mialicious

I'm feeling extremely weak today. Those of you that know me, know I finally quit methadone 3/5 this year and heroin 4/29/12. I found an old bottle of norco with 4 (5mg) in it. I hate the fact that I want it so bad even though they are weak. But the addict in me says I'll probably get off a bit since my tolerance is non existent now. God d@mn folks t...I'm being tested! it'sI know where this leads. it's taking every bit of my strength to battle this day long craving and I'm not strong enough to flush it.

Midwest181

Flush it. I was strong and had no cravings and one surgery and I was right back to day one. Please flush them!

mialicious

It's taken every bit of everything in me to not use them...even one. Or save them if I ever need. But flushing isn't as easy as it sounds. I've been arguing with myself all d@mn day. Thank you for replying. I'm glad you are one who can truly relate. Check your pm.
Mia

Dee74

I think arguing with yourself can be really wearying...and I know when I got tired I got vulnerable.

It's best to just make up your mind to dump the stuff. immediately dump it, and then move on.

That saving it in case you need it stuff is hedging your bets - it's your inner addict calling the shots.

D

mialicious

I think that is a great point. Rather than arguing with myself, just flush it. But it's easier said than done. I've fought all day. Methadone the past 6 months and sobriety of all opiates/heroin/oxy/methadone for almost 2 months. But I'd kill for even a weak one now (figuratively speaking of course). Maybe I need to find another reward besides being cocky and thinking opiates or pain meds will reward me.

Dee74

we definitely have to reconsider our reward concept...think of something healthy and life affirming instead?

D

deeker

u ok?

mialicious

Yes thanks for asking. I'm still clean, and haven't slipped this time. I couldn't flush them, I gave them to my mom lol. She's probably already flushed them. I doubt she saved them. But I told her not to tell me what she did with them. She hates pain meds, she hates what them and heroin have done to her family.

deeker

oh Glad u gave them away. U know those few will just lead you back to more. One is to many and a 1000 is never enough. It's the first drink, pill, needle, pipe etc we need to away away from.

mialicious

Yes. Agreed and very well said. I'm still upset I gave them weak little norcos away but I'll be better off....and so the argument with myself continues. I'm thankful for life, family, and true reality even though it's difficult adjusting to any sort of reality after heroin, then methadone. I can still win, because I'm not willing to lose this fight.

Lyoness

Hi mia, only a few minutes before my computer times out but I wanted to say I am SO PROUD of you for giving away those Norco! I know very well how much courage and strength and sheer grit it took to that! I hope you can feed some of that reward circuit with the pride you have earned!

I know how tough it is, I am struggling again mightily these past several days. And of course no computer and no SR--gaah!

Anyway, stay strong sister, you can do this! You've already rewired your brain by giving away those tempting little monsters. Reread Dee's posts, too, good info in just a few words.

Take care!

deeker

Way to go and proud of u that u came in here before u used. It worked, that is how this works, One addict /alkie helping another.

10timesacharm

Great job!!!!!! I know that must have been very hard, but you did the right thing and you should feel so good about yourself! Had that been me, I feel so weak right now I probably would have gobbled them up.

wilsonM

hey mialicious! I am with you. you will this fight. Make sure one thing, always try be with someone you love. They will be your moral support at the time of difficulties. God bless you!

mialicious

Thank you all for your words of encouragement! I'm blessed to have this forum and the support! Today will be 101 days off methadone and 14 months off dope.

Lyoness

I didn't see this before I PM'd you so I'll say here--Congratulations! You are awesome and so inspiring!