The Story of Live Like Gold - Let's Do This.
The Little Alcoholic Monstress That Could
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Northern California
Posts: 1,159
The Story of Live Like Gold - Let's Do This.
I was a happy, creative, outgoing child. I loved singing, biking, and being with friends. My mom was a daily alcoholic and neglected me many times which resulted in multiple instances of sexual abuse by her boyfriend and my older brother when I was very little.
At 9 years old I had a mental breakdown, wrote a letter in my diary saying I hate my family, and then tried to slit my own wrist. I took my first drink at age 9 as well. I would become a daily school skipper, drinker, and smoker for the next 14 years. Growing into a young woman I had ugly duckling syndrome. Between my low self esteem, newfound beauty, and raging addictions I made many poor choices that still affect me to this day.
At 23 bringing home a 50 pack of beer in broad daylight with my abusive boyfriend, it dawned on me that something had to give. I went to AA and remained sober for 9 months.
At 24 became pregnant, went back to AA, and remained sober for another 9 months.
At 32, after 2 kids, and doing what I thought I could never do, leaving them in a not super safe situation, I went back to AA more desperate and guilt ridden then ever. By this time my binges left me needing to go to the hospital. I did small amounts of drugs and my body refused to process the stuff. I was very physically sick. I managed another 9 months. This time I started sleeping with someone in AA and when it ended I was too embarrassed to continue going back to meetings. Fortunately, it only took me 2 nights of drinking before I got sober again. This time with hardly any meetings due to my own shame. I isolated.
Here I am at a bit over 18 months sober and I don't work the AA program at all and I can confidently say that that is what is missing from my life. Good AA friends still reach out and send me their gratitude lists and I know that has helped keep me sober.
I almost decided to start drinking again because I haven't gotten help for my social anxiety. I have a psychiatry appt and I will go back to AA meetings and work a program.
I will say I am extremely proud of what I have been able to accomplish with each sober go around. I am far from perfect but I am a damn good mom and have been able to further my education exactly as I have planned.
Sobriety is 100% worth it.
At 9 years old I had a mental breakdown, wrote a letter in my diary saying I hate my family, and then tried to slit my own wrist. I took my first drink at age 9 as well. I would become a daily school skipper, drinker, and smoker for the next 14 years. Growing into a young woman I had ugly duckling syndrome. Between my low self esteem, newfound beauty, and raging addictions I made many poor choices that still affect me to this day.
At 23 bringing home a 50 pack of beer in broad daylight with my abusive boyfriend, it dawned on me that something had to give. I went to AA and remained sober for 9 months.
At 24 became pregnant, went back to AA, and remained sober for another 9 months.
At 32, after 2 kids, and doing what I thought I could never do, leaving them in a not super safe situation, I went back to AA more desperate and guilt ridden then ever. By this time my binges left me needing to go to the hospital. I did small amounts of drugs and my body refused to process the stuff. I was very physically sick. I managed another 9 months. This time I started sleeping with someone in AA and when it ended I was too embarrassed to continue going back to meetings. Fortunately, it only took me 2 nights of drinking before I got sober again. This time with hardly any meetings due to my own shame. I isolated.
Here I am at a bit over 18 months sober and I don't work the AA program at all and I can confidently say that that is what is missing from my life. Good AA friends still reach out and send me their gratitude lists and I know that has helped keep me sober.
I almost decided to start drinking again because I haven't gotten help for my social anxiety. I have a psychiatry appt and I will go back to AA meetings and work a program.
I will say I am extremely proud of what I have been able to accomplish with each sober go around. I am far from perfect but I am a damn good mom and have been able to further my education exactly as I have planned.
Sobriety is 100% worth it.
Last edited by Dee74; 12-03-2021 at 02:49 PM. Reason: edit title to conform with title requirements in this forum
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