Mending Relationships
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Join Date: Jul 2012
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Mending Relationships
Due to me not being truthful with a close friend about sobriety and me not getting help things are shaky. I'm clearly not doing well on my own and on Tuesday I star treatment to kick this addiction. She told me she was distancing herself from me because she can't watch me kill myself on pills and drinking because we had a good friend die of a heroin OD last summer. I'm giving her space and not putting too much stock into it and I see from her point of view. She says she doesn't like what I've become due to my addiction and that I need help, which I am getting. I see things from her point of view because an addict isn't someone you can trust right away because she said my problem is I quit drinking or taking pills for four days and think I'm better.
I see why she's upset with me how I haven't taken this seriously and she is scared to death that she will get a phone call that I have died. I am currently 9 days sober and the last time I texted her I was losing my mind over not being able to attend the city gay pride fest and drink. The last thing she told me was that maybe inpatient at this point is what I need since I don't do good solo. I feel like my brain is out of whack and I texted her some sobby apology while out of my mind saying I'm sorry for what I've done with no response. She's done all she can do, but the rest is up to me and I understand that it's going to take time to earn trust back not just with her but my parents as well.
I now see what addiction has taken from me and has caused rifts with my best friend and parents. I have faith in time that they will see that I've changed with treatment and sticking to being sober. The breaking point for her was when I went to a night club and got drunk and I tried to rationalize my behavior as a slip up and she told me it wasn't a slip up because I shouldn't have been in a club in the first place and that clubbing seemed more important then getting help. It really stuck with me and I now see what she means with me putting it off and acting like it's time to have fun until I go to treatment and then sober up. Instead of talk I need to put it to work because actions speak louder than words.
I'm sure a lot of people have been in this situation before and in time once people saw you were serious and wanted to help take you back and trust you again?
I see why she's upset with me how I haven't taken this seriously and she is scared to death that she will get a phone call that I have died. I am currently 9 days sober and the last time I texted her I was losing my mind over not being able to attend the city gay pride fest and drink. The last thing she told me was that maybe inpatient at this point is what I need since I don't do good solo. I feel like my brain is out of whack and I texted her some sobby apology while out of my mind saying I'm sorry for what I've done with no response. She's done all she can do, but the rest is up to me and I understand that it's going to take time to earn trust back not just with her but my parents as well.
I now see what addiction has taken from me and has caused rifts with my best friend and parents. I have faith in time that they will see that I've changed with treatment and sticking to being sober. The breaking point for her was when I went to a night club and got drunk and I tried to rationalize my behavior as a slip up and she told me it wasn't a slip up because I shouldn't have been in a club in the first place and that clubbing seemed more important then getting help. It really stuck with me and I now see what she means with me putting it off and acting like it's time to have fun until I go to treatment and then sober up. Instead of talk I need to put it to work because actions speak louder than words.
I'm sure a lot of people have been in this situation before and in time once people saw you were serious and wanted to help take you back and trust you again?
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Mending relationship at 9 days sober before you even get to rehab doesn't really seem like it should be priority, you know? Mending relationships happens after. I wouldn't worry too much about how your friend perceives you right now... just concentrate on staying sober and getting to treatment.
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Originally Posted by SoberJennie 
Mending relationship at 9 days sober before you even get to rehab doesn't really seem like it should be priority, you know? Mending relationships happens after. I wouldn't worry too much about how your friend perceives you right now... just concentrate on staying sober and getting to treatment.
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I guess my problem is I always think way too far ahead like my friend said with recovery hitting day 4 of no klonopin or alcohol and thinking I'm better and recovered. I now realized recovery doesn't work that way it's not an over night magical process. It's like I expect instant gratification from going to meetings and I'll be "cured" and all is well type thinking.
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Originally Posted by pinktee18
I guess my problem is I always think way too far ahead like my friend said with recovery hitting day 4 of no klonopin or alcohol and thinking I'm better and recovered. I now realized recovery doesn't work that way it's not an over night magical process. It's like I expect instant gratification from going to meetings and I'll be "cured" and all is well type thinking.
Putting down the drink (or pills, etc) is just the first step to sobriety. Now we have to learn how to live without the substance... and not just to survive, but to learn how to thrive.
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I completely agree with SoberJennie...the best thing you can do at this point would be to try your hardest to keep your mind in the "here and now." Thinking about the future and all of its infinite possibilities will drive anyone to distraction! As she said, the best thing to focus on is to get the help you need so that you can THRIVE without any substances.
My heart goes out to you, your family and friends pinktee, situations that arise out of addiction are almost always a disaster for everyone involved. Please just remember that as you begin your journey, you will find a wealth of supports on this site!
My heart goes out to you, your family and friends pinktee, situations that arise out of addiction are almost always a disaster for everyone involved. Please just remember that as you begin your journey, you will find a wealth of supports on this site!
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Join Date: May 2012
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Pinktee,
you have a very good friend there. what i mean is: she cares enough to risk the relationship by telling you how bloody serious this is.
no, you're not better in four days. you just FEEL better.
one of the problems with feeling better and being clean for four days is the idea that creeps in that see, i can go for days without it, see, i can quit anytime, and therefore(therefore, you see???) i can go right back to it and...very screwy thinking. but very common when we're trying to quit but not really wanting to let go
best wishes for the inpatient you're starting tomorrow (?),
and when you're better later, later, deal with the friendship.
she sounds like a real good one, so if your actions follow your words, honour her request to distance for now.
no, no overnight magic.
work.
work that's do-able.
glad to hear you're looking for and getting help.
you have a very good friend there. what i mean is: she cares enough to risk the relationship by telling you how bloody serious this is.
no, you're not better in four days. you just FEEL better.
one of the problems with feeling better and being clean for four days is the idea that creeps in that see, i can go for days without it, see, i can quit anytime, and therefore(therefore, you see???) i can go right back to it and...very screwy thinking. but very common when we're trying to quit but not really wanting to let go
best wishes for the inpatient you're starting tomorrow (?),
and when you're better later, later, deal with the friendship.
she sounds like a real good one, so if your actions follow your words, honour her request to distance for now.
no, no overnight magic.
work.
work that's do-able.
glad to hear you're looking for and getting help.
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Originally Posted by fini
no, you're not better in four days. you just FEEL better.
one of the problems with feeling better and being clean for four days is the idea that creeps in that see, i can go for days without it, see, i can quit anytime, and therefore(therefore, you see???) i can go right back to it and...very screwy thinking. but very common when we're trying to quit but not really wanting to let go
one of the problems with feeling better and being clean for four days is the idea that creeps in that see, i can go for days without it, see, i can quit anytime, and therefore(therefore, you see???) i can go right back to it and...very screwy thinking. but very common when we're trying to quit but not really wanting to let go
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
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Originally Posted by SoberJennie
So true!! This is exactly how it was for me for years.
and the other thing that spins out from there is the ease of NOT looking at the fact that we aren't STAYING quit.
the repeated focus on quitting, and the screwy "therefore" i can drink again shoves away the awareness of the inability to stay quit.
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