Jimmy9212

I think—- no I know I am finally done with pills and alcohol. I am tired of feeling as if I need to have a few drinks in me or a handful of pills before I can tackle everyday things..

I’m simply tired of it.. and they don’t work. They used to.. but we’re a facade. So they never worked.. they just built this protective exterior that allowed me to be numb and not experience life and the stresses of it - just act and execute life. I was surviving and not living.. here’s to living and no longer waking. Up and first thing going for pills or drinking - just to get out of bed.

I know many of you are living sober and living proof that I don’t need to have a few drinks.. have a few pills.. just to get through the day. I love you all. Thanks for being inspirations and always having kind words.. especially Dee. Love you brother.

Dee74

Thanks for the kind words Jimmy

Yeah being 'normal' after addiction has a ton of good things going for it - rooting for you man

D

Jimmy9212

This realization that “I can’t keep doing this just to get through the day or smallest of task” hit me pretty hard.. I can’t keep getting high just to get through the day.. I want to get through the day sober..has anyone had that? Is that a thing? I don’t know what I’m getting at other than wondering if that is something others have experienced.

Dee74

I think most, if not all, people do.

I certainly did - I wanted a better way of living than the one I had.
That was a prerequsite for me pushing for change,

D

Jimmy9212

The littlest thing will go on in life and I immediately say to myself “I can’t do this sober..” and immediately drink or take pills.. I hate it.. I Just want to live without relying on pills or drinking that may help momentarily - if they do at all..

Dee74

Yeah that got better for me the longer I was clean and sober.
I had no idea how capable I was until I quit, cos I'd never let myself face any kind of crisis sober for decades...

You could find the same
D

Jimmy9212

I’m hoping I can get to that point where I don’t have a situation in life and immediately say to myself: “I can’t do this sober.”

I am my mother’s caregiver.. she is having what I believe are gallbladder issues and may need to go to the hospital. I’m doing this sober and of course I am OVERLY EMOTIONAL.. I’ll stay sober. I want it. I am just emotionally overwhelmed and a bit scared.

my mom has health conditions which complicates things.. so that leaves me more worried.

thanks for the support.. just trying to take it one hour at a time..

Jimmy9212

I took a family member to the ER as they probably have appendicitis.. I’m overly emotional and just want to fix and make things better.

things I think of are “I wish I was high” - I just want to be normal. I don’t want to be like that anymore. Watching my family member hurt and wish I was high so I would be able to deal with this better.

anyone have any insight? I’m kinda losing it here.. overly emotional and wish I was high.. but don’t because normal people aren’t high 24/7 and have the ability to deal with life as it comes. Not get high first.

I hope someone replies with something insightful. Or tells me what I’m telling myself “shut up and suck it up. Normal people aren’t high all the time.”

VikingGF

Emotions are all over the place when you’re in the process of getting sober, Jimmy, it won’t always be like this. You have to ride it out, don’t be hard on yourself, stay in the moment and don’t drink or take drugs. The more you do this, the easier it is. That’s the short answer, I just wanted to get it to you quickly. Stay around and read some threads. You’ve been here awhile, so I’m sure you know you will find something that will resonate with you.

You will feel normal. Just keep going.

Jimmy9212

Thanks Viking.. that means more to me than you know. I just needed that reassurance.

im done doing drugs. The party is over.. wasn’t fun and just numbed me. Now it doesn’t.

I want to be able to handle life. Sober. Like normal people..

VikingGF

In time, you will feel normal. For now, be grateful you are being able to care for others. When we are drunk/high, we can’t even take care of ourselves. You are already handling life- give yourself credit.

Jimmy9212

I’m emotional. I’m not high. This is all new. Handling life while not under the influence. I really hope this gets easier. Thanks for everyone’s words.. I’m really needing them

Dee74

Like I said before, Jimmy, I think learning to live sober and becoming capable of dealing with emotionally charged or difficult situations is a skill that's learnt over time....it's a process.

Its like our emotions have been dammed up, and now the dam has broken...it will take a little time for the water level to settle but it will, I promise.

Caring for a loved one is something I could only do clean and sober.
Its hard - but you're doing the right thing.

D

Jimmy9212

Thanks Dee.

another day down.. and another reason to stay sober: family.

One day at a time.. even if I need to take it one hour or one minute. I’ll get there.. for the past few years I’ve tried to get sober.. I just never WANTED it until now.

VikingGF

Good job on another day sober, Jimmy. Fantastic.

dwo2016

hey buddy, I am living proof that it does get better and it sounds like you are too by the post ! You first have to get to the end of your rope and then you get to move forward because you and your mind are now on the same page. It will be tough at times this is no cake walk but know that it wasn’t a cake walk getting to where we are today either. Life is just a series of decisions we make, when we make good choices we thrive and when we don’t we regress! Your post tells me that you are ready to make the good choices. If you have a desire to gain spiritual help during this time I know from experience that Jesus Christ will show us the way if we are willing to obey him and walk in his ways. These ways are contrary to what we were doing but so much more fruitful in their outcomes in life. Keep looking ahead bud, brighter days are ahead!
dwon2016

stickyone

I haven't been in this forum as much lately. But I too am recovering from a alcohol and pill addiction. I definitely understand the emotional part I was in pain pills for more than half my life. When you spend most of your life high it becomes your normal we get used too lying in the sh!t it feels comfortable. So when you become sober everything is turned up. Anger, resentment shame, guilt. But also love compassion,hope. I watched alot and read alot of life changing books. That would be a positive addition to my recovery. It will take alot of work . I read if you always do things that's easy your life will be hard. If you challenge yourself with things that are hard life will be easier. By making a decision to get sober is the one of many hard steps but one day at a time. You will be at the top wanting more steps to look how far you made. Stay safe

dwo2016

I read in the last post, "that if you always do things that's easy your life will be hard. If you challenge yourself with things that are hard, then life will be easier". Although that is true in many ways, life still has a way of slipping in trials and tribulations. That doesn't mean that you can't overcome them though! It means that if you think hard about the decision you are making and follow through with what is right, you will build character and integrity. That is what helps us to build trust in relationships and form bonds that stick so when we go through tough times in the future, we wont have to go through them alone. A lot of times in life this is more important than anything else, at least in my experience this has been the case. I find that if i get out of my own head and seek council, then i can make a better decision going forward and i have the support of someone other than myself to help me pick up the pieces if it doesn't go according to plan. And eventually it will! But walking together in life is in many ways more successful than trying to do everything on your own. By doing the right thing, it will attract others that strive to do the right thing as well and this has helped me greatly in walking out this thing called life. Also, call on Jesus if you don't know him! He can do what man cant and if you don't believe there is a God, then pray and ask that he reveal himself to you and he will! Just open your mind and get rid of all preconceived ideas and allow him to shape your thoughts and open up the doors needed in your life! Best of luck going forward!

CallMeJosh

Dwo - that is incredibly well thought out! I cannot agree with you more!

FreeOwl

Normal is a fallacy.

Normal is overrated.

Let's be weird and unique, authentic and present....

Let's be strange, misfits, odd ducks....

Let's do it clean and sober.