BF using cocaine...
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Los Angeles
Posts: 408
Originally Posted by Wishful04 
Of course the excuses - it's from a quit smoking drug, ingested residue on dishes from rental, absorbed from sleeping on bed another user sweated on, absorbed from handling baggies left in rental suite by old tenant.
It's tough...really tough...but trust your gut, or trust but verify.
Or if possible leave. I wish I had taken the advice of so many and left years ago.
Now I realize how much time and energy I have wasted on someone who is not ready to recover. To do the work. He too wouldn't attend meetings, wouldn't go to counselling etc. He always claims to "have it under control".
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Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 347
2 really bad signs there well actually 3 bad signs.
1.Not wanting to go to meetings. definetky the disease taking control. for me at this point (4 months) i was going all the time. I was really on a pink cloud so happy i was clean.
2. Hanging with old using friends, this is one of the things thats really strongly suggested especially in the beginning. not to hang out with our old "friends" i myself ended 20 year friendships in the name of recovery.
3. The hought that u have everything under control. the NA basic text says cockness is a red light indicator.
1.Not wanting to go to meetings. definetky the disease taking control. for me at this point (4 months) i was going all the time. I was really on a pink cloud so happy i was clean.
2. Hanging with old using friends, this is one of the things thats really strongly suggested especially in the beginning. not to hang out with our old "friends" i myself ended 20 year friendships in the name of recovery.
3. The hought that u have everything under control. the NA basic text says cockness is a red light indicator.
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Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 41
Still wondering
Everything seems fine. We had a good weekend. He didnt say much about the visit to his friend except that they drank alot.
He seems a bit unreasonable. Unreasonable and manipulative. He used to be like that. However he hasn't been in a long time.
I am having a tough time at work with deadlines etc.. not sure if all of this suspicion is just my imagination and the thinking of a tired, stressed mind...
Sorry for complaining here. I know i must sort it out myself instead of complaining about it. But talking to you guys and hearing what people with experience with the matter think... helps...
He seems a bit unreasonable. Unreasonable and manipulative. He used to be like that. However he hasn't been in a long time.
I am having a tough time at work with deadlines etc.. not sure if all of this suspicion is just my imagination and the thinking of a tired, stressed mind...
Sorry for complaining here. I know i must sort it out myself instead of complaining about it. But talking to you guys and hearing what people with experience with the matter think... helps...
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Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: SE USA
Posts: 599
In order for me to start getting well I had to not only stop drinking but also realize that other drugs, even though I hadn't done drugs in years, were off the table as well. I had to work on all the underlying crap and I couldn't do that stoned. I guess what I'm trying to say is he probably doesn't need to be drinking heavily.
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Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 41
...
I dont approve of him drinking at all... however it seems to be controlled... but it might be a replacement drug for him... that is if he is clean however.... which i am not sure of anymore. Because of his moods etc. When i asked him a few weeks ago whether he was clean he freaked out and said that i still don't trust him again, after four months of being clean etc etc. He said that if i cant forgive him and "get over" his past mistakes we should break up.
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
If he expects you to have full trust he's deluded Mrs sw did not trust me for way longer & rightly so I had no right to say forgive me & get over it if I did Mrs Sw would have left
maybe it's because he's 4 months and still has stuff to learn
Give him time but at the same time look out for you
maybe it's because he's 4 months and still has stuff to learn
Give him time but at the same time look out for you
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Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 347
soberwolf is definetly right about the trust thing it takes times time.
the first time i got clean i was able to drink for a few months then i got back on pills and it took another 2 and a half years to get back to rehab.
Many people consider alcohol and drugs seperate. When i got to narcoutics anonymous i learned that to a addict there is no difference.\
At every NA meeting its stated that alcohol is a drug right after we read the steps. If hes been to a NA meeting he should know this as it is said in the same reading that the 12 steps are read in. if it was my friend or loved one id tell him to pick up a new white key tag and get honest with himself.
the first time i got clean i was able to drink for a few months then i got back on pills and it took another 2 and a half years to get back to rehab.
Many people consider alcohol and drugs seperate. When i got to narcoutics anonymous i learned that to a addict there is no difference.\
At every NA meeting its stated that alcohol is a drug right after we read the steps. If hes been to a NA meeting he should know this as it is said in the same reading that the 12 steps are read in. if it was my friend or loved one id tell him to pick up a new white key tag and get honest with himself.
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Los Angeles
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Originally Posted by Blue21
I dont approve of him drinking at all... however it seems to be controlled... but it might be a replacement drug for him... that is if he is clean however.... which i am not sure of anymore. Because of his moods etc. When i asked him a few weeks ago whether he was clean he freaked out and said that i still don't trust him again, after four months of being clean etc etc. He said that if i cant forgive him and "get over" his past mistakes we should break up.
Listen to your gut, I'm sure deep down---you know the truth.
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Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 347
i remeber the first time that my family questioned me actually being clean this time around. then i realized i had lied to them about not being on something more times thenm i could count and truely i didnt have the right to be mad.
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Join Date: Apr 2015
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Originally Posted by hopepraylove
In my experience, this is an indicator of someone who is not clean. IF he was clean, he would likely be less defensive. I've experienced this personally, ironically enough my ex bf (addict) was belligerent when I confronted him about using again---"HOW CAN YOU NOT TRUST ME, I'M SOBER, IF YOU LOVED ME AND TRUSTED ME YOU WOULD BELIEVE ME!" Hellloooo, can you say manipulation? & Guess what? He wasn't sober. Who knows at that point how long he had been using.
Listen to your gut, I'm sure deep down---you know the truth.
Listen to your gut, I'm sure deep down---you know the truth.
Also he keeps insisting on checking my phone and whereabouts the past few weeks. Keeps on insisting that i am cheating on him. I AM NOT. Infact, theres nothing i do that he doesn't know about. Apart from posting on this group. He is becomming increasingly unreasonable. Not sure why....
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Join Date: Apr 2015
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For what it's worth ... in previous relationships I've had significant others have a tendency to be overly suspicious of the other person when they themselves are doing something wrong/hiding something. I have done it and have had others do it to me. The thought process is "if I'm capable of cheating, so are they". Which leads to behavior you are referring to. Maybe that's not the case but I've seen it over and over. Also, plenty of drugs can cause paranoia.
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Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 347
exactly guiltly consince^
and a good way to take the focus off hes still using. were rather manipulative.
if he drank and is saying hes clean then he knows hes lying theres no doubt about it.
NA came from AA. id imagine if u broughht up to him that alcohol is a drug he will get mad.
and a good way to take the focus off hes still using. were rather manipulative.
if he drank and is saying hes clean then he knows hes lying theres no doubt about it.
NA came from AA. id imagine if u broughht up to him that alcohol is a drug he will get mad.
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Join Date: Apr 2015
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...
No we dont have kids. Lol. Glad about that. Wouldn't want a kid stuck in the middle of all this.
We have been together a little more than a year though. It's not a lifetime but we've been through alot. He stayed with me for four months now after he came out of rehab. But he moved back to his place yesterday. Can't help to wonder what he is up to. Trying not to worry. Know he's going out with his ex-user (or so they say) friend again tonight. To a bar where they used to use. Together. I asked him if he thinks it is a good idea... and whether he will be okay there... assuming that he is clean... he said that he doesnt relate with places and friends and the fact that he used there before doesnt make it a bad place. And that he wont use but he cannot promise that it won't be one hell of a party.
I am stuck at work tonight. Otherwise i would have gone with. To check on him. Even though i realise that even if i went.... if he wanted to use he would have found a way... even with me there.
We have been together a little more than a year though. It's not a lifetime but we've been through alot. He stayed with me for four months now after he came out of rehab. But he moved back to his place yesterday. Can't help to wonder what he is up to. Trying not to worry. Know he's going out with his ex-user (or so they say) friend again tonight. To a bar where they used to use. Together. I asked him if he thinks it is a good idea... and whether he will be okay there... assuming that he is clean... he said that he doesnt relate with places and friends and the fact that he used there before doesnt make it a bad place. And that he wont use but he cannot promise that it won't be one hell of a party.
I am stuck at work tonight. Otherwise i would have gone with. To check on him. Even though i realise that even if i went.... if he wanted to use he would have found a way... even with me there.
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Join Date: Apr 2015
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oh and also...
Is there any way for me to deal with his manipulative behavior? He makes unreasonable requests, such as me spending time with him every night the whole night or stuff like that... or when i ask him about being clean etc.... i have to work some nights but i try to spend atleast 4 nights a week at home with him. Still he makes me feel like crap about it somehow.
I drive him around, take him lunch at work. Spend as much time with him as i can. Pitch up to watch his cricket games atleast once a week (he plays). But the times wheN i just give him money for lunch or just drop him off at cricket and not stay for the game because i have to work he really loses it and i end up feeling like the worst gf in the world.
He was like this from about a week after we started dating. It got progressively worse (to the point where he freaked out on me because we were taking a nap one afternoon, i woke up, he was still sleeping and i went to make Myself some coffee. When he woke up he made me feel like crap because "i didn't want to spend time with him" thats why i got up)... anyway.. it got worse till he went to rehab. After rehab things were different. Better. But about a month after rehab it started again.
Is this type of behavior usually related to drug use or could it just be a personality thing or what? And how do i deal with it?
I drive him around, take him lunch at work. Spend as much time with him as i can. Pitch up to watch his cricket games atleast once a week (he plays). But the times wheN i just give him money for lunch or just drop him off at cricket and not stay for the game because i have to work he really loses it and i end up feeling like the worst gf in the world.
He was like this from about a week after we started dating. It got progressively worse (to the point where he freaked out on me because we were taking a nap one afternoon, i woke up, he was still sleeping and i went to make Myself some coffee. When he woke up he made me feel like crap because "i didn't want to spend time with him" thats why i got up)... anyway.. it got worse till he went to rehab. After rehab things were different. Better. But about a month after rehab it started again.
Is this type of behavior usually related to drug use or could it just be a personality thing or what? And how do i deal with it?
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
Have you posted in friends & family of alcoholics & substance abuse youl get responses from ppl who have been going through exactly what your going through
To be honest I think some space would be beneficial to both you & him as if he's going to change it has to be him & you need a break from the bs & lies
Were always here for you blue
To be honest I think some space would be beneficial to both you & him as if he's going to change it has to be him & you need a break from the bs & lies
Were always here for you blue
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Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 199
Blue,
I've been following this thread for sometime. This is just my opinion, but the more you post about your relationship the more I'm convinced the best thing to do is distance yourself. It seems extremely unhealthy in every way a relationship can be. In any case, keep posting we are here to listen.
I've been following this thread for sometime. This is just my opinion, but the more you post about your relationship the more I'm convinced the best thing to do is distance yourself. It seems extremely unhealthy in every way a relationship can be. In any case, keep posting we are here to listen.
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