Go Back  SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information > Drug Addiction > Substance Abuse
Reload this Page >

New Member, Coming Clean - advice and support have my gratitude.



Notices

New Member, Coming Clean - advice and support have my gratitude.

Old 06-30-2014, 08:13 AM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: New Orleans, LA
Posts: 23
Exclamation New Member, Coming Clean - advice and support have my gratitude.

Today is my first day here, I am here because I feel that many others are in my posistion. My name is Viktor, I'm a Russian-American citizen. I hope my grasp of English will suffice, I have been told that I have learned well. If there are any errors, I will do my best to fix them, so that you all may understand my meaning. I thank you all for your time in reading my message, I openly admit that I need help now.

Hard Oxy/Xanax withdrawals hurt more than being shot in my belief.

Here's my background, I'm currently a college student - one year away from receiving my bachelor's degree. I have an amazing and supportive girlfriend, I am also like a step father to her 2 year old daughter. I have two young God-children as well.

I have been on opiate painkillers since I was 15 years old. Began with Hydrocodone, almost a decade later - I've been taking ten 30mg IR oxycodone pills per day, OxyContin 80mg's two times per day (sometimes more), 2mgs of Xanax for PTSD, anxiety, and insomnia, as well as 20mg (2 x 10mg pills) Valium at night, and six 350mg Somas each and every day. No "high" or euphoria, just normal - well...most of the time. (for the most part of the day, night time is different story. I often wake up young children with night terrors and flashback to past events)

I'm an early (forcibly) retired security officer, who's been severely wounded. I will spare messy details. I used to be a private military contractor, in very good shape. Was involved in body building - and all of these things have destroyed much of my body. As well as active duty injuries, including many broken bones and cheating death. I believe it to be easier to say what is not wrong with me, than to list order what IS wrong with me. I have now lost half of my muscle, and the rest has become fat on my body. Which I do not like.

I have not had any type of painkiller in several days. I took one suboxone strip, to help the transition - but it was not near enough of dosage to do job.

I will be withdrawing completely from everything listed of what I've been taking.

Advice, and hints & help is accepted with much gratitude.

Regards,
Viktor

P.S. - I am very strong man, but this pain is not a normal pain. It is different in a very bad way. Thank you all.
ViktorVice is offline  
Old 06-30-2014, 09:44 AM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Western NY
Posts: 1,209
Viktor - you have you work cut out for you coming off of all of those at once. Is someone going to be there with you while you are going through the withdrawal? I don't have any experience coming off of the benzos, but it isn't an easy process by any means.

Do you have a doctor that you can consult about this? It may be better to come off the medications in increments (e.g. opis then benzos or vice versa). Other members with direct benzo experience may be able to give you more relevant personal experiences. The doctor may be able to get you on a taper schedule or something along those lines.

Once you get through the withdrawal I think you will find it easier to get back in shape. I dropped all exercise while using, but have found it much easier now that I am sober.

Best of luck with the withdrawal. Keep posting to let us know how you are doing.

PS - your English looks good to me.
OpioPhobe is offline  
Old 06-30-2014, 11:50 AM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Member
 
TiredEnough's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 1,375
Privet! Kak dela? Sorry, just learned a little Russian years ago. I know it's bad.

Man, that's a heavy list to wd from but you can do it. The xanax/valium might actually be the hardest. Can you taper it instead of cold turkey? I've done it but it's rough, Viktor.
TiredEnough is offline  
Old 06-30-2014, 02:25 PM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: New Orleans, LA
Posts: 23
Many thanks to the both of you, answers to question and support brings much gratitude of mine.

I've never had abuse issues in many years past, until my best friend was killed in action February of this year of 2014 - I was to be the best man in his wedding. Just one month before he "expired". I was then strong enough to carry coffin & body alone to grave. No more am I so strong, both in muscle and also in mind. After that much abuse began in high levels. I cannot imagine a world to live in without the little blue pills. The "Roxy".....(Roxicodone = Immediate release oxycodone pills, blue in color and very small) For they are the only reason I can be able to get through each day.

I understand it to be my responsibility to provide for his family which he was forced to leave behind. As we each promised each other we would should one not come home still drawing breathe. It is a VERY great burden emotionally, not much so financially for I am stable in finances and money. He also left half of his monies and land into myself. So I am making myself more progress each day. *Before then, hardly none Xanax or Valiums*

I will make assumption that this a USA based forum. I know that the places PMCs / soldiers are directed to in Eastern EU the doctors will give you whatever you ask for. American doctors I do not know of this - maybe one here may know to tell me of this.

**I also wonder - is it a possibility to return to painkillers without abuse, after much abusing in the past?** I would like opinions on that question please.

I may be incorrect, but I think trading off my oxycodone for new suboxone is much like trading one evil for another evil. Does anyone feel this way? (Or do you take suboxone for long time, until you break chains from oxy, then try to reduce dosage amount over period of time -To eventually be clean?)

NEWS UPDATE: I have gotten ten 8mg suboxone strips, is that enough to end it?

Regards of my love, and gratitude,
Viktor.
ViktorVice is offline  
Old 06-30-2014, 03:20 PM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 95
Hi Viktor, I don't have much advice as I am not very good at keeping clean myself, and I only have experience with opiates.. You seem like a smart man, and you can do this! I think trading suboxone for the oxys is one evil for another but sometimes you have to do what you have to do. I wish you the best of luck!
Waiting4Freedom is offline  
Old 06-30-2014, 03:29 PM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Member
 
Taking5's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: LA - Lower Alabama
Posts: 5,068
Victor,

Welcome, I am just east of you in Mobile, AL. I was a straight alcoholic and never dabbled much in opiates or benzos, so I cannot help much there. I think your English is very good.

I don't recall any other Russians coming here, but we have a ton of people that log in here from 6 continents daily. (I keep hoping that some scientist in the Antarctic will log on here, but that would mean hoping that the scientist was also an alcoholic or addict and I don't wish that on anyone).

Anyway I just wanted to say welcome.
Taking5 is offline  
Old 06-30-2014, 03:51 PM
  # 7 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: New Orleans, LA
Posts: 23
I too have difficulty keeping clean as well, and as far as alcoholism for me - I do not know how to answer. I typically drink several vodka martinis each night, and smoke much. Cigars & Camel cigarettes. I have withdrawn before, about two years ago in length in time. The withdrawal I can over come. But I was not taking Xanax or Valium two years ago. I just in taken vodka (or other alcohol too) so to calm nerve after long day.

I wonder this, after I have withdrawn in past, my injuries left me in bed all day. I had no choice but to go to pill so that I may function. I know that I am addicted, yes. But I wonder if doctor would say I need such pain killers or if I am simply a junkie of the pills.

Much gratitude and thanks to all for stories, personal experience, and advice.

Regards to all,
Viktor
ViktorVice is offline  
Old 06-30-2014, 03:55 PM
  # 8 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: New Orleans, LA
Posts: 23
*no cartilage in spine. Rotator cuffs torn, disc in neck degenerated, broken many bones, list goes on. I moved to warm, and humid home because cold brings along much pain
ViktorVice is offline  
Old 06-30-2014, 04:57 PM
  # 9 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Western NY
Posts: 1,209
Viktor - I have used subs for short-term tapers in the past. For me, it delayed the withdrawal, made it milder, and made it longer. It was less intense than stopping abruptly, but it wasn't easy by any stretch. I have only using them for opi withdrawal though.

There are a lot of folks on here that have chronic pain that were on opis for a long time and are now off of them. They might be able to give better advice on how to manage the pain without opis. There is a special section dedicated to pain management on SR that you might check out as well. There are a lot of options out there for dealing with pain that aren't opi based.

I don't know what the subs are going to do for the benzo withdrawal though. Have you already stopped taking everything?
OpioPhobe is offline  
Old 06-30-2014, 05:09 PM
  # 10 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: New Orleans, LA
Posts: 23
Update : cannot cold turkey Xanax, I think I had a mild seizure. Took 4mgs not one half hour ago. Idk if I can kick the benzos :'(
ViktorVice is offline  
Old 06-30-2014, 05:33 PM
  # 11 (permalink)  
Member
 
biminiblue's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: PNW
Posts: 25,373
I would get advice from a medical professional about coming off all those things at once.

Does the VA offer help for addiction? I would think there are many in your situation.

Be careful, it can be dangerous to try to withdraw by yourself without instruction.
biminiblue is offline  
Old 06-30-2014, 05:39 PM
  # 12 (permalink)  
Work in Progress
 
DecBaby's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 1,142
It's dangerous to kick opies and benzos as once. Start with the opies first. If possible see a doctor. Be warned... some doctors may say you need them forever.... you probably don't. Your will is strong I can tell. Your body will repair itself. You can do this. Russians are tough.... even tougher without these meds. It's all a lie that it makes you better.
DecBaby is offline  
Old 06-30-2014, 05:53 PM
  # 13 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: New Orleans, LA
Posts: 23
I do not want these drugs, my body is still strong enough to fight it - but the hold on my mind is eased by suboxone - but not for the Valium & Xanax.

The VA cannot do nothing for me. I was a mercenary (or PMC as the tv news calls it, but reality is gun for hire, all reasonable jobs accepted in my past company) I never was in USA military service. I have health insurance from old company.
ViktorVice is offline  
Old 06-30-2014, 08:05 PM
  # 14 (permalink)  
Member
 
cleaninLI's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 4,966
Victor welcome to SR. Sorry for what brought you here. Decbaby is spot on about kicking opies first then the benzo.....don't try to do this all at once. I switched from pills to sub and did a fast taper off the Xanax. It was the most horrible experience I've ever had. My anxiety level was out of this world.....racing thoughts, visual and audio disturbances, time went on fast forward....just like a tape, severe insomnia and brain zaps....the whole nine yards. That med really needs to be slowly tapered off. Get with a Doctor who who can help you with this.

Good luck....we are here.
cleaninLI is offline  
Old 06-30-2014, 09:01 PM
  # 15 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: New Orleans, LA
Posts: 23
Many thanks. I'm looking for a sort of clinic which deals in such manners. But, yes my paranoia, flashbacks, and anxiety have grown to levels I've never known in my past years. Two nights ago I almost shot the mirror in my flat as I was walking outside in the early morning for a cigarette (more like 3 actually). I'm sure you can imagine I haven't slept since I've begun the ending process that is this mess I began.

I wonder if the method of which you put drug in to your body has effect on withdraw process. Like, oral (eating) versus. chewing, snorting, or banging (shooting up) the drug (Roxi) - if any previous or present opiates users know such answer I would very much want your knowledge and opinion.

But, I thank you all for being so accommodating to me, and polite and welcoming me to this place.

Regards, with what love I still possess,
Viktor
ViktorVice is offline  
Old 06-30-2014, 10:06 PM
  # 16 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Western NY
Posts: 1,209
Viktor - I found route of administration to have a dramatic impact on the withdrawal. IV generated the most intense withdrawal and it started quickly. Sniffing was intense, but not as bad as IV. I didn't take much orally so I am not sure on that part. My IV versus sniffing comparison was based on H not roxis. I never shot roxis.

For sleep you might try a hot bath. That would actually help me as much as prescription sleep meds. It helps a lot with the leg pain and restless legs too.
OpioPhobe is offline  
Old 07-01-2014, 05:27 AM
  # 17 (permalink)  
Member
 
TiredEnough's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 1,375
Viktor, I strongly advise you taper those benzos. You don't want to do a ct off those if you can help it. Seriously.
TiredEnough is offline  
Old 07-01-2014, 12:09 PM
  # 18 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: New Orleans, LA
Posts: 23
I was forced to return to previous benzodiazepine dosages, 2-4mg Xanax & 20mg Valium per day. I just couldn't mentally take it any more. Almost as if my mind was not under my own control, a torture of types.

Good news: I have contacted pain clinic, and will be seen on the 8th - due to cancellation of appointment of another. This period of time is less than one week. I quickly spoke with assistant of doctor, or nurse and I was advised not to change anything from past until I see doctor. I do not know how I feel about this.

My drugs were given by Ukranian Dr. less than one month ago. I have them locked away in safe.

I do not know what to do at this point.
ViktorVice is offline  
Old 07-01-2014, 12:11 PM
  # 19 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: New Orleans, LA
Posts: 23
*I was given 3 month supply. Due to travel condition. So there is much here to tempt myself, but I won't break on the Roxies - but I could not the benzos... :'(
ViktorVice is offline  
Old 07-01-2014, 12:17 PM
  # 20 (permalink)  
Member
 
TiredEnough's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 1,375
Oxy is one thing but benzos will bring just about anyone to their knees. Don't feel bad about it.
TiredEnough is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 09:41 PM.