cloud8

Friend of mine is very upset with people in recovery that get into yellin matches an how it effects newcomers. She leaves when it happens then says there must b some point that people recover. An that it hurts aa an the new person .they may never return. Is there any aa literature or a website that can offer ideas on this. Did bill or dr bob ever have such problems .an no the leader did not do anything .
Thank u

IOAA2

Things like this would best be handled at a group conscious meeting if the group has any.
Much has to do with the chairperson or secretary handling the meeting.

matt4x4

The old meetings way back when dealt with low-bottom drunks. AA now has very high drunks, mix in outside contradictory information from rehabs, spin-dry's and detox facilities, then add in the social club aspect (at the head shrinks office talking about your day) and this is exactly why so many people who come to AA go back out again.

Its the chair-persons resposibility to keep the meeting in-line and on topic. The chair person follows the group conscience. There are no leaders, no CEO's. Its an upside down pyramid.

Its just fact today, everyone is at the meetings for different reasons. Some love to come and talk about their neighbors dog. Others come and talk about their work, or how someone on the road cut them off. All not helpful at all to the newcomer.

cloud8

I think as a relapser over several yrs useing what people do in meets an outside meets as a excuse. Along with countless others. That now a bit over 6 years there is no more excuses. I came back after 20 years .prior to that had 4 yrs 1 yr 3 times several month chips an treatments .docs in my head. On an on. Until I was willing to place not drinking first an always no matter what. Knowing it was over but that I needed help.I just could not stop. Ive seen so much bs in meets. But .yes I said it.but. I didnt give a crap once I decided to get sober. New people are not idiots or without wisdome. We give them less credit then we should. If I feel a new person has been damged or aa. I talk to them if I can. I share at my home group whatever I need to in order to stay sober an sane.lol always puttin how aa an being sober has helped ect. It still amazses me that the attitude of omg aa is being hurt .or the new person is leaving because of us.goes on. Same stuff was discussed in 80s .yet here we are strong as ever..

tomw

My last AA meeting involved me (I wasn't shouting)and another individual. I started sharing and before I was half way through an older individual /regular started going off on me saying he was tired of hearing the same thing over and over. I was shocked someone would embarrass me in front of everyone like that. Group leader did nothing and I guess it was their way of saying "meetin's aren't proceeding this way mister!" or something like that..but I could have said the same of several people there.(hearing the same thing over and over).. I hadn't even been attending this group for thirty days.

Like I said it was last my AA meeting of any kind-anywhere. Seemed like a good old boy social club anyway. I can't judge AA as a whole because of this one group and I know all groups are different ....but THAT one didn't encourage me very much. The good news for me... it made me angry enough to quite drinking on my own.

matt4x4

Lucky that guy didnt get punched out. If I was a newcomer and some guy did that to me, I would have knocked him out. The most common thing is for people to cross talk while they share, so they are agreeing or disagreeing with your share or another persons share. I have yet to come across something where a member at large in the group just cuts you off. Its the chair persons responsability to cut you off. There are no group leaders, but chair persons. The correct thing is for the other members of the group to take the old guy aside and lay down the group conscience. Otherwise you tell him to leave.

cloud8

Tom , im very greatful you arecstill sober.that u dont judge aa based on a few. Myself I had to attend a few meets before I found the right group. It helps me just goun to b with others who deal with life as alcogolucs. I guess if meets were perfect as im told buy the aa natzies.all that would happen is discussion about the program what our disease is an how we apply it in our lives .if a new person walks in ourmeet everyone sticks to what it was like an how we got here.then sharesnumb. But if its just as u say the good old boys.lmao.us that have been sober awhile an know .basically we share with each other our life sober an what or how we arehandling it . Its a small group.like a family. But we always welcome new people trying not to click them oit

CousinA

I got sober at meetings with guys off the Bowery and hustlers from the old school Times Square. There was a lot of recovery and wisdom in those rooms and there was plenty of batsh*t as well. We had bouncers.

What we call crosstalk today is what we called sharing, or identification. If someone shared that they wanted a drink we weren't shy about talking about solution and I was told more than once that I was full of crap.

Maybe theres a little good old bad old days here. A lot of us are still sober and trying to carry the message (I have a guy coming up in 20 minutes to do his 8th Step).

/end 2 cents

-allan

SoulKat

Wow. I'm shocked to read all of this. I haven't been to a meeting yet where crosstalk was even allowed.

matt4x4

To some extent it always happens like what was previously mentioned. Its just a matter of what level it is happening at. The more edgey meetings are the street level meetings, which is what I like.

LadyinBC

I'm shocked too. I've never been to any meeting that is like this. My meetings are so tame!

Joe Nerv

I've been going to meetings pretty consistently for almost 30 years now, and I can only remember about 3 or 4 times that people started yelling about anything. And I'm pretty sure all those times were at business meetings. Been to meetings all over the US, and other parts of the world, too.

I'd suggest finding new meetings. Your experience is incredibly rare.

IOAA2

Being an old timer I have no idea where cross talk came from. To me sharing and identification are a large part of helping me and others getting/staying sober. Who made up this rule for a organization which has no rules as such?

BE WELL

Tommyh

thats one reason I don`t go to many discussion meetings

Mountainmanbob

that's a problem

we need to have leaders who understand their job

MB

Joe Nerv

I might be limited to my area, but the first time I ever heard the word crosstalk, was about 25 years ago at a CODA meeting. Was going to ACOA, Alanon, and CODA along with AA, and "NO CROSSTALK" was a big thing in those groups. It made sense to me because in such groups it's real easy to take the focus off oneself, and want to fix others. At that point I had never heard the word crosstalk in AA. People crosstalked all the time. It was even expected. Part of qualifying (leading the meeting) meant after each person shared, the qualifier gave feedback. There were a lot of benefits to that, and I sometimes miss it. The way people gave and accepted feedback said a lot about people. And a lot more information was put out at meetings.

I noticed this no crosstalk stuff first start to bleed into meetings in the more artsy, intellectual, neighborhoods. Places where lots of people went to the other above mentioned fellowships. If anyone is familiar with Bklyn NY, there is a BIG difference btwn Bensonhurst AA, and Park Slope AA. Park slope is where I first started hearing them announce that crosstalk wasn't acceptable in certain meetings. Ha, just realizing now that they used to actually state that at the beginning of meetings. It caught on. AA evolved. It's probably for the better, but I do think some people take it a little too far.

IMO it's fine to identify with someone and share an experience that relates to what they said. And keep it in the "I". As soon as people start using "you", well... that's when I think the trouble starts. I learned that early on and it's been sort of a golden rule for me. Especially when qualifying.

RobbyRobot

Old timer here too.

I loved, and will always love so-called cross-talk. Saved my life guys telling me how they experienced me, what I was saying, and what I wasn't saying too, lol. I had no reservations returning the favor.

The best meetings I've been too is where the speaker speaks whatever and the guys listening yell out "here here" "got that right" "yeah" "i hear you" and of course even rarely "no way" "don't believe it" "can't see it" "we'll talk later" "fukk me".

Its amazing what a bunch of drunks can accomplish when we all speak as one collective and yet still respect our differences as we work together for the good of all.

The times they are (still) a changin'

RobbyRobot

Hmm. Can't say I like the ending of the vid. Posted it before I saw it to its ending. I've requested it to be moderated since its to late for me to edit it out myself. oh well. Dylan rocks nonetheless.

Anna

Dylan absolutely rocks!

I removed the video for you Robby.

cloud8

Who is dyla