having done something mortifying. All the making amends and excuses - losing credibility with everyone. It's so good to be free of it.

Congratulations on your 3 Days.

Mountainmanbob

Not drinking today gives us a little time to think before acting out in a unhealthy way. I thank God for that. I will admit that at times even though sober I entertain some thoughts that are so not right but, now I play out the consequences in my mind before making any unreversible moves.

The thought of what I could be responsible of today if drinking truly scares me.

Mountainmanbob

Ken33xx

Exactly.

And when fear/anger does flare up and my reaction becomes unhealthy it`s generally not blown out of proportion.

Mountainmanbob

That has saved myself and the ones around me a lot of undue stres

Life is much easier today
We must not forget that
for it is easy to forget
how bad when drinking it was.

MM

dox

I remember hearing about "restraint of tongue and pen" in a meeting once.
Thank you AA!
We can read more about the AA take on self-restraint in Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions.
(page 91)

To restraint of tongue and pen, we can add restraint of keyboard and mouse these days.

SR and other forums sometimes become battlefields when we show a lack of self-restraint.

Pride takes over and humility goes out the window when we forget to stop and think, or even pray, before reacting in anger.

Another gem I heard in a meeting was a checklist:
Does it need to be said?
Does it need to be said now?
Does it need to be said by me?

Silence is golden.
Sometimes in meetings here, nobody will share for a few minutes.
At first, it seemed awkward.
Then, It became tolerable.
Now, it is comfortable.

Learning to be comfortable with silence is a gift that keeps on giving in oh so many situations.

Sizzle

I know I act out much less while being sober. Though, I wasn't a wild / angry drunk. I just did stupid things. Though, during the days, I'd have a bit more anger and things would tend to overwhelm me a bit. Not so much anymore. :-)

Mountainmanbob

Dispute over a tree with a neighbor here on the mountain top.

A while back my neighbor and I got into a heated discussion
and things almost got out of hand.

Acceptance is still at times an issue for me.

Neighbor and I had a visit yesterday that was very pleasant.
Sure better than when we were (both) acting out.

My neighbor does not know it but,
he is an alcoholic who drinks a lot most every day.
When he is (often) acting off the wall,
I see my old drunk self in him occasionally.

Today sober I have a fighting chance.

MM

dox

.
.
"And we have ceased fighting anything or anyone . . ."
.
~ Alcoholiocs Anonymous, 1st Edition, page 84.
.
.

TheGamer

Sorry to go off topic from the current discussion but I just gotta say, to the original post: spot on!

I have noticed that I have just chilled out more since quitting my DoC. It's kind of amazing really how things don't bug me and the things that don't bug me yet bug others. I just wonder what exactly it is about my journey into using and the recovery from that lifestyle. There are just certain things in life to me now that are more pleasant, like, I am content just standing out and watching the moon for a bit, it's relaxing.

Food for thought?

Thanks,
-TG

bigsombrero

Agree with TheGamer and MountainMan's OP -- the ability to keep my mouth shut has increased vastly with sobriety! And that's helped so much!

I used to constantly snap at people. Heck, even couldn't resist picking a fight online with a stranger if I couldn't find someone to fight with in real life! I think that many of us have achieved PATIENCE in sobriety, because being in recovery we need to practice patience to see results. This translates to fewer impulsive actions in all phases of life...and we all notice the improvements.

LiveInPeace

Ken33xx--how would you say you deal with fear/anger flaring up now?

Gottalife

I can't speak for Ken, but this part of step 11 (our 24 hour plan) works very well for me.


"As we go through the day we pause, when agitated or doubtful, and ask for the right thought or action. We constantly remind ourselves we are no longer running the show, humbly saying to ourselves many times each day "Thy will be done." We are then in much less danger of excitement, fear, anger, worry, self-pity, or foolish decisions. We become much more efficient. We do not tire so easily, for we are not burning up energy foolishly as we did when we were trying to arrange life to suit ourselves."

If something does kick off, which hardly ever happens these days, it's instant step ten, right there, and amends if called for. I find it a good policy to not let anything sit and fester.

Calle

Omg you too? Among other things I hated with every ounce of my being reading those Facebook posts and messages mortifying and so devoid of dignity. I would put screen savers on my phone before drinking that say dont! and still over and over and over pretty much drunkenly harass my 1st boyfriend from high school ugh who is happy in a relationship. (From 20 years ago) no less. Only when drunk did I feel like contacting him. Telling him I needed to see him and obsessing over his FB. I don't know why I harassed mainly this poor guy. The depression and anxiety after this was beyond awful. I have not had a drink in 3 days and I don't ever want to feel like that again. The anxiety seems to lessen every morning