newsandi

If my calculation is correct, I am on day 11 and I feel great. I dont think I had much withdrawals but my habit was not as bad as before AND I do take meds for anxiety which will be something I will work on in time. Right now, I have extreme anxiety issues with my personal life situation but once I see my doctor I will go down to a smaller dosage until I dont need them anymore. Hell, that could be what has helped me thru this but I know the consquences and horror stories of getting off of this type of med and I dont want to live that. So, in time, when things start to get better, which in certain aspects they are, I will be off of it all. Thanks to my friends and supporters. You all are great!!!!

newsandi

Not sure what day I am on BUT I almost called in my script because I have been feeling really severe stomach pain the last 4 days. I came to the conclusion that I can not take Ibuprofen (sp). I kinda knew that it 5ucked with my stomach in the past but it has been so long ago that I just was going off of what everyone else was doing and it doesn't work for me. So, I am on regular Tylenol. For the last 4 days, my head, back and stomach has been killing me. My head got so bad that by the time I got off work, I would have to lay down and put a rag on my head. So I dont really know whats up with me, but maybe the w/d are kicking in later then the average. I have always been abnormal with everything everyone else seems to experience. Man, I was so close to giving in, I am so glad that I figured out what my problem was. Now the head and back is still a issue. I might have to see a doctor about the headaches. The back, that is probably caused by sitting all day in front of a computer, that also could be the cause of the headaches also, I guess. All I know, is I didnt use and that in itself was a good thing. I would like to have someone, anyone respond to my post. I ended up on the second page and I am wanting to hear you all cheer me on. Come on guys. Where are all my peoples at????????

LadyTenn422

Sandi, I still think of you as an Alpha woman!! you are doing so awesome, I cannot believe you have WORKED through all of this. I did good to run bath water and not collapse! The computer could very well be a part of the headaches, and I would see a doc. He may be able to prescribe something or recommend something to help you, you dont need that when you are battling your addiction. I just wanted to let you know I am thinking about you and lets hear that alpha female roar!!!!! All my love and hugs, Becky

Impurrfect

(((Sandi)))

Sorry I haven't been around much...my computer is in the shop AGAIN and dad's laptop and I have been "fighting" but I think I finally fixed it.

I am SOOOO proud of you!!! I'm not surprised that the Advil upset your stomach, since you already have stomach issues. I don't know if Aleve would also upset your stomach, but it works pretty good with muscle aches for me, although I still take Advil.

I'm sorry things aren't going good with your husband...seems to be getting worse instead of better, but maybe that's because YOU are getting better and are tired of dealing with it? Maybe you can put some money aside (I know, easier said than done) and have a plan to get out, even if you don't have to. When things were so rough, here at home, I told dad "no, I can't get an apt., but I can damn sure get a motel room close to work...don't THINK I have nowhere to go". Funny thing...he hasn't had an anger "blowup" since.

You ARE a strong woman and you are doing great!!! I'm so glad you're back here, 'cause I really missed ya!

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

bval

Go Sands GO!!!

You're doing awesome baby

Keep up the good work, it takes a little while for your endorphins to get back to normal, until they do, you'll be subject to a lot of aches and pains. Just part fo the process, just gotta tough it out!

Keep on keeping on!

newsandi

Last nite was the first nite I recall ever having one of those "non-using or using dreams", all I recall is I had a selection of different types. I was going thru them like some mad women trying to figure out what to take and how to make it thru a day. And then it was time to get up. It was strange. I recall a lot of stories about you all going thru that. I want to say thanks to any and all that stick with me thru this. I am going thru some really hard times that very few would ever understand. So this addiction problem I have is really tough at this time in my life. Just need a few cheerleaders and guys (Bret)(Windy) (Joe) (ect.) once in awhile. Dont get as much time on the computer too much to contruibute like before, but maybe in time I will.

Munky

I dunno why I hadn't posted in this thread and now I feel like a douchebag...lol.

Sandi, Cold Turkey is a difficult process, but being on day 17 now (calculated from post dates) you are doing extremely well! I bet you're starting to feel much better now! You are right in the middle of the emotional bits right now, and that can be enhanced by life's up's and down's but stay strong! You can do this!

I've said this a million times before, but never underestimate the healing power of music when you're feeling down in the dumps. It has saved me from using on quite a few occasions and I think it can work for you too.

Impurrfect

((((Sandi))))

Sending you mega hugs and prayers. I am very proud of you. I KNOW you are going through a lot, but you're taking care of YOU...all I ever wanted for you.

Amy

grateful2b

Sandi, I haven't been on much...but you must know how proud I am of you...you are an amazon woman! we have been focusing so much on Scooter in our pm's and I don't get in here regularly, so forget to come here and cheer you on!..but I know you and I know you will move through this too....how are the headaches ?

LadyTenn422

Sandi, still thinking about you, hope to be one of your cheerleaders, becuase I have faith in you, such a strong smart woman, I used to envy you so much and still do becuase of your strenght!!! I will cheelead for you and am thinking of you and praying for you, you were there for me, I want to be here for you! Anytime

newsandi

Thanks Grateful, Amy, Becky and Munky. I dont get much time or have the energy after work to get on the computer as much. I have been pretty tired by the time I get home. I am still hanging in there. My head doesn't hurt as much as before. Back is ok. I think it is just a little depression. I know it takes time to get your chemistry back in order so I am patiently waiting for that. So many problems in my life that make me think of using but I know it will just cause more problems in the long run. I appreciate you all thinking of me. I dont think I have ever had a rougher year in my life and my life has had some serious ups and downs. Thanks for hangin with me.
Love,
Sandi

newsandi

Day 22, I guess, and still hanging in there. I am fighting the fight of feeling bored without the drug. I guess that is the addiction talking to me. I just remember when I first started this job, I was on top of things working non-stop, now I still put in a good 8 hour day but I go thru it sometimes just dealing with feeling like total crap. But, its par for the course, we all have to go thru to get to the other side. I just sometimes think life is so much better being buzzed and thats a terrible mindset but its how I feel.

Impurrfect

(((Sandi)))

It DOES take a while for the brain to get back to normal. The pills gave you extra "feel good" endorphins, so the brain stops making many. When you stop the pills, the brain takes a while to realize you aren't getting those extras any more and start making them again.

I remember thinking "THIS is what I got clean for!?!?!" But with time, it got a lot better.

I'm proud of you. You HAVE had a rough year, but you are one tough lady!!!

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

windysan

sandi, you exercising?

Impurrfect

Good question, Windy.

I meant to ask, Sandi, are you going to the gym? Even if you don't feel like it, remember how much better you felt when you went before?

grumpyoldman

I am sort of a new person here and had not read your post until tonight. I'm impressed with your courage.

Ibuprophen is murder on your stomach. It was once my drug of choice until I had an ulcer from it. My doc had to put me on an acid pump inhibitor and a NSAID that is not so hard on your stomach. Both available OTC.

hairgirl

Sandi, you have had your share of drama over the past year I have been here, and I know how hard life can be sometimes.You can make it!! You have faced so much and made it through, just keep pushing ahead.Being active really helps, even if it is just walking.I know sometimes it is the last thing we wanna do, but it does help.I will keep you in my thoughts.

newsandi

Thanks guys, it means a lot to me to hear from you all. Your were there before and here I am going back thru the 5hit. I haven't started exercising but I know that I need to. It seems like I do a lot of laying around after work and on Saturdays. I do make myself get out on Sunday and take my son somewhere, just to reconnect with him. The person that I was getting the pills from for free, that were holding me over until I could fill my script came to the house today. She said she called her script back in, she is not addicted to them. She took one and half of one last nite to try to sleep and I thought for a second to get some off of her but I didnt. Thank God for that. I also have to give my son his Adderall everyday and that was my other doc and sometimes when I grab one in the morning to put out for him, I think about how I LOVE the way those pills make me feel. I am on top of my game. I can go forever on just one of those pills. The only real reason I dont take them is because I know they are for him and trying to help him is all my life consists of right now. I dont take care of myself like I should. Still smoke my cigs and drink my caffeine and still go out on Fridays and have a few beers. I know people have different feelings on staying off of everything, but I dont have a problem with drinking. I do it once in a while to take the edge off. I could never become alcoholic because I hate the next day feeling. Amy and all, this has been the year from hell. I have never in my life felt so helpless and hopeless with my situation with my son. The way that I describe how I felt in the early stages was the most crippling emotional pain that a person has to endure and it stays with you 24/7. Things are better with his illness but he still has the substance abuse problem and I think it might take some jail time before he gets it. He looks at me as his savior, because I always saved him in the past. But I have told him, along with many others, you are a adult now and mom cant do nothing. It is all on you and you will have no one to blame but yourself. My biggest dilema is, his birthday is this Friday, he will be 19 and I dont know what to do for him. Of course, he wants cash and I know exactly where that will go but he is not into anything at this point in his life but scoring and smoking. Any ideas???? He has always had lavish gifts and I have always spent quite a lot of money for his birthday but he always had material things he wanted. He doesn't want nothing but cash, $500 to be exact. I asked him a little while ago, why so you can buy $500 worth of pot and he said yes. He sure the hell doesnt hide it very well. Dont know what to do. I thought me and him could go away to Gatlinburg or something over the weekend and just get away but he isn't going for that. He shouldn't get anything for his b-day since I have spent so much on so many things to get him where he is today. But as a mom, it is his birthday and I want it to be special. Whats a mom to do??????? sigh......

Impurrfect

(((Sandi)))

So good to hear from you! I think you are doing great, and I feel bad that you've had such a rough year.

As far as Scooter's b'day, I don't know. I don't think I would give him $$, especially knowing that he just wants it to buy weed. Just because he's always gotten lavish presents or money, doesn't mean that has to continue. I've always bought KIDS more for b'days and Christmas, but taper back once they get older.

I know he has problems, but maybe it's time he learns he's not "entitled" to lavish things just because he's your only child (I'm an only child, too).

Whatever you do, make sure it's something YOU are comfortable with.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

jane_668

Hello Sandy.I am so glad that you're feeling better.Kicking opiate is very hard .So keep going girl.

Lots of hugs and prayers
Jane