I tripped and fell in the hole of meth
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I think I may have got in way over my head. I'm not even thinking about cocaine at all right now. That just seems like nothing now. I think if I kept relapsing on this stuff, then I would probably just fall back into the addiction.
I can tell that this thing would be much harsher with me than coke.
I'm not falling into the trap.
I can tell that this thing would be much harsher with me than coke.
I'm not falling into the trap.
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http://www.drugsbase.com/artikel.asp...el=4533&admin=
This website right here is really making me think and see how bad it really is. That stuff that was on the website was really shocking to me but it is the harsh reality of what really happens. This isn't where I want to be.
This website right here is really making me think and see how bad it really is. That stuff that was on the website was really shocking to me but it is the harsh reality of what really happens. This isn't where I want to be.
doing the inside job
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: planet happy
Posts: 542
I used to have pot/drinking problems until I tried meth.
A co-worker gave it to me at first becuase of all the long
hours and me stay out all night and partying.
Right up my alley....no rest for the wickage.
A combination of lack of sleep/eating and staying up for weeks.
19 days was my longest run. Mmmm i think peaple die from that.
Invented by the Nazi for pilots, it puts you right at pychotic.
IT MADE ME NUTZ !!!
I LOST EVERYTHING...beyound peaple/places/things, also.
I only wieght 105lbs...all sucked up, but i thought I looked good.
Fried the hell out of my brain. I could barely read when i got clean.
Sketck like a mad man, luckiely, I didn't go creazy scratching my body.
I also developed a eating disorder from it. I don't eat.
My spelling.. mmmm can't you tell.lmaf
Lots and lots of bad, bad, bad stuff came from it.
I did things I never thought I would.
It is only by the grace of god that i did kill anybody and I'm still alive today.
Anywho, Hope
I still love ya.
Just for today....oki doki.
A co-worker gave it to me at first becuase of all the long
hours and me stay out all night and partying.
Right up my alley....no rest for the wickage.
A combination of lack of sleep/eating and staying up for weeks.
19 days was my longest run. Mmmm i think peaple die from that.
Invented by the Nazi for pilots, it puts you right at pychotic.
IT MADE ME NUTZ !!!
I LOST EVERYTHING...beyound peaple/places/things, also.
I only wieght 105lbs...all sucked up, but i thought I looked good.
Fried the hell out of my brain. I could barely read when i got clean.
Sketck like a mad man, luckiely, I didn't go creazy scratching my body.
I also developed a eating disorder from it. I don't eat.
My spelling.. mmmm can't you tell.lmaf
Lots and lots of bad, bad, bad stuff came from it.
I did things I never thought I would.
It is only by the grace of god that i did kill anybody and I'm still alive today.
Anywho, Hope
I still love ya.
Just for today....oki doki.
*~10 YEARS BABY~*
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Hollywood
Posts: 9,369
Nutz, Did you really kill someone? or did you mean to say that you "didn't" kill anyone.
I so hate this drug. It is so bad, I hear more horror stories about meth than any other drug ever.
Hope,
I used to go to this site a lot.
A lot of good info. there also.
http://www.kci.org/meth_info/links.htme
Don't worry about worrying me. but I will worry until you are doing better. Don't go down the wrong tracks right now.
Oh, how I wish I could make people do what I want sometimes. lol,
I normally don't wish that much, but in this case I would love to
decide. ;-)
I so hate this drug. It is so bad, I hear more horror stories about meth than any other drug ever.
Hope,
I used to go to this site a lot.
A lot of good info. there also.
http://www.kci.org/meth_info/links.htme
Don't worry about worrying me. but I will worry until you are doing better. Don't go down the wrong tracks right now.
Oh, how I wish I could make people do what I want sometimes. lol,
I normally don't wish that much, but in this case I would love to
decide. ;-)
*~10 YEARS BABY~*
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Hollywood
Posts: 9,369
I just glanced at that site. I'll read more later when I have time, but yup, everything they say is so true. I can't remember OMG, *LOL* how many years I used for, like it says on the 3-5 thing, it was two or three, in the way they talked about it. I hope I haven't done any permanent damage. One day I'm going to get a brain scan.
They look very cool. More so for the ADD stuff though.
Ahh, Hope............... No more experimenting for you, young lady.... ;-)
lol
They look very cool. More so for the ADD stuff though.
Ahh, Hope............... No more experimenting for you, young lady.... ;-)
lol
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Done,
That was a good link that you posted over at KCI. I was reading through some of those stories. Somehow reading other people's stories is helping me right now.
thanks for the support!!
That was a good link that you posted over at KCI. I was reading through some of those stories. Somehow reading other people's stories is helping me right now.
thanks for the support!!
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Originally Posted by Done-With-It
Ahh, Hope............... No more experimenting for you, young lady.... ;-)
lol
LOL, no no no, not worth the risk. I seem to know right where trouble lurks.
I don't even know what possesed me to do meth in the first place.. wonder what the heck I was thinking??
*~10 YEARS BABY~*
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Hollywood
Posts: 9,369
Hope,
I remember when I use to think about how people would sell their bodies for drugs. That was something I couldn't understand, relate to, or believe that I COULD EVER undunderstand.......
Not long before I quit, I emailed Jellybeans, and told her NOT that I was thinking about it for me, or that I was going to do it, but "I NOW finally understand, "Get", Relate, etc"., Why and how people can sleep or do whatever with someone for drugs.
I was thinking so differently, I think those thoughts,
Me Understanding how I could understand that,
is part of what brought me to SR. My thinking was so screwed up.
I have no doubt in my mind, if I had continued on using, that one day I would have started doing something like that. I WANT TO THINK, I WOULD HAVE NEVER DONE THAT, and part of me thinks that I never would. But I also once thought I'd never understand that thinking.
All the stories that I have read about, something like that would have been inevitable eventually.......
I remember when I use to think about how people would sell their bodies for drugs. That was something I couldn't understand, relate to, or believe that I COULD EVER undunderstand.......
Not long before I quit, I emailed Jellybeans, and told her NOT that I was thinking about it for me, or that I was going to do it, but "I NOW finally understand, "Get", Relate, etc"., Why and how people can sleep or do whatever with someone for drugs.
I was thinking so differently, I think those thoughts,
Me Understanding how I could understand that,
is part of what brought me to SR. My thinking was so screwed up.
I have no doubt in my mind, if I had continued on using, that one day I would have started doing something like that. I WANT TO THINK, I WOULD HAVE NEVER DONE THAT, and part of me thinks that I never would. But I also once thought I'd never understand that thinking.
All the stories that I have read about, something like that would have been inevitable eventually.......
*~10 YEARS BABY~*
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Hollywood
Posts: 9,369
Originally Posted by hopealwayz
LOL, no no no, not worth the risk. I seem to know right where trouble lurks.
I don't even know what possesed me to do meth in the first place.. wonder what the heck I was thinking??
I don't even know what possesed me to do meth in the first place.. wonder what the heck I was thinking??
been like that since I was a kid.
You were probably thinking for some odd reason, that this
could be different.
or maybe just not thinking at all.
When I accidentally tried "Crack", I had NO idea what the heck
I was doing, the guy I was dating had relapsed, and I didn't get
what drugs were like then, He was smoking it like crazy one night,
he got me to try it. LUCKILY I HATED IT.
The next day I told my neighbors/friends and they were like OMG,
DONE, That was crack, I was like, How do you know?
lol, sometimes we just don't think......
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Hope, I know you are here.....Now, I have valued every post that you have made....and I still will...things happen to all of us. You are a very wise person...you know your sh*t. Now, lets practice all the sh*t. And you need to listen to my story, even though you have read pieces of it...since December.
My daughter..25..straight A student..going to college...bought a house at the age of 23...new car...great job, $$$$$$$, benefits out the a**. Smart girl. Never even had sex until she was 23..24..NEVER did drugs. She would drink some beer when she went out. A year and ahalf ago, she met J....they hit it off...he needed a place to stay...she let him rent the spare bedroom...he mowed the grass....he did some meth..he made some meth...he supplied her brother with free meth...ok...I remember I went over and gave this J, a lecture on how I didn't like him and he better stay away from my son...who I thought would easily get hooked on this drug...I never even worried about my daughter. She never made a wrong move in her life. A nice savings account..paid her bills in advance...Boy was I wrong. My smart, independent daughter. I remember her beating this boy up, in high school. Because he had left love notes and flowers several times, on our doorstep. She didn't know who had wrote them. When she found out...she was out to get him. It had scared her, that someone would not leave a name....stalkers and all.....to this day, that boy will not even be in the same room(same circle of friends....he's afraid of her.) My point is that Carrie would never let anyone walk on her. Fast forward....my once 145 lb. daughter, is 105 lbs...losing her job...hair falling out..new car, barely recogizable as new...ready to lose her house...gas is getting turned off next week...neighbors hate her...no nice friends left...only fricking low life users, that could give a crap about her. She does at least 2-3 grams a day....plus heroin when she can't get speed. The users have stolen her credit cards, car, cash....anything and she acts like it's an everyday thing. I cannot tell you how mad I am....J did 4 months in jail for almost beating her to death...whipped with a chain...gun to her head...belt around her neck...black eyes...broken cheek bone...and that's probably the good stuff....keep in mind that she wouldn't let anyone even look at her the wrong way, 2 yrs. ago. She is near death, and I'm ready to lose it. Right now, I don't know if she is alive or not. I'm ready to go to her house and break the door down..(you can read in my last thread) I'm so sick of having to have this drug in my life.......and I'm not the addict. I could go on, but I'm sure you're sick of reading.....If you are anything like your posts, put down that drug and don't pick it back up. Done made a mistake of calling my daughter by her name in a post.....she thought I might be mad....No I am not. Carrie is a meth addict and there is no hiding from it. The entire town knows it and frankly I don't care if the whole world knows it. There's no standing proud about my daughter now...she is just a junkie to people who use to love her. My own mom won't even speak of her anymore. If I could get away with it I would kill every M.F.er that comes in her drive. I'm sorry this is getting out of hand. I'm sorry that you did the meth, but Hope....don't do anymore.......you are hurting yourself and you will go down fast. There is not very many that return from the meth trip.
My daughter..25..straight A student..going to college...bought a house at the age of 23...new car...great job, $$$$$$$, benefits out the a**. Smart girl. Never even had sex until she was 23..24..NEVER did drugs. She would drink some beer when she went out. A year and ahalf ago, she met J....they hit it off...he needed a place to stay...she let him rent the spare bedroom...he mowed the grass....he did some meth..he made some meth...he supplied her brother with free meth...ok...I remember I went over and gave this J, a lecture on how I didn't like him and he better stay away from my son...who I thought would easily get hooked on this drug...I never even worried about my daughter. She never made a wrong move in her life. A nice savings account..paid her bills in advance...Boy was I wrong. My smart, independent daughter. I remember her beating this boy up, in high school. Because he had left love notes and flowers several times, on our doorstep. She didn't know who had wrote them. When she found out...she was out to get him. It had scared her, that someone would not leave a name....stalkers and all.....to this day, that boy will not even be in the same room(same circle of friends....he's afraid of her.) My point is that Carrie would never let anyone walk on her. Fast forward....my once 145 lb. daughter, is 105 lbs...losing her job...hair falling out..new car, barely recogizable as new...ready to lose her house...gas is getting turned off next week...neighbors hate her...no nice friends left...only fricking low life users, that could give a crap about her. She does at least 2-3 grams a day....plus heroin when she can't get speed. The users have stolen her credit cards, car, cash....anything and she acts like it's an everyday thing. I cannot tell you how mad I am....J did 4 months in jail for almost beating her to death...whipped with a chain...gun to her head...belt around her neck...black eyes...broken cheek bone...and that's probably the good stuff....keep in mind that she wouldn't let anyone even look at her the wrong way, 2 yrs. ago. She is near death, and I'm ready to lose it. Right now, I don't know if she is alive or not. I'm ready to go to her house and break the door down..(you can read in my last thread) I'm so sick of having to have this drug in my life.......and I'm not the addict. I could go on, but I'm sure you're sick of reading.....If you are anything like your posts, put down that drug and don't pick it back up. Done made a mistake of calling my daughter by her name in a post.....she thought I might be mad....No I am not. Carrie is a meth addict and there is no hiding from it. The entire town knows it and frankly I don't care if the whole world knows it. There's no standing proud about my daughter now...she is just a junkie to people who use to love her. My own mom won't even speak of her anymore. If I could get away with it I would kill every M.F.er that comes in her drive. I'm sorry this is getting out of hand. I'm sorry that you did the meth, but Hope....don't do anymore.......you are hurting yourself and you will go down fast. There is not very many that return from the meth trip.
*~10 YEARS BABY~*
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Hollywood
Posts: 9,369
Hope, I asked Velvet to pop in on this thread and loan you any advice if she had any.
I'd say that was some of the best advice I've ever seen. Like I said before, Meth is not Cocaine. It's so different. I know you are finding that out, but use me and Carrie to not let yourself use that stuff again. I wish TO GOD SOMEONE had told me some of this stuff when I first started. But they didn't. So my experience is to warn you to not go down the same road........
I'd say that was some of the best advice I've ever seen. Like I said before, Meth is not Cocaine. It's so different. I know you are finding that out, but use me and Carrie to not let yourself use that stuff again. I wish TO GOD SOMEONE had told me some of this stuff when I first started. But they didn't. So my experience is to warn you to not go down the same road........
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Join Date: Dec 2005
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Hope? Where are you...you should be here. I'm sorry my post was alittle raw...but I don't think you need many cushions right now. I am sorry you are going through this, but the tweekin', rush feelin', gettin things done, high are so not worth it. No one is angry with you, this place is full of people relapsing, everyone here knows...you aren't alone...you are valued and loved, that's why we are hard on you....you know what they say...you are always hardest on the ones you love. We don't need to lose another to meth.
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I'm doing ok. I was sleeping yesterday which is why I didn't have a chance to get back online. I'm clean and sober now. 
Bad cravings but I am fighting it. The worst thing is the mental aspect.
I'll stop back in later.
Bad cravings but I am fighting it. The worst thing is the mental aspect. I'll stop back in later.
"The BAND" workshop ROCKS!
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Indianapolis, Indiana
Posts: 1,502
geesh Velvet, that is the most amazing tough love I've ever heard in my friggin life!
Hows about you just take your daughter and head out of town? Can your job and saving withstand it? There has got to be a way to save your daughter's life? I don't know, does she realize how down she is? Does she want to get better or is she still in the 'downward spiral'? I hate reading stories like yours but it sure is a wake-up call to the rest of us, so you've done a great service by opening up like you have.
The rest of us, keep hanging in there. No matter how much the drugs take, we still have each other and our souls. Let's help each other get better the best we can. Take one day at a time, try to look at the good in everyone and each day if you can manage it.
And drink more water....
Hows about you just take your daughter and head out of town? Can your job and saving withstand it? There has got to be a way to save your daughter's life? I don't know, does she realize how down she is? Does she want to get better or is she still in the 'downward spiral'? I hate reading stories like yours but it sure is a wake-up call to the rest of us, so you've done a great service by opening up like you have.
The rest of us, keep hanging in there. No matter how much the drugs take, we still have each other and our souls. Let's help each other get better the best we can. Take one day at a time, try to look at the good in everyone and each day if you can manage it.
And drink more water....
You're never alone!!
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 2,191
Hey Hope,,
Sorry to hear about your slip,, that's what it was,, a slip, and you know what, I am just SO happy you are BACK We LOVE you!!!
I was SO excited to see that you are going to start Celebrate Recovery!!! That is where I go, I LOVE it.. I do believe you will too. I believe it can really be a great new start for you.. Please, give it a great shot.. Open your heart, and you will find that you can have a wonderful new life Hope.. Just give life a chance... You know we are here for you,, cheering you on!!! You can do this..
Ya know what has really helped me?? I have begun to think more and more about the fact that we only have 1 life here on earth, we have to make it a good one. Why waste it hurting ourselves so much?? That's what we do, when we do drugs..
We're here for you..
I hope you will let us know how your meeting goes I am really excited for you!!
Love and prayers,
Becky
Sorry to hear about your slip,, that's what it was,, a slip, and you know what, I am just SO happy you are BACK
We LOVE you!!! I was SO excited to see that you are going to start Celebrate Recovery!!! That is where I go, I LOVE it.. I do believe you will too. I believe it can really be a great new start for you.. Please, give it a great shot.. Open your heart, and you will find that you can have a wonderful new life Hope.. Just give life a chance... You know we are here for you,, cheering you on!!! You can do this..
Ya know what has really helped me?? I have begun to think more and more about the fact that we only have 1 life here on earth, we have to make it a good one. Why waste it hurting ourselves so much?? That's what we do, when we do drugs..
We're here for you..
I hope you will let us know how your meeting goes
I am really excited for you!!Love and prayers,
Becky
doing the inside job
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: planet happy
Posts: 542
No, I didn't kill anyone. But it was a fraction of a moment away.
I went down a very, very dangerouse road.
Got involved with very dangerouse peaple, place and things.
Had a knife put to my throat. Ended up with a loaded gun.
Tatal chaos, a bit darker than hollywood's version.
It's something that a person never thought one would be in.
It's the stuff only other crazy peaple do or happens to.
It's not my background or how I was raised.
If my mother knew half of the crap I did, she probably have
a heart attack.
It is only by the grace of god.....there's no other way for me to
explain. I could be easily be six feet under or siting on death roll.
Nothing good came out that or me using meth.
I was making 50k/per year at 22. The corporation I was working
for had invested so much time/money in training/educating me.
They even reached out and offer me help and tried to contact me
and ask me to come back to work. But I was too freaken wracked.
The office manager even came to my house and ask me after I refussed.
I basically pissed away a good career. That's just one of the wreakage.
As bad as my life gets or what problems I'm going thru today,
it is no comparision to the living hell that I put myself through.
It's like night and day.
I went down a very, very dangerouse road.
Got involved with very dangerouse peaple, place and things.
Had a knife put to my throat. Ended up with a loaded gun.
Tatal chaos, a bit darker than hollywood's version.
It's something that a person never thought one would be in.
It's the stuff only other crazy peaple do or happens to.
It's not my background or how I was raised.
If my mother knew half of the crap I did, she probably have
a heart attack.
It is only by the grace of god.....there's no other way for me to
explain. I could be easily be six feet under or siting on death roll.
Nothing good came out that or me using meth.
I was making 50k/per year at 22. The corporation I was working
for had invested so much time/money in training/educating me.
They even reached out and offer me help and tried to contact me
and ask me to come back to work. But I was too freaken wracked.
The office manager even came to my house and ask me after I refussed.
I basically pissed away a good career. That's just one of the wreakage.
As bad as my life gets or what problems I'm going thru today,
it is no comparision to the living hell that I put myself through.
It's like night and day.
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Thanks for sharing your story Velvet. I am the same age as your daughter and I'm in college too so I can really relate.
It is the next day for me and my muscles are twitching and I feel weak. I took a few tylenol for my headache. At least I got some sleep last night. I felt weird when I woke up this morning. I can't explain it. I don't know how to explain it other than my body just feels "weird" right now.
I tried to eat something even though my appetite has diminished. I've heard that this lasts for about 3-4 days??
It is bad because I was supposed to go interview for this job today but if they send me for the drug screen, I'm going to fail. There is no use in going then.
I'm doing things to make myself feel better. It is hard though because I don't feel interested in much. Pretty classic sign huh?
My body is shaking and I don't like that.
It is the next day for me and my muscles are twitching and I feel weak. I took a few tylenol for my headache. At least I got some sleep last night. I felt weird when I woke up this morning. I can't explain it. I don't know how to explain it other than my body just feels "weird" right now.
I tried to eat something even though my appetite has diminished. I've heard that this lasts for about 3-4 days??
It is bad because I was supposed to go interview for this job today but if they send me for the drug screen, I'm going to fail. There is no use in going then.
I'm doing things to make myself feel better. It is hard though because I don't feel interested in much. Pretty classic sign huh?
My body is shaking and I don't like that.
*~10 YEARS BABY~*
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Hollywood
Posts: 9,369
Yup, losing all interest is so normal. Nothing seems interesting anymore. I read the reason for that one time, I am not sure how to explain it, but I think it's something like, things ARE SO INTERESTING when you take that first line, then your brain thinks that it should always stay that interesting. Everything else begins to bore it.........
So it starts telling you "Normal" things, "Normal" people none of them are fun, you soon don't want to be around people you once had fun with.
I'm not sure if that explains anything! lol.....
Can you see why they call it "The Devils Drug"? How can something SO SO SO good, something that makes you feel better than you ever have maybe in your life, Be so bad? It is mindnumbing..... lol, I still miss that lovely, on top of the world feeling.
If you think you feel bad now, just imagine how bad it would be after doing it for a few years. I think that is why many people never quit. Why some people choose the life they live instead of what they could have. It seems crazy to someone who doesn't use, but to the user, it's all so normal.......
I got some 5-HTP when I was detoxing. I think you've said you have some of that and it made you sick, try it with food if you want. It seemed to help me.
Sweetie, hang in there, and keep fighting to not do anymore, it's worth it, and your worth it.
So it starts telling you "Normal" things, "Normal" people none of them are fun, you soon don't want to be around people you once had fun with.
I'm not sure if that explains anything! lol.....
Can you see why they call it "The Devils Drug"? How can something SO SO SO good, something that makes you feel better than you ever have maybe in your life, Be so bad? It is mindnumbing..... lol, I still miss that lovely, on top of the world feeling.
If you think you feel bad now, just imagine how bad it would be after doing it for a few years. I think that is why many people never quit. Why some people choose the life they live instead of what they could have. It seems crazy to someone who doesn't use, but to the user, it's all so normal.......
I got some 5-HTP when I was detoxing. I think you've said you have some of that and it made you sick, try it with food if you want. It seemed to help me.
Sweetie, hang in there, and keep fighting to not do anymore, it's worth it, and your worth it.
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