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Help...

Old 03-31-2024, 07:10 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
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Help...

I'm angry.. so angry.. it's that sitting in the pit of your stomach anger that doesn't ever go away..
I've been in a relationship with a addict for the last 9 years, mostly alcohol (functioning alcoholic) until start of this year. Look I'll even take some blame.. I've known who he is.. I've known he has an addictive personality..
Gosh if I could just go back and it just be alcohol...

The late nights, the detachment from the family, the emotional detachment from life, the detachment from family catch ups... the paranoia, the agitation, the aggression.. on the toilet for hours at a time, locking the garage from the inside so we can't just get in... the family time we get from him... maybe 5-10mins a day?
Meth.. yep..

Who is that arrogant that at 34 with a house, a wife and 2 kids that it's a great time to start smoking the addictive as drug?Who is that arrogant to think that they won't end up like everyone else who is addicted to meth? And who at 34 brings it in the family home?

I've got hardly any hair in general, didnt luck out with the hair genes and I think over the past 4 months I've lost a 3rd. A 3rd of it. From stress. From wandering why we aren't good enough that this 34 year old decided it was a good idea to start meth!
I'm angry I'm angry that for 9 years I've made excuses, I've believed that one morning he will wake up and have this magical epiphany and realise what he has??

I'm angry because he's pawned my engagement and wedding rings and then made me question I 'misplaced' it full well knowing he had pawned it.. pawning my vaccum cleaners, without even asking.. pawning my watch and jeweller. And to be told it wasn't mine to begin with. It wasn't mine?

The inability to catch up with friends or family now because what happens when they ask whats been happening? Why doesnt he work? What is he doing? Its embarassing and im torn between wanting to protect him and wanting to shout from the roof tops.
To have him say that he needs 'space'... you need space? You need space t. ? You need space for what?
Because for the last 4 months I have been going to bed alone and waking up alone, I have been hearing him coming and going through the night, he has 6 hours while our kid is at school for space.... and that's not enough? Would enough space be for us all to just die so he can have his space.
I'm angry, I'm so angry. I'm angry that I knew I should have left years ago, I'm angry that I didn't listen to the advice that **** would never change years ago.

And I am angry that at no point did he get some courage to be 100% honest and give me the chance to jump off this train wreck before getting so deep I spend my days wishing I'd just go to sleep and not wake up having to deal with this.

Maybe they could have a rehab for family & friends that end up wishing they were 6ft under after dealing with someone addicted to drugs. And I've not once, not ONCE heard a sorry.
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Old 03-31-2024, 07:41 PM
  # 2 (permalink)  
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Hi lunab,
I'm sorry for what brings you here, but you've found a place of great support
I dont balme you for being angry at all...are you planning to leave?

D
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