scotchbotch

I'm now on day 3 of what is my last withdrawal ever.

I went to an NA meeting last night for a couple of reasons:
1. each time my Rx for oxy ran out the thought of hopping in the car and heading down into the city to get some more got stronger and stronger
2. I knew that if I acted on that thought that my life would spiral out of control faster than it has already in the past 3 years.
3. I had also been contemplating on trying to get an Rx for oxycontin

The stronger these feeling got coupled with the fact that I just went through 1200 mg worth of pills in 2 weeks.... I knew that I HAVE to make this change.

I have a brother that has been struggling with a crack addiction for 7 years and in the past 1.5 years it has taken absolutely EVERYTHING from him.

I know that I don't want my addiction to get to that point so I have to make this point MY rock bottom.

I'm sure that other Rx opiate addicts try to hide behind the Rx as a reason for using just as I have for the majority of the last 3 years. With this drug, there is no end and eventually no way to hide it.

I guess these are just my feelings for the morning to try and help me through today. I may go to another NA meeting tonight.... we'll see.

finaltime

I am so proud that you noticed your problem and how bad it was getting, and took the initiative to get some support on your own. I am also a recovering opiate addict, but I didn't learn until I blew threw my entire retirement of 38k in less then 3 months. I was not as smart as you, I spiraled out of control after years of just taking simple 5mg vics for a volleyball back/shoulder injury. Used to get a script on weekends just to chill, piddle around my condo, all under control. Years later found a friend from high school that worked at a pain clinic randomly through another friend (must of been mentioning pills to find this out hu) he was stealing bottles of 100 7.5mg vics and selling them for 200 bucks. I started buying them buy the bottle, eating them like candy. Years later progressed to buying anything that same kid had, morphine, oxy, started snorting them, meanwhile this is all while I am an excellent teacher (even have awards to show) owned/started my own private volleyball club, bought a nice home, you name it, I did in my 20's. Then the early 30's hit, I noticed I was losing people in my club, calling in sick to teaching, so what do you do? You let your assistant run your club and what? Take a JOB IN CHINA! Yes, that will clean you up. During this last year or so of realizing I was caught stealing by family members (lied and said I was in therapy had it all under control) Was drinking massively on the weekends, doing blow, sleeping with stupid men, so off to china.... Before China decide to fall in love with a man 10 years younger, move to china. China is cool, clean, then find myself looking around for pharmacies after a few months. WOW I find a pharmacy that has 5mg oxy and delivers to your door NO SCRIPT needed??? OMG OMG OMG few months pass with the poor chinese man wondering why I am blowing through 60 tabs every week but he still shows up at my door once a week. They finally ended that one, then I saunter into a local clinic, wow they give me 20mg oxy's and endless boxes of them??? They must've not has an expat that has taken advantage of them before. So I did! Took them a few months, then they caught on. WOW went to a huge huge withdrawal after I popped over 50 of the 20mg's in less then a week, I mean in bed, crapping myself, sick as a dog. Contacted NA, went to meetings, saw the light. Got my 30 day chip, was feeling better than ever. Walking home from my 30 day chip in super super delight I walked straight to the pharmacy!!!!!!!!!

I thought, "well I just showed myself I can quit, I can quit again!" WRONG, did that for another few months, decided to get prego, thought that would sober me up! SHould I continue? I know have a healthy healthy beautiful 2 year old girl, single, live in China still (I could keep the story rolling and tell you how I moved back home, had baby, got back on pills, did that for over a year, quit my 10 year teaching gig, loll lol lol ) but the lesson is, man you can't quit until you are READY.

I am over a year clean date is February 15, 2012 and feeling GREAT> Still struggle and not completely sober (drinking) but I don't pop a pill to do anything functional anymore!

Stay strong.

scotchbotch

Icandoit..... thank you so much for sharing your story. I sit here and I think what my life would be like if I had free access to opiates and my mind tells me that I'd probably be dead.

I've seen drug addictions steal the life out of two people that I know and I know that I can't get to the point thar they did in losing everything.... my family means too much to me to take the chance of losing over a high feeling.

I need to just be honest with myself and admit that I enjoyed the high feeling I got from the meds MUCH more than the 'pain' it would take away.

ThisIsTough

I'm with ya scotchbotch, i'm in day four off OXy and it was a sleepless night. I have been on 5/325 Hydrocodine and 120mg's of oxy a day for 2 years now and said enough is enough. I felt tied to the pills so much I bring them everywhere. Since Saturday I have been out of oxy and my refill won't happen until today so while I was waiting I thought I should try and kick this stuff. well my refill is ready and waiting for me to pick it up and I sit here contemplating it. I need to get off this stuff and I know it's going to be hard, I have a pain specialist scheduled to help me through this. and e family that is there for me to do so. I am retired now and have everything to loose being on this stuff. I originally got on it back in 03 because I broke my back and needed it fused so the Dr put me on Perks then Vics now on Oxy and Hydro. I know this is coming off jumbled but I'm just staring at the keyboard typing Taking the Hydro to try and ease off the oxy then maybe I can get off pain meds all together. Hope the pain specialist has a better way

BFD

Hang in there, everyone. It will be tough, but you're almost over the hump. You can do it.

ThisIsTough

When will I be over the "hump"? This is tough< no pun intended but you know what I mean

NickCage

Somewhere between day 4 to a week. Just depends on a lot of variables. After that just stay strong and committed because your mind is going to be working against you. Just keep telling yourself that this is it, no more. Its going to be tough but you can do it. Just be thankful you havent lost everything yet.

scotchbotch

I've been to day 14 numerous times.. I can't wait to beat it

ThisIsTough

My Pain Specialist finally called and he said I am going to need alot of help because I have been on hard Narcotics for so long. He can't see me till April 4th and advised me to try and stay on my prescribed dosage till then so I don't hurt myself. I told him what I was going through and he said I would be feeling that for up to 4 weeks if he cant prescribe me some meds to help ease the pain. Now my head is all ....ed up. I am feeling like my skin is crawling and my bones are like glass. I know Complain,Complain,Complain...Whaaa

Thing is, I didn't want on these things but the Doctor knows best (I guess) Doctors need to be tared and feathered if you ask me who do I listen to? Pain Specialist or Back Specialist or the Forums? I am in a world of dismay AND PAIN....

scotchbotch

Don't take us as doctors.... if the doc is willing to work with you to help you get off... I would say listen to him. You could have issues that none of us know about.

What ever you choose to do... I'm keeping you in my prsyers. Please keep us up to date.

ThisIsTough

Thank-You sooooo Much! I thought I could do it cold turkey but I was way wrong, you see, I was an addict of a different sort when I was in my 20's and KICKED that cold turkey. I was a "crack head". My habit was way bad and just woke up one day and said enough! and quit. I remember the day well and so I thought this prescription pain med thing would be easy if not easier to quit.
WRONG, WRONG AND WRONGER, I was shaking so bad in day 5 I had to listen to my pain specialist and get some help to wean me off this demon I see him April 4th but until then he said to stay on my prescribed meds so he can evaluate me safely off the pain meds.

I am in hope that this time I can do it with the help of his attention and you all here. These meds are no joke, they take over your life and wont let you live. I would rather live in severe pain than live like this, this is TOUGH!

Thank-You ALL FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART

BFD

I understand how you feel. I walked away from cocaine without a backwards glance. Luckily I had a very close friend put me up in a condo on the beach for a month; I shut my phone off, gave the condo number to only three people and that literally saved my life. Who knows where I would have been if I hadn't of done that?
This is completely different. This animal waits around every corner. Sits and waits and strikes at EVERY opportunity. I'm so sorry you are hurting. Being honest with your dr is the best thing you could have done for yourself. Not everything can be done CT and you are not weak for admitting that - you are amazingly strong! You clearly have the want to quit, you just need a little more help. It's not a reflection of you or being a failure. It's how life is. Not everyone is the same. I'm proud of you for asking your dr for help. Keep your chin up and check in with us soon.

whistler

I want my life back too. Thanks for the encouraging messages here.

Sickandtired3

Good luck in your quest for sobriety I'm in the same boat, I'm at day 5 into my detox from oxy's. Just take it one day or even one hour at a time. I've tried numerous times and failed because I was doing it for everyone but me. Well this time I'm ready to do it for me. I actually think I'm having an easier time because it's what I want. The cost of living is high, but not as high as the cost of living high. God bless

Olivilo

Scotch how r u?

1Dayatatyme

The posts in this thread reflect how freakin' hard it is to kick pain pills... I don't care if it is oxys, hydros, or roxys.... because many of us are "appropriately" prescribed these little demons, we got hooked. I personally, have an issue with my doctor for not telling me how addictive they were...however, I need to let go of that, since I do have 16 days clean.
This was such a hard thing to do, but because I did it for myself, since I am no stranger to addiction, it was actually easier than if I did it cuz I ran out.
There will always be pills for those of us who have the $$$ or pain to get them, but I am done. I know they are sneaky, I have read enough on this forum to know I have a daily reprieve.
I am just so happy that I made the decision to quit. I actually was just going to wean off them, but was so sick of feeling crappy that I went cold turkey. Now I am glad I did it that way, but back then, especially the first 5 or 6 days... no way!!
In my opinion, I think whether we taper under a doctor 's care, or go cold turkey, or any other of many ways to quit, once we realize how ours lives are wasted by worshipping a pill, it is time to honestly look at ourselves and begin the process of recovery, no matter how difficult in the short term it is. Because it DOES GET BETTER!!

Olivilo

1Day, I agree, it's so hard! First physically, then mentally. At day 20 I can honestly say I feel happy again over little things, like sunshine (we didn't get that in Denver today), or staring at beautiful mountains, or just knowing I put 110% in being a good mom today etc etc the light IS THERE at the end of the tunnel, u gotta make it. I tried tapering for two days, I'm just not strong enough for that that's why I did it cold turkey.i just hope that everyone that relapsed doesn't think that we will judge cause that not why we r here, we r here to support u guys whenever u decide its time to stop we'll be here to support all of u, we need each other to get thru this. In my case I hold grudges for way too long and that is why I'm still clean. I just will never forgive that hell that pain pills put me thru, and I'm planning to hold this grudge for the rest of my life. I m here to support everyone that needs it as I got an amazing support, a true caring hand. Don't give up peps, we r not giving up on u!!! Start again if u fail, then again and again whatever it takes to get there!!!

FMTT

I am almost 11 months free from a 10-year-long Rx opiate habit. I started being prescribed 5mg hydrocodones but by the end of that decade I was gulping 10mg hydros and oxycontins for an average daily dose of over 100mg. I have recovered from alcohol, tobacco, cocaine and other stuff in my life but opiates are truly a bear to beat. I was sick and tired of being a legal junkie so I jumped into freedom last May after about a month long taper. Opiate withdrawal will absolutely not kill you but I felt like I was going to die for a while after quitting. It took me at least a month to start feeling normal again (whatever that is) and I'm still only getting about 6 hours of sleep per night but feel great. Generally speaking of course.

I still wrangle with PAWS and the damn pills still talk to me occasionally but I wake up every day with a profound sense of gratitude knowing that those dark days are behind me. One day at a time. Remember, recovery is not linear. One day you'll feel like you've turned the corner and are feeling great, the next day the lethargy and anhedonia will feel insurmountable. This too shall pass. Just don't give into the temptation of "just one" for whatever reason and things will get better as the mind and body heals. Good luck.

scotchbotch

I'm doing good, I've just not been posting on the boards lately because I picked up some sort of virus. I hate being sick, but it's a 'familiar' type of pain so in perspective.... it's not that bad. (If that makes any sense....lol) Day 11 here!

Olivilo

I know how u feel, ur immune system weakens, I was sick on top of being sick too but only for 4-5 days keep taking vitamins. Day 11 wow so proud of u!!!