birddee

Hello,

I work in the hospitality industry and have been taking cocaine for about 10 years on and off.

The past 4 years have been very bad. My family found out and i went away for 6 mths but continued when i came back although less then before.

Now i have another job in the industry and find myself doing it again.

I get the usual feelings and urges, i hate doing it, end up doing it on my own and hating myself. I have 3 - 4 days clean then back on it. Spend too much money, avoid family and friends and all the usual crap it does to you and worse. I have totally lost myself

I tried so many times read and followed advice. Confided in people who i thought could help me but they dont understand the urges. After 4 days clean i did it again tonight.

I have decided to go to NA meeting finally tomorrow and have planned meetings to go to all week. I have told myself i will go before and have not gone but this time feels different.

I have realised i hate myself and my lonely rubbish life despite being surrounded by people and pretending i am great.

Anyway any support, advice from people that have been in this situation and got out of it would be greatly appreciated.

missingmyself

I haven't been in your situation exactly. But I have definitely done some coke in my past and can see where it can lead. Luckily I got pregnant right after I discovered coke and I never touched it again. My weakness is pain pills. Regardless I feel for you and I'm rooting for ya. I hope that you can find the strength to finally face this head on and see it all the way through. Everytime I did coke I had a freakin' blast and then I felt like crap for it. The come down from cocaine is hard to describe. Unless you have experienced it then you wouldn't understand. I can remember that I would often smoke pot to feel better. I really hope that you get into NA and find the support you need. Either way continue to post here. Even if you feel like it's pointless there will always be someone listening and believe it or not, your story may inspire someone else to take the leap into sobriety. Best of luck and Godspeed my friend.

caboblanco

my friend quit coke. I don't think you did as much as he did. I think he spent half a million on coke and hes only 38. so you can definatly do it. i know you can. what is the hospitality industry? hotels?

birddee

I work in bars and clubs... how did he quit and is he totally sober? i like smoking weed a lot but i would give it all up if it meant i could quit the coke. i also have spent so much money.

I am going to really try and make the meeting tomorrow or i am just kidding myself thinking i can do it on my own

coraltint

I quit booze & coke with the help of AA/NA. You can do it if you really want to be done. I don't know how anyone can quit on their own....I never could. I hope you decide to go to meetings until you find one you're comfortable with....good luck, keep coming here, it helps too.

neferkamichael

Hi birdee. I was a cocaine user for 30+ years and now have been clean for 1 year 4 months. It was rough for a while, but you can do it.

Dee74

welcome to SR birdee

D

Lyoness

Yes, keep coming here birddee, especially when you have cravings. It really does help to post and read, just knowing you have support from people who have similar struggles.

Thankfully I never got addicted to coke, though I do know about the comedown. Two days later I would practically be suicidal in my depression. Somehow I was able to realize it was the coke.

It sounds like it would be good to get to some meetings before you hit that fourth day craving and get some supports in place to help you get through that time clean so you can keep building clean days. You can do it!

finaltime

You can do it, but working in the bars and nightclubs will make it more challenging, however you are are capable of doing it!!!! I have had my nights/days with coke in the past, and if I don't want to do it, I can't hang out where it is, or can I be drinking and know how to get it. I am NOT strong enough to be drinking and say NO, so that is it. Seems drinking triggers it, and yes, I hate the way I feel the next day. I HATE how I beat myself up all day long, get pissed about the money I spent and feel so depressed. THAT drug is brutal. A friend of mine quit though, and he was into it huge, he was running around the streets of shanghai at night seeing shadow people..he was into it HUGE. He is over 2 years clean now. You can do it if you want it bad enough. Hang in there, we are here for you.