Xanax
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Irish
Posts: 552
I used to come and go here up to January 29 January last. but I kinda gave it a rest....Hoping everyone...Especially Jenna the Original Poster....was ok...Im back and Im so delighted I came Back....Jenna you are as I have said before A Star and an Inspiration to so many of us.....I have been with you sense the Start,including A few other Former Benzo Addicts.....I stuck with you because I knew How Hard It Was going to be Giving them up...When you Came on here first you were Doing alot of Stunt Work...Dare devil Stunts ...lol...which I knew Could or Would bring you my Dear Jenna,to a Sad end if you Continued doing them ...lol...Thankfully you got help and you seem to be Doing fine...Aunt LaLa is a fine Sober Human being....Keep up the good work.
Julez....Mention this Tread to your Daughter ......She may Get Something from the Courage of this woman Here
I hope your Jenna Gets the courage to come here too and Seek help like jenna Rose did before its too late...My Prayers Tonight Are for Her Especially....And for all Benzo Addicts..and Alcoholics....Still suffering.....Good Night All. Micealc
Thinking of you Too Leemzer...Keep working at it.
Im still working on myself one day at a time.....nearly 28 years sober and Clean now.
Thanks Guys for been here for me....
Julez....Mention this Tread to your Daughter ......She may Get Something from the Courage of this woman Here
I hope your Jenna Gets the courage to come here too and Seek help like jenna Rose did before its too late...My Prayers Tonight Are for Her Especially....And for all Benzo Addicts..and Alcoholics....Still suffering.....Good Night All. Micealc
Thinking of you Too Leemzer...Keep working at it.
Im still working on myself one day at a time.....nearly 28 years sober and Clean now.
Thanks Guys for been here for me....
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Tonawanda, NY
Posts: 167
I know that all of my pain and struggles are worth it if I can help just one person. Yes I used to be a stunt woman! Thank god I survived! I still so exciting things I just calculate the risks. Me being a daughter sister, aunt and a friend come first for me.... Right behind my recovery and spirituality!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Bristol TN/VA
Posts: 12,431
Jenna, your clean time is a true inspiration.
Sorry you have had some rough spots, I have learned not to be careless with my psychotropic meds.
Going off them...then can take so long to recover from.
Always so good to hear from you!
Sorry you have had some rough spots, I have learned not to be careless with my psychotropic meds.
Going off them...then can take so long to recover from.
Always so good to hear from you!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Tonawanda, NY
Posts: 167
well tomorrow is 18 months and my stomach is in knots~ I am nervous. I hear that the hardest point in clean time is going from one year to 18 months. I almost made it...one day at a time. My friend is struggling bad. I try not to take on his addiction but it just hurts so much. I know the pain and anguish he is going through. Sometimes I feel like he doesn't believe me when i say that i understand- all anyone has to do is read through this thread and they can see that I do understand pain and desparation...
No addict needs to die from this disease. By getting honest with ourselves and other people we are able to get out of that hell. One thing that helps me is sharing my story with others. If I am able to help a young girl feel better about herself after being raped or abuse then my experience was worth it. I need to help others by sharing my story- otherwise, all that pain was for no reason.
I have found a lot of acceptance and serenity in turning things over to my Higher Power. When i try to control things they do not end well. I have a lot of issues that I need to work through still. I hold on to a lot of guilty from my past and it causes me a lot of pain. I just hope that one day I cant get past it. There are days when I feel free from it all but then there are days when it comes flooding back and I hate myself for things I did years ago.
Recovery is such a rollercoaster. All I know is....I wanna stay on this ride!
No addict needs to die from this disease. By getting honest with ourselves and other people we are able to get out of that hell. One thing that helps me is sharing my story with others. If I am able to help a young girl feel better about herself after being raped or abuse then my experience was worth it. I need to help others by sharing my story- otherwise, all that pain was for no reason.
I have found a lot of acceptance and serenity in turning things over to my Higher Power. When i try to control things they do not end well. I have a lot of issues that I need to work through still. I hold on to a lot of guilty from my past and it causes me a lot of pain. I just hope that one day I cant get past it. There are days when I feel free from it all but then there are days when it comes flooding back and I hate myself for things I did years ago.
Recovery is such a rollercoaster. All I know is....I wanna stay on this ride!
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Racine, WI
Posts: 35
i have had a few friends try to kick xanax and one actually got seizures. i had absolutely no clue that the wds can possibly kill you from benzos such as xanax. probably your best bet would be do an inpatient detox with around the clock med observation for the first few days. i tried xanax once and passd out for 15hrs straight yikes
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Irish
Posts: 552
Jenna Rose Have you Ever thought of Councilling other Addicts,Attending High Schools and Telling your Story.You are the Type of young Person that would be of Such a great Help to Many Addicts....or Potential addicts.
I have discovered that Its our Past, Up Bringing that has Made us who we are.
We become our Parents or Carers even though we try not to.
To become ourselves It takes Universal Power and a Program of decency .
Im attending ACA...now a couple of years....there lies the Solution.
Welcome to Adult Children of Alcoholics - World Service Organization, Inc.
I have discovered that Its our Past, Up Bringing that has Made us who we are.
We become our Parents or Carers even though we try not to.
To become ourselves It takes Universal Power and a Program of decency .
Im attending ACA...now a couple of years....there lies the Solution.
Welcome to Adult Children of Alcoholics - World Service Organization, Inc.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Tonawanda, NY
Posts: 167
micealc, I do speak at rehabs a couple of times a month. It helps me so much to be able to help someone else. I find true growth and healing in being able to share my store with another recovering addict.
I am now working two jobs- thats right....TWO! I still make it to at least 3 NA meetings a week. I am involved in the NA fellowship in social areas as well as doing service. I have my sponsor and I do step work regularly and I also have my family around me. My life is full to the max with many many people things and beautiful people. I know that I am truely blessed and a I am very grateful!! Hope everyone is doing well !
I am now working two jobs- thats right....TWO! I still make it to at least 3 NA meetings a week. I am involved in the NA fellowship in social areas as well as doing service. I have my sponsor and I do step work regularly and I also have my family around me. My life is full to the max with many many people things and beautiful people. I know that I am truely blessed and a I am very grateful!! Hope everyone is doing well !
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: CT
Posts: 189
Congrats on 18 months!!! I have also followed your story & you are truly inspirational. Thanks for coming back here & updating this thread periodically, it is great to hear from you & know you are doing well which gives others hope.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Irish
Posts: 552
Great to her that Lexy.....I was addicted To Tranqualisers For 25 Years....It was Hell getting Off them and Staying off....but I did it One Day at a Time Too....off now 27 Years
We are the Lucky Ones.
All we Addicts need is Support....And a way to live.....I Attend ACA Now....Learning How to Re Parent Myself.I also Attended AA for Several years .
We are the Lucky Ones.
All we Addicts need is Support....And a way to live.....I Attend ACA Now....Learning How to Re Parent Myself.I also Attended AA for Several years .
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,689
I know that we get to make bonds and form relationships here...but people move on too - they go back to real lives, and meet new challenges....
From her last post in June it sounds like Jenna is going great guns.
I'm sure we all wish her well
D
From her last post in June it sounds like Jenna is going great guns.
I'm sure we all wish her well
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Tonawanda, NY
Posts: 167
Well everyone, I am still here! And I appreciate all of the love and support on this thread. Not just for me but for each other. It is beautiful!
Quick note, I am still clean. I collected 2 years on November 1st.
Life has definitely showed up recently.
Anyone who has followed my whole story will under stand the level of pain I am feeling. I went to my first NA convention 6 weeks ago. It was amazing. A friend of mine and I got a hotel room and stayed there all weekend. The last night of the convention was when everything I have built in NA came crumbling down.
A group of us were hanging out talking and telling stories til like 3am. There people from all over. Two guys were from NYC. I was going to bed and everyone else was staying up. One of them was walking me to my room. He ended up following me into the room and raping me. I wanted to die.
That day I met up with the women in my support group and told them what happened. We went to the hospital and I had a rape kit done. I decided at that point not to press charges. I was put on medicine to prevent diseases and pregnancy. This medicine made me so sick and I was on it for a month. I was kind of in denial. Not really denial, but the reality of the situation didn't hit me completely.
A few weeks ago I was asked to be a speaker at a meeting. I ended up speaking about what happened. I felt so free and uplifted after. I decided I was finally strong enough to press charges. I called the police. The way I was questioned made me feel horrible about myself! It was terrible! I told them that I changed my mind and do not want to press charges. Since then I have been completely unmanageable. I am not in close contact with my sponsored anymore, I isolate more than usual, I started cutting myself...I am in so much pain. I do not feel safe or comfortable ever.
I am so scared to use again. I know that I don't have to and if I made it this far I can hang on til things get better. But I am so disheartened. Its like, why would I work so hard to do the next right thing if stuff like this will still happen? this guy has 20 years clean...
I just want to feel better and nomal. I have lost my health insurance so I cannot afford to see my counselor anymore. I was also fired from one of my jobs because after this happened my quality of work diminished. I can't afford $85 a visit.
My nightmares and flashbacks have come back with a vengeance. I was doing well for awhile but all of this has drug up the pain from my past. It is so overwhelming.
I was raped when I was using and just buried it for years. I allowed myself to sit in the same and pain. Today I know I do not have to deal with this alone which I am extremely grateful for.
What I want people to know is that I am currently experiencing more pain than I ever thought I could handle and I am not getting high. I have considered getting high everyday for nearly 6 weeks, but I know where it will bring me. So I fight those thoughts every single day! I will never go back to that. So j am hanging on literally for dear life. I cry myself to sleep and pray every second i get!
I love you all. Keep going.
Quick note, I am still clean. I collected 2 years on November 1st.
Life has definitely showed up recently.
Anyone who has followed my whole story will under stand the level of pain I am feeling. I went to my first NA convention 6 weeks ago. It was amazing. A friend of mine and I got a hotel room and stayed there all weekend. The last night of the convention was when everything I have built in NA came crumbling down.
A group of us were hanging out talking and telling stories til like 3am. There people from all over. Two guys were from NYC. I was going to bed and everyone else was staying up. One of them was walking me to my room. He ended up following me into the room and raping me. I wanted to die.
That day I met up with the women in my support group and told them what happened. We went to the hospital and I had a rape kit done. I decided at that point not to press charges. I was put on medicine to prevent diseases and pregnancy. This medicine made me so sick and I was on it for a month. I was kind of in denial. Not really denial, but the reality of the situation didn't hit me completely.
A few weeks ago I was asked to be a speaker at a meeting. I ended up speaking about what happened. I felt so free and uplifted after. I decided I was finally strong enough to press charges. I called the police. The way I was questioned made me feel horrible about myself! It was terrible! I told them that I changed my mind and do not want to press charges. Since then I have been completely unmanageable. I am not in close contact with my sponsored anymore, I isolate more than usual, I started cutting myself...I am in so much pain. I do not feel safe or comfortable ever.
I am so scared to use again. I know that I don't have to and if I made it this far I can hang on til things get better. But I am so disheartened. Its like, why would I work so hard to do the next right thing if stuff like this will still happen? this guy has 20 years clean...
I just want to feel better and nomal. I have lost my health insurance so I cannot afford to see my counselor anymore. I was also fired from one of my jobs because after this happened my quality of work diminished. I can't afford $85 a visit.
My nightmares and flashbacks have come back with a vengeance. I was doing well for awhile but all of this has drug up the pain from my past. It is so overwhelming.
I was raped when I was using and just buried it for years. I allowed myself to sit in the same and pain. Today I know I do not have to deal with this alone which I am extremely grateful for.
What I want people to know is that I am currently experiencing more pain than I ever thought I could handle and I am not getting high. I have considered getting high everyday for nearly 6 weeks, but I know where it will bring me. So I fight those thoughts every single day! I will never go back to that. So j am hanging on literally for dear life. I cry myself to sleep and pray every second i get!
I love you all. Keep going.
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