xbluemystx

I'm a 23 year old male from Chicago. At age 10, I was diagnosed with a rare GI disorder. I have constant surgeries, hospitalizations, tests, and worst of all: chronic pain. Most of the time, my doctors have trouble finding out what's causing my discomfort and I go though a lot of suffering.

Over the years, I've learned the dangers of addiction and the experience of the most unpleasant feeling in the world of medication withdrawal. I'm actually experiencing another case right now. I've been through it so many times that I've lost count but I remember the worst ones.

Most of the cases have been from narcotics but the first and worst experience I ever had was when my worthless ex-primary doctor convinced me to take cymbalta, an anti-depressant pill. I was on them for a while and randomly decided one day that I didn't want to take it anymore because I didn't like how it made me feel. Sadly, I wasn't informed of how dangerous discontinuing these types of medications are and never talked it over with anyone. Within a short time, I had the worst case of withdrawal ever. My brain was having spasms/jolts, I was having violent images in my head, I was trembling, my brain kept telling me to commit suicide, every inch of my body was in pain, I was scared half to death, and more. I remember laying in my bed most of the day trembling with the pillow covering my face while making phone calls to friends asking them for help.

After a day of suffering, I read online what mistake I was making. I took another pill and decided to get weened off it through my doctor. An hour or two later, the shock of the pill made me brutally sick. I instantly vomited, numerous times, and I felt strange. I think I was alright the next few days and the weening wasn't too rough.

The next one I remember, which is fortunately a quick story, was when I was randomly given Oxycontin by the hospital. After a week, I stopped taking it and the symptoms were so bad, I was back in the ER again. I suppose all the dilaudid I got helped even me out because I don't remember much more.

Upon my discharge, they strangely prescribed me with 75mg fentanyl patches. Yet again, I had no idea what kind of dangers I was playing with. The narcotic did nothing to me except blur my vision and make me dizzy for a few days. Also after a few days, I had friends and family telling me that they read that "fentanyl is more addictive and harder to quit than heroin".

I ran out of patches and the withdrawal started instantly. I was lucky enough to see my primary, who helped me ween off them but it wasn't enough. Going from 75, to 50, to 25 still wasn't enough. I felt like a hardcore drug addict dieing for a fix. Fentanyl withdrawal is the worst pain killer-related case I've experienced so far. It was similar to cymbalta but had much less of the violence/suicidal feelings - yet some of the other feelings were worse. I wanted to jump out of my skin, I couldn't sit still, my spinal cord felt messed up, every inch of me ached... the works. I'm not sure how I got so lucky again but I had another doctor appointment during the withdrawal, told him about it, and he gave me clonidine and lorazepam. I went home, popped both, and was even more lucky when someone I knew walked up and gave me a free joint of marijuana randomly. The combination of all 3 offered some of the most insane relief I've ever had in my life and the whole deal was over.

As for now, we move on to my current issue. For the past few months, I've been having chronic pain in my stomach. My GI doctor downtown is slow, never provides medication, and is against pain killers. About 2-3 months ago, I saw a separate primary doctor of mine, told him about the pain, & was honest about the other doctor being against pain killers since I have a sluggish GI track. Despite my honesty, he offered me 40 pills of norco.

For those who don't know, norco is basically a cousin of vicodine. People are effected differently by each one. Personally, I feel more pain-relief from norco.

Anyways, this was the beginning of my addiction. My primary is generous and will refill any prescription request I sent his way within a few hours. Not only was I refilling my norco constantly, I became way too dependent on them. I even made a worse mistake when I came home from a separate procedure with a new bottle of vicodine in my pocket. Combining the two and running out at the same time lead to a big mistake for me. The withdrawal was horrible but, sadly, this story gets worse because of my own stupidity.

I suffered for a good 3-4 days before I felt a tiny bit of improvement. I'm not sure if the new pills of lyrica that I had at the time helped but something did. After feeling better, I was happy to see that I finally had a pain therapist appointment coming up soon. Yet, after seeing my doctors nurse make her millionth mistake and seeing it delayed, I got really upset and made a dumb choice... sneaking behind everyones back and getting one more refill on norco. I figured that I went through the withdrawal and that 40 more pills wouldn't get me addicted again. I was wrong.

I finished the pills 4-5 days ago. The next morning, I couldn't believe how I felt. The previous withdrawal was back but it was worse.

My spinal cord felt like it was missing fluid, every inch of my body was hurting, my stomach was once again in worse pain than before, I was vomiting every few hours, I was trembling/shaky, I was depressed, my body temperature was going from freezing to hot, my pupils were dilated, I was nauseous, I couldn't sleep, I had no appetite, I felt like jumping out of my skin, and more. Within the past 4-5 nights, I've gotten less than 8 hours of sleep. I feel like a zombie right now.

I thought the withdrawal would get better within a few hours but it got worse and worse. By the night, I was suffering so badly that I went against my families wishes and snuck off to the emergency room. I explained that I was on pain killers for 2-3 months, tried not to show evidence of addiction, and explained my symptoms. The doctor was friendly at first then got really strange at the end. Basically, all he did was give me an injection of atavan (lorazepam, I think) and a clonidine patch that lasts a week. I asked if I could have a pain killer shot due to my stomach pain and he said that it would make my withdrawal worse once it wore off (is that true? even if it's not the same pain killer that I'm sick from?). He offered regular tylenol, which I turned down, and sent me home.

For some reason, the 2 medications I was given did nothing. That night and the next day were nasty. I asked my parents for help and my mother offered me a bunch of random herbs/vitamins/medications. Even as most of my symptoms eased up, the stomach pains remained and still are as I type this. I got some detox herbal tea today, which doesn't seem to be doing much. The past 2-3 nights, I haven't slept because my stomach is hurting so badly. I usually almost always have stomach pain but it's worse now.

Today, I got suspicious of constipation. The past week, I've had nothing but the runs in very small amounts and only 1 very small solid bowel movement. I've been eating oatmeal, drinking the tea, exercising, showering, and drinking tons of water. After my attempt at another nap failed today, I went to Walgreens and bought a disgusting laxative. I still have yet to pass anything. It might be constipation but it might not be since I barely ate the past few days.

This is basically where my story ends right now. I'm sitting around just trying to feel better. My stomach is in horrible sharp pains 85% of the day, I can't sleep or eat, I'm drinking detox tea, I'm waiting to pass my inside waste, my clonidine patch is doing nothing, I feel depressed & uncomfortable, the back of my head and my spine still feel wrong, and I'm out of ideas. I even had a little marijuana the past few days and it didn't really help.

Most people on here probably knows what withdrawal is like but if you don't: take it from me. Don't ever get addicted to medication/narcotics, be careful with what you take, research everything a doctor offers you, and try to avoid withdrawal at all costs with weening. Withdrawal is not only worse than suffering in 10/10 pain but it offers pain at the same time.

Thanks to any readers.