rentasunder

Update time again. Its been 34 hrs now and it has been a roller coaster. Right now I almost feel normal. I took Immodium a-d and pepto (for the obvious), and about an hour ago I took an Ibuprofen 800 and drank a full 33oz. of pedialyte. My back pain is gone and I have a little tightness in my legs. I'm not going to get my hopes up because I've done this before and I can't remember getting that normal feeling untill day 3 or 4. My mind is in the right spot and that is what is most important. My Doctor didn't want me to do this alone and on my own. He thought I wasn't strong enough. But.....I'm 1/2 Irish and 1/2 Portuguese, so he's gonna have to eat crow soon. Plus I'm a Capricorn!! He did prescribe me some Valium to help me sleep and that has been greatly appreciated, along with all your posts. Thank you all! I'll check in tomorrow...goodnight.

rentasunder

Almost 46 hours into it now and I feel ok. I don't understand this? I mean....I feel a little droopy and a little depressed today, but physically, (besides that metal taste in my mouth) I feel ok. I got a good nights sleep, and I'm not near as crampy and stiff in my back and legs today. I am still waiting for the bad stuff to really hit me.....but I think my system is almost relieved that it isn't getting poisoned anymore. I'm having wierd dreams but wierd dreams are better than no dreams at all! 1/2 way there I hope!

veryscared

glad to hear it. I have really related to your story. I physically felt great about 4 hours into it as well. I just want the thoughts out of my head. Good for you and keep it up.

KelKel

You are doing great.... just keep on keepin' on.

rentasunder

I'm having STRONG urges! Like I need a chew, something I gave up 4 years ago. I ate m&m's, drank a pepsi, played my video game, watched a movie, but they are still there. I just know they are for no avail. See.....my father,(x-cop) has my pill bottle and they is no way he's gonna give into begging or anything else I try. I have prayed alot and will just take it 1 hour at a time. I guess this is the mental part....huh?

rentasunder

Hour 56 now and I feel pretty good. I just took a long nap and ate dinner. If I feel better than this tomorrow...I may go back to work!

angelgirl

Yep,, that is the mental part.. Your mind playing tricks on you..
The addicted mind playing tricks on you. It's missing something that it is normally getting, and it's screaming out for something.
Sounds like your old chew habit just happens to be what it is calling out for.

Wow, you have alot, alot of support huh?? You're really, really fortunate.
You're father is holding the pills? You do really have support.

But I always dumped all of my stash,. That way they were just plain gone.
Better to be gone. At least for me. But then I was never good at tapering the painkillers. I always got sick or anxious, and took more. Anxiety always ended up getting the best of me. But that doesn't sound like it is as big of an issue for you. So that's good.

Maybe going back to work will be just what you need. Maybe not..
Just be sure you are ready. I read that you wrote earlier your illness was always done in like 3 days, mine always lasted much, much longer. The most sever of the pain was usually gone in a week or so for me, but other effects lingered for much longer. I did work though,,

Have you considered any 12 step groups? I belong to a 12 step Christian based group,, called Celebrate Recovery. Wonderful group. I draw alot of strength from the group.. You can look them up by doing a google ( or whatever, net search) search,, type in Celebrate Recovery.. Or by calling around in your area. Or if you belong to a church,, ask your local church.

Support from addicts is so very important.. At least that is how I feel..

Just wanted to give you the info.. Maybe I will find it, and give you a link, at least of their beliefs..

Hope to hear how you are feeling today..
and I hope it's improving every hour.. Remember,, go minute, by minute if you have to.. It does work,, and we all have to do that sometimes..

Ok, here's a link to the official Celebrate Recovery Website.. Incase you are interested.. If not, maybe someone else reading this might be.. Either way,, I wanted to at least give you the opportunity.. Thanks.. If you're not interested, that's fine.. I hope you didn't mind my putting it here..

http://www.celebraterecovery.com/message.asp
Love and prayers,
Becky

rentasunder

Thankyou Angelgirl. I have stopped counting hours but I know tomorrow....oops, today at 11:am will be 72 hrs for me. I preyed intensly, in tears, begging God for strength and I have my church family and regular family (who is also my church family) doing the same. I have asked a good friend of mine about the 12 step program....and to be quite frank...it is just common sense Biblical principles. I am a very grounded Christian person who has been giving in on one of my weeknesses........Vicodon. Repentence is the answer for me, and with prayers and a penitent heart I will work through this not on my own,,.....but by Him who strengthens me day by day. I know I may stumble, but that is how we learn. We get back up and run this race called "life". I'm getting my old self back and it feels great. Yeah....I'm up at 12:30 a.m typing here, but that is what this wonderful place is for! I am back to having notted up back muscles and neck muscles, but that is part of this detox thing that I have accepted. I looked around the house today and realized how wonderful a wife I have for not booting my butt for all the work I've neglected. I'll be tackling 3 trips to the dump, cleaning out my garage, and dropping around 30 lbs of untanned, ugly fat off this 34yr old frame that use to look pretty good. Look out, cause I'm almost back! P.S.- mental cravings are gone for now, I found exercise....intense muscle burning exercise, seems to overpower the minds ability to lurk in the craving area. All it wanted was for this out of shape body of mine to get off the treadmill!

angelgirl

You do sound like a very strong Christian man. That is wonderful, and I am sure that is what you draw strength from along with your wonderful family. You are definitely lucky to have such a great family, as many do not have that.

It takes alot to battle drug addiction. I don't know if you feel that it is a life long battle or not? But I do. I feel that for the rest of my life, I will either not be able to take the drugs I have taken, or if I absolutely need them, I will have to be very, very closely monitored while I do..

I also believe that their is a reason that we use in the first place. Although I have abused drugs in one form or another for alot of my life,, nothing ever brought me to my knees the way pain killers did. Nothing. I lost control, completely for a long time.
I had detoxes and hospitalizations, because I could not grasp any control over the addiction. I did begin this addiction purely by accident,, with endometriosis, and a big surgery, and then leg problems.. Then I just could not stop, I was not only mentally, but also physically addicted. But, I did not in the end use because of that, I continued on because life was to much for me,, I needed to numb myself from life. That is the reason people use drug. We use to numb. But, it's figuring out the why?? Why do we need to numb ourselves from our life? I believe we need to do that, before we can begin to heal.

Anyway,, I just feel it takes alot of support. I also find although family support is great,, I am in no way knocking that,, there really is no one that understands what we go through like another addict. They have been through the same as we have,, they understand. They understand what we will go through in the future.

But, there are people that do not attend any meetings at all. I didn't for a while. Until I found Celebrate Recovery. I had stopped going to some other meetings I had been going to. I was using SR for my only support. But, it wasn't enough for me. It is for some though..

Good luck to you my friend. I wish you only the best. I will say a pray for you as well.

Like i said,, maybe the info I put up here will catch someone else's eye who is reading this, and maybe help someone else find a meeting.. I do hope so.. There's alot of support out there,, and not everyone is so fortunate to have such a great family, or wants their family involved..

Keep on praying and posting,,

Love,
Becky

T1

I've found the same thing and doesn't it feel great right after a workout? For that moment in time your body feels normal again. I'm glad your making such great progress. Keep it up!!

rentasunder

Whew!! 2 hours away from 72 hours....3 full days without any opiates!!! I remember the 3 day period when I got myself off of Meth, and it was a sweet, sour situation. This just feels like everything is about to be normal. I'm thinking and remembering things that I did 1,2 5, hours ago. I use to have a thought, like take the garbage out. But when I got outside....I was like....why did I come out here? Turned around and went back inside...only to remember why I was out there in the first place. That is all going away now! I actually feel pretty good. I'm gonna go to work tomorrow and I'm not going to take any Valium today. I'm also gonna get out of the house today. 3 days inside is WAY too much for me. My dvd player is as hot as my gas stove! I really appreciate everyone posting, coming here is the 1st thing I do when I wake up.....just to see if anyone is following. Mrs. Bikewench, i have to give you a great big hug for your first words to me. They stuck and I think on them daily, as I do on all of yall's posts! Thank you all....I feel a whole new lifw has started for me. I know I'm not out of the woods yet though. One of my friends called me to invite me hunting. A pill popping friend. I told him that I could not be around any oxy's or anything else. Basically....I told him I could not be around him. He said...ah...we'll just take a couple of sandwiches and go and leave all that other stuff behind. Yeah right! Half way there he's gonna pop open a 24ozer and slamm 3 pills and I'm into the temptation zone AGAIN! Not for me. I've met some new guys who have kids who hunt and have ranches where we can rope and brand calves, mend fence..ect. These are things I never have done. My point is...when I was speeding or cokeing, I had to sever all ties to those fellas, especially the girls...no offense. The girls make the temptation way harder for me. I'm just happy now and that is totally enough!! I'll keep posting, especially if things go array-

PATIENCE_0706

glad to hear your doing well

rentasunder

Oh boy did I have a cruddy evening! I feel like I could just beat the crap out of somebody! I'm so grouchy!!!!!!!!!!! I'm mad that I can't find a movie, I'm mad cause my buddy wouldn't shoot hoop with me, I'm just really mad!! I want my pills soooo bad! I might have to take a Valium and that makes me mad cause I wanted to go a whole day without ANYTHING!! Please say some prayers for me-

T1

I'm with yea. I was like that yesterday... really bad day... just happened to also be the my first clean day. I'm glad you didn't give in so hang in there with me.

rentasunder

Finally....I woke up at 6:30 with my wife....instead of 7:30. I made the bed, watched some Dora with my daughter (insteadof laying in bed), and I'm feeling quite a bit better. I'm wondering if anyone here is taking Effexor. Its an anti-depressant. My doctor said after the Norco has cleared my system that it would help with "thinking" about my old habit. The last time I took anti-depressants they worked for about 2 months. Then libido went bye bye, I cried at movies.....crud,....I thought I might be turning into a lame duck! Got off them and felt like a man in 3 days. I know they raise the Dopamine levels, as well as seratonin, and the Vicodon use to do that and my body is wondering what is going on?,....thus the craving! I just don't want to pop anything. Any thoughts?

northbelle

hey there, two weeks today off methadone and morphine...arghhhhhhh!!! It is soo amazing what we go through...I'm really glad you are hanging tough...it is the hardest thing we do..staying clean...I always forget how much effort it takes to STAY this way!! When I am all loaded...planning my kick it all sounds great and then I get here to this point and the reality hits me that I am probably going to have to DO something to maintain this sobriety...well THATS when I get lazy...I have to get to the meeting tonight ..I really need to be around some other dope fiends..I feel really irritable with everything and everyone right now and dreamed about dope all night long...so please know that you are not alone and keep taking steps to insure your recovery...we can't recover in isolation...I think I am talking more to myself than to you...sorry...but want to congratulate you big time and tell you that many people care!!!...northbelle

rentasunder

Thanks Northbelle.....just a thought. Has anyone here wondered after seeing where other members are from..if we might know each other in real life?! I don't want to know...but it is humerous to think that in our annonymous names there may be familar faces!

rentasunder

I know its still early yet.....but I've got my life back!!! All symptoms (physical) are gone and the Doc was shocked when I saw him yesterday. He did not think I could do this alone......I told him I didn't. I told him of SR and how everyone helped and encouraged me through it. It has been nealy 5 days since my last pill, and I feel like a new person. I was prescribed some high blood pressure meds. BP came in at 139/105. It has been an issuein my Dads side of the family for a while. He also scripted me some Wellbutrin.....which I was hesitant to take because of my past experience with Celexa and Effexor. He assured that it isn't the same and provides a small "lift" to keep my mind off cravings for Vicodon. I took my wife out to dinner and that "Geisha" movie last night and i felt like she loved me.....just a little, but I'll take whatever I can get now. Thank you all.....you've been so kind and insightfull. You all will be in my thoughts and prayers.

KelKel

Nice to read your good news today... thank you.
and congrats. on your clean time.

rentasunder

Thank you KelKel!