My personal withdrawal experiences. (LONG)
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Chicago
Posts: 5
My personal withdrawal experiences. (LONG)
I'm a 23 year old male from Chicago. At age 10, I was diagnosed with a rare GI disorder. I have constant surgeries, hospitalizations, tests, and worst of all: chronic pain. Most of the time, my doctors have trouble finding out what's causing my discomfort and I go though a lot of suffering.
Over the years, I've learned the dangers of addiction and the experience of the most unpleasant feeling in the world of medication withdrawal. I'm actually experiencing another case right now. I've been through it so many times that I've lost count but I remember the worst ones.
Most of the cases have been from narcotics but the first and worst experience I ever had was when my worthless ex-primary doctor convinced me to take cymbalta, an anti-depressant pill. I was on them for a while and randomly decided one day that I didn't want to take it anymore because I didn't like how it made me feel. Sadly, I wasn't informed of how dangerous discontinuing these types of medications are and never talked it over with anyone. Within a short time, I had the worst case of withdrawal ever. My brain was having spasms/jolts, I was having violent images in my head, I was trembling, my brain kept telling me to commit suicide, every inch of my body was in pain, I was scared half to death, and more. I remember laying in my bed most of the day trembling with the pillow covering my face while making phone calls to friends asking them for help.
After a day of suffering, I read online what mistake I was making. I took another pill and decided to get weened off it through my doctor. An hour or two later, the shock of the pill made me brutally sick. I instantly vomited, numerous times, and I felt strange. I think I was alright the next few days and the weening wasn't too rough.
The next one I remember, which is fortunately a quick story, was when I was randomly given Oxycontin by the hospital. After a week, I stopped taking it and the symptoms were so bad, I was back in the ER again. I suppose all the dilaudid I got helped even me out because I don't remember much more.
Upon my discharge, they strangely prescribed me with 75mg fentanyl patches. Yet again, I had no idea what kind of dangers I was playing with. The narcotic did nothing to me except blur my vision and make me dizzy for a few days. Also after a few days, I had friends and family telling me that they read that "fentanyl is more addictive and harder to quit than heroin".
I ran out of patches and the withdrawal started instantly. I was lucky enough to see my primary, who helped me ween off them but it wasn't enough. Going from 75, to 50, to 25 still wasn't enough. I felt like a hardcore drug addict dieing for a fix. Fentanyl withdrawal is the worst pain killer-related case I've experienced so far. It was similar to cymbalta but had much less of the violence/suicidal feelings - yet some of the other feelings were worse. I wanted to jump out of my skin, I couldn't sit still, my spinal cord felt messed up, every inch of me ached... the works. I'm not sure how I got so lucky again but I had another doctor appointment during the withdrawal, told him about it, and he gave me clonidine and lorazepam. I went home, popped both, and was even more lucky when someone I knew walked up and gave me a free joint of marijuana randomly. The combination of all 3 offered some of the most insane relief I've ever had in my life and the whole deal was over.
As for now, we move on to my current issue. For the past few months, I've been having chronic pain in my stomach. My GI doctor downtown is slow, never provides medication, and is against pain killers. About 2-3 months ago, I saw a separate primary doctor of mine, told him about the pain, & was honest about the other doctor being against pain killers since I have a sluggish GI track. Despite my honesty, he offered me 40 pills of norco.
For those who don't know, norco is basically a cousin of vicodine. People are effected differently by each one. Personally, I feel more pain-relief from norco.
Anyways, this was the beginning of my addiction. My primary is generous and will refill any prescription request I sent his way within a few hours. Not only was I refilling my norco constantly, I became way too dependent on them. I even made a worse mistake when I came home from a separate procedure with a new bottle of vicodine in my pocket. Combining the two and running out at the same time lead to a big mistake for me. The withdrawal was horrible but, sadly, this story gets worse because of my own stupidity.
I suffered for a good 3-4 days before I felt a tiny bit of improvement. I'm not sure if the new pills of lyrica that I had at the time helped but something did. After feeling better, I was happy to see that I finally had a pain therapist appointment coming up soon. Yet, after seeing my doctors nurse make her millionth mistake and seeing it delayed, I got really upset and made a dumb choice... sneaking behind everyones back and getting one more refill on norco. I figured that I went through the withdrawal and that 40 more pills wouldn't get me addicted again. I was wrong.
I finished the pills 4-5 days ago. The next morning, I couldn't believe how I felt. The previous withdrawal was back but it was worse.
My spinal cord felt like it was missing fluid, every inch of my body was hurting, my stomach was once again in worse pain than before, I was vomiting every few hours, I was trembling/shaky, I was depressed, my body temperature was going from freezing to hot, my pupils were dilated, I was nauseous, I couldn't sleep, I had no appetite, I felt like jumping out of my skin, and more. Within the past 4-5 nights, I've gotten less than 8 hours of sleep. I feel like a zombie right now.
I thought the withdrawal would get better within a few hours but it got worse and worse. By the night, I was suffering so badly that I went against my families wishes and snuck off to the emergency room. I explained that I was on pain killers for 2-3 months, tried not to show evidence of addiction, and explained my symptoms. The doctor was friendly at first then got really strange at the end. Basically, all he did was give me an injection of atavan (lorazepam, I think) and a clonidine patch that lasts a week. I asked if I could have a pain killer shot due to my stomach pain and he said that it would make my withdrawal worse once it wore off (is that true? even if it's not the same pain killer that I'm sick from?). He offered regular tylenol, which I turned down, and sent me home.
For some reason, the 2 medications I was given did nothing. That night and the next day were nasty. I asked my parents for help and my mother offered me a bunch of random herbs/vitamins/medications. Even as most of my symptoms eased up, the stomach pains remained and still are as I type this. I got some detox herbal tea today, which doesn't seem to be doing much. The past 2-3 nights, I haven't slept because my stomach is hurting so badly. I usually almost always have stomach pain but it's worse now.
Today, I got suspicious of constipation. The past week, I've had nothing but the runs in very small amounts and only 1 very small solid bowel movement. I've been eating oatmeal, drinking the tea, exercising, showering, and drinking tons of water. After my attempt at another nap failed today, I went to Walgreens and bought a disgusting laxative. I still have yet to pass anything. It might be constipation but it might not be since I barely ate the past few days.
This is basically where my story ends right now. I'm sitting around just trying to feel better. My stomach is in horrible sharp pains 85% of the day, I can't sleep or eat, I'm drinking detox tea, I'm waiting to pass my inside waste, my clonidine patch is doing nothing, I feel depressed & uncomfortable, the back of my head and my spine still feel wrong, and I'm out of ideas. I even had a little marijuana the past few days and it didn't really help.
Most people on here probably knows what withdrawal is like but if you don't: take it from me. Don't ever get addicted to medication/narcotics, be careful with what you take, research everything a doctor offers you, and try to avoid withdrawal at all costs with weening. Withdrawal is not only worse than suffering in 10/10 pain but it offers pain at the same time.
Thanks to any readers.
Over the years, I've learned the dangers of addiction and the experience of the most unpleasant feeling in the world of medication withdrawal. I'm actually experiencing another case right now. I've been through it so many times that I've lost count but I remember the worst ones.
Most of the cases have been from narcotics but the first and worst experience I ever had was when my worthless ex-primary doctor convinced me to take cymbalta, an anti-depressant pill. I was on them for a while and randomly decided one day that I didn't want to take it anymore because I didn't like how it made me feel. Sadly, I wasn't informed of how dangerous discontinuing these types of medications are and never talked it over with anyone. Within a short time, I had the worst case of withdrawal ever. My brain was having spasms/jolts, I was having violent images in my head, I was trembling, my brain kept telling me to commit suicide, every inch of my body was in pain, I was scared half to death, and more. I remember laying in my bed most of the day trembling with the pillow covering my face while making phone calls to friends asking them for help.
After a day of suffering, I read online what mistake I was making. I took another pill and decided to get weened off it through my doctor. An hour or two later, the shock of the pill made me brutally sick. I instantly vomited, numerous times, and I felt strange. I think I was alright the next few days and the weening wasn't too rough.
The next one I remember, which is fortunately a quick story, was when I was randomly given Oxycontin by the hospital. After a week, I stopped taking it and the symptoms were so bad, I was back in the ER again. I suppose all the dilaudid I got helped even me out because I don't remember much more.
Upon my discharge, they strangely prescribed me with 75mg fentanyl patches. Yet again, I had no idea what kind of dangers I was playing with. The narcotic did nothing to me except blur my vision and make me dizzy for a few days. Also after a few days, I had friends and family telling me that they read that "fentanyl is more addictive and harder to quit than heroin".
I ran out of patches and the withdrawal started instantly. I was lucky enough to see my primary, who helped me ween off them but it wasn't enough. Going from 75, to 50, to 25 still wasn't enough. I felt like a hardcore drug addict dieing for a fix. Fentanyl withdrawal is the worst pain killer-related case I've experienced so far. It was similar to cymbalta but had much less of the violence/suicidal feelings - yet some of the other feelings were worse. I wanted to jump out of my skin, I couldn't sit still, my spinal cord felt messed up, every inch of me ached... the works. I'm not sure how I got so lucky again but I had another doctor appointment during the withdrawal, told him about it, and he gave me clonidine and lorazepam. I went home, popped both, and was even more lucky when someone I knew walked up and gave me a free joint of marijuana randomly. The combination of all 3 offered some of the most insane relief I've ever had in my life and the whole deal was over.
As for now, we move on to my current issue. For the past few months, I've been having chronic pain in my stomach. My GI doctor downtown is slow, never provides medication, and is against pain killers. About 2-3 months ago, I saw a separate primary doctor of mine, told him about the pain, & was honest about the other doctor being against pain killers since I have a sluggish GI track. Despite my honesty, he offered me 40 pills of norco.
For those who don't know, norco is basically a cousin of vicodine. People are effected differently by each one. Personally, I feel more pain-relief from norco.
Anyways, this was the beginning of my addiction. My primary is generous and will refill any prescription request I sent his way within a few hours. Not only was I refilling my norco constantly, I became way too dependent on them. I even made a worse mistake when I came home from a separate procedure with a new bottle of vicodine in my pocket. Combining the two and running out at the same time lead to a big mistake for me. The withdrawal was horrible but, sadly, this story gets worse because of my own stupidity.
I suffered for a good 3-4 days before I felt a tiny bit of improvement. I'm not sure if the new pills of lyrica that I had at the time helped but something did. After feeling better, I was happy to see that I finally had a pain therapist appointment coming up soon. Yet, after seeing my doctors nurse make her millionth mistake and seeing it delayed, I got really upset and made a dumb choice... sneaking behind everyones back and getting one more refill on norco. I figured that I went through the withdrawal and that 40 more pills wouldn't get me addicted again. I was wrong.
I finished the pills 4-5 days ago. The next morning, I couldn't believe how I felt. The previous withdrawal was back but it was worse.
My spinal cord felt like it was missing fluid, every inch of my body was hurting, my stomach was once again in worse pain than before, I was vomiting every few hours, I was trembling/shaky, I was depressed, my body temperature was going from freezing to hot, my pupils were dilated, I was nauseous, I couldn't sleep, I had no appetite, I felt like jumping out of my skin, and more. Within the past 4-5 nights, I've gotten less than 8 hours of sleep. I feel like a zombie right now.
I thought the withdrawal would get better within a few hours but it got worse and worse. By the night, I was suffering so badly that I went against my families wishes and snuck off to the emergency room. I explained that I was on pain killers for 2-3 months, tried not to show evidence of addiction, and explained my symptoms. The doctor was friendly at first then got really strange at the end. Basically, all he did was give me an injection of atavan (lorazepam, I think) and a clonidine patch that lasts a week. I asked if I could have a pain killer shot due to my stomach pain and he said that it would make my withdrawal worse once it wore off (is that true? even if it's not the same pain killer that I'm sick from?). He offered regular tylenol, which I turned down, and sent me home.
For some reason, the 2 medications I was given did nothing. That night and the next day were nasty. I asked my parents for help and my mother offered me a bunch of random herbs/vitamins/medications. Even as most of my symptoms eased up, the stomach pains remained and still are as I type this. I got some detox herbal tea today, which doesn't seem to be doing much. The past 2-3 nights, I haven't slept because my stomach is hurting so badly. I usually almost always have stomach pain but it's worse now.
Today, I got suspicious of constipation. The past week, I've had nothing but the runs in very small amounts and only 1 very small solid bowel movement. I've been eating oatmeal, drinking the tea, exercising, showering, and drinking tons of water. After my attempt at another nap failed today, I went to Walgreens and bought a disgusting laxative. I still have yet to pass anything. It might be constipation but it might not be since I barely ate the past few days.
This is basically where my story ends right now. I'm sitting around just trying to feel better. My stomach is in horrible sharp pains 85% of the day, I can't sleep or eat, I'm drinking detox tea, I'm waiting to pass my inside waste, my clonidine patch is doing nothing, I feel depressed & uncomfortable, the back of my head and my spine still feel wrong, and I'm out of ideas. I even had a little marijuana the past few days and it didn't really help.
Most people on here probably knows what withdrawal is like but if you don't: take it from me. Don't ever get addicted to medication/narcotics, be careful with what you take, research everything a doctor offers you, and try to avoid withdrawal at all costs with weening. Withdrawal is not only worse than suffering in 10/10 pain but it offers pain at the same time.
Thanks to any readers.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 862
I never know what to say to these kinds of posts. If you've found that taking narcotic medication eases your symptoms and allows you to enjoy your life without constant pain and misery why would you want to ever stop taking them? Do you take more than you're supposed to? Does it mess your life up? You didn't really get into that.
I just don't get it because I really never run across the issue of a genuinely sick person being deprived of or depriving oneself of medication.
I'm not even advocating or demonizing anything, I'm just asking questions because I'm genuinely curious. Honestly, you wouldn't even be defined as a "drug addict" here.
I just don't get it because I really never run across the issue of a genuinely sick person being deprived of or depriving oneself of medication.
I'm not even advocating or demonizing anything, I'm just asking questions because I'm genuinely curious. Honestly, you wouldn't even be defined as a "drug addict" here.
Is there a concrete definition?
I don't think this qualifies as drug dependence, especially when they are taking two pain prescriptions at a time, 40 pills or more...and they are gone in two weeks time.
That sounds pretty addicted to me. But, who knows.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 38
If you suffer from withdrawal when you quit taking a substance, you are addicted to it, period. The psychological/mental addiction is what can be debated, but I'm willing to bet that if you go to the emergency room and beg a doctor for a shot of a narcotic, you probably have that going on too.
I hope you can figure out how to control your pain without becoming addicted and miserable. I have scoliosis and have a a lot of back pain, but it's not bad enough that I'm miserable without opioids. I pretty much just take opioids to get high, so I can't imagine having to take to them for pain with my level of addiction. I hope you get help somewhere and from your doctor. I don't know what else to say. You'll find good support here, I have.
I hope you can figure out how to control your pain without becoming addicted and miserable. I have scoliosis and have a a lot of back pain, but it's not bad enough that I'm miserable without opioids. I pretty much just take opioids to get high, so I can't imagine having to take to them for pain with my level of addiction. I hope you get help somewhere and from your doctor. I don't know what else to say. You'll find good support here, I have.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 862
I'm genuinely curious too, as to why you would not define this person as drug addicted?
Is there a concrete definition?
I don't think this qualifies as drug dependence, especially when they are taking two pain prescriptions at a time, 40 pills or more...and they are gone in two weeks time.
That sounds pretty addicted to me. But, who knows.
Is there a concrete definition?
I don't think this qualifies as drug dependence, especially when they are taking two pain prescriptions at a time, 40 pills or more...and they are gone in two weeks time.
That sounds pretty addicted to me. But, who knows.
Remember we have no DEA Gestapo or equivalent harassing individuals and doctors in Canada. The medical system is not "for private profit", either, unless you elect to pay a private institution of your own volition, which is not really necessary since the public system is fine.
Usually a line is drawn between physical dependence that virtually anyone taking a wide-range of medications will be left with and the psychological obsession of addiction. By this definition an ungodly chunk of the US and Canadian population are antidepressant addicts.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 862
Negative selfdestructive selfaffirmation is what I view it as also. Lumping in people who are sick and need medicine does nothing constructive in my opinion. Sure there are people who did genuinely need it then got addicted to it - and you are thoroughlly warned of this here with a paper from the pharmacy with any medication that can cause a severe withdrawal syndrome - but that shouldn't ruin otherwise positive treatments for everyone else. If someone does genuinely need it but finds that it's getting out of hand or they can't abide by it, they can stop, that's a personal choice. There's no need to regulate every aspect of everything regarding "controlled" substances. People will either take them or they won't.
Was lovestruck by drugs
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: NJ
Posts: 34
I am curious too. Are you taking more than prescribed at once? Are you seeking drugs and taking more than you need to? I have a medical condition, but I got hooked on painkillers and took more than I needed too. That's an addiction, I wanted the pills to get high more than to kill the pain. Are you using your illness as a means to get more pills to get high?
That's simply not how it is viewed here. If you're taking drugs simply to alter your mental state, barring any pre-existing mental or physical illness you may be self-medicating, you're not considered a drug addict here, but a sick person in need of medicine. If drugs negatively impact your life, you're an addict, if they make it better, you're not, basically.
Remember we have no DEA Gestapo or equivalent harassing individuals and doctors in Canada. The medical system is not "for private profit", either, unless you elect to pay a private institution of your own volition, which is not really necessary since the public system is fine.
Usually a line is drawn between physical dependence that virtually anyone taking a wide-range of medications will be left with and the psychological obsession of addiction. By this definition an ungodly chunk of the US and Canadian population are antidepressant addicts.
Remember we have no DEA Gestapo or equivalent harassing individuals and doctors in Canada. The medical system is not "for private profit", either, unless you elect to pay a private institution of your own volition, which is not really necessary since the public system is fine.
Usually a line is drawn between physical dependence that virtually anyone taking a wide-range of medications will be left with and the psychological obsession of addiction. By this definition an ungodly chunk of the US and Canadian population are antidepressant addicts.
That first sentence has me a little twisted. When you say you are not considered a drugs addict "here", do you mean HERE at SR...or here as in...where you live? I think what you said about not being considered a drug addict was a little misleading...so I am just trying to clarify that.
I do agree with you about the antidepressant addicts. I think it is becoming far too chic, perhaps a big in vogue, to have some sort of depressive or mental disorder. Doctors are too quick to dole out antidepressive medications without guiding their patients to places where they can receive cognitive behavioral therapy to go in conjunction with those medications.
However, as for the original poster...it is my personal (also professional...but I have to keep my "addict" hat on here) belief that this person IS in fact, drug addicted as opposed to dependant. When something is that out of control and affecting every other aspect of your life to the point that it is all you can focus on...I believe that to be addiction.
bluemyst - Your story, in certain areas, sounds a lot like my own. My addiction did start out from normal and prescribed use of painkillers. I definately understand your struggle. What is it you are looking to accomplish? Are you looking for someone to manage your pain for you...or are you looking to quit taking the drugs altogether?
What route are you interested in? I mean, what is your ultimate goal? There is definately a lot of support here and people who have been where you are when it comes to chronic pain and suffering.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 862
I meant here, where I live. Very simple in terms of being honest with oneself and social cost:
Negative impact on life = bad
Positive impact on life = good
I just wanted the OP to clarify exactly what negative impact it has on his life because I do think that alot of people (myself included, in the past) succumb to the hysteria surrounding narcotic dependence/withdrawal when in the terrors of a withdrawal due to an inability (an understandable one under those circumstances) to clearly evaluate their situation logically.
Negative impact on life = bad
Positive impact on life = good
I just wanted the OP to clarify exactly what negative impact it has on his life because I do think that alot of people (myself included, in the past) succumb to the hysteria surrounding narcotic dependence/withdrawal when in the terrors of a withdrawal due to an inability (an understandable one under those circumstances) to clearly evaluate their situation logically.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: CA Native
Posts: 2,509
Once again, I find myself in (very general) agreement with Vinter.
Addiction and dependency are two different things, and while addiction by definition implies some type of dependency, the converse is not necessarily true.
If you suffer from physically-measurable withdrawal effects when abruptly ceasing the use of a drug or medicine, then you have a physical dependency on that drug. That's what physical dependency is defined as. But that is not how addiction is defined.
If that WERE what defines addiction, then you really couldn't be addicted to sex, or gambling, or junk food, or even pot or (powered) cocaine for that matter, as none of these are considered physically dependence-producing.
Addiction is a psychological disorder ... it's a compulsive/obsessive behaviour pattern that is undertaken repeatedly despite obvious serious and negative consequences to one's well-being.
Bottom-line, a person cannot be labeled an 'addict' (or 'addicted to' some drug) just because they are physically (or even psychologically) dependent on a drug or medication.
Addiction and dependency are two different things, and while addiction by definition implies some type of dependency, the converse is not necessarily true.
If you suffer from physically-measurable withdrawal effects when abruptly ceasing the use of a drug or medicine, then you have a physical dependency on that drug. That's what physical dependency is defined as. But that is not how addiction is defined.
If that WERE what defines addiction, then you really couldn't be addicted to sex, or gambling, or junk food, or even pot or (powered) cocaine for that matter, as none of these are considered physically dependence-producing.
Addiction is a psychological disorder ... it's a compulsive/obsessive behaviour pattern that is undertaken repeatedly despite obvious serious and negative consequences to one's well-being.
Bottom-line, a person cannot be labeled an 'addict' (or 'addicted to' some drug) just because they are physically (or even psychologically) dependent on a drug or medication.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 862
Is there even a case of anyone becoming genuinely addicted to antidepressants? Probably, but I still don't see how, yeah! I want to feel obliviated and barely alive all day let's go! Haha. I never noticed any positive effect when I started taking Effexor, unless you're the kind of person who likes not sleeping and feeling like you've snorting ketamine for the first half week or so. After that it's like nothing, it just turns the volume on everything down and numbs you out, just like many people say heroin does. Didn't really notice it when I started taking them but I really noticed when I came off of them just how profoundly and subtlely they mess your brain up. I'm really really glad I got off of those when I did because even Wyeth apparently has no idea how they work or what they do when it comes down to it, and the more and more I learn about chemistry in general the more I'm starting to organically think they're a contemporary Thalidomide.
Not to ramble like a scientologist, I was just cleaning up in here and I found the ancient bottle of 150mg I think I took one of before I was like "uhhh no". Only a creature as unique as a human would give something this potentially dangerous to someone to replace something that is essentially harmless.
Not to ramble like a scientologist, I was just cleaning up in here and I found the ancient bottle of 150mg I think I took one of before I was like "uhhh no". Only a creature as unique as a human would give something this potentially dangerous to someone to replace something that is essentially harmless.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 862
I'm really interested in cannabis. I've tried it numerous times for pain and it just seems to make it worse and give me new pains lol. I think it can offer a lot of insight into genetics and pharmacology, a lot of research is being done. Countless synthetics have been created.
A quick side note... I can't imagine why anyone would take pill pain meds for GI stomach/intestine problems they will cause cramping and constipation or the other lots of let go. I didn't have any stomach problems but from personal experience my stomach was messed up for a few weeks when I kicked. It is good to want to be off the pain meds but I think your symptoms may be more a reaction to your current problems then withdrawls. I have never really heard of anyone taking 40 norcos and ending up with terrible withdrawls there seems to be more going on here just my opinion
Taking pain pills for stomache issues isn't a good idea like your original Dr suggested. You saw a different Dr that told you what you wanted to hear and gave you pain meds. You will always find a Dr to tell you want you want to hear if you shop around.
As for Vinter, I have pretty bad depression and have taken almost every anti-depressant there is. None of them made me feel the way you describe. Some just didn't work but the ones that work make me feel more "normal". And when I say normal I mean it makes me feel like a person that doesn't deal with depression on a daily basis.
As for Vinter, I have pretty bad depression and have taken almost every anti-depressant there is. None of them made me feel the way you describe. Some just didn't work but the ones that work make me feel more "normal". And when I say normal I mean it makes me feel like a person that doesn't deal with depression on a daily basis.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)