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Old 11-19-2012, 08:52 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Ex Boyfriend is an addict


Hello. I am new to this site and I just found it just searching on ways to help an ex boyfriend. We had dated for 2.5 years and broke up maybe a month or two ago. Before dating me he had tried a few things, but it never became a habit and he said it was because of me he would stay away. Well because of college we had to separate. We're both so young, only 18 and it scares me to see him throw away his life. We broke up because of distance but being in the city he is located in there is a lot of the party life and drug use. He has completely changed and shows so much anger and hatred towards me every time I try to help him. I almost blame myself at times for what he has become. I know he uses a lot and not just weed or alcohol, but Xanax, cocaine, acid, Ecstasy and those are the only ones I know about. The only time he talks to me are when he is using at 3 am I will get a phone call. But during the day if I call him or text him he will ignore me. Anyways this has really got me worried and I can not get myself to call his parents, so I decided I will make a trip to see him Tuesday and hopefully he will see me because I do want to help him out. I was wondering if there is any advice you guys could give me in helping him? He is in community college, started with 4 classes and got dropped from 3. Now he is only taking 1 class and throwing away his life and I can't get myself to let go of him until he can get his life back. I know he doesn't want my help, but I can't look at him throw away his life. Please help me.
Thank you
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Old 11-19-2012, 10:00 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Hi Ebrahim

If he's an ex...and he's been hostile to your attempts to help...I'm not really sure what your motivation is to go and see him?

What exactly do you expect to do for the guy?
D
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Old 11-19-2012, 10:29 PM   #3 (permalink)
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ebrahimv, there isnt anything you can do. I know you think you can, everyone thinks they can fix people but you cant. He can only fix himself.

Please take the time to read the Friends and Family section of the forums. You will see so many who tried to help or fix someone and all that did was ruin their own lives
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Old 11-20-2012, 03:10 PM   #4 (permalink)
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I guess I just thought if he sees there are people who care and want to see him be successful in the future he would see he's ruining his life. Or at least open his eyes to see he is addicted. He just looks at it as him having fun and experiencing in college, but it's much more than that
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Old 11-20-2012, 04:00 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dee74 View Post
Hi Ebrahim

If he's an ex...and he's been hostile to your attempts to help...I'm not really sure what your motivation is to go and see him?

What exactly do you expect to do for the guy?
D
As Dee said, what do you expect to do for him? You didn't cause his addiction, you can't control it n change it. Unless HE wants help there's nothing you can do n please could you try to stick to one thread instead of lots because I'm getting confused - its far easier to follow one thread than about three or four. Sorry not trying to be mean.

My advice would be to get on with your own life.
Are you happy?
What have you done for YOU today?

Please check out f n f sorry i don't know how to put a link here but you'll find it searching round the site.

Hugs,
Evey x
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Old 11-20-2012, 04:01 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by ebrahimv View Post
I guess I just thought if he sees there are people who care and want to see him be successful in the future he would see he's ruining his life. Or at least open his eyes to see he is addicted. He just looks at it as him having fun and experiencing in college, but it's much more than that
Not going to happen
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Old 11-20-2012, 04:22 PM   #7 (permalink)
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As much as you want to help him it seems to me he doesn't want to be helped.
He is only making contact with you when he is high & probably when lonely at the end of a high.
None of this is your fault.
You are young & have your future in front of you.
Don't be like me & have a druggie boyfriend for 20 yrs, end up addicted cause I tried to help & then break up 20 yrs later.
Make a healthy choice, accept you can't help him, he has to do it for himself & move on with your life.
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Old 11-20-2012, 04:47 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Thank you all for your help really its opening my eyes a lot more to see what I'm getting myself into. And yeah I'm totally sorry about all the threads I don't really know how to use this site yet still working on it!
I know it's an ex and to move on but if he's still coming in contact with me even though its only when he's on drugs I feel as if I'm sti involved and can do something to at least open his eyes to see what he's doing to himself
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Old 11-20-2012, 06:46 PM   #9 (permalink)
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I don't think you will open his eyes.
I had mine in detox at my house, shakes, sweats, everything.
I had him hand his vodka bottles over to me.
I had him cut down.
I had him confess he was out of control, low self esteem, an alocholic, take time off work, binge, beat himself up, then drink again.
Nothing worked.
And you know what?
When we broke up he still couldn't see the drinking was the problem & went into denial saying he was a social drinker only.
Now he's just found another partner who will enable him.
I wish with all my heart I could've made him SEE. We may love them, but we have to let them go.
They don't see & until they seek help for themselves & that may never happen.
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Old 11-20-2012, 06:51 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Yeah I know just sucks to see our loved ones ruining their lives and not being able to do anything to help
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Old 11-20-2012, 10:38 PM   #11 (permalink)
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I know its real sad.
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