New clean date: August 25th 2009.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Los Angeles, California
Posts: 8,326
Chery,
I'm glad you're better today. On the contrary, I think you're in a better place to help others now. You have a deeper understanding of our disease.
I have to go now, I'll write more later. I am so glad you're back!
Much love,
Lenina
I'm glad you're better today. On the contrary, I think you're in a better place to help others now. You have a deeper understanding of our disease.
I have to go now, I'll write more later. I am so glad you're back!
Much love,
Lenina
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,940
Good to hear from you Cher....
but :wtf2:
The fact you've dallied with relapse, to me?
It makes you even more qualified to talk to other people here about dealing with addiction, and triggers, and relapse and how hard it all is - and how important it is to get back on track and make the necessary changes to ensure it doesn't happen again.
The people I admire here the most and the people I listen to are the ones who've lived it.
They know.
It's as simple as that.
Now...pls...stop kicking yourself in the ass - you've got work to do
D
but :wtf2:
The problem with me is that I feel like I am no longer "qualified" to talk to others about how to get help and get through their addiction. That was one of the highlights of my coming here...to talk about how to be successful in recovery. Now I guess I will have to sit back and keep my mouth shut.
It makes you even more qualified to talk to other people here about dealing with addiction, and triggers, and relapse and how hard it all is - and how important it is to get back on track and make the necessary changes to ensure it doesn't happen again.
The people I admire here the most and the people I listen to are the ones who've lived it.
They know.
It's as simple as that.
Now...pls...stop kicking yourself in the ass - you've got work to do
D
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 6,947
Dee's right...
Everyone's experience is important and can help someone else. You have all those days of sobriety followed by a series of events that revealed that you, in fact, had no defense against a relapse...
Oh yea...
What was that about you not calling bear or amy...? hmmm. tsk tsk!!
Thanx for posting... you have rigorous honesty... that's more than many have... I got a feeling you are gonna be alright!!
Mark
Everyone's experience is important and can help someone else. You have all those days of sobriety followed by a series of events that revealed that you, in fact, had no defense against a relapse...
Oh yea...
What was that about you not calling bear or amy...? hmmm. tsk tsk!!
Thanx for posting... you have rigorous honesty... that's more than many have... I got a feeling you are gonna be alright!!
Mark
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Chery)))
I agree with Dee and Lenina. While I admire people who have gone into recovery and never relapsed, I am not one of them. Most of the people I know and admire on here aren't. A lot of us fell a few times and had to learn to get back up. However, the ones who have never slipped up, again, have my true admiration.
SR has helped me the most when life has been the hardest; when my life seems like it's falling down around me in a shambles. There are ALWAYS people here to help me pick myself back up. That's why, when I see others in the same shape, I try to do the same.
We're in this together. We may be on different continents, but it doesn't mean we can't help and care. However, the fact that you are getting more f2f help is wonderful and I agree on the extra counseling. I just had to get some counseling for the PTSD I went through recently...it helped a lot.
I'm glad you checked back in, sweetie. Put a cool washcloth on those puffy eyes, take a deep breath, and get ready...you've got some work to do
Love, hugs and prayers!
Amy
I agree with Dee and Lenina. While I admire people who have gone into recovery and never relapsed, I am not one of them. Most of the people I know and admire on here aren't. A lot of us fell a few times and had to learn to get back up. However, the ones who have never slipped up, again, have my true admiration.
SR has helped me the most when life has been the hardest; when my life seems like it's falling down around me in a shambles. There are ALWAYS people here to help me pick myself back up. That's why, when I see others in the same shape, I try to do the same.
We're in this together. We may be on different continents, but it doesn't mean we can't help and care. However, the fact that you are getting more f2f help is wonderful and I agree on the extra counseling. I just had to get some counseling for the PTSD I went through recently...it helped a lot.
I'm glad you checked back in, sweetie. Put a cool washcloth on those puffy eyes, take a deep breath, and get ready...you've got some work to do
Love, hugs and prayers!
Amy
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,064
Cherry,
I am in a professional assistance program for nurses and you remind me of myself about a year ago. I think in my truly honest opinion your best chance to beat this is to go into a 90 day residential treatment program. IOP from home is very hard to do. You need away from all sources of drugs, husband, friend etc. You need time to focus on your issues and most of these have therapists to deal with dual diagnosis.
My experience with being in rehab for 3 months was it made me tough. I could handle anything.. and I mean anything anybody said to me that was rude, crude or not what I wanted to hear. My resolve to make it was made in steel. And I know in my heart I would have continually relapsed if left home to travel to IOP. You will be faced with many as$wipes in the world that will do and say things that make you want to use and the addict mind in the first year wants ANY excuse to use. Give yourself the opportunity to heal and get into a rehab.
It was the best thing I ever did regardless of my license. Hugs to you
I am in a professional assistance program for nurses and you remind me of myself about a year ago. I think in my truly honest opinion your best chance to beat this is to go into a 90 day residential treatment program. IOP from home is very hard to do. You need away from all sources of drugs, husband, friend etc. You need time to focus on your issues and most of these have therapists to deal with dual diagnosis.
My experience with being in rehab for 3 months was it made me tough. I could handle anything.. and I mean anything anybody said to me that was rude, crude or not what I wanted to hear. My resolve to make it was made in steel. And I know in my heart I would have continually relapsed if left home to travel to IOP. You will be faced with many as$wipes in the world that will do and say things that make you want to use and the addict mind in the first year wants ANY excuse to use. Give yourself the opportunity to heal and get into a rehab.
It was the best thing I ever did regardless of my license. Hugs to you
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 6,947
Sorry to "double dip"...
I gotta admit, meditation has a point..... In my state, if I wanted the advocacy of my assistance program, which, for all intents and purposes, was key to keeping my license, a 60 - 90 inpatient treatment program was mandated... I won't lie, I deeply resented that, in fact, I am still working through some of that resentment, a year later... I was, however, ready for anything I've had to face since... anything...
So, I'm glad to see you back on your feet Chery... I just wanted to echo meditation's sentiment...
Mark
I gotta admit, meditation has a point..... In my state, if I wanted the advocacy of my assistance program, which, for all intents and purposes, was key to keeping my license, a 60 - 90 inpatient treatment program was mandated... I won't lie, I deeply resented that, in fact, I am still working through some of that resentment, a year later... I was, however, ready for anything I've had to face since... anything...
So, I'm glad to see you back on your feet Chery... I just wanted to echo meditation's sentiment...
Mark
Faerie
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: South Australia
Posts: 396
Chery,
Thanks for letting us all know how you are doing.
I'm so proud of you for picking yourself back up.
And I agree with Dee and the others, I still think you are just as qualified to offer advice and support.
Love always,
Faerie xx
Thanks for letting us all know how you are doing.
I'm so proud of you for picking yourself back up.
And I agree with Dee and the others, I still think you are just as qualified to offer advice and support.
Love always,
Faerie xx
Member
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: NY
Posts: 77
Chery,
I know you will find great tools in IOP, you were one of the first people here at SR to contact me that i was not alone, that other nurses were out there struggling with addiction. Chery, you are not alone, hugs and prayers.
I know you will find great tools in IOP, you were one of the first people here at SR to contact me that i was not alone, that other nurses were out there struggling with addiction. Chery, you are not alone, hugs and prayers.
Not all better, getting better
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: The Beautiful Inner Banks of NC
Posts: 1,702
Cher, I just wanted to let you know that I went through a similar experience last week when I went to my first appointment with a new psychitrist. She was asking me all of these questions, asking me for specifics on $hit that I just WAS NOT READY TO TALK ABOUT!! I had only recently started to touch on the subject with my theripist and here is this lady who I had only just met asking me for details of stuff that I wasn't even sure if I remembered correctly and if I did wasn't sure I wanted to remember at all!!
I know she was just trying to do her job and get a complete "history", but a left in a state of shell shock. It was only the fact that I had scheduled an appointment with my theripist later that afternoon that helped save me. My mind had already wandered to all kinds of dark places and just didn't know what to do. She helped calm me, "patch me up" a bit, but I'm still feeling it even now. It's like an old wound has been torn open.
I don't know how much I can offer you other than letting you know you are not alone. I'm hoping that, at least for me, by bringing some of this stuff to light, out of that "box" I kept it locked in for so long, that maybe I can learn to "deal" with it instead of just numbing myself to it as I have done for the last 20 years. Maybe there really isn't a choice here. I know I just can't go on with the drink & drugs like I have, it's gonna kill me or I'll do it myself. So the only real option is to open up, try to deal with "life", the things that have happened, and move on. I don't know about you, but I've been "stuck" in place for a long time and I just can't stay stuck anymore.
I also echo what others have said about "losing" your time. You still have it, you worked hard for it. That's not to say it's ok to use over this or anything, but you already know that. I hope you, we, can somehow find a way to heal and progress with our lives and leave the past behind. Take care.
I know she was just trying to do her job and get a complete "history", but a left in a state of shell shock. It was only the fact that I had scheduled an appointment with my theripist later that afternoon that helped save me. My mind had already wandered to all kinds of dark places and just didn't know what to do. She helped calm me, "patch me up" a bit, but I'm still feeling it even now. It's like an old wound has been torn open.
I don't know how much I can offer you other than letting you know you are not alone. I'm hoping that, at least for me, by bringing some of this stuff to light, out of that "box" I kept it locked in for so long, that maybe I can learn to "deal" with it instead of just numbing myself to it as I have done for the last 20 years. Maybe there really isn't a choice here. I know I just can't go on with the drink & drugs like I have, it's gonna kill me or I'll do it myself. So the only real option is to open up, try to deal with "life", the things that have happened, and move on. I don't know about you, but I've been "stuck" in place for a long time and I just can't stay stuck anymore.
I also echo what others have said about "losing" your time. You still have it, you worked hard for it. That's not to say it's ok to use over this or anything, but you already know that. I hope you, we, can somehow find a way to heal and progress with our lives and leave the past behind. Take care.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Midland, NC
Posts: 1,266
Chery, I'm happy to see you here. Girl, like I said before, those 102 days were not in vain, you haven't lost them completly. Just jump back in the recovery game, and take what you've learned from this slight relapse and use it to your advantage.
You are probably more qualified now than ever to give advice because you know that recovery is a lifestyle, not just abstaining from drugs. You can help people to realize just how easy it is to let the past get to you and that a relapse is your addcition's way of keeping you from dealing with the problems. Your addiction always wants you to run away.
Chery, I admire your strength and your honesty. Believe me when I say that you've already helped me tremendously.
I'm here for you girl, and I'm pulling for you,
Penny:ghug3
You are probably more qualified now than ever to give advice because you know that recovery is a lifestyle, not just abstaining from drugs. You can help people to realize just how easy it is to let the past get to you and that a relapse is your addcition's way of keeping you from dealing with the problems. Your addiction always wants you to run away.
Chery, I admire your strength and your honesty. Believe me when I say that you've already helped me tremendously.
I'm here for you girl, and I'm pulling for you,
Penny:ghug3
crazy vampire addict
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: just north of hell.
Posts: 429
I'm here. I'm okay. Just been inundated with IOP and NA meetings since my relapse. Just working things a little harder. Getting up for 7am meetings...so I start my day off correctly. I have taken this fall a bit hard...and I tend to isolate myself when I am upset with myself. I know isolation and addiction are a bad mix...but I'll be okay.
Just gotta dust myself off and start over. That's what the present is for, right? Trying to live moment to moment right now...instead of counting the days.
Sorry I haven't answered PM's that were sent. I will soon. I just need some time to forgive myself a little.
Love you guys.
Just gotta dust myself off and start over. That's what the present is for, right? Trying to live moment to moment right now...instead of counting the days.
Sorry I haven't answered PM's that were sent. I will soon. I just need some time to forgive myself a little.
Love you guys.
crazy vampire addict
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: just north of hell.
Posts: 429
So I did something different today.
I hauled my lazy ass up at 6:30am and went to a 7am meeting. On a Friday...the day to show gratitude. I told them all about my relapse...but how I am grateful for my second chance. I got a brand new white keytag. I removed my red one for 90 days. I will wear the white one proudly for now...new beginning.
Anyway, I think I am going to make this group my home group. It's just a refreshing way to start the weekend...with Friday gratitudes and a serenity prayer first thing in the morning. There were lots of tears this morning...but I got an awful lot of hugs...and they felt really good.
I am still in intensive outpatient therapy...going five days a week. I will stay clean because a) I don't want to have to restart the program, b) i don't want to lose my chances of ever getting my nursing license back and c) my birthday is Sunday. I want to live to see a whole lot more of them. I won't do that if I don't stay clean and sober.
I am excited today for the first time since my relapse...at the prospects of what the day may bring. This is the first time I have smiled all week...and it felt really good to be a happy girl again.
Love and God bless all of you...stay safe and clean this weekend.
Cher.
I hauled my lazy ass up at 6:30am and went to a 7am meeting. On a Friday...the day to show gratitude. I told them all about my relapse...but how I am grateful for my second chance. I got a brand new white keytag. I removed my red one for 90 days. I will wear the white one proudly for now...new beginning.
Anyway, I think I am going to make this group my home group. It's just a refreshing way to start the weekend...with Friday gratitudes and a serenity prayer first thing in the morning. There were lots of tears this morning...but I got an awful lot of hugs...and they felt really good.
I am still in intensive outpatient therapy...going five days a week. I will stay clean because a) I don't want to have to restart the program, b) i don't want to lose my chances of ever getting my nursing license back and c) my birthday is Sunday. I want to live to see a whole lot more of them. I won't do that if I don't stay clean and sober.
I am excited today for the first time since my relapse...at the prospects of what the day may bring. This is the first time I have smiled all week...and it felt really good to be a happy girl again.
Love and God bless all of you...stay safe and clean this weekend.
Cher.
The truth shall set you free
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: United States
Posts: 5,267
I love to see people smile.
Here’s a birthday gift:Basic Text - Sixth Edition
http://www.na.org/?ID=BT6E_Webposting.pdf
Have a happy birthday, Chery
Ivan
Here’s a birthday gift:Basic Text - Sixth Edition
http://www.na.org/?ID=BT6E_Webposting.pdf
Have a happy birthday, Chery
Ivan
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