CAPTAINZING2000

The Delusion Has To Be Smashed

It's Not So Much About The Way It Used To Be, It's How It Is Today.
We All Have The Same Story Some Worse, Some Not As Bad. I First Recall Getting Drunk At The Age Of 8 Drinking Warm Beer In A Hay Loft With My Cousin. We'd Found The Beer In A Trailer My Mother Had Bought And Was Going To Move From My Grand Parents To A Nearby Town.
I Took To The Taste Of Beer Like A Duck Takes to Water. May B It's The German In Me. I Have No Idea Who My Father Was. I Never Met Him. All I Can Say Is, Thanks For Giving Me Life. How's That No Resentments. Growing Up As A Fatherless Child Years Ago Was A Little Worse Then Now. Old Busy Bodys Would Come Up And Say Who's Your Father And I'd Say I Don't Have One. Then, They'd Say Everyone Has A Father. This Could Have Been An Issue For Me Even Then. I Never Stopped To Think About It Then. I Do Know, It Was Shameful To Me.
Mother And I Moved From My Grandparents Farm To A Town A Few Miles Away. I Became A Latch Key Kid. My Mother Worked Nights. At The Age Of 8 I Stayed By Myself All Night Long Today That's Called Neglect I Reckon. I Was Lucky, The Kids I Hung With Came From Good Homes, Thank God For That. As Long As I Stayed With Good Kids I Never Got Into Too Much Trouble. Unfortunately, Life Is About Learning Who To Become Friends With
As I Was Saying, I Did Hang With Good Kids. We Did However, Do Drugs And Drinking. Some Would Say That Makes A Kid Bad. What Makes A Kid Bad Is Holding Up A Liquor Store Because He's Either Too Lazy To Work Too Strung Out Or Can't Get A Job.
I Had A Church Up Bringing. I Did Go To Church Thru My School Years. I Think, That's What Has Brought Me Here.
At The Age Of 13 Or So, I Started Working For Farmers As Is The Custom For Kids In Rural Areas For Our Spending Money. I'd Make Friends With The Older Kids And After We Got Done Putting Up Hay In The Barn We'd Go Get Beer. Getting Beer Wasn't Ever A Problem. I Can Only Recall Having A Hard Time Getting Beer, Right B 4 I Turned 19 They Had A Crack Down On Underage Drinking. We All Just Smoked Pot And Didn't Drink As Much.
I Started Getting Served When, I Was 15 Years Old. I'd Go In And Get Booze For The Older Kids That, Would Drive Me To The Store. I Was Always A Tall Kid And Just had Enough Of A Mustache And A Gift Of Gab, I Could Get Away With It. Either That Or, They Wanted My Money, Who Knows.
My Drinking In The Latter Part Of High School Was Always Heavy. Along With Drugs We Were Always Stoned My Senior Year. The Last Year Of High School Was Filled Wit Lots Of Trips And I Don't Mean Going To Florida. Angel Dust Was The Big Drug When, I Was A Senior. Close As I Came To Dying Was An Overdose On That Crap. Started Really Thinking O God And Freaked Out My Buddy Big Time. Didn't Stop Me From Doing It Again Though.
All The Time, I Never Got In A Lot Of Trouble Driving With The Booze. I Had Cops Take The Booze Away When, I'd Get Pulled Over. I Ran Around With The County Deputy's Brother In Law And His Girls. What A Way To Stay Safe Huh Kept Getting Speeding Tickets Etc. Nothing Bad.
On To College, Higher Education And I Do Mean Higher. Most Of My Friends Had To Drop Out Couldn't Take The Partying. Not Me , I Was One Party Animal. All The Acid For Me If, I Had To Have A Drug Of Choice That Was It For Me. I Just Hope, No One Offers Me Any Today. Somehow, I Managed To Make 2 Years At A Jr. College. I Transfered To A Christian College. I Made One Semester Working Full Time And Going To School. I Should Have Quit Work And Kept Going To School. I Was Going To B A Special Education Teacher.
Well, Not Having School And Only Work, I Could Party Have The Night And Go To Work The Next Day. Well, I Was Working Grave Yards And I Did A 2 Day Binge. Woke Up In The County. Got Busted. 1/2 Lb Of The Finest Bud You Could Evr Toke.
I Got Lucky Dropped The Pot Charge And Busted Me For A Misdemeaner. I Live A Charmed Life. Did Do Some Probation Got Arrested On Probation In Another County That When Waking Up The Next Morning Didn't Even Know How I Got There. Lucky For Me My Pot Was In The Trunk Of My Car. Somehow, I Got All That Past Me.
I Bought An Estate On The Edge Of Town And Had 8 Acres To Grow Some Of The Finest Pot You Could Imagine.
All My Partying Led To My First And Only Almost Dui. I Talked The States Attorney Into Dropping It Down To Wreckelss Driving. Didn't Lose My Lic. Still Able To Party On. I Had It Going On. Good Looking Single Guy, All The Pot The Ladies Could Smoke. Everyone Liked To Come To My Crib. I Was 1 Cooool M/f
Taking A Girl Home Late One Night From My Place After A Kegger, I Crashed My Car Somehow. I Don't Know Where. That's It I Thought.
I Need To Settle Down. I Was In The Next Town On My B-day And A Girl That I Had Dated Briefly Pulls Up. One Thing Leads To Another And I'm Thinking, She's The One To Keep Me Straight. Wrong I Was 11 Years Of Insanity With All Night Binges Away From The House. I Did Have 4 Kids With Her. I Do Love My Kids Btw. So It Wasn't All Bad.
Going Thru My Divorce It All Came Undone The Drinking Really Took Off. A Lot Older And No Wiser Still Trying To Go Back To The Bar Scene Like B Fore. C The Trouble With Me Is, I Can Drink And Drink And Drink. I Wish, I'd Drink And Pass Out But No.
Finally The Last Arrest Led Me To Come To In Jail And No One Would Bail Me Out. I Finally said , No More.

I've Been Sober Now Since 9/3/99. It Can't Get Any Better Then It Is For Me Right Now. I Came Into The Program, I Had A Lic. I Took The People That Didn't Have Theirs To Meetings. They Got Theirs Back And They're Gone On To Other Dui's. Me, I Stayed In AA. I'm Still Driving. I've Had Friends Do Jail Time Since I've Been In AA. 2 Suicides One Died At A Bar From A Heart Attack. I'm Still Here.
U C There Isn't Nothing I Can Say To Make Anyone Stay. Matter Of Fact It's The People That Don't Make It That Leave A Lastin Impression On Me. I Don't Want To Dieeeeeeeee. I Like Living. I Just Drank Too Much When I Picked Up.
R U Sick And Tired Of Being Sick And Tired??? Keep Coming Back. Your Misery Will Always Be Refunded If, You Don't Want To Stay.

One More Thing, AA Brought Me Back To God. That Is The Most Important Thing About This Program. All The Money In The World Stays Here When You Leave. Think About That.

the 12th step says to carry the message. i want you to know there is hope from your addictions. you don't have to suffer any more.

Footnote:

I almost forgot to add after 5 years of not being able to see my childeren, my son now lives with me and I can see my youngest daughter any time.

Amazing Grace

Chris