Cocaine abuse
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Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 3
Cocaine abuse
Hi all
My husband has been addicted to cocaine for 6 years now. He stopped for 6 months but started taking it again...it wasnt as bad as it used to be. Id say he has it about 2-4 times a week now. 3 weeks ago he went on a weekend bender and as usual was verbally abusive to me and i lost it with him told him to leave and that ive had enough. He begged for another chance and hasnt taken it for 3 weeks that is until last night. I went for a coffee with my friend and left him with our kids came home and could tell he had been taking it again. I told him that I'm annoyed and that we are back to square one. He says im starting an argument over nothing and that he has 'behaved' for 3 weeks so doesnt see the problem. Anyway he's gone out tonight so i probably wont see him until tomorrow afternoon now which means once again our plans with the kids are ruined and it'll just be me and the kids again. I feel like I cant say anything because he just says he's stopped for a few weeks and whats the harm.
I dont know why I'm posting...im just wondering if you think im being cintrolling and unreasonable because that is what my husband says i am doing. I cant live my lufe being ok for 2/3 weeks then months of hell and then back to ok for 2 weeks etc. So am I unreasonable? Any advice on cocaine addiction would be helpful i feel as though I am going mad
My husband has been addicted to cocaine for 6 years now. He stopped for 6 months but started taking it again...it wasnt as bad as it used to be. Id say he has it about 2-4 times a week now. 3 weeks ago he went on a weekend bender and as usual was verbally abusive to me and i lost it with him told him to leave and that ive had enough. He begged for another chance and hasnt taken it for 3 weeks that is until last night. I went for a coffee with my friend and left him with our kids came home and could tell he had been taking it again. I told him that I'm annoyed and that we are back to square one. He says im starting an argument over nothing and that he has 'behaved' for 3 weeks so doesnt see the problem. Anyway he's gone out tonight so i probably wont see him until tomorrow afternoon now which means once again our plans with the kids are ruined and it'll just be me and the kids again. I feel like I cant say anything because he just says he's stopped for a few weeks and whats the harm.
I dont know why I'm posting...im just wondering if you think im being cintrolling and unreasonable because that is what my husband says i am doing. I cant live my lufe being ok for 2/3 weeks then months of hell and then back to ok for 2 weeks etc. So am I unreasonable? Any advice on cocaine addiction would be helpful i feel as though I am going mad
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
hi and welcome.
do i understand you to say that while being in charge of his own children, he was doing coke? in the home?
that is absolutely unacceptable. what if this was the babysitter? what would you do? don't treat him any different, as he has violated a sacred code of protecting children.
it is a big deal. a very big deal.
do i understand you to say that while being in charge of his own children, he was doing coke? in the home?
that is absolutely unacceptable. what if this was the babysitter? what would you do? don't treat him any different, as he has violated a sacred code of protecting children.
it is a big deal. a very big deal.
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Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: America
Posts: 4,136
I have no personal experience with using coke, but I can empathize with you. I've been around and had to work with people who use cocaine.
I don't think you're being unreasonable or controlling either one. He's likely accusing you of that because he wants to be able to do coke whenever he wants to and doesn't like you putting up any barriers between him and the drug.
And of course, as the others have said, doing drugs around the kids is totally unacceptable.
But here's the deal too: even if he wasn't using it around the kids, the fact is you're not okay with him using it, period.
Another thing that is unacceptable is he has been abusive.
Sounds like you've about reached the end of your rope with the cycles of "being good" mix in between periods of being "bad."... the bad meaning periods of hell.
I don't think you're being unreasonable or controlling either one. He's likely accusing you of that because he wants to be able to do coke whenever he wants to and doesn't like you putting up any barriers between him and the drug.
And of course, as the others have said, doing drugs around the kids is totally unacceptable.
But here's the deal too: even if he wasn't using it around the kids, the fact is you're not okay with him using it, period.
Another thing that is unacceptable is he has been abusive.
Sounds like you've about reached the end of your rope with the cycles of "being good" mix in between periods of being "bad."... the bad meaning periods of hell.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 3
Thanks for the replies. I know he should not be doing it with the kids I left the house for 30 mins for a coffee not even thinking he would do that with the kids; it didnt even enter my head that he would but he sat in his mates car out the front and had a 'blast'.
Why cant I leave? I feel like i am in a psychological prison. I cant explain it. I feel guilty I feel like I am trying to control him. I am rationalising whether its me who has a problem and that what he is doing is enjoying life. He tells me I am uptight and miserable. I dont know what is normal anymore. Is this what a real normal relationship is like? Why can i not leave?!
Why cant I leave? I feel like i am in a psychological prison. I cant explain it. I feel guilty I feel like I am trying to control him. I am rationalising whether its me who has a problem and that what he is doing is enjoying life. He tells me I am uptight and miserable. I dont know what is normal anymore. Is this what a real normal relationship is like? Why can i not leave?!
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Join Date: Apr 2018
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I feel utterly pathetic that this is what my marriage has become. Coke is so normal to him because this is what all his friends do and he says that their mrs dont have a problem with it. Why am I so pathetic and weak that I dont have the umph to kick him out. sorry for the posting I am just sounding off. I feel completely flat and weak.
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Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 7
I'm sorry you are dealing with this. However, at no point is is acceptable for him to be using while caring for his children. You have ever right to be upset. An addict cannot just use one in awhile. You and your kids are in my prayers.
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Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: America
Posts: 4,136
Originally Posted by Fedupofcoke 
I feel utterly pathetic that this is what my marriage has become. Coke is so normal to him because this is what all his friends do and he says that their mrs dont have a problem with it. Why am I so pathetic and weak that I dont have the umph to kick him out. sorry for the posting I am just sounding off. I feel completely flat and weak.
You're not completely flat and it's okay if you feel weak. You're allowed to feel weak. But it's likely you have more power within you and on your side than you even know.
I don't know why you can't leave. It's a hard thing to do so don't knock yourself for not being able to just leave. It's very hard, especially with kids involved.
Take a look the Friends and Families of Substance Abusers forum here and see what they have to say about this. Welcome to SR, but sorry for what's brought you here.
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Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: America
Posts: 4,136
Remember: He will rationalize and justify his cocaine addiction many different ways and one of the most common things they say is, "What's the harm, really? I'm just having a good time. I like to party with my friends."....and it goes on and on and on and on. "It doesn't interfere with my job." That's a common theme. Anyways, I'm sure you've heard it all from him. It IS interfering with his personal life, though. That much is obvious.
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Join Date: Jun 2018
Posts: 7
You shouldn't have to worry that you cannot leave the house for half an hour and leave your husband in charge. I have recently been through this and have come out the other side. Fortunately my husband is very committed to recovery but if I am honest with myself I can see myself being in your position further down the line. i am sure he loves his kids but does he really deserve to be entrusted to be a father.
you aren't alone in this position or without support xxx
you aren't alone in this position or without support xxx
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