5 years sober today!!
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 102
5 years sober today!!
Today I woke up with 5 years sober. This place was so helpful in my early days I wanted to share this. Every year I take some time and write a reflection on my sober time. Here is the most recent. 5 years....still hard to believe
Year 5
I just spent the last 15 minutes reading my pervious writings about sobriety. It’s a funny thing. I think I may have had more wisdom about sobriety in my first year then I do now. Everything is so simple for me when I started getting sober. Don’t Pick up, keep coming back…it was simple. Not easy, but simple for sure.
In AA we have the saying of life beyond our wildest dreams. And that is something I have seen people say and live since I got sober. It isn’t my story though. I was able to picture my life when I was just coming around. And that is the life that I am living. I have a home, I have a wife. I have 3 dogs. It is amazing.
This year has had some real surprises that I am not sure I was expecting when I was getting sober.
First, marriage is hard. And it is the easiest thing in my life. I am not sure If I can explain it anymore clearly then that. Marriage is work. Yet marriage is the easiest thing in my life. I am sure these thoughts will evolve. But each day I am married I realize it was the best decision I could have ever made.
Second, I am not sure that I am cut out to work in the corporate world. It’s just not how I am wired. I want the comforts that come with money…yet I don’t care enough about it. I like working with my hands. I like spending time with dogs. I really believe that the next year or two are going to help define how I am really going to spend my work life.
Third, and this is perhaps the biggest thing that happened this year, I have recently started taking a medication. Lexapro to be exact. And my experience with it has been eye opening. Around march of this year, I started dealing with serious anxiety. And through work with my therapist, I was convinced to start the medication and the effects were profound. I realized that I had been dealing with severe anxiety my whole life. Part of my usage was around self-medicating. Of course, I am a drug addict and alcoholic. I use because I like it, I use because it is a solution. Yet still, part of it was self-medicating. That was a difficult thing to understand, now it is so clear to me.
The last thing I have spent a good amount of time thinking about recently is Spirituality, God and the program. I am an atheist. Reading Chapter 4 only solidifies my thoughts. I do not agree with the logical jumps, nor do I believe in the conclusions that are offered. In fact, each time I read Chapter 4, I become more and more convinced that humans created a God…not that God created humans.
So, with that, I am often asked, how can I work the program? How am I am I able to say that things happen for a reason? How can I ask God to grant me the serenity? And to me, God is semantics. God, religion, the dogma in AA…these are nothing more than a framework. Spirituality, those are the actions. Those are the choices I make. Spirituality is how I think/feel. God is how I understand why I feel the way I do. Thing happen for a reason, when I am in a position to look for a reason. When I ask for God, I decide to take action.
I have my own biases towards God. I especially have my own judgments on believers. I spend time speaking with people, rabbis, pastors…anyone who is willing and able to have an open conversation about their journey. Often these people are smarter than me. Often these conversations leave me with big thoughts. But the reality is, I can’t escape where I am today. And today, I see a reason to everything. I do not believe that everything is nothing because of a lack of God. I do not believe in Good and Evil. I believe people are doing the best they can with what they have. It is simple to me. In fact, the way of the universe may be the simplest part of my program. I often say, I am either too smart or too dumb to figure all of this out…and that is just fine for me! Life is very simple when I don’t need to look behind the curtain. Reality is what there is, not what I wish there was.
Lastly, before I close out my 5th year of sobriety, I will always remember this year as the time when Kevin and Dave got sober. This year, my two best friends have come into the program. Kevin shocked me, and honestly, I am not sure he is ready to really jump in. And that’s ok. Its his journey. We all find our path when it is time. However, Dave just recently got out of rehab. It has taken him years; he has lost everything. But he is in now. It’s such a blessing to have someone so close join the program. My mom, my sister, my wife and now my friends. It really is amazing
Year 5
I just spent the last 15 minutes reading my pervious writings about sobriety. It’s a funny thing. I think I may have had more wisdom about sobriety in my first year then I do now. Everything is so simple for me when I started getting sober. Don’t Pick up, keep coming back…it was simple. Not easy, but simple for sure.
In AA we have the saying of life beyond our wildest dreams. And that is something I have seen people say and live since I got sober. It isn’t my story though. I was able to picture my life when I was just coming around. And that is the life that I am living. I have a home, I have a wife. I have 3 dogs. It is amazing.
This year has had some real surprises that I am not sure I was expecting when I was getting sober.
First, marriage is hard. And it is the easiest thing in my life. I am not sure If I can explain it anymore clearly then that. Marriage is work. Yet marriage is the easiest thing in my life. I am sure these thoughts will evolve. But each day I am married I realize it was the best decision I could have ever made.
Second, I am not sure that I am cut out to work in the corporate world. It’s just not how I am wired. I want the comforts that come with money…yet I don’t care enough about it. I like working with my hands. I like spending time with dogs. I really believe that the next year or two are going to help define how I am really going to spend my work life.
Third, and this is perhaps the biggest thing that happened this year, I have recently started taking a medication. Lexapro to be exact. And my experience with it has been eye opening. Around march of this year, I started dealing with serious anxiety. And through work with my therapist, I was convinced to start the medication and the effects were profound. I realized that I had been dealing with severe anxiety my whole life. Part of my usage was around self-medicating. Of course, I am a drug addict and alcoholic. I use because I like it, I use because it is a solution. Yet still, part of it was self-medicating. That was a difficult thing to understand, now it is so clear to me.
The last thing I have spent a good amount of time thinking about recently is Spirituality, God and the program. I am an atheist. Reading Chapter 4 only solidifies my thoughts. I do not agree with the logical jumps, nor do I believe in the conclusions that are offered. In fact, each time I read Chapter 4, I become more and more convinced that humans created a God…not that God created humans.
So, with that, I am often asked, how can I work the program? How am I am I able to say that things happen for a reason? How can I ask God to grant me the serenity? And to me, God is semantics. God, religion, the dogma in AA…these are nothing more than a framework. Spirituality, those are the actions. Those are the choices I make. Spirituality is how I think/feel. God is how I understand why I feel the way I do. Thing happen for a reason, when I am in a position to look for a reason. When I ask for God, I decide to take action.
I have my own biases towards God. I especially have my own judgments on believers. I spend time speaking with people, rabbis, pastors…anyone who is willing and able to have an open conversation about their journey. Often these people are smarter than me. Often these conversations leave me with big thoughts. But the reality is, I can’t escape where I am today. And today, I see a reason to everything. I do not believe that everything is nothing because of a lack of God. I do not believe in Good and Evil. I believe people are doing the best they can with what they have. It is simple to me. In fact, the way of the universe may be the simplest part of my program. I often say, I am either too smart or too dumb to figure all of this out…and that is just fine for me! Life is very simple when I don’t need to look behind the curtain. Reality is what there is, not what I wish there was.
Lastly, before I close out my 5th year of sobriety, I will always remember this year as the time when Kevin and Dave got sober. This year, my two best friends have come into the program. Kevin shocked me, and honestly, I am not sure he is ready to really jump in. And that’s ok. Its his journey. We all find our path when it is time. However, Dave just recently got out of rehab. It has taken him years; he has lost everything. But he is in now. It’s such a blessing to have someone so close join the program. My mom, my sister, my wife and now my friends. It really is amazing
No Dogma Please
Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: SoCal
Posts: 2,562
Love what you wrote. Nearly all of it resonates with me. Very inspirational.
Glad you have 5 years. Glad you found your answer to the Higher Power issue, I struggle with that for similar reasons. Glad you have found medication to be of help.
Congrats, and thanks.
Glad you have 5 years. Glad you found your answer to the Higher Power issue, I struggle with that for similar reasons. Glad you have found medication to be of help.
Congrats, and thanks.
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