seekernotweeker

I have been on fentanyl patches on and off for years, its july now, and back in November 2012 I went on suboxone. it stopped the bad withdrawls and for awhile I was ok on it-my dr. subscribed 2 8mg a day, I have only been taking about 4-6 mg since November,my goal was to get off in june,but I had some relapses, the suboxone was not working as well and I have had problems with depression in the past and self medicated with opiates, settled with the fentanyl 50 mg every 2 days, I didn't know too much about suboxone, but I have been reading horror stories that it is harder to come off of than the opiates-herion,oxyconitn etc. now for 3 days I have been back on fentayl, about 50 mcg a day, I don't wear the patches, I cut them in half and seal them and put small pinholes in them and put under tongue, from about 8 am to 5pm so my body doesn't have it 24 hours. I have been seriously thinking of suicide thoughts now, I don't know what to do, the sub drs. want you to stay on, and I was reading that one person was on only 1/32 of an 8mg sub and was still sick. I am freaking out, I don't have insurance for a detox, im going to stop the suboxone and try and get off the fentanyl, at least I know what to expect and how long, but I am so depressed and I suffer from extreme anxiety attacks. I was in the aa program but I live in a small town, and the meetings are just a joke=aa people don't like na people and make it known, and there are very few na meetings-I got to get off this stuff by winter time because its so damn cold it makes the cold sweats unbearable. its so hard to wean down the fentanhyl with the sick feeling and depression, I am also on Xanax 3mg a day, and I have hypothyroidism,also take Seroquel just to sleep 200mg and ambien, still have trouble sleeping. I have tried suicide several times, God I wish it had worked because now that I know how hard the detox is with suboxone I cant take it-im 54, don't have any friends, am married,thats the only support I have. the aa meetings I went to for 8 months and its just a big clique, people gossip, I had first sponsor for only 2 weeks becuz she said that me being on Xanax compromised her 3 year sobriety,and she wanted me to get off of it but it takes time, I tried once before cold turkey and went into siezures. I got another sponsor and she fired me because I wasn't doing the steps fast enough-she actually told me that with her help we could go through the steps in 3 days-my next sponsor had lost her husband,he died, but she took me thru the steps, my 4 th step was 25 pages, anyway, I was getting very depressed and she knew I was on suboxone,but she is an aa person, so she doesn't know too much about pain meds. I told her I relapsed off the suboxone, took some dilaudid and I felt suicidal, she said that losing her husband, she just didn't have the time to put up with my issues and fears even though I only called her once a week, and saw her at meetings,everything started to go to hell becuz of her loss of husband and she was going on Ativan for her anxiety, anyway, she fired me when I relapsed, and she has 20 years of sobriety. I had another friend in program and met her becuz I mentioned I was on suboxone, and she was on 3-4 a day and had been for 2 years and considered herself sober, but she kept asking me for suboxone pills becuz she ran out, her appt. was moved, etc. and I knew she just hung around me because of the suboxone,. now I don't have any trust in anyone in this area in the alano club becuz when I called people on the list for support, no one called back, I tried to reach out and get sober friends, people to go to movies with or hangout but they would just say oh sure sometime and again I would call and no calls back. I went to a Christian recovery group and called one woman on the support list and told her about my relapse, she said she was hooked on dilaudid and asked if I wanted to go in on some or buy some heroin! I am not street smart, never did anything but prescription meds. I am lost now, no support and now I find out that suboxone is hell to get off of, I am going back to fentanyl and somehow wean off. or are there any one out there with any ideas??? help I am in a really bad space, and I don't want to take my own life.

Lyoness

Hi seeker and welcome to SR. You might want to post in the Substance or Newcomer's forums because they tend to be more active than the suboxone forum. Also check out this link--www.soberrecovery.com/forums/newcomers-recovery/139719-if-you-feeling-suicidal-please-read.html

I would encourage you to see your doctor or find a new one to help you with safely and properly coming off your medicines. You are on a lot of drugs and their interactions might be affecting your feelings of depression and anxiety as well. Because the fentanyl is meant to be used over 72 hours you are going to have a lot of problems taking it the way you are.

Both suboxone and fentanyl are time release so their withdrawal effects will be different from the shorter acting opiates. The way you are taking the fentanyl is also dangerous, it could definitely be messing with your mood and thinking as you are getting way too high of a dose. Again, you really need to see a doctor who can help you sort out your medicines and safely detox off of them.

Would you consider seeking counseling to help with your addiction and depression issues? Most suboxone doctors/clinics require that you be in some form of counseling. Since you local AA/NA groups haven't worked out for you perhaps having an individual counselor would be a great help to you.

YesImReady

Wow ,, don't know what to say but have to ask who in the heck ever told you Suboxone was harder to kick then other Opiates ??? Over the last week I have talked to (3) different people in my group meetings and NOT One even came close to saying that. They all said the opposite , yes the WD's will stay with you longer but not 1/2 as bad, The one person that told me they had problems getting off it said they were taking it for over a year. Still not as bad as Oxy's and the other two were only on Suboxone for 4 & 5 months before tapering down and getting off with only a week to 10 days of less than 1/2 the discomfort as CT off Oxy's ,,,
please reconsider ,, give it another try ,, after all what do you have to lose ?
Find a good doctor , good support and keep coming back to this site

I will say a prayer for you now , hang in there

seekernotweeker

Thanks for your reply and especially your prayers. I have seen on this website several people that had terrible time with comingoff of suboxone, one reason is that suboxone has a long half life(or whatever you call it). I have been on it since November,nine months. it has several months ago, it stopped working as it did in the beginning, at least at the start it bypassed a months worth of detoxing from other opiates, I have noticed that my depression has worsened by about 50 percent,and the suicidal thoughts are almost daily. I had a "friend" who was on it and she said initially that it was working and slowly stopped helping her, she stopped and went from 3mgs a day, down to 1/8th of a 8mg pill, then she stopped it and said for a couple days she was ok, then she started to get sick, achy, cold sweats, twitchy feeling,no sleep, etc. so she went back on it, and takes 3 to 4 a day 8mg pills, and also asking me to help supplement her because she was having trouble controlling how much she took,just like the drugs she went off of. she has been on it for 2 years and considers herself clean, I don't see that-its still an opiate and still having cravings. I also read after awhile again, that it loses its effects, and I am feeling that. at least when I was on the fentanyl patches , I knew what to expect. I don't know what to do, right now I am having other physical problems not associated with the sub. , so anyway, I don't know what to do.

Lyoness

There's one thing I have discovered about suboxone and that is that we all seem to have very different experiences with it, more so than with other opiates. I don't know why that is, why there seems to be such a variance in experiences.

It's disappointing if it stops working, I haven't encountered that before and I don't know what to say except to ask your doctor. Has anything else changed that might be affecting your reactions to the suboxone?

I think it's good that you are sharing about your experience, it may help others who are facing a similar situation. It is making me look at my own experience with it with a new awareness.

cleaninLI

Seeker Honey,

It looks to me that you are on way too many types of medications. Are your doctors aware that you are on suboxone, fentynal, Xanax, and ambien? No wonder your depressed! While on suboxone you shouldn't be on other oppiate pain killers. That's probably what's making you so sick. When I started sub therapy, my Dr. warned me not to take any other oppiates. I was on Xanax at the time and my Dr. tapered me off it. I was also on ambien to sleep. The Dr said its dangerous to take in combination with suboxone. Thank you for letting us know the manner in which you take your fentynal. That is a very dangerous method as Lyoness explained, it could also be a reason for your depression. Suboxone is made to be taken that way. Fentanyl is not and is made to be placed on the skin.

If you are truely serious about your recovery, you really need to make an appointment with an addiction specialist, or psychiatrist that can plan a taper regiment for you. We, as addicts, need to stop self-medicating! I know, I am guilty of that also.

I am so sorry that you had such a bad experience with AA. I really can't say too much about that program, since I only attended a couple meetings. I am attending a nonprofit rehab program 3 x a week. The groups that I attend are for people who suffer from psychological illnesses such as depression, bipolar, anxiety, PTSD and addictions. I find they really help me a lot. I met many people who have the same problems as I have and really helps to be with others who are struggling with similar issues like me.I have a regular counselor that I can talk to about my anxiety and depression. Is there any program like that in your area? I think something stuctured like that would be really good for you. What does your husband think about your taking all these medications? Do you have any grown children or other family members that can help you? Let us know how your doing sweetheart. We understand and you are not alone, ok?
Amy

YesImReady

I couldn't of worded it any better than cleaninLI did

The only thing I would add is you need to think hard about your choices in those you call friends , friends wouldn't be asking you for your medication or telling you were to score when you are trying to detox. Wow that is not the type of friends I would want to be around during these trying times.

BryLav88

Suboxone is INFINITELY easier to get off of than any actual opiate. I've been on all of em, including 100 mg patches (1 a day). I tried stopping opiates (heroin, oxy, fentanyl) cold turkey then methadone cold turkey and I personally couldn't do it. I got on suboxone for awhile, quit altogether then relapsed a year later. I'm now back on subs and am committed to doing it right this time. However, this experience showed me that quitting suboxone is physically alot easier to quit than anything else. Good Luck!

Getwhatugive

HiNotweek!, I joined this site after reading ur post, I've been exactly where u are now many times along w many previous "friends of mine", & I know we can help each other. I already tried typing up a response to u several times, but since I only have access to the internet via my cell phone, it got messed up & deleted . U have no friends/AA/Christian group let u down? Then I'm ur friend now, u can count on me, & if ur still around, ur stuck w me. We may have to speak thru email, although I can type short responses into my phone. 1.Stop takin the darn Fentanyl, it can/will kill U! I'm not a doctor, or sittin here tryin to be sum Knight in shining armor, but I sure as heck know ur causing urself significant, unnecessary Withdrawal symptoms! 2.Your doctor Is a doctor. While I def know that they don't know everything, he/she probably put u on ur start-dose for good reasons-Like a high enough dose to Block-out opiates/W/drawl! (Anxiety, Depression etc etc) 3. Here my phone goes again Aaaaah!, I know ur desperate/.serious cuz u signed up&posted here like me, but Pls at least let me know if ur still around by posting a quick response. 4. & most impt, Hang in there&try to stay calm! While u Are basically on ur own with Ur issue(& life in general-husbands there, but prob doesn't understand a lot of all this) there's Big-time hope for u!! I'm telling u Notweek, I've been there, & U can feel Immensely better very very soon by relaxing, focusing on yourself, giving your Subs the proper chance, workin on your recovery, & conversing with good ppl who have pulled-outta exactly where u are rt now...No caffeine/sugar for now, attitude is everything, stop chewing Fentanyl patches young lady!!!!!, get on your proper Sub-dose With ur doctors assistance!, & Respond back to me/Us. (I'm tellin u, U inspired me to taper more quickly off my bs, old sub habit, & I've been worried about u since 2a.m.) Thank u for your time/Pls Hang In There, U're Gonna be Ok!!! Morning Glory:Thank u for the welcome note, I appreciate it. God bless u Notweek/U All. Respect-/Peace-

Getwhatugive

Hi CleaninL! While I know I can help Notweek somewhat, I certainly still have my own demons. I'm extremely/finally determined to get off my 5! yr Sub habit, & I know I can do it with the proper determination & assistance from ppl just like u looking out for me. So I thank u already, just that thank u that u gave me was enough to put a little tear in this big-tough guy with the chills. Thank You again, I don't have many ppl left who I can trust or count on at all, & I have virtually no one with the patience or understanding to give me the additional support that I so need to overcome this last nightmare of mine. Hope u have the best day, u helped me.