birddee

Hello,

I work in the hospitality industry and have been taking cocaine for about 10 years on and off.

The past 4 years have been very bad. My family found out and i went away for 6 mths but continued when i came back although less then before.

Now i have another job in the industry and find myself doing it again.

I get the usual feelings and urges, i hate doing it, end up doing it on my own and hating myself. I have 3 - 4 days clean then back on it. Spend too much money, avoid family and friends and all the usual crap it does to you and worse. I have totally lost myself

I tried so many times read and followed advice. Confided in people who i thought could help me but they dont understand the urges. After 4 days clean i did it again tonight.

I have decided to go to NA meeting finally tomorrow and have planned meetings to go to all week. I have told myself i will go before and have not gone but this time feels different.

I have realised i hate myself and my lonely rubbish life despite being surrounded by people and pretending i am great.

Anyway any support, advice from people that have been in this situation and got out of it would be greatly appreciated.