BF using cocaine...
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Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 41
lying...
No i dont mind you being straightforward.... just like your loved ones needed to be a little mean with you to get you to quit.. i need someone to tell me straightforward that i should open my eyes and not just ignore all the lies....
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 41
Did the unthinkable....
So yesterday.... i did.... what is in my mind "the unthinkable"...
After more lies.... and not trying to quit....
I left him. Its been 24hours.... and i miss him sooo much.... don't know how I'm going to get through this... not even sure that i made the right choice by leaving.... i love him so much.... but i can't live with all the lies anymore...
After more lies.... and not trying to quit....
I left him. Its been 24hours.... and i miss him sooo much.... don't know how I'm going to get through this... not even sure that i made the right choice by leaving.... i love him so much.... but i can't live with all the lies anymore...
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 970
Congratulations, Blue, you took care of yourself !!! You said to yourself that " my life is worth more than living with that and I can't change that , but I can change MY distance to it "! I'm So proud of you even though I know it really hurts and there's lots of fear and doubts about your choice ! You did the right thing for YOU and that says a lot ! Way to go, gal !
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 970
Next step of self-love - plug into an Alnon meeting today if you can -they will REALLY help you now. Keep reading here. And do not contact him no matter what and block his calls. I know it's really hard, it hurts - many of us know your feelings only too well, but we also learn from each other that ultimately , you are responsible for Only the health of yourself and you can't help anyone else who isn't walking it themselves.
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Join Date: Apr 2015
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Sooooo sad...
Thanx... Appreciate it ... yes its sooo incredibly hard..... mis him so much.... but i haven't gone back.... this is the longest we've been out ... i have left him before but I've always gone back...
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Thailand
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Blue as a 40 year old man who has messed every serious relationship up because of drink, "recreational" drugs before becoming a fully fledged heroin addict you need to get rid.
Have you ever took drugs yourself? Some of my ex's weren't into drugs whatever so I'd think it a bit of a game, caning it then getting away with it - sounds pathetic I know but looking back thats how it was. We (my pals)used to pride ourself on our ability to take drugs then function at work, family occasions, the cinema, dinner, on holidays with my last ex we'd go lie by the pool, I'd deliberately leave something in the room, tell her in advance I was looking forward to reading that book or whatever then make sure she had her pass for the room leave mine and the book, leave it 20 mins then ask her for the pass, so I could go back, smoke heroin (obviously get rid of smell etc), come back out wrecked holding a book and having called a mate pretend I was deep in conversation hence the delay, give her a kiss (shameful isn't it) and explain my mate having a rough time about x y z. Then sit there, wackoed, all smug. "She hasn't a clue" I'd think and then boast about my exploits the next day with my heroin buddies about how easy it was to blag my gf's head - in our eyes - she was a "normaloid" - who we thought we were smarter than because we just about got through life not getting caught out. I own my own business - I have staff, responsibilities, like your guy - a good job - but he is a user through and through by the sounds of it. I'd be more concerned by the meth traces, the highs/lows of that make coke come downs look like the after affect of a sugar rush - ie nothing. That stuff like heroin (and coke obviously) & meth do take a grip on people like nothing else I've seen. Most people I know after 2 days on coke want their bed, meth a different ball game. Smack the all rounder drug wise but ruins your life,If you never taken drugs much or at all stay away - he's lied, believe me it will be the tip of the iceberg and junkies are good liars, can't have love without trust so get rid for good. I still have chills down my spine and immense shame about how I manipulated everyone because of drugs. You can do better. Believe!!! You can't have love without trust and believe me I know - I cleaned up my act for a 2nd go once with someone and despite the promises they couldn't let the past go - they were so angry at me and rightly so. It's the best thing for him as well as he might start clocking the effects his actions have. He'll never change otherwise. I tried 12 times to quit heroin first 11 I was on it again in 4 days, addicts - we not good bf material im sorry.
Have you ever took drugs yourself? Some of my ex's weren't into drugs whatever so I'd think it a bit of a game, caning it then getting away with it - sounds pathetic I know but looking back thats how it was. We (my pals)used to pride ourself on our ability to take drugs then function at work, family occasions, the cinema, dinner, on holidays with my last ex we'd go lie by the pool, I'd deliberately leave something in the room, tell her in advance I was looking forward to reading that book or whatever then make sure she had her pass for the room leave mine and the book, leave it 20 mins then ask her for the pass, so I could go back, smoke heroin (obviously get rid of smell etc), come back out wrecked holding a book and having called a mate pretend I was deep in conversation hence the delay, give her a kiss (shameful isn't it) and explain my mate having a rough time about x y z. Then sit there, wackoed, all smug. "She hasn't a clue" I'd think and then boast about my exploits the next day with my heroin buddies about how easy it was to blag my gf's head - in our eyes - she was a "normaloid" - who we thought we were smarter than because we just about got through life not getting caught out. I own my own business - I have staff, responsibilities, like your guy - a good job - but he is a user through and through by the sounds of it. I'd be more concerned by the meth traces, the highs/lows of that make coke come downs look like the after affect of a sugar rush - ie nothing. That stuff like heroin (and coke obviously) & meth do take a grip on people like nothing else I've seen. Most people I know after 2 days on coke want their bed, meth a different ball game. Smack the all rounder drug wise but ruins your life,If you never taken drugs much or at all stay away - he's lied, believe me it will be the tip of the iceberg and junkies are good liars, can't have love without trust so get rid for good. I still have chills down my spine and immense shame about how I manipulated everyone because of drugs. You can do better. Believe!!! You can't have love without trust and believe me I know - I cleaned up my act for a 2nd go once with someone and despite the promises they couldn't let the past go - they were so angry at me and rightly so. It's the best thing for him as well as he might start clocking the effects his actions have. He'll never change otherwise. I tried 12 times to quit heroin first 11 I was on it again in 4 days, addicts - we not good bf material im sorry.
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Thailand
Posts: 824
I know you not together now but u sound like the slightest thing could change that. It isn't worth it love honestly. Remember how you felt when you found meth and coke in his wallet (traces/whatever) - want to feel like that again, and again? I've been on the receiving end of being dumped cos of the lifestyle I chose. Don't blame anyone but myself never did. It's his choices and lies that have created this not you. Head held high, walk away for good.
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Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 41
...
Hi guys sorry I've been so quiet....
It has been quite a month... he approached me 2 weeks after we split up... said that he was clean and doing well... I'm an idiot for believing him I know. Things took a turn for the worse this week when he got really aggressive towards me one night after I picked him up from a friend's house. He got mad at me for asking him whether he had been using.... he was also very very very drunk... the reason I was picking him up... was because it was my birthday and we were going to dinner... he almost caused me to have an accident... tugging on the steering wheel because he was mad at me, on purpose (or atleast as purposeful as a drunk person can do that). Anyway after a big struggle I took him back to his friends house... his friend seemed fine (we have also become good friends during the course of the relationship... if you can call it that...)... His friend had to remove him (forcefully) from my car... after which I drove home... kinda in shock... I cancelled the dinner and went to bed...
The next day I phoned just about any rehab facility I could find. I could only get him in in a weeks time... a week from today... anyway he does not recall anything about that evening except me crying and his friend yelling at him... he seems to be quite frightened at what me and his friend described to him... the aggressiveness etc. He acknowledged that he needs help....and he has managed to get the money for rehab together all on his own. I checked with them it has been paid. It's quite an amount but I it's for the best....
I am however very worried about this week... I can see that he hasn't used again... because he just seems very sick.... sad and depressed.... not like himself at all...
Oh and no Red, I've never used myself...
It has been quite a month... he approached me 2 weeks after we split up... said that he was clean and doing well... I'm an idiot for believing him I know. Things took a turn for the worse this week when he got really aggressive towards me one night after I picked him up from a friend's house. He got mad at me for asking him whether he had been using.... he was also very very very drunk... the reason I was picking him up... was because it was my birthday and we were going to dinner... he almost caused me to have an accident... tugging on the steering wheel because he was mad at me, on purpose (or atleast as purposeful as a drunk person can do that). Anyway after a big struggle I took him back to his friends house... his friend seemed fine (we have also become good friends during the course of the relationship... if you can call it that...)... His friend had to remove him (forcefully) from my car... after which I drove home... kinda in shock... I cancelled the dinner and went to bed...
The next day I phoned just about any rehab facility I could find. I could only get him in in a weeks time... a week from today... anyway he does not recall anything about that evening except me crying and his friend yelling at him... he seems to be quite frightened at what me and his friend described to him... the aggressiveness etc. He acknowledged that he needs help....and he has managed to get the money for rehab together all on his own. I checked with them it has been paid. It's quite an amount but I it's for the best....
I am however very worried about this week... I can see that he hasn't used again... because he just seems very sick.... sad and depressed.... not like himself at all...
Oh and no Red, I've never used myself...
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Join Date: Apr 2015
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I should probably also add that the last time around he has been using more meth than coke.....
i don't know if that changes the situation at all....
I don't know a whole lot about drugs... i have a Bachelors degree in engineering. ... so im a bit of a workaholic.... not used to the lifestyle he has now or the things he gets himself messed up in....
i don't know if that changes the situation at all....
I don't know a whole lot about drugs... i have a Bachelors degree in engineering. ... so im a bit of a workaholic.... not used to the lifestyle he has now or the things he gets himself messed up in....
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Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Another Earth
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I feel for you...I have been there....did the same very things with my ex that you are doing...over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over... for almost 10 years. You may as well beat your head against a wall. Things will not change unless he makes the decision to do something different and so far he's not. And no amount of picking him up, calling rehabs, "being there for him" will matter...in fact it just further enables him to continue doing what he's doing. I would print out what RedManc7 wrote (I did) and read it as much as you can...it's straight talk from the "other side". Not trying to sound harsh, but is this where you want to be in another 10 years, or even 1 year? Hugs to you. I know it sucks. And don't call yourself an idiot...
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Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 347
Yea u have to put your foot down and stick with it. id say if u use again im gone and mean it he's already done more then he should. that SHOULD INCLUDE ALCOHOL. if he leaves rehab let him know u wont be there. Idk to me it sounds like he needs the hard truth we cant ever use successfully. until hes rewadsy to face that and change it will all be downhill. just my opinion.
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Join Date: Apr 2015
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Hi guys thanx for the replies....
It seems like he really wants to do something about it this time.... as far as i can tell (I'm pretty sure, but as you might well know... we can never be certain in these situations) he hasn't used again... he is sleeping all the time and whenever he is awake he is really really moody and depressed.... I'm hoping he can stay clean until friday when he can go to rehab....
I have told him that if he leaves rehab before the program is finished or if he uses or lies again before going to rehab... that I will leave and never come back... this is his first time going to rehab so he seems a bit scared about it.....
I dont know... i really hope that he makes it to friday before ysing again... he seems pretty determined at the moment... but it fades with every bout of moodiness and depression ..
It seems like he really wants to do something about it this time.... as far as i can tell (I'm pretty sure, but as you might well know... we can never be certain in these situations) he hasn't used again... he is sleeping all the time and whenever he is awake he is really really moody and depressed.... I'm hoping he can stay clean until friday when he can go to rehab....
I have told him that if he leaves rehab before the program is finished or if he uses or lies again before going to rehab... that I will leave and never come back... this is his first time going to rehab so he seems a bit scared about it.....
I dont know... i really hope that he makes it to friday before ysing again... he seems pretty determined at the moment... but it fades with every bout of moodiness and depression ..
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Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Midwest, USA
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My heart breaks for you, it really does.
I agree with Carl. Nar-Anon for you. Rehab for him if he decides to go. You cannot make him and I would guess ultimatums don't hold a lot of weight with him right now.
Many moons ago, I was in what sounded like a similar relationship. I did drink a lot with this guy, but I found out later on he was into hard drugs. Instead of finding it in his wallet, I found a powder residue on my sink after he left. He said it was only once (after telling me I was crazy- it must have been bathroom cleanser). His behavior became increasingly erratic, emotionally abusive, and exhausting. I spent all of my time worrying, wondering, obsessing over getting him better. If he did I'll never know. There are many situations where I could have lost my own life because of the dangerous situations he put me in (that I allowed him to put me in). I could go on and on with outrageous stories but the result is still the same.
If I can be blunt, your BFs using means everything to him. And trust me, he is using and lying about it. His words right now mean nothing. He will tell you what you want to hear.....he knows the script by now. My honest opinion, which is harsh I know.....run- in the opposite direction, fast and furious. I'm guessing you are a fairly young lady with a great life ahead and career goals. Please don't throw it away over someone else's abuse of substance and abuse of your kind-heartedness.
There is also a Friends and family area on this site.
I wish you well.
I agree with Carl. Nar-Anon for you. Rehab for him if he decides to go. You cannot make him and I would guess ultimatums don't hold a lot of weight with him right now.
Many moons ago, I was in what sounded like a similar relationship. I did drink a lot with this guy, but I found out later on he was into hard drugs. Instead of finding it in his wallet, I found a powder residue on my sink after he left. He said it was only once (after telling me I was crazy- it must have been bathroom cleanser). His behavior became increasingly erratic, emotionally abusive, and exhausting. I spent all of my time worrying, wondering, obsessing over getting him better. If he did I'll never know. There are many situations where I could have lost my own life because of the dangerous situations he put me in (that I allowed him to put me in). I could go on and on with outrageous stories but the result is still the same.
If I can be blunt, your BFs using means everything to him. And trust me, he is using and lying about it. His words right now mean nothing. He will tell you what you want to hear.....he knows the script by now. My honest opinion, which is harsh I know.....run- in the opposite direction, fast and furious. I'm guessing you are a fairly young lady with a great life ahead and career goals. Please don't throw it away over someone else's abuse of substance and abuse of your kind-heartedness.
There is also a Friends and family area on this site.
I wish you well.
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Join Date: Apr 2015
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Hu guys...
Thanx for the replies..
I appreciate it! It's just nice to know that someone understands! So far... he is still clean... he asked me the past weekend to test him every 2 days until friday...
He is going to rehab on friday afternoon. He still seems determined to go.... but i can see that its really getting to him now.... he is moody and depressed and very tired... his moods are very unpredictable and ever changing... he will be smiling and crying and angry all in 10 minutes time....
Friday seems very far... but still hanging in there xx
Thanx for the replies..
I appreciate it! It's just nice to know that someone understands! So far... he is still clean... he asked me the past weekend to test him every 2 days until friday...
He is going to rehab on friday afternoon. He still seems determined to go.... but i can see that its really getting to him now.... he is moody and depressed and very tired... his moods are very unpredictable and ever changing... he will be smiling and crying and angry all in 10 minutes time....
Friday seems very far... but still hanging in there xx
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Join Date: Apr 2015
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Hi guys...
So he is going to rehab tomorrow.... he still wants to... I am having a hard time dealing with it all... dono if I'm just being silly....
anyway... just hoping that he gets better... i know rehab isint a quick fix.... but it's defnitely a start right?..
So he is going to rehab tomorrow.... he still wants to... I am having a hard time dealing with it all... dono if I'm just being silly....
anyway... just hoping that he gets better... i know rehab isint a quick fix.... but it's defnitely a start right?..
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