Miller05

hello....i was really hoping to get some advice. my husband completed a 4 month outpatient rehab program for coke and alcohol. he has been clean from both for 8 months. he also was taking xanax. the one thing he has never given up was pot. he calls it a "beast." he recently started to attend a marijuana anonymous AA meetings..but he still smokes.

today, we all got up early to go to the farmers market. it was 8AM. i noticed when he got in the car that his eyes were funny looking, and he was acting different. i knew he had smoked pot. he smokes it every single day.

i asked him about it, and he got mad...and it turned into a fight.

i am not sure what to do. he says it is so hard to stop. he goes 2 days without smoking, and then on the 3rd day, he gets these cravings for it...sweats at night, irritable...you name it. and then he starts back up again.

he is so serious about not being on coke and alcohol...but what about the pot?

any advice?

pinktee18

I smoke it now and then when I can't sleep or if I'm in pain to avoid taking pain pills but I haven't ever been hooked I can go months without it fine. It sounds like he's mentally hooked on it not physically as one would be with tobacco.

DrSober

Can a recovering alcohol / addict smoke pot? Sure. Is it advisable as part of a long-term plan for healthy, functional existence in the world? That's a different question.

I have for many years (a couple decades in fact) embarked on at least a couple iterations of what I like to call "compartmentalized recovery," that is, "X is something I'm addicted to and I can't ever use it responsibly, but Y is something I can use because it's not addictive or it's harmless or I'm not addicted to it." This has resulted in some near-disasters for me.

At this point I've made the conclusion that I really can't do that kind of recovery anymore, there's too much of a margin of error. Sure, it's possible that your husband can smoke pot "responsibly" (at 8am? every day?) and function OK - but addiction is addiction and it's easier to maintain a sustained sobriety from destructive addictive behaviors by simply being SOBER. It's simpler, it's easier, and there's less room for error.

Anyways, if he's smoking pot every day and it's not for some clear medically indicated reason under doctors supervision (e.g., such as wasting syndrome due to AIDS or cancer, PTSD, spasticity due to MS, etc.) then he isn't really recovering IMHO - he's just abstaining from one set of substances and engaging in use of another. The only real saving grace is that if he sticks to pot (assuming he does, which I wouldn't if I were you) is that cannabis is by and large the least harmful of the addictive substances out there. For what that's worth.

LoveMeNow

Sweating at night and irritable from quitting pot?? I know people who had addictions to MJ but have never had those withdrawal symptoms. Are you sure he is not smoking spice aka K2?

Either way, the real question is what is acceptable to you. Sounds to me like, he is still not able to deal with life on life terms.

Lyoness

I guess my really short answer would be--the way you describe it, absolutely not.

Your husband's smoking has all the hallmarks of addiction--he can't go even a day without it, is defensive/in denial about it, has withdrawals when he tries to stop.

I know for myself one of the pieces I missed for a long time in dealing with my addictions was realizing that *I* was the problem, not the substances I was using. I thought the problem lay in the addictive substance, not me.

Now I know that I am the addict and I am addicted to altering myself, to escaping, to using whatever I can to do this. So learning how to heal this, how to live in and accept unaltered reality is one of the most important parts of my recovery.

Hopefully by going to MA and continuing to work on his recovery your husband will come to realize that he is not yet sober and will fully commit. I wish you both well.

Alraihani

I found through my experiences that it was very hard for me to stay sober while smoking weed. Two things would happen, either i would smoke all day every day and then i would return to that which destroys my life in a less subtle way.

A real alcoholic and drugg addict must have complete abstinence from all mind altering chemicals.

AnvilheadII

it's not a question of CAN HE, because he IS.....it is after all HIS life and HIS choices. however night sweats aren't a usual symptoms from not smoking pot!!! bit grumpy maybe as one would being denied anything they want and can't have. daily pot smoking and xanax, not exactly clean and sober.

not much YOU can do.

wiscsober

As said, what are your boundaries?

I'm more concerned for your health and welfare.

Please keep posting....you will find a wealth of support here.

Pulling for you. OK?

Lifewillgetbet

I gave smoking weed a shot while being sober from alcohol . I was never a chronic weed smoker. Maybe once or twice a month.
I understand that I am suppose to stay away from any mind altering substance, but I'm also on ADD medication that completely alters my mind.
Marijuana is something I can stop if I chose with zero side effects or WD's. I also have not replaced alcohol with Weed either because quite frankly, I dont smoke enough and I dont crave it. Oh, and I dont have any on me or at my home, but I live in Canada and it is not hard to find in this country.

liv1ce

The only way for me and most others I have observed over the years is that sobriety is achieved by staying COMPLETELY clean of anything.

If I started to smoke pot I would UNDOUBTEDLY slip back into all my old habits.

Having watched the history of his recovery through you over this last 1- 1 1/2 years I would be fearful that he is slipping back. He is obviously addicted to it and is going through withdrawals without it. I have experienced the exact same thing when deprived of pot in the past.

He is not necessarily craving the pot. He is craving the high and pot is his mechanism for achieving it at this moment. He has obviously achieved it in other ways in the past. For some reason this is being allowed by him through rationalization and denial.

Alraihani

I know when i wasn't ready to quit everything i did find some temporary harm reduction from just doing softer stuff like weed or beer.

I mean i was still powerless and my life was unmanageable, but not as much as drinking scotch out snorting heroin

2livesin1

I've tried the concept of using the lesser of the two evils. I'd tell myself that I would give up the "hard stuff" and would continue to smoke marijuana. Eventually the weed would take me right back to everything else. Complete abstinence is the only thing that has worked for me. I cannot heal emotionally when I'm using any mind altering substance.

soberlicious

Trying to look for a "less damaging" high, is still looking for the high...no matter what drugs you are talking about.

When I stopped looking for the high, my outlook on life changed. Now, I wouldn't use any intoxicant, even if it could somehow be guaranteed that I could use it and not become addicted. It's about so much more than that now.

I choose no intoxicants ever, and to be fully present in my life. Novel idea, huh? Lol

I hope your hubs can come to that idea. I have found it to be empowering.

Miller05

everyone...thanks for all your advice.

my husband is now trying to taper off of pot. for the last week, he has not smoked pot until 5pm. he told me that he cant do it cold turkey, and asked me to support him while he tried it this way.
this is someone who smokes pot all day, everyday...and i am not exaggerating at all.

it is like his bestfriend...this pot. sometimes when he talks about not doing it, it almost looks like he might cry. never seen anything like it.

he says the hardest part is when he is up at night smoking pot...and then he has a weed hangover the next morning. when this happens, he says he wants to smoke pot all over again...to "feel better." what a vicious cycle.

gigi0310

People say no...one thing for another.