What is Acceptance?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 11
What is Acceptance?
What is Acceptance?
March 1962
One way to get at the meaning of the principle of acceptance is to meditate upon it in the context of AA's much used prayer, "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."
Essentially this is to ask for the resources of grace by which we may make spiritual progress under all conditions. Greatly emphasized in this wonderful prayer is a need for the kind of wisdom that discriminates between the possible and the impossible. We shall also see that life's formidable array of pains and problems will require many different degrees of acceptance as we try to apply this valued principle.
Sometimes we have to find the right kind of acceptance for each day. Sometimes we need to develop acceptance for what may come to pass tomorrow, and yet again we shall have to accept a condition that may never change. Then, too, there frequently has to be aright and realistic acceptance of grievous flaws within ourselves and serious flaws within those about us – defects that may not be fully remedied for years, if ever.
All of us will encounter failures, some retrievable and some not. We shall often meet with defeat -sometimes by accident, sometimes self-inflicted, and at still other times dealt to us by the injustice and violence of other people. Most of us will meet up with some degree of worldly success, and here the problem of the right kind of acceptance will be really difficult. Then there will be illness and death.
How indeed shall we be able to accept all these?
It is always worthwhile to consider how grossly that good word acceptance can be misused. It can be warped to justify nearly every brand of weakness, nonsense, and folly. For instance, we can "accept" failure as a chronic condition, forever without profit or remedy. We can "accept" worldly success pride fully, as something wholly of our own making. We can also "accept" illness and death as certain evidence of a hostile and godless universe. With these twisting of acceptance, we AAs have had vast experience. Hence we constantly try to remind ourselves that these perversions of acceptance are just gimmicks for excuse making: a losing game at which we are, or at least have been, the world's champions.
This is why we treasure our Serenity Prayer so much. It brings a new light to us that can dissipate our old-time and nearly fatal habit of fooling ourselves. In the radiance of this prayer we see that defeat, rightly accepted, need be no disaster. We now know that we do not have to run away, nor ought we to again try to overcome adversity by still another bulldozing power drive that can only push up obstacles before us faster than they can be taken down.
On entering AA, we become the beneficiaries of a very different experience. Our new way of staying sober is literally founded upon the proposition that "Of ourselves we are nothing, the Father doeth the works." In Steps One and Two of our recovery program, there ideas are specifically spelled out: "We admitted we were powerless over alcohol – that our lives had become unmanageable" – "Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity." We couldn't lick alcohol with our own remaining resources and so we accepted the further fact that dependence upon a higher power (if only our AA group) could do this hitherto impossible job. The moment we were able to fully accept these facts, our release from the alcohol compulsion had begun. For most of us this pair of acceptances had required a lot of exertion to achieve. Our whole treasured philosophy of self-sufficiency had to be cast aside. This had not been done with old- fashioned willpower; it was instead a matter of developing willingness to accept these new facts of living. We neither ran nor fought. But accept we did. And then we were free. There had been no irretrievable disaster.
This kind of acceptance and faith is capable of producing 100 percent sobriety. In fact it usually does; and it must, else we could have no life at all. But the moment we carry these attitudes into our emotional problems, we find that only relative results are possible. Nobody can, for example, become completely free from fear, anger, and pride. Hence in this life we shall attain nothing like perfect humility and love. So we shall have to settle, respecting most of our problems, for a very gradual progress, punctuated sometimes by heavy setbacks. Our old-time attitudes of "all or nothing" will have to be abandoned.
Therefore our first problem is to accept our present circumstances as they are, ourselves as we are, and the people about us as they are. This is to adopt a realistic humility without which no genuine advance can even begin. Again and again, we shall need to return to that unflattering point of departure. This is an exercise in acceptance that we can profitably practice every day of our lives. Provided we strenuously avoid turning these realistic surveys of the facts of life into unrealistic alibis for apathy and defeatism, they can be the sure foundation upon which increased emotional health and therefore spiritual progress can be built. At least this seems to be my own experience.
Another exercise that I practice is to try for a full inventory of my blessings and then for a right acceptance of the many gifts that are mine – both temporal and spiritual. Here I try to achieve a state of joyful gratitude. When such a brand of gratitude is repeatedly affirmed and pondered, it can finally displace the natural tendency to congratulate myself on whatever progress I may have been enabled to make in some areas of living. I try hard to hold fast to the truth that a full and thankful heart cannot entertain great conceits. When brimming with gratitude one's heartbeat must surely result in outgoing love, the finest emotion that we can ever know.
In times of rough going, the grateful acceptance of my blessings, oft repeated, can also bring me some of the serenity of which our prayer speaks. Whenever I fall under acute pressures I lengthen my daily walks and slowly repeat our Serenity Prayer in rhythm to my steps and breathing. If I feel my pain has in part been occasioned by others, I try to repeat, "God grant me the serenity to love their best, and never fear their worst. This benign healing process of repetition, sometimes necessary to persist for days, has seldom failed to restore me to at least a workable emotional balance and perspective.
Another helpful step is to steadfastly affirm the understanding that pain can bring. Indeed pain is one of our greatest teachers. Though I still find it difficult to accept today's pain and anxiety with any great degree of serenity – as those more advanced in the spiritual life seem able to do – I can, if I try hard, give thank for the present pain nevertheless. I find the willingness to do this by contemplating the lessons learned from past suffering – lessons which have led to the blessings I now enjoy. I can remember, if I insist, how the agonies of alcoholism, the pain of rebellion and thwarted pride, have often led me to God's grace, and so to a new freedom. So, as I walk along, I repeat still other phrases such as there," Pain is the touchstone of progress" . . . "Fear no evil" . . . "This, too shall pass." . . . "This experience can be turned into benefit."
These fragments of prayer bring far more than mere comfort. They keep me on the track of right acceptance; they break up my compulsive themes of guilt, depression, rebellion, and pride; and sometimes they endow me with the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
To those who never have given these potent exercises in acceptance a real workout, I recommend them highly the next time the heat is on. Or, for that matter, at any time!
Excerpted from: The Language of the Heart
pp. 269 – 272
Copyright ©1988 by the AA Grapevine, Inc.
March 1962
One way to get at the meaning of the principle of acceptance is to meditate upon it in the context of AA's much used prayer, "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."
Essentially this is to ask for the resources of grace by which we may make spiritual progress under all conditions. Greatly emphasized in this wonderful prayer is a need for the kind of wisdom that discriminates between the possible and the impossible. We shall also see that life's formidable array of pains and problems will require many different degrees of acceptance as we try to apply this valued principle.
Sometimes we have to find the right kind of acceptance for each day. Sometimes we need to develop acceptance for what may come to pass tomorrow, and yet again we shall have to accept a condition that may never change. Then, too, there frequently has to be aright and realistic acceptance of grievous flaws within ourselves and serious flaws within those about us – defects that may not be fully remedied for years, if ever.
All of us will encounter failures, some retrievable and some not. We shall often meet with defeat -sometimes by accident, sometimes self-inflicted, and at still other times dealt to us by the injustice and violence of other people. Most of us will meet up with some degree of worldly success, and here the problem of the right kind of acceptance will be really difficult. Then there will be illness and death.
How indeed shall we be able to accept all these?
It is always worthwhile to consider how grossly that good word acceptance can be misused. It can be warped to justify nearly every brand of weakness, nonsense, and folly. For instance, we can "accept" failure as a chronic condition, forever without profit or remedy. We can "accept" worldly success pride fully, as something wholly of our own making. We can also "accept" illness and death as certain evidence of a hostile and godless universe. With these twisting of acceptance, we AAs have had vast experience. Hence we constantly try to remind ourselves that these perversions of acceptance are just gimmicks for excuse making: a losing game at which we are, or at least have been, the world's champions.
This is why we treasure our Serenity Prayer so much. It brings a new light to us that can dissipate our old-time and nearly fatal habit of fooling ourselves. In the radiance of this prayer we see that defeat, rightly accepted, need be no disaster. We now know that we do not have to run away, nor ought we to again try to overcome adversity by still another bulldozing power drive that can only push up obstacles before us faster than they can be taken down.
On entering AA, we become the beneficiaries of a very different experience. Our new way of staying sober is literally founded upon the proposition that "Of ourselves we are nothing, the Father doeth the works." In Steps One and Two of our recovery program, there ideas are specifically spelled out: "We admitted we were powerless over alcohol – that our lives had become unmanageable" – "Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity." We couldn't lick alcohol with our own remaining resources and so we accepted the further fact that dependence upon a higher power (if only our AA group) could do this hitherto impossible job. The moment we were able to fully accept these facts, our release from the alcohol compulsion had begun. For most of us this pair of acceptances had required a lot of exertion to achieve. Our whole treasured philosophy of self-sufficiency had to be cast aside. This had not been done with old- fashioned willpower; it was instead a matter of developing willingness to accept these new facts of living. We neither ran nor fought. But accept we did. And then we were free. There had been no irretrievable disaster.
This kind of acceptance and faith is capable of producing 100 percent sobriety. In fact it usually does; and it must, else we could have no life at all. But the moment we carry these attitudes into our emotional problems, we find that only relative results are possible. Nobody can, for example, become completely free from fear, anger, and pride. Hence in this life we shall attain nothing like perfect humility and love. So we shall have to settle, respecting most of our problems, for a very gradual progress, punctuated sometimes by heavy setbacks. Our old-time attitudes of "all or nothing" will have to be abandoned.
Therefore our first problem is to accept our present circumstances as they are, ourselves as we are, and the people about us as they are. This is to adopt a realistic humility without which no genuine advance can even begin. Again and again, we shall need to return to that unflattering point of departure. This is an exercise in acceptance that we can profitably practice every day of our lives. Provided we strenuously avoid turning these realistic surveys of the facts of life into unrealistic alibis for apathy and defeatism, they can be the sure foundation upon which increased emotional health and therefore spiritual progress can be built. At least this seems to be my own experience.
Another exercise that I practice is to try for a full inventory of my blessings and then for a right acceptance of the many gifts that are mine – both temporal and spiritual. Here I try to achieve a state of joyful gratitude. When such a brand of gratitude is repeatedly affirmed and pondered, it can finally displace the natural tendency to congratulate myself on whatever progress I may have been enabled to make in some areas of living. I try hard to hold fast to the truth that a full and thankful heart cannot entertain great conceits. When brimming with gratitude one's heartbeat must surely result in outgoing love, the finest emotion that we can ever know.
In times of rough going, the grateful acceptance of my blessings, oft repeated, can also bring me some of the serenity of which our prayer speaks. Whenever I fall under acute pressures I lengthen my daily walks and slowly repeat our Serenity Prayer in rhythm to my steps and breathing. If I feel my pain has in part been occasioned by others, I try to repeat, "God grant me the serenity to love their best, and never fear their worst. This benign healing process of repetition, sometimes necessary to persist for days, has seldom failed to restore me to at least a workable emotional balance and perspective.
Another helpful step is to steadfastly affirm the understanding that pain can bring. Indeed pain is one of our greatest teachers. Though I still find it difficult to accept today's pain and anxiety with any great degree of serenity – as those more advanced in the spiritual life seem able to do – I can, if I try hard, give thank for the present pain nevertheless. I find the willingness to do this by contemplating the lessons learned from past suffering – lessons which have led to the blessings I now enjoy. I can remember, if I insist, how the agonies of alcoholism, the pain of rebellion and thwarted pride, have often led me to God's grace, and so to a new freedom. So, as I walk along, I repeat still other phrases such as there," Pain is the touchstone of progress" . . . "Fear no evil" . . . "This, too shall pass." . . . "This experience can be turned into benefit."
These fragments of prayer bring far more than mere comfort. They keep me on the track of right acceptance; they break up my compulsive themes of guilt, depression, rebellion, and pride; and sometimes they endow me with the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
To those who never have given these potent exercises in acceptance a real workout, I recommend them highly the next time the heat is on. Or, for that matter, at any time!
Excerpted from: The Language of the Heart
pp. 269 – 272
Copyright ©1988 by the AA Grapevine, Inc.
Redmayne
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Manchester, England, UK.
Posts: 1,543
An articulate and intelligent ...
An articulate and intelligently written post that has much to commend it, particularly in reference to Jack Korner's (?). I may have not got that name3 exactly right, forgive me,'Language of the Heart', steeped in Buddhist philosophy and psychology... thank you
However, personally, I'd suggest, as they themselves are, being the suggested 12 Steps programme of recovery that, as a general observation, that those without any literary understanding or knowledge of spirituality. Who find themselves in the position of hitting their 'rock bottom' as I once did, with little or know knowledge of how I was going to survive that, never mind the next day!
That acceptance, at least initially is found in the wording of the first step, ' We admitted we were powerless over alcohol - that our lives had become unmanageable.
Any further knowledge or understanding of that , or the other 11 steps comes with and individuals own efforts, hopefully in recovery and sobriety in making spiritual progress...two of the A.A. tenets, perhaps endorsing and emphasising this point.'first things, first' and 'keep it simple'.
Nevertheless your own knowledge and understanding gives you credit and suggests how far you yourself have come in making spiritual progress.
An example to us all, thank you...
However, personally, I'd suggest, as they themselves are, being the suggested 12 Steps programme of recovery that, as a general observation, that those without any literary understanding or knowledge of spirituality. Who find themselves in the position of hitting their 'rock bottom' as I once did, with little or know knowledge of how I was going to survive that, never mind the next day!
That acceptance, at least initially is found in the wording of the first step, ' We admitted we were powerless over alcohol - that our lives had become unmanageable.
Any further knowledge or understanding of that , or the other 11 steps comes with and individuals own efforts, hopefully in recovery and sobriety in making spiritual progress...two of the A.A. tenets, perhaps endorsing and emphasising this point.'first things, first' and 'keep it simple'.
Nevertheless your own knowledge and understanding gives you credit and suggests how far you yourself have come in making spiritual progress.
An example to us all, thank you...
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
I have come to believe, at least in the AA context, true acceptance is accompanied by action. When I look at Bills story, pages 13 and 14 BB, he had taken all the surrender and housecleaning steps and Ebby had explained the new order of things, "guidance". Then he described his spiritual experience. In this context, " the moment I fully accepted them ( the drastic proposals) was synonymous with the moment I acted on (the drastic proposals.)
It seems to me action is often the proof of acceptance. Passive acceptance without action can often be denial.
It seems to me action is often the proof of acceptance. Passive acceptance without action can often be denial.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 2,775
Originally Posted by Gottalife 
...
It seems to me action is often the proof of acceptance. Passive acceptance without action can often be denial.
It seems to me action is often the proof of acceptance. Passive acceptance without action can often be denial.
I try to change what I can, accept what I can't and if I can't tell the difference I ask for help.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: liverpool, england
Posts: 1,708
you can either pray all day long to accept something or pray for a different outcome as you fear the worse
or you can accept its happened and live with it
i had to accept my son had stomach cancer, i had hope there would be a cure,we all prayed for a cure,i had to accept there was no cure, i had to accept he was going to die
my son had to accept he had stomach cancer, he had hope he might live and he prayed for life like anyone would, sadly he also had to except he was going to die within weeks and his last moments of life i can not repeat his suffering or fear
so why dont people accept this as proof there is no god who saves lives ? because i accept it today that its proof there isnt one
now i accept it there is no fight within me so acceptance is the key for me on everything without exception
whatever is going to happen will happen no matter what and your either going to be lucky or unlucky at the time of events
it makes sense to me as it proves why some people live and others die
just pure luck
or you can accept its happened and live with it
i had to accept my son had stomach cancer, i had hope there would be a cure,we all prayed for a cure,i had to accept there was no cure, i had to accept he was going to die
my son had to accept he had stomach cancer, he had hope he might live and he prayed for life like anyone would, sadly he also had to except he was going to die within weeks and his last moments of life i can not repeat his suffering or fear
so why dont people accept this as proof there is no god who saves lives ? because i accept it today that its proof there isnt one
now i accept it there is no fight within me so acceptance is the key for me on everything without exception
whatever is going to happen will happen no matter what and your either going to be lucky or unlucky at the time of events
it makes sense to me as it proves why some people live and others die
just pure luck
Laozi Old Man
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Detroit, MI
Posts: 6,665
Originally Posted by SoberCAH
For me, acceptance occurs when I stop fighting something.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Boston, Ma
Posts: 188
For myself, acceptance does not mean that I just approve of, put up with or to just take it. It means I acknowlege Reality, what IS.... the way things really are.
And then to make a decision about what I can do or not do about it..... for myself.
And then to make a decision about what I can do or not do about it..... for myself.
Recovered
Join Date: Jun 2009
Posts: 1,129
Acceptance = it is what it is.
For me, whether I do something about it or not is separate. One of my major maladjustments is that I am judgmental. I have to be careful when judging situations as bad or good when they just are. 9 times out of 10 the best thing I can do is change me.
For me, whether I do something about it or not is separate. One of my major maladjustments is that I am judgmental. I have to be careful when judging situations as bad or good when they just are. 9 times out of 10 the best thing I can do is change me.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: CA
Posts: 176
mfanch, I'm also naturally judgmental, which had hurt me on my road to recovery. Making myself feel like crap just kept me down.
For me, acceptance initially was to admit that I have a problem. Now, acceptance is about letting myself feel all the things that come with not drinking. I accept when I feel anxiety, fear, loneliness, depression, boredom, etc, which are the result of not numbing myself with alcohol anymore. I will accept the feelings and no longer try to push them away or make them stop. This kind of acceptance doesn't mean giving in to the feelings though.
For me, acceptance initially was to admit that I have a problem. Now, acceptance is about letting myself feel all the things that come with not drinking. I accept when I feel anxiety, fear, loneliness, depression, boredom, etc, which are the result of not numbing myself with alcohol anymore. I will accept the feelings and no longer try to push them away or make them stop. This kind of acceptance doesn't mean giving in to the feelings though.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 11
Acceptance and Step 1 meant realizing I am a sick person. The words "powerless" and "alcoholic" didn't seem to be enough for me. "Sick" was the way I needed to look at it. Once I saw myself as a sick person I was able to look at myself as someone who had a disease like many other diseases and to take an approach similar to what I would take with other diseases. Instead of feeling shameful about it, I was just able to ask, "OK, what now? How do I get better".
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
