The Extent of My Own Stupidity
Redmayne
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Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Manchester, England, UK.
Posts: 1,543
The Extent of My Own Stupidity
I would have liked the full title of this thread to have been the subtitle to Soko Morinaga's, book,'Novice to Master' or 'An Ongoing Lesson in The Extent of My Own Stupidity,' which, in recovery, describes myself and my sobriety perfectly.
It's true to say of me, starting at the age of 15 and spanning a further period of 45 years I pursued four successful professional careers, in the service of my country, the community and ironically enough, those who served the community...
It's also true to say that for the last 30 years of those 45, I was an alcoholic!
Setting aside the fact that in the 90's, I lost everything twice, other than my son and my limited ability for reasons, pointed out to me by those qualified to know these things, that were unconnected with my alcoholism, but there's little doubt in my mind to a greater or lesser degree, it played its part, no excuses, right!
Now, when the late Soko Morinaga started his lesson, he was a young man who had, effectively lost everything to ... which sort of gave him a bit of a head start on me,as I didn't really gain sobriety until I was already 61!
So, for a man who'd relied on his own self reliance and experience, not infallible, as time had proved, but nevertheless mine, and no one could take them from me.
It has, since the date of my sobriety, 15th Feb.2008 been not only a slow awakening but a prolonged reverberating shock to find that not only am I learning to live with the extent of my own stupidity. The actual truth is their is a lot about life, other people and , in recognition of, I don't know about myself!
Don't get me wrong, it's not the upmarket stuff or the digital age.I'm not only a dinosaur in that are, and also a firm believer in what Einstein said,"When human activity is overtaken by technology. Then we'll have a nation of idiots."
Nor is is practical matters ,like the fact that I now live in a safe, secure environment, with an equally safe, safe secure income. If all fluence is having everything you need, not want. I'm affluent.
It's the actual appreciation of life itself and what it means to wake up everyday, safe, sane and sober, knowing that I have the opportunity to experience and learn something new everyday, however big or small, the key to which. Like Soko Morinaga learned, right from the start, being humility, when instructed by his Zen Master to tidy the garden, done in such a desultory manner. He had to be shown how, at the same time learning the lesson that,'No one and nothing is trash.'
In sobriety,the ongoing lesson in the extent of my own stupidity, metaphorically speaking, is like that, it's a huge adventure, not to be missed b anyone in wanting to get, or already in recovery!
It's true to say of me, starting at the age of 15 and spanning a further period of 45 years I pursued four successful professional careers, in the service of my country, the community and ironically enough, those who served the community...
It's also true to say that for the last 30 years of those 45, I was an alcoholic!
Setting aside the fact that in the 90's, I lost everything twice, other than my son and my limited ability for reasons, pointed out to me by those qualified to know these things, that were unconnected with my alcoholism, but there's little doubt in my mind to a greater or lesser degree, it played its part, no excuses, right!
Now, when the late Soko Morinaga started his lesson, he was a young man who had, effectively lost everything to ... which sort of gave him a bit of a head start on me,as I didn't really gain sobriety until I was already 61!
So, for a man who'd relied on his own self reliance and experience, not infallible, as time had proved, but nevertheless mine, and no one could take them from me.
It has, since the date of my sobriety, 15th Feb.2008 been not only a slow awakening but a prolonged reverberating shock to find that not only am I learning to live with the extent of my own stupidity. The actual truth is their is a lot about life, other people and , in recognition of, I don't know about myself!
Don't get me wrong, it's not the upmarket stuff or the digital age.I'm not only a dinosaur in that are, and also a firm believer in what Einstein said,"When human activity is overtaken by technology. Then we'll have a nation of idiots."
Nor is is practical matters ,like the fact that I now live in a safe, secure environment, with an equally safe, safe secure income. If all fluence is having everything you need, not want. I'm affluent.
It's the actual appreciation of life itself and what it means to wake up everyday, safe, sane and sober, knowing that I have the opportunity to experience and learn something new everyday, however big or small, the key to which. Like Soko Morinaga learned, right from the start, being humility, when instructed by his Zen Master to tidy the garden, done in such a desultory manner. He had to be shown how, at the same time learning the lesson that,'No one and nothing is trash.'
In sobriety,the ongoing lesson in the extent of my own stupidity, metaphorically speaking, is like that, it's a huge adventure, not to be missed b anyone in wanting to get, or already in recovery!
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Join Date: Feb 2014
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Originally Posted by Redmayne 
It's the actual appreciation of life itself and what it means to wake up everyday, safe, sane and sober, knowing that I have the opportunity to experience and learn something new everyday, however big or small,
Love this. It is the gift of each new day.
Redmayne
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Manchester, England, UK.
Posts: 1,543
It probably sounds stupid....
It probably sounds stupid, considering the length of time I've been sober, but since 1991, together with my alcoholism, which began in years earlier I've been carrying the weight of the material and emotional turmoil caused by traumatic events, not entirely connected to my alcoholism,i.e. they weren't caused by my own hand or alcohol....
And whilst I've been able to get into recovery and what is now prolonged sobriety, for all my efforts to 'let go' particularly of the past, their effects were so unexpected and traumatic in a manner that many others couldn't even begin to understand to help me come to terms with it all., I've only just started to realise this and appreciate the beauty of the, modest life I lead now, compared to what once was.
The best way I can describe it, metaphorically speaking , is that it's now time to , 'sit and watch the seasons change....' and fully appreciate what my life in sobriety has brought me.
I hope that makes sense....
And whilst I've been able to get into recovery and what is now prolonged sobriety, for all my efforts to 'let go' particularly of the past, their effects were so unexpected and traumatic in a manner that many others couldn't even begin to understand to help me come to terms with it all., I've only just started to realise this and appreciate the beauty of the, modest life I lead now, compared to what once was.
The best way I can describe it, metaphorically speaking , is that it's now time to , 'sit and watch the seasons change....' and fully appreciate what my life in sobriety has brought me.
I hope that makes sense....
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
Originally Posted by Redmayne
The best way I can describe it, metaphorically speaking , is that it's now time to , 'sit and watch the seasons change....' and fully appreciate what my life in sobriety has brought me.
Very inspiring!!
Redmayne
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Manchester, England, UK.
Posts: 1,543
Phra Farang ...
I must admit the suggestion that I sit and 'watch the seasons change....' was taken from the idea I found in a book,'Phra Farang' (New Monk) subtitled 'An English Monk in Thailand' by Phra Peter Pannapadio.
At the end of a years retreat, he asked one of his colleagues, an older man who had formally held a high flying executive position, together with all the attendant demands, expectations, responsibilities and commitments and dubious luxuries that lifestyle had brought. What plans he had for the future, as he himself was intending to work in education and found his own charitable foundation, which he did.
The man replied,'Oh, I think I'll just sit here and watch the seasons change,' which balanced against the events in my life seemed a perfectly sensible idea to me.
For me, that time has now arrived....as I hope it does for others
At the end of a years retreat, he asked one of his colleagues, an older man who had formally held a high flying executive position, together with all the attendant demands, expectations, responsibilities and commitments and dubious luxuries that lifestyle had brought. What plans he had for the future, as he himself was intending to work in education and found his own charitable foundation, which he did.
The man replied,'Oh, I think I'll just sit here and watch the seasons change,' which balanced against the events in my life seemed a perfectly sensible idea to me.
For me, that time has now arrived....as I hope it does for others
Redmayne
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Manchester, England, UK.
Posts: 1,543
There's a suggestion that....
There's a suggestion that those who seek revenge should dig two graves,a situation that I may or may not arise as I've no idea what the future might bring, just like anyone else, presumably that includes you. On that basis perhaps you should ask yourself that question, before enquiring of others...
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