Darby85

So I recently took several of my dads painkillers and now I'm waiting for him to figure it out. I'm terrified if what will happen and after deciding to get clean my anxiety if his reaction is making me want to use I guess I'm just going to have to deal with what comes but I'm so nervous my dads anger scares me more than anyone and I know what I did was so messed up but I can't change it and that makes me feel horrible mostly posting to just vent but
Any advice is helpful

Spider1488

Hey, I know how you feel when you come off pain killers you'll do anything no matter who it hurts just as long as we get our fix. I think you should try to get in front of what you did for damage control and tell your father it may show him your admitting you have a problem and need help. I wish you the best.

BFD

We have all been there. Stealing pills or stealing for the pills is classic addict. I'm going to put my two cents in, and not everyone will agree with this, but if you don't have to tell your dad, I wouldn't. "Do no harm." I think the guilt you feel right now will definitely prevent you from ever doing this again, RIGHT?

cleaninLI

Good morning Darby. How are you doing? I'm glad we had the chance to chat last night. I have to agree with BFD that admitting to your Dad that you took his pills isn't really necessary. If you really want help with your addiction there is help available. Do you know if you have any substance abuse programs in your city? Do you have insurance? I think you would definately benefit by attending one of these vs. going to NA or AA meetings.

The reason is because you mentioned that you suffer from depression and anxiety. These programs specialize in treating addictions is well as other mental health illnesses. Usually, what happens is you call them up and schedule an appointment for intake. At that first appointment a counselor will ask you questions about your medical and addiction history. Based on your answers they will create a treatment plan. Most likely you will be asked to attend 1 or 2 group sessions per week and meet with a counselor for a one on one once a week or twice monthly. Since you suffer from anxiety and depression, you will probably be given an appointment to see their psych Dr. to check if you need to go on any meds. These programs accept insurance and depending on your insurance you might be required to pay a small copay. If you go with a nonprofit organization they would work with you on the cost according to your income level. Also, you can discontinue treatment at any time if you don't like it. Does this sound like something you might be interested in?

Darby85

Yea I've done it before and I know he will freak but I don't ever ever plan to let this happen again the fact is I've stolen from toast people and feel like I'm losing myself to this ****. I deserve what's to come if he kicks me out or has me locked up its my fault

Darby85

Yes I wasn't even aware there might be non profit places out there! And I do have insurance just not very good insurance. I'm scared to lose my job if I went into a full blown in patient program if there is a way to do this out paitient wise I'd perfer that I have contemplated making a docs appt and finding out if he can help me find the right place money is defiantly an issue. And I'm glad we did to I'm hoping this time is different

cleaninLI

Darby, the problem is that your addicted to the pills. Our addiction makes us do things we normally would never do! You do NOT deserve to go to jail!! You deserve to get help! You deserve to get well!

cleaninLI

Yes Darby, depending on your location there are nonprofit outpatient programs. The groups are usually only an hour or two long and they have evening and daytime groups so you can schedule them around your work schedule. I think that's a good idea, to talk to your doctor. You might also be able to google substance abuse programs in your location.

cleaninLI

Honestly, Darby, I don't think your father is going to have you arrested. Didn't you mention that your parents gave those pills to you in the beginning? I don't think they want to involve the cops, do you?

Darby85

I don't know all I know is that when this mess started my parents were doing some stupid stuff because my sister In law is a huge addicted they were sending her pills via mail and stuff. Plus my mom is addicted to Xanax tho she won't ever admit it her doc gives her 114 pills a month and she takes 4-6 at a time. My mothers always had a pill problem that's were I originally got the pills them she got off painkillers and sticks to Xanax and thinks she doesn't have an issue! She gets so messed up she passes out mid convo and sleeps for days can't hold a conversation and rarely leaves the house. I've been to therapist that tell me my parents have created a lot of my issues by having a toxic environment with pills being a way of life. But my mom thinks they are All wrong and that I'm the one with the issues I'm the messed up one! I don't blame them but I mean my mom bribed me with pills to do stuff for her before so what's that say? If my dad figures it out ill take what comes they both only see that I've messed up they don't see a real issue. It's hard to explain my family dynamic to people

cleaninLI

Darby,
It might be a good idea to discuss your treatment options with someone in your area. I have sent you a few links that you might find useful.

Medford Alcohol Abuse Rehab Centers and Treatment Programs


Samsha Drug And Alcohol Rehab Programs in Medford, Oregon (p. 1) - Medford Substance Abuse Treatment Programs and Centers


Jackson County Substance Abuse Program in Medford, OR 97501 - Find Reviews & Ratings

If and when your father finds the missing pills and confronts you about it, to have an appointment lined up to get some help, will show your parents that you are sorry and want help.

Darby85

Thank you very much

cleaninLI

Darby,
I totally get it! As a matter of fact here at SR there is a friends and family section. There is a lot of helpful information about codependency and growing up with addict parents etc. They talk about how certain members in the family take on roles. You are describing the scapegoat role. That is probably the role you were given as a child. You should read the stickies at the top of the page. I'm sending you the link, ok.

cleaninLI

Here is that link
Adult Children of Addicted/Alcoholic Parents - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Darby85

That was all very informative thank you and I must say I just came clean about everything to my boyfriend and he is really amazing he just wants to helpe thru this and do whatever he can he doesn't judge and isn't mad he's actually happy I told him and didn't hide it. He is my rock

cleaninLI

Wow that's awesome! I'm glad you have the support. That makes a huge difference in your life. Honestly, Darby, I'm really glad you are reaching out for help. It looks like you had a tough life so far with all the turmoil you've had to endure in your family. That's why they say addiction is a family disease. It effects everyone in the family.

Somewhere down the road, when you are ready, you are going to have to practice healthy detachment with regards to your family. They are a big reason why you are facing these challenges. Often times, we have to make changes in order to have a healthy happy life. You deserve to be happy!

Darby85

Yea I've know for years my family has been a part of my issues with depressions and addiction. I don't think they are awful people just have their own issues and need help and as the old say goes "misery loves company" so often times I feel as long as I stay down with them they are fine but the moment I try to dig myself out I'm a bad daughter :/ but I know I can do this I will do this just will be rough for a while bit I have an amazing boyfriend to support me

Darby85

Still no word about the pills and my anxiety is so high!! I'm freakin' out!

Darby85

I did find a place I emailed them about cost and plan to call after work today. Thank you all for your support

cleaninLI

Oh that's great Darby! Looks like a plan! At least, if Dad confronts you and you must admit to the theft, you can say I realize I have a problem. I am trying to do something about it. I mean he will probably be upset, especially if he takes them himself. You know they aren't very easy to get. Hey, what else can you do, right? What's done is done.

Oh, your welcome, Darby. Hang in there, it will get better.